I feel like most people wouldve experienced the majority of these a lot younger than I have but I'm glad I've had these experiences now, and considering the pressure I use to put on myself regarding some of these after having done so I don't regret not experiencing it sooner...and some of these as well I know i would not and still not feel comfortable having at home or at least not in my area.
First plane journey by myself (2023 ended with me flying 11 times)
Moved abroad by myself for 5 months
Visited new places (Ibiza, Formentera, Manchester and Amsterdam)
Got drunk for the first time and then many times ( i had drank alcohol before but never enough to even feel tipsy)
Went clubbing
Done a mini pier jump
Went jet-skiing
Had sex
Got my first tattoos (which became 3 tattoos quickly)
Swam in the sea at night
Made out and dirty danced with someone without getting their name
Recieved a handwritten note about how someone valued my friendship
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after a week the texts has stopped as i predicted im both glad/relieved as i knew it was stupid but also a teeny bit disappointed, but now at least i know that there is people i can be attracted to and want to talk to, that may actually like me back idk but its something at least...though they couldve at least liked the last message that is what i would do lol i might mute their insta stories for a few days just so i dont feel a type of way but also I'll put of a pic on mine hopefully looking alright haha but thats petty as shit and feeds into me wanting them to text when i know its dumb territory
Update 15 dec 2023, 5 days after the start of this post....so the texting didnt stop nor did i post something up, they had text me in like nearly 24hrs when i wrote this but at the weekend at 12.15am my time so 1.15am for them they text me, when clear they were out out/drinking it was an innocent text but i could tell they were out because of the spelling (i know they cant speak english good but it was different to their other texts and the time made me put 2 and 2 together) even though i was awake i didnt text back at that time haha that seemed like an even worse idea then the two of us texting normally does...i was suprised when it was deleted the next day and weve been continuing are texts since then its basically had only been one response to each per day and incredibly innocent and they had been sending some as voice notes as they said it was easier to speak then spell for them in english and hearing them say my name in the way that nonirish or british do (they say it as knee-cole rather than nih-cole) was a feeling haha....but yeah it had been incredibly innocent nothing i would be worried with cuz hey in my head maybe they couldve been just like nicole was a cool person that i met id like to keep in touch with them, because like i said its been incredibly innocent texts helped by only one message and a short one at that too...but today they implied slight more than you are just an interesting person as they added a 😙 to the end of their text (never one to flirt i had sent my normal 😊😅 alongside my replies to the text) as for their reply...they stupidly asked me about work even though i said im currently out of work because i dont start my new job until late january...and their reply was smooth and scary for me "ah that's good then that means we can text more 😏" with a fucking smirk emoji!!! like shit so it isnt all innocent which im still 50/50 because again were both dumb for texting each other diff countries diff languages etc etc, but know they know i dont work so i dont realistically have an excuse not to text them back for like 16hours which is shit haha but also like damn? and I cant really talk about this to anyone because it is all still fairly innocent and been going on for less than 2 weeks so i cant say it to my friend (the one who introduced us) as it is to early to mention when they could just stop talking to me tomorrow and as for my other friend shell think im stupid for responding hahahah
update 16 dec 2023
so I did reply and to my reply they said they were in work and theyd reply later which is fine especially knowing that i dont work rn, but a funny thing happened the slight flirtier text was that we could text more and they put the kissy emoji to the next evolution 😘 which dear god why i never know what to do but i liked it through the notifications bar, and the later on my walk checked that it sent and it did, but later in the evening when i very much knew theyd be off work especially because their timezone is an hour ahead i went to check my messages and it came up that i never opened their text the stupid like didnt send or unsent or something idk but that was funny and stupid for me and we text back and forth for a bit again very innocent...but they again was out with their friends and its clear that theyre someone who goes out or drinks at least every weekend, which shouldnt be suprisisng as thats how i met them, but it calls the stupidity of our interactions into question what if they get drunk and tell their friends they are still texting the girl from the drunken make out who lives in a different country and doesnt speak their language and that makes them realise were being stupid or if they drunk text me something big dumb or more realistically they meet someone else which is the most likely option and ill understand they wouldnt even have to warrant me a text they dont owe me anything that way, we literally made out once, but it will still disappoint me,....however as they have been getting brave again with their texts how am i meant to flirt and dear god if we make it to a sexting stage on what instagram that would be so fucking weird and also to what point unless they decide to do a trip to dublin (not staying with me) or gran can or some shit nothings ever going to happen...but this is just my stupid over thinking in question they could decide tomorrow to stop texting me or more realistically monday because theyll probs be out drinking again tomorrow, its only been like 12 days for all i know im just theyre manic pixie dreamgirl that blew in from a different country and had a slight interest in them and gave them more confidence then they generally do apparently (my friend and the other girl that knew them was suprised that they went in for a kiss and a long one at that) and when the idea of me goes so will the texting idk everrytime is dumb and i also like the idea and the possibility of them but is the fact that they are unattainable realistically the draw? idek lol
Update 17 dec 2023
So they were out last night, they had sent me a love heart at end of last text, but i was pretending to go out too so the text had just said speak to you tomorrow followed by ooh have fun too with the heart, which i just liked because that doesnt warrant a reply because all i could of said was okay or thanks...and they haven't text me all day, maybe the copped on that i have sent a kissy emoji or genuine heart emoji back or maybe they just realised the whole situation is dumb i dunno but either that was a last text or theyll text me in a day or too i just know i cant be the one to text again today, the ball is in their court because i know for the next month at least that im not going to see/make out with anyone -unless i go out to either of my uni friends but they both have partners so its not like we'd be going clubbing lol so chances of that are slim- so idm texting harmlessly and getting to know them and a bit of flirting but they are going to be the one who will have to either ignore my existence or straight out say something either like we'll see where this takes us or this is dumb lol.....its been a few hours after i wrote this last piece and it is very much clear to me that i want them to text and that scares me...because do i like them or do i just like the attention i have gone from at least 4 non family people (in ibiza i was surrounded by other roughly my age or in same experience and in college i was too) now it is only my mam and sisters, so is it the attention of someone who is not a family that i like or do i like them? and like clearly i like them enough that i gave them my insta and made out and danced with them that night when i had another option that night (a friend of theirs who tried too too hard) and to be honest they do seem like a genuine person their job is okay, they spend time with friends and family and theyre really sweet.....and this is a problem for me because i have caught the slightest of feelings for them or even just to see where this goes which could literally be already done by now if they dont reply until tomorrow because idk and yes i could easily text them and just be like hey how was your day but its 21.37 there now and i know they do be up early early like 6am so it would be late for them if i text now and also if they did meet someone last night i dont want to pop up as a notification ugh i shouldve text earlier but now its too late idk idk idk idk why am i so awkward
Update 18 Dec 2023
I kinda gave myself panic attack over the situation...because in my head i was like oh if they text me in the morning before they go to work its fine but they didnt and then i was also thinking maybe because i just liked their last message maybe they thought i wasnt interested and that was panicking me (when in reality it is more than likely because they realised its dumb that we text) so idk...but i left them a text there just hey how are you how was your weekend and a smiley face if they dont reply in 2 days i know its over (and id go in and delete my message lol) and they judt reply with good and no extension message I'll know and I'll try to fizzle it out like i was initally...it just fucks me up more because they had got a bit more flirty in the last couple of days if they hadnt i wouldve been fine leaving it the way it was idk but i feel like a dumb bitch for getting anxiety over it...update from many hours later, they did reply (though had i not text I'll never know if they weren't going to) and it was nice...then they later asked me for my actual phone number for whatsapp because it's somehow easier there idk idk what change having them on whatsapp will be but it who knows....however whatsapp in general scares me because i always feel so close to accidently writing or ringing the wrong person
Update 21 Dec 2023
So they added me on whatsapp and the texts continued they have been sending some kissy emojis and hearts and shit, though the conversations has been still very innocent...they sent a photo of themselves (and their mother technically haha) and though their head is probably the length of my torso because they are super tall they are still cute, which meant i was suppose to text them back a pic and i stupidly forgot to put it on the once off picture thing which sucks so it means they just straight up has my pic now but its an alright one im literally outside with my jacket hood pulled up and shit jaha....but they text me something brave and i dunno how to feel about it lol, like i get their idea because why would we bother to text if not to eventually meet up, basically they figured out I'm free until the end of jan and said they might potentially come to dublin....scary thought but exciting nonetheless...if they did come though, they must get a hotel cuz they cant stay with me and i would prefer if they came with a friend so there wouldnt be an immense pressure on me because we dont really speak the same language so of they came with a friend they can still do things together and then maybe we could meet up and if they did decide to come desr god let it only be for like 1 night 2 max because again so much pressure...but also if someone who i only made out with once and just very innocently text since flies to my country in the hope of going on a date/fucking me how would my ego ever recover lol...when they said about possibly coming to dublin i just replied with ooo that would be nice, as thats not a yeah totally book it in or its not a ew why would you do that its potentially like a maybe...but i was also talking to my friend and i do need to make it clear that im going to gran can and i wont be able to easily hop back and forth to amsterdam like maybe when im in mallorca it would be easier but who knows lol its crazy and i feel like i need to text the friend whos in amsterdam for more advice lol but shes going to think im so fucking dumb for texting them but she is also the most romantic out of us all so i think she would be the most like aw no way but i need to make sure she is in ibiza when i text haha so she cant spread it to her friends and it gets back to them that ive been talking about them....also theres the possibility that it won't happen and the possibility that between now and new years even that they'll meet somebody else and all will be done so idk whether its worth it to tell her ill wait until the 27th of dec to tell her thats 6 days I'll see what happens there....and also the weird thing about the texting is weve never been like oh i like you or your cute or hot or whatever and they had been sending the emojis and i was just sending back smileys but when they said goodnight after the dublin thing i sent back a love heart for the first and i havent got a reply but f them i replied first the other time they can text if they want to if not fine
Update 22 Dec 2023
so they still havent replied since i did the love heart with the goodnight and tonight is friday so theyll be defo going out so I'm probably not going to get a text again i think that was it lol but im going to post a pic to my insta later and one of the field on whatsapp to get them to maybe see it lol...in a very insecure insecure way im thinking why when i finally send them back a heart after them sending it to me and me just doing smileys have they not text the insecurity in me is thinking were they only texting to see how long or what would make me send something back or express emotion i know that a shitty insecure way to think but it is where im at right now like even if they had replied at all yesterday or today it wouldve been better i wish i didnt put the heart at the end of it because it came up seen and all so they clicked onto it....well at around 9 ill post a picture on insta so theyll see it and i wonder if then ill get a text lol.....they viewed my story so like why not just text me, i know i said it would be okay if they stopped and it would but like not on a vulnerableish text if even if it was just a hear emoji lol...and more so like why did they get me on whatsapp, why didnt they just leave it with insta, they text for a couple of days and brave texts too on whatsapp for what reason? at least had it of just been insta you could just let if fizzle out like but why oh why....and the annoying thing is i do really want them to text but i really cant be the one to text back this time i also have been on my period for this journey which also isnt helping so i dont know how much my emotion is my own or just dumb hormones but still ghosting after them last few messages wtf
Update 24 Dec 2023
So it's been 4 days since the last text so I think thats that, shit that the end was at xmas and I also was on my period so i was feeling the hormones hard, but i really don't see them texting again and i am not going to as my 'goodnight 💕' was the last text so it really is on them, and i know 4 days isn't really a long time but when it had been a text or half text everyday it does seem like a lot...and unless i get a text tomorrow or the 26 saying sorry i was busy or just merry xmas how are you i will make no attempt to text them back....but again why ghost after getting flirty mentioning dublin and finally get the heart off me why dip then? dip when it was just how are you good what about you dip at boring times not when things are getting flirty but whatever i have know since the start that it was dumb dumb...but i am self aware enough that i know ill probably panic write about this over the next week lol
Update 25 Dec 2023
will i be desperate and send them a merry christmas even though they never text? it is such a desperate plea for a text and they could ignore it or worse like it its just going 10pm there will i chicken out out is it way to desperate will i leave until 10.30 here so its 11.30 there so it will seem like a drunk text who knows not me will update later....desperate me left a merry christmas 😊 text ew i hate myself for it lol
Update 28 Dec 2023
They did reply and weve been texting a bit again just really about xmas and families stuff like that...I can tell that they too, are insecure, from two separate mesage interactions one was the sent a picture off the table of an afters party and then basically sent an oh shit that on the table wasnt from me (a bag of weed was what they were implying, but everyone in my fam smokes it and they're from amsterdam and it was only weed and alchol on the table lol) which i thought was funny because like why send the pic apart from to show off that they were out lol but when i said i didnt care they were oh i was worried when i realised what was in the photo (i think nah i think they wanted my opinion on weed lol) the 2nd insecure thing was when we were talking about family i asked them was there family big and they responded but they are a multiple small texts texters whereas im paragraph texter but if you join the small texts it basically makes one paragraph text lol and yes my response to what they were saying was a bit dry but i was responding hours later and it was more of a statement that they had sent rather than something i could yes and, and then a good while later they replied, and i paraphrase, "four messages one story a little too enthusiastic 😅" initially i thought it was a dig at my response and like it is kinda because it implies that while they feel like they overshared it didnt seem like i was interested or something idk but it shows that they were insecure enough about their interest in texting me that they text me that if that makes sense? While i am not one to be puffing up someones ego i did text them back that it was realisticaly 2 sentences and they were responding to something i had asked (i didnt add this part but it wasnt like they randomly volunteered the info) but thats the end of the insecurity shit....so yeah weve been texting again id say only because i started up the texting again and theyve sent like a hi with a heart and a goodnight with like a smiley or like kissy emoji but again tonight when they sent goodnight with the kissy emoji i only replied with the blushy smiley because after i sent the heart the last time i got ghosted lol so we'll see im not going to start the texts tomorrow so well see if they do who knows (while it seems desperate i am not going to say i wont text them im giving myself until new years eve to be desperate and text lol i needed something to do in this time void until then lol)
Update 30 Dec 2023
The texting continued bla blah blah but theyve asked me to facetime tomorrow which fucking scares me! Im awkward enough in texts/in person but video call is even worse? and how the fuck am i meant to look good and not worry and it is also nye tomorrow and how will i not be overheard if theyre getting ready to go out? or worse again if im minding my nephew i cant exactly sneak away for a facetime (also i dont have facetime so itll have to be on whatsapp) dear god this is awkward!!......this is from 4pm the following day - i replied to them pretty late but still replied, i had said "yeah sure" to the facetime and then they had they had been with there friends so i just said "cool, i was watching a movie with my sisters" which would also explain the longer wait time in replying...they 'seen' the message just before 9am this morning and just never replied lol, which again like the time with the hearts is annoying because why ghost after you get me to reply the way you wanted me too? i never suggested facetime (it literally never even crossed my mind as an option lol) so like were they drunk when they text it yesterday and realised this morning and chickened out idk idk but still it would be easy to ignore the facetime part and still text...but in anyways i had sent the reply and they havent responded and it wasnt even a goodnight or have fun that didnt respond to so its not like a hey new day text so its a bit more awkard.....
Update 31 Dec 2023 NYE
okay so out of no where no where no pretext which is so strange like bro we havent done a videocall before you can't just randomly ring after not texting and never calling before...i did have make on and my hair done but i was in my pjs haha i never locked my phone sceeen as fast hahaha...ovo i didnt answer i waited 15mins and said oh sorry i didn't see it i was having some food and they were like oh whoops or some shit and i said if you give me 5 mins i could and they said they were at a friends? what in 15 mins bahaha but i said maybe another time then because i dont want our first call to be infront of their friends like wtf and they said the same but now theyre like oh ill text you if theres a right moment like okay? idk....they calls randomly again i answer, and theyre saying theyre nervous etc but they are saying this as fireworks are going off in the background and as theyre walking and i cant hear shit because its all crackling and all and then theyre trying to say about their english and im just nodding being like its okay etc meanwhile i cant hear shit hahaha they said theyll ring me at 12 which is grand for me cuz thats 11 hahaha unless they call at 12 my time then thats a bit more awkward...no ring thankfully as things got fucked up at up at home at that point but they did text later but again they were drunk i also didnt reply until like 4 today as i was babysitting and just really tired haha but they replied, i sent back a quick reply to which they seen but never replied so as the saying goes idk if that was it lol...also i almost told the girl who introduced that we still text but everytime they dont reply im like this is why i havent bothered hahaha because i dont want to make it a big deal but when she returns to amsterdam she could bump into them plus if she happens to go out to the same group the group all know as they sent me random pics of the group or with people from the group in the background so they have more than likely mentioned theyre still texting the short irish girl, so i would feel weirder if she found out not by me but i also dont want to text her in case she makes it into a thing or worse talks to them about it lol but idk im leaving my own country in less than a month so idek what im doing in anyways....i still want them to text though lol why is everytime i say something about the situation to one of my friends they then proceed to ghost....and i had said id allow myself to be stupid until new years eve but idk i can be the one to text again like will thie happen each time theyre drunk idk
Update 3 Jan 2024
The text from new years day has still gone unreplied so i think ive been ghosted (they currently have a story up on their insta but i havent clicked it yet) so it kinda sucks that ive been ghosted i did like texting them and it had been texting albeit short mostly innocent texts for a month, but it sucks that the ghosting came after the like video call and shit do they only have confidence to text when drunk idk....but my friend that introduced us i had to tell because she returned home and she does go out with the them and their friends and they had been sending me pics with such friends in the photos so they probably knew that they were texting me, so i didnt want my friend to go out and them mention something and her not know...i made her promise not to tell i spoke of it tho..but it sucks i had to tell her at the same time of ghosting lol....they had put up a story a random ass one i wonder whether it was to see if i see it but then again theyre the one leaving me on read so idk but then i put on my winter insta ?carrousel? can't spell the word, and they liked it! brooooooo why i get that it could just be im strangely friends with this girl ill give it a like but brroooooooo dont leave me on read then like my post! i do like that they liked it tho!....and ive been in some sorta 'mood' that i havent been in for months so i wish they were in my city and obviously talking to me lol...and also they were so sweet and shit i am a dumb dumb dumbbbbb bitch i shouldve never replied more the day i came back to ireland lol i knew i was being a thick but ah well.... and depending how other things go in the morning i might text them
Update 17 Jan 2024
so it has been a while since i last updated...i did indeed text them that time, im kinda glad i did because we are still texting now...
and we did a like 15/20min video a week or so ago and it was really nice tbh like dont get me wrong it was very basic but i could feel that i was smiling the whole time or trying to hold the smiles in and it wasnt like they were saying anything to particular make me smile i think (puke emoji) it was just there presence?
i also definitley think their mam knows about me, i know the friends do already because they would send me pics with them...but the mam thing yeah, when the vid call started the mam started saying something in dutch to them and they were speaking back and they turn to me and was just like oh she is going to bed now and the mam shouted to the phone in english goodnight which means it was directed for me...but to be fair it is just them and their mam and they were going to be doing a call in a language that is native to them with a person of a different gender and if it was a friend they ovo couldve just spoken dutch to them so i get they mightve had to explain but still haha...
in the call i made it clear as well that my job will be in gran can (i didnt say for how long) but to be fair it is still in europe and the summer placement will be europe too i get gran can is further than ireland but like either way wed have to get on a plane to see each other so idk man
but yeah were still texting and its been cute i had a awkward one with a pic that i forgot to set to one time view...i make sure that i only would send pics id feel comfy with being on my story but the one i sent them was slightly a bit more booby lol
i'm in a dumb situation that i brought on by myself but it's not really a situation at all...when i was visiting my friend abroad we went out to a club with her friends, and one of her friends was cute and got me insta, then at the end of the night we "danced" together and then made out and that was pretty much it and they put their arms around me at the bus station then they went home, me and my friend went back to hers and that was it and i spent my last day hanging out and doing cool things with my friend i was staying with and went home on the monday....but heres the dumb situation her friend that i made out with started texting me from the morning after the club, not much just a couple of texts here and there but it's so dumb that we did text we don't live in the same country, they don't really speak english and i don't speak any dutch and i dont really know anything about them because we barely spoke....but now if we text i will start to learn about them like i now know what they work as...and we will likely never ever see each other again in real life and its not like we dated or anything i spent like 4 hours with them and made out with them and that was it....but they were really nice and they seem sweet and like someone that would be good and anyone that ive tried texting on apps has been shit, but it's delusional thinking and acting to continue to text, not only do we not live in the same country but i barely live in my country right now i go abroad again in less than 2 months and i dont know how long it will be until i return home...but i don't want to be a bitch because they are nice, but i don't want to catch feelings for them either because of this which i feel like i might if i were to keep texting...like i get a tiny bit excited thinking i might have a text off them already so i know I'll be disappointed when the fun of the weekend fizzles out and we won't text anymore....i had been kind of giving dry replies so they could just you know not reply so i wouldnt have to been the one to not reply, but the way their last text was means i have to choose to agree to their statement (dry af), extend the convo or just give a heart and ignore it.
I also, until this summer, was never really in these situations, so i know i come across like a schoolgirl drama but all of this is new to me and i don't know if this is normal over thinking or my anxiety/panic disorder, but i feel dumb that i cant figure out what to do because i literally only knew this person for a short space of time and barely spoke irl to them and its funny because they arent the first person i made out with in a club in recent months, in october in a spanish club i spent like 3 hours dirty dancing and making out with someone and they would say some words to me in spanish and i knew enough spanish to make conversation but i didnt particulary want to talk that night so even when they spoke to me in english i just smiled and didnt reply i never learned their name but when we were all leaving the club i spoke then to let them know i wasnt going home with them and then we talked to their friends and my friends and shit, i never learned their name even though my friend later tried to find out who it was because apparently they worked in their hotel (not mine lucky enough) but even though i had fun and made out with that person for a much longer time i didnt care about not texting or knowing them again or for example the person i had sex with in summer (my first) i had been texting them for a bit before but i really didnt care that much about them at all and i didnt particularly care if i met up or text them again, though i went their house twice, and i still have them on insta but i know ill never text them and when they give my story the odd like every now and then im just like ah thats that person but i never thought anything more about them then im going to sleep with this person and that was that....which is what is worrying me more about this dumb situation because in my head im like i can potentially see if the fucking world aligned that we might be a good match but it is not and therefore the situation is dumb and me writing this is me procrastinating what my reply is and i feel like a fucking tit
I submitted my dissertation last night and I am so disappointed with it, it only ended up being 9,250 words and it was meant to be 10,000 words (abstract, acknowledgements, references and appendices weren't in the word count).
I'm just so disappointed in it I know I could've done so much better but I had zero communication from my supervisor and I started a new job this week and I just ran out of time.
I submitted it nearly 2 hours late so even if they do correct it it's going to be minus 10 percent.
It was a topic I'm really passionate about too so I just fucking hate how it turned out, like I read it again today and like it makes sense and has a good flow and I answered my research question (What is the role of early years educators in supporting language development in a socio-economic area of disadvantage) But I don't think it's going to be enough.
I also still owe the college €1600 that i have to try pay before the middle of may or else i cant get my final results and graduate and thats pretty much impossible i fucking hate this.
it really is so weird trying to figure out the vibe if someone is comfortable with me being gay/ if theyre homophobic (like i know it doesnt matter if theyre comfortable but yeah) in my uni friend group before today only 1 of my closer friends knew and that was because she had mentioned previously dating girls and she had a pride badge on her bag so i felt like she was safe idk, my other closet friend doesn't know and even though ive never heard her say anything remotely bad, i would be afraid because of her religion that she would treat me differently or stop hanging around with me and i dont want that because i really value her friendship. The others in the friend group don't know because I've either heard them say off hand things or else they have that like weird fetishism of gay men, the only guy in the group (straight) doesn't know because we never really talked about relationships or whatever apart from i did react a bit too enthusiastically one day when we were talking about childhood crushes and he mentioned megan fox in transformers. But yeah the point is today me and friend (f) from uni were talking about this fella she's starting to see and we were talking about dating apps, shes one of the only other single person out of my friends and is more similar to me in the way she would rather have like a proper date or relationship before starting to sleep with someone, in anyways we'll discuss the dates or creeps in pubs or whatever the odd time and today when we were talking about hinge and actually going on first dates, i got the vibe that she was actually chill (she didn't say anything but i just felt she wouldnt be judgy or weird) so after talking about a fella i used to talk to i slipped in about an awkward coffee date i had with a woman and she said about her awkward date with some other fella then just asked me if i was bisexual (not going to lie did have a sec of panic before i said yes) and she just goes oh i would of never have known and i just said yeah because i don't really get into relationships or whatever i don't really need to bring it up and then she just asked did anyone else know and i said oh close friend knows but no one else does, but then my bus came so i never really got to say anything else or see her reaction more, guess I'll find out next time we have an class if she acts differently around me, but it felt good being actually able to say it to her because when we were talking about apps and dating and all i did feel like i was holding back but it is mad that you can straight up have the vibe of who you can say it to and who youd never say it to. It is mad though that like im 24 now and still worrying about coming out to certain people etc.
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Starting a new job tomorrow, wasn't meant to be starting until the 20th of Jan and I am so nervous. They rang up because someone is sick and theyre short staffed which means I'll be doing 7/8 hours on my first time inside the creche (ive never seen the inside of it, done my interview in a separate building). Also potentially because im covering someone that is normally full time i could be in charge of 8 children whom I've never met before, rather than in two weeks time when i was meant to start part time where I'd just be assisting inside the room.
However if they ask if I can work next week I'll have to say no because of my exams that was the whole reason why i said I'd start on the 20th so i would have time to study and actually do my exams without worrying about my new job.
Because my last creche was managed and organised so bad, I'm also apprehensive of how they are going to be in here, but hopefully because it is a completely different form of service (and has proper overall, however not creche specific, management) it will be better.
It does not help though that i rebegan taking all my meds two days ago because i thought it would be settled and in routine by the time of exams, now i have to work tomorrow and feel slightly dazed.
Brought Sandy to the vet today, she hadn't been herself since last week but the last couple days she hasn't been able to keep down food and today she couldn't keep down water. It's bad news. There is something wrong with her pancreas and her kidney or liver is damaged. They have a fluid drip in her and have given her pain killers and she has been kept in. They said it would be lucky if she makes it through the next 48 hours, but hopefully we get to visit her tomorrow.
I'm absolutely heartbroken I love this dog so so so much I can't imagine life without her we got her when I was 10 and we just celebrated her 13th birthday last month. She is my best friend and the biggest comfort to me in life we've been through so much together family deaths, her broken leg, my dads abuse, falling out with friends, the terrible house/separation, becoming homeless and finally moving into a new home. I don't think I would've survived this long without her by my side i love her more than words can say.
