#no just... no

ugh I just got triggered by reading the transphobic bullshit of people someone I follow argued with and then reading a very personal account about transmisogyny.

I just realised that I got out of my body. I don't really know how to describe it, but I guess a lot of you know the feeling. dizziness, a sense of unreality, fear that leads to paralysis, not feeling my body as part of myself.

It's just... cis people and their shitty oppressive opinions literally affect my health. this last half year I felt so uncomfortable in this house that I kept to my room, which meant avoiding the kitchen, which messed with my eating. It was one of several factors that lead me to having really unhealthy eating habits.

and it also means that getting access to much needed health care is so much more difficult, because not only do I have to find someone capable and qualified to care for me, experienced with my issues etc, but I also have to make sure they are not transphobic or cissexist. And that narrows it down by a huge percentage. Because guess what, they learn wildly cissexist shit at universities and during their training!! joy.

but right now I'm just severly triggered and feeling like shit thanks to a couple of oppressive, tone policing dipshits. they must feel so proud.