#nonbinary support

I feel like people who claim to be attracted -and I know this stems a lot from my personal experience than objective truth, hence "feel like"- only want the nonbinary people that never hormonally/physically transitioned and just changed their name and hairstyle and clothes.

Not that I'd ever feel this way toward someone else in my shoes, but I cant help but look at myself and feel like a fucking freak who will never experience love because I chose to express myself as more than what people expected of me. I can't imagine someone actually wanting me, who doesn't fit the boyfriend or girlfriend mold, who isn't fully dominant or submissive, who looks masc but is as chatty as a suburban white mom, who wears dresses and skirts even when I have facial hair, who doesn't want to be the provider but doesn't want to be the submissive femboy baby, who just wants to be seen for everything I actually am instead of classifying me as "sometimes a boy, sometimes a girl" (hence, a "problem").

I always knew i was queer. In college started to be called genderqueer - I'm old enough that this was before i had access to much queer community or discourse and didn't really understand myself. Finally after grad school i came out to my partner as trans nonbinary. He left me two years later, maybe related but probably more because of my disability.

I started to transition by cutting my hair, binding, changing the way i presented. I got a top reduction which was as much as my insurance allowed.

And then I got sick. Really, life alteringly sick. My partner left me, i could no longer work, lost my insurance, so I moved to a country with universal health care, and built myself a new life basically bedridden. It was impossibly hard but I did it and I am so proud for survivng. But it took 7 years and now I'm in my early forties. My top grew back and my body shape has changed with perimenopause. Also I'm curvier and heavier than I was before getting sick and it emphasizes my feminine traits in ways i find really hard.

personally i use it to validate my chosen name and pronouns, and its really helping out a friend of mine. check it out!

They just said "no ❤" to everything that is considered the "norm".

You want a gender? No ❤

You want a sexual partner? No❤

You want a romantic partner? No ❤

Like their whole being is just

"No"

And that is such a power move.

You are valid 

You are loved

You don’t owe anyone anything in regards to your gender

YOU DO NOT OWE ANYONE ANDROGENY 

It’s okay to not outwardly present yourself as anything

It’s okay to present yourself as your given gender 

Often times i find it to be incredibly frustrating as someone who has very recently started identifying as nonbinary. I use she/they pronouns and still very much present myself as a woman in my day to day life. I get so worn down my people who ignore that part of me and outright forget that I am nonbinary just because I present myself in a very feminine way.