happy opening day to old people who keep score in the stands, field pigeons who harrass outfielders during play, snack shack workers, ticket takers, lesbians on game day dates, girls who play on Little League teams, cotton candy hawkers, whoever repairs and replaces the lightbulbs in stadium lights, radio board operators, shitty bisexual stadium DJs, non-American players, transgender fans of all kinds, field maintenance workers who trip pulling the tarp up, abysmal first pitch throwers, Renel Brooks-Moon, people who take the bus, train, or ferry to games, my boyfriend, first time fans, lifelong fans, diva pitchers, diva shortstops, guys who sell hotdogs and merch on the sidewalk after games, minor leaguers, college softball players who are better than all baseball players but never get paid for their contributions to the sport, seagulls who shit on people and then take their french fries, umpires who get silly with it calling strikes, camera operators, stadium janitors, and you.
