#newyearspost

[January 1 6, 2019]

(I so forgot to post this earlier) HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I hope everyone has a happy year this year and to accomplish their New Years Resolutions. This year, I decided not to focus on resolutions, only carpe diem-ing. if that’s even a word, oops 

with love,

g

For starters I made a list of things to do before I die, and the list like the rest of my life is a work in progress.

  This is what I have put on my list so far:

Bang a teacher kiss a French guy

Leave my country and my safe zone without my parents

Try getting high on mushrooms

Have blue hair

Find out what I want to do with my life

Love someone, break my condition and give all of myself to one person who’ll give everything of themselves back.

Stand my ground and not change my limits to accommodate people around me.

Have a proper and enjoyable threesome

Get it on with a girl

Create something I can truly be proud of

Kiss a celebrity.

    And not for the things I have done so far:

Bang a teacher x

Get high on mushrooms x x I allow myself to put two ‘x’es on this one because I’ve done it twice now.

  I have a long way to go, I know and the list is ever growing… and hopefully I as a person will to still be growing.

I will take this time to introduce a few new things to my list. I want to stress that this is not my new year’s resolutions; this is stuff I want to accomplish before I leave this planet.

  Stop worrying about myself in too deep layers, worrying about my own sanity could take up three lifetimes, and I am not willing to waste life like that.

Live more in the ‘now’. It may inspire stupid decisions… but I’d rather be young, naïve and stupid than live my life with regrets of never living… do I even make sense?

Have brown hair. Yeah I know.

Walk where the cast of lotr have walked in New Zealand

Accept that I am me, for all of my body fat I will never in my days be a skinny model, so accepting myself fully is a must for me to be happy in my skin.

Try acting, it does not have to be anything great or even something that is shown to people I just want to try acting-class.

Make a movie, or maybe a sketch… I want to try both being in front of the camera (see above task) and standing behind it and filming other people.

Sing in front of others. Again this does not have to be a big crowd, I just believe that this is something that a person with stage-fright should overcome one day.

Accept that it is okay to look up to someone and own up to it when I admire someone’s integrity or talent. It is not shameful to be impressed by other’s talents and I should really stop feeling ashamed and secretive about it.

Be true to myself… and work on creating a sense of self that I do not have to or want to alter because of my surroundings. I am tired of being a chameleon in society… I adapt too much to my surroundings and become a walking clone of the influences I meet. I want to be able to just say “I know that you feel that way but I don’t” instead of always hiding my own feelings and thoughts to pretend that I agree with everyone on everything.

  Okay that was that. I’ve been harboring a lot of these for a long time, feels nice to just write it down and be rid of this. I now have 22 things to do before I die… minus the two I have already done… I don’t know what to say now… I guess I should say thank you blog. Thank you for a good couple of months and I look forward to writing in you as I go along through the next year. I never really knew or believed it when people told me that having a diary would be really therapeutic and nice, but I have learned that I could not stop writing in you even if I tried.

It is the first day in the New Year 2014 as I am writing this, and finally I am feeling that I have actually changed over the last year. Every New Year I sit at home and feel that nothing has changed, but this year a lot of things changed a whole lot. 2013 was the year that I finally grew up and became an adult.

Becoming an adult at the age of 20 is kind of weird, but I can tell you dear blog that my oldest brother is turning 25 in February and he is not yet an adult… let that sink in for a while.

  I will have to be going in a while. I just wanted to make this post for myself. I hope that 2014 will bring much happiness and be the year where I figure out what education I will take, and start the education or at least try out for it. On the 12th of January I will start my 22 weeks public high school stay, I can’t really describe what a public high school stay is because it is something we only have in my country… I think… the term public high school has been used for it because it is what comes closest to it, but it doesn’t really describe it properly.  I think that will be fun, my stay there that is… people who’ve done it say that it was the best decision of their life… I hope it will be the best of mine too.