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ed protecting his boyfriend

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You know you're metal when you pull the tiniest splinter from your hand and don't cry.
Okay... but admittedly you can relate stabbing to masochism or sadism. Currently I am unaware of... tree interests. I was insistent on trees because we are standing in a forest and there's not much else you can destroy for my amusement.
Can you? There is a line drawn somewhere and while I may not have seen it I am quite sure the stabbing thing is at least a little beyond it... And yet my excellent solution presents itself as the best option once more, even if you’re unreasonably quick to dismiss it.
Siding Power Wash: Spic-and-span and No Splinters
Wood siding looks great on homes and provides a defensive layer for exteriors. However, cladding seems to be a magnet for filth, attracting all sorts of dirt, mildew, mold, cobwebs, and whatnot. Homeowners will need to keep their siding clean in order to preserve its longevity, so these stains and grime have to go.
There are two ways to go about cleaning the wooden siding of a house. One is to use manual washing, which takes time to accomplish and can be very tedious. The other method is to use a power or pressure washer to fire a concentrated beam of cleaning solution. Pressure washers have the dual benefit of applying the cleaning solution on the cladding while stripping away stubborn dirt with the pressure alone. It's also much easier to do than to thoroughly scrub each panel by hand.
Although very effective at blasting away filth from siding, the power of a pressure washer can be so great that it can also strip away at the wood itself. Improperly handling a pressure washer could result in splinters and badly damaged siding. Those interested in the convenience of pressure washing but hate to risk damaging their homes could simply call in professional cleaners to do the job.