She does not even bother to justify herself to him. She shall not explain herself to the sheep of this society any longer. She is done wit
You have broken me. I doubt that your intention, but the result is the same. You are a cruel woman Penelope Featherington. You allowed me the privilege of knowing what it is to be loved by you, only to take it back. You allowed me to believe I could someday call you my wife. Only to dash my hopes and dreams against the floor. It is perhaps not fair to lay all the blame at your feet. However, you gave up on us. You gave up on me.
Did you enjoy watching grovel and weep? Did it bring you satisfaction to turn me away? Do you enjoy turning my family against me? I am so blindly angry with you.
You have made a fool of me. Your mama has turned me into the laughing stock of the Ton. Do you believe it to be justice? Do you laugh about me with your new suitor? Do you love him?
My mother just gave me the letter you left for me. She said you hoped it would provide me with closure. Are you soft in the head? In what world would losing you ever bring me closure? I want to marry you! I want to sire your children! Nothing less will ever bring give me closure.
You are not Penelope of Ithaca any longer. I am. I will spend eternity waiting for you to return to me. My love may have been slow to realize but it is not fickle.
Even if Cressida Cowper miraculously managed to make society believe I compromised her. I would have stood before the Queen and the church to renounce her and her lies. Scandal be damned. I would accept exile before I accept a marriage to anyone but you.
I am not the man I believed I was. I am not the man I want to be. I am not a man worthy of you. I know this now. I am in love you. You loved me too soon and I loved you too late. Yet, how am I to live without you? Why did you not try harder to make me see you?
I want to be proud of the woman you have become but I am jealous. It shames me but it is true. I am jealous of your success. I am jealous of your courage. I am jealous that you understand me better than I will ever understand myself.
I have spoken ill of you. I have judged you harshly in my despair. I have dishonored us both, I know this in my soul. Forgive me anyway. Allow me the opportunity to mend your hurts. We have not come this far, only to come this far. I beg of you, have mercy on me.
I never meant to hurt you. I have but you have hurt me also. Can we not put this matter behind us? I have not paid you the regard and the attentions you deserve. I can. If you only just allow me one last chance. I swear on my father's soul, I will do better. I will be better. This does not have to be our ending. I will not survive it. Not whole. I will become an empty shell without your guiding light. I want your sharp bards and your gentle guidance. I want to lose myself in your embrace. I want to earn the loyalty you have always shown me.
Even now in the stronghold of my anger, I am in love with you. Choose me and I will spend my life choosing you. I know I have given you reasons to doubt me. But you must know it has only ever been you. Even if I was too simple to see it. Lady Crane, those women on the continent, the working girls from earlier this season meant nothing. They were the desperate attempts of a boy trying to prove his manhood. They were meaningless. If I could take it back I would.
How can I ever come to love myself, if you remain lost to me? I have always been yours. I have made a terrible showing of it but it is immutable. You may wish for me to find happiness but I will not happen. I cannot be happy without you. Do you understand? I will never be free of you. Nor do I wish to be.
He tries to send the letter. However none of the Bridgerton staff is willing to risk their job to deliver it. They are under strict orders from Anthony. His newly trained Bloomsbury staff are no match for the sheer determination the Featherington staff show in keeping him from contacting Pen. He even tried to pass it directly to Pen at a ball but Lord Samadani guards her well.
His siblings escort him everywhere to avoid the Cowper's entrapment ploy. Even after they succeed in running Cressida out of town and getting Lady Cowper banned from leaving her estate, they remain ever by his side. Mother claims it is to protect him from scrupulous Misses who may try the same ploy. He knows the truth in his heart. They are keeping him away from Pen. They will not relent until she is married off.
He attends Fran's wedding with a heart filled with grief and bitterness. He is happy for his sister. Fran has found love with a man perfectly suited to her but it hurts him to celebrate her love when he has lost his own.