#niceeeeeeeeeeeeee

Hi! Oh my god it’s me the one who can’t properly express how much I like getting your asks, and how weird it feels when someone tells you that they like your answers (I still don’t get how you find my ramblings interesting!), but I actually find writing them quite liberating, and it helps me practice my writing skills in English even though they’re not very good! Ok, so you ask for it, here are some long-ass answers

peach: do you have any piercings or tattoos? No! I just had my ears pierced when I was a baby and I wear normal earrings. I don’t really want any kind of piercings because I find them soo unnecessary (for me personally), I don’t see the use in involuntarily mutilating my body you know (I hate needles). I don’t have tattoos either, and I’d like to get one someday, just something tiny and pretty, but then again we encounter the problem of needles…….

raspberry: favorite flower? I honestly love all kinds of flowers but I really like… orchids for example, and when I was little I used to be obsessed with wildflowers (I made bouquets all the time) and now every once in a while I go out to my garden and pick flowers so i can press them in a book and then stick them to an empty notebook (so cliche I know) but I just think they look so so nice.

passion fruit: how would you describe your style? Mmmm I don’t really know if I have a style, I’m really basic tbh. I wear simple clothing but somehow I always manage to differentiate myself from the rest, sometimes without even trying. Like, when I go shopping I get really annoyed because 90% of the shops in every mall are owned by the same company (Inditex) and want it or not, they always end up selling the same stuff, because it’s what everybody is wearing and they sell more you know, but I hate wearing That Exact Garment That Everyone Is Wearing This Season, unless I really really like it. But most of the time I just stick to a simple style, with plain colors, although now I’m trying to broaden my horizons and feel a little bit more comfortable showing a little more skin, which I don’t always like but I’m trying you know.

pineapple: sexual orientation? Ah, the eternal question. I’m honestly not sure. I spent a lot of time believing I was ace, I have always been “mocked” for my lack of sexual behaviours. When I was in middle school people thought it was because I was  a lesbian, but I gave it a lot of thought and I arrived at the conclusion that I wasn’t, I just didn’t have attraction towards anyone, which apparently people find completely incomprehensible. But this last year I’ve experienced some situations that have made me realise I might not be 100% ace, but it’s weird because I don’t think those feelings were towards anyone in particular, so I’m pretty confused. What I have more or less clear so far is that I need a lot of trust, and when I say a lot I mean a lot, like I need to “click” with that person in a special way so I am capable of feeling the minimum sexual desire, or at least to feel comfortable enough to engage in some kind of physical contact (even kissing, like, last year I couldn’t even stand people touching my arm, so yeah all kinds of physical contact are kind of big deal to me, specially with the opposite sex, idk why), and even then it doesn’t always happen. I still have a lot to figure out, but I’m not really stressed about it, right now I’m pretty much craving some human contact (this sounds contradictory to what I wrote above, I just think I avoid physical contact because I don’t really know how to react to those situations) and hopefully I’ll get it tomorrow, even if it’s from someone that hasn't been really been really nice to me

strawberry: favorite desserts? Always ice cream, or any of the cakes that my mom bakes because they are all delicious.

cherry: can you play any musical instruments or can you sing? I used to take violin lessons and I self-taught a little of piano, but last year I didn’t have time to do anything and I ended up dropping everything art-related, which pretty much killed my soul. Giving up violin was to be expected, since it was never my passion, it felt more like an obligation because my parents pressured me a lot, and by doing that I refused to practice as much as I should so I never got to see much progress and I got stuck, while the rest of my mates kept getting better and better, which discouraged me even more. With piano, I enjoy a lot playing the little I know, and I’ve composed some themes (without any actual academic knowledge of music of course) but I think they sounded pretty good given that I came up with them with 14 years old or so. Right now I have some themes in mind (it’s amazing because I came up with them like 4 years ago and I still haven’t forgotten them, which is dangerous because I haven’t written or recorded them…). Regarding singing, I like to do it (as I type this I’m performing Africa by Toto with my heart and soul and I bet my neighbour wants to kill me right now) but I’m too shy to sing in front of people, even though I’ve been told I’m good at it (my voice isn’t strong at all btw). I’ve just performed alone in public once and I still don’t know how I managed to do it without having a nervous breakdown. Anyways, yesterday I was home alone and I started singing while doing my hair and I was surprised by myself like “woah bitch when did you learn to do that with your voice” and it was a nice feeling.

banana: favorite horror movies? Mmmmm I’m not a fan of horror movies, I’ve only started to watch some this year. For example, the only horror movie I’ve seen in an actual cinema was A quiet place, and it wasn’t even that scary, but I really liked it. I’ve also seen The Others and The Shining, which were also pretty scary for me hahah

blackberry: is your life an action film, a comedy, a romantic comedy, or drama? My life is one of those pretentious indie European drama movies in which nothing happens, except it’s not aesthetically pleasing

pomegranate: when do you feel the most confident? The other day I was wearing a clean pyjama and I was freshly shaven and honestly, I had the confidence to kill a man.

guava: dark & dramatic makeup or natural makeup? I’m trying to perfect the art of achieving a natural makeup that actually looks natural, but problem: I’m bad at it and I don’t have the right products to do it.

tangelo: if you could be any mythical creature, which would you be? I’d be a dryad, an elf or something that lives in the forest, nothing like a mermaid or a creature that lives in the water because I’m afraid of it, just let be me eaten by the moss please and thank you

papaya: what song describes your aesthetic? I’ve said it like 461654 times but Plant Life by Owl City is me, like, if that song was a person, it would be me.

cranberry: favorite time of the day; morning, afternoon, dusk, or night? I love the night because it feels like time stops. If I’m alone, I don’t feel judged because there’s no one else to see me, I can just enjoy the world when everything’s quiet and if I stay awake till dawn I get to see how the world wakes up which is also really nice. I also like the night when I’m with people, I can’t describe the feeling, like, when I breathe deeply, I feel some butterflies in my stomach (sometimes it’s the anxiety and I want to end my suffering right there but other times it’s like a nice way of feeling excited), just being surrounded by people... it gives me a weird feeling (my way of expressing this is so shitty i’m sorry)

nectarine: would you consider yourself an emotional person? I’ve always been known for being stone cold and emotionless, but actually I am Very Sensitive, everything affects me, even if I’m not the target of it (I would get really upset at school when my classmates were mean to teachers because I felt so so so so bad for them and my mom told me like “but the haven0t done anything to you!” and I’m like I know but my soul is in pain what can I do). Despite this, I never cried once at school, I just let it all out when I got home (I would cry a lot outside), and that’s why everyone thought I had no feelings, when actually I had a lot of them, too many, I just got really really good at hiding them. This is now a problem since I find myself incapable of expressing my feelings to other people. I’m good at rationalising them to myself, I can distance myself from my own perspective and think “You’re feeling this because of that”, but there’s a difference between being able to acknowledge your feelings objectively and actually having the capability to control them, or change them (that’s why they’re feelings, they’re the opposite of “objective” and they can’t just be turned off whenever you want). This is the reason why it’s so exhausting to be concealing them all the time like I do or not even that, just trying to canalise negative feelings instead of avoiding them can be really hard. So yeah, to sum up, I’m very emotional, but I’d like to believe I’m very self-aware so I can find some kind of balance.

orange: do you have long eyelashes? I actually do, but only because I apply ricin oil every night before bed. I did it just to give it a try but my lashes are now not only longer, but also denser (I have lots of new hairs popping out, it’s very nice to see). I do it because I hate wearing mascara, and I want them to look fuller without having to apply anything.

apricot: what do you do when you’re sad? When I’m very very sad I just get this sinking feeling in my chest, which I can’t express with words how much I hate it, it reminds me of all the times I’ve gotten that feeling in my life and makes me feel completely miserable. When I feel like that, there’s literally nothing else I can do but lie feeling just kind of paralyzed. I often try to watch a tv show, and even though I can’t concentrate on it and I’ll probably end up having to rewatch that episode, it distracts me a little. I also play music, but it sometimes makes it even worse. Lately, when I feel really down, or anxious (specifically anxiety over things I know are stupid and no big deal, but things that my brain decides to worry about anyway), I end up cleaning something very thoroughly, like my bedroom or bathroom while listening to some playlist with mainstream songs that I know the lyrics to but that I’m not emotionally attached to so I can keep my mind busy until lunchtime or until I have to go out.

star fruit: favorite sea creature? I used to be obsessed, and when I said obsessed I mean obsessed with whales, specifically beluga whales. I have a stuffed beluga toy, a beluga notebook and I still have the picture of a beluga hung on my wall (it’s not big I swear it’s not that bad now). I also made my mom tell my tales about belugas for like 6 or 7 years every single night (I can’t remember when exactly she stopped doing it but I can tell you I was old enough to feel really, really ashamed of it if anyone found out about it), now I feel sorry for her because it must had been a really big effort for her… I was obsessed with dolphins as well, I remember crying while watching dolphin documentaries on tv because I wanted one so bad and my parents tried to explain me that that was just… not possible. Oh I also have those figurines that glow in the dark with whale shapes (you know those stars that are on the ceiling of kids’ rooms? well just like that but with whales, I still have them)

dragonfruit: do you drink alcohol? I do, and I know it’s really unhealthy but I mean… besides that I’m a pretty healthy girl, I don’t smoke, I don’t eat processed foods and I work out every once in a while… you gotta live a little. And it’s also nothing like drinking every day or anything, it’s just that when I go out with friends I drink, heavily, but I still know when to stop (I’ve only gone overboard like… twice, and it was nothing serious, like, you end up getting all your dinner out and with a terrible hangover the next day). It’s funny because when I’m drunk and my head is spinning, I can still see myself trying to rationalise everything and i have some principles as a drunk girl: 1. Watch your step as gracefully as you can 2. Be nice and try to help everyone, stranger or not 3. Pick up the things you drop on the ground because the environment is still in danger 4. If someone needs to go to pee, especially if it’s one of your girlfriends, don’t let them go alone. It’s actually a little sad because one of the main reasons why I drink at parties it’s because I get really anxious in social situations, and it helps me feel a little less self-conscious, but lately it doesn’t do the trick, and I just stare into space and my mind goes blank every time someone talks to me, and them feeling terrible about my lack of social skills… I should fix that

This was really nice to write, it kept me busy for a while, just what I needed. I don’t know if you go through all of it but hey at least it helped me!

excdus, zonation, aliiens, club-nah, astrahl