#newt request

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“Good night, Y/N!” Newt call out to her as he stood with a hand on the half-open door to his room. If only she knew how difficult it was for him to keep his voice from shaking or to not stutter on his words whenever he talked to her. The Second in Command gripped the doorknob in his hand tightly, eager for to hear her voice respond to him.

She beamed a smile at his direction and Newt swore his knees went weak. Her eyes seemed to sparkle in the pale moonlight as she met with his. Suddenly, he could feel my heart bumping up to beat a hundred miles an hour as she her beautiful voice replies with a fierce “G’night, shank!”

He watched as the turned, her hair dancing gracefully as she spun almost as if in slow motion, and began skipping the other direction. He could hear her exchange sarcastic good night greetings and joking threats to the other Gladers as he forced myself into his room - before he could get caught staring at her again.

Newt shut the door behind him and rested his back onto it, placing a fist over his heart and pounding at his chest in attempt to calm himself down. He sighed, looking up at the ceiling and cursing at himself slightly with how smitten he was over her. Y/N always had a way of playing at his bloody heartstrings ever since she was brought up to the Glade.

It wasn’t just because she was the only female in the Glade, nor was it because she was a beyond stunning girl. Sure, he easily got distracted by her radiant grin that could brighten any Glader’s day, her hypnotising eyes that he could stare all day into, her delicate hands that he so badly wanted to touch, and her pink lips that he could only dream of kissing but it was more than just a physical attraction.

He was attracted to her as a person. He truly admired her. She looked like a goddess within the Glade but she wasn’t too different from anyone, really - except that she probably embodied the strength of everyone combined. Physical strength was debatable (but honestly, it didn’t surprise Newt if he found Gally sprawled on the ground, defeated by her) but Y/N was undeniably the strongest teenager in the Glade with her fighting spirit.

She was the one who came up the box and didn’t cry her eyes out. Unconventionally, she did attack them the second she was dragged into the Glade but now that was a fun and threatening memory that every Greenie got told. When she found out all about the Glade, she simply nodded and immediately made herself useful in any possible way.

Y/N did a little bit of everything - the only thing she wasn’t good at was being a Med-Jack but it was mostly because she hated waiting for work instead of actually doing work. That alone was admirable enough but the entire fact that she was so hard working, persevering and unfazed about the situation she found herself in was what inspire Newt the most.

To him, it was just so bloody motivating to see someone so strong despite everything that’s happened to them. She would keep working and smiling no matter what, lifting up everyone else’s spirits along the way. She wouldn’t let anyone walk over her either, ready with a snarky comment with her quick-witted attitude. Y/N had the remarkable combination of fierce yet gentle, respected and looked up to but always approachable (perhaps except for him because he constantly found himself stutterign around her) and friendly, hardworking yet compassionate, and a leader but also a follower that inspired others to be like her. She was the undefeated Glader, the embodiment of hope in the Glade.

Newt let out another sigh and light pound to his chest before he started walking over to his bed, He didn’t realize that all that time thinking about her he was still standing by his door. He stripped off his bag, machete and hoodie before climbing into his bed. His brown eyes staring up at the ceiling, dancing between the wooden panels above. He licked his upper lip, still consumed by his thoughts.

Newt couldn’t get Y/N out of his mind but that wasn’t something new. If he was honest, he wanted to protect her even though he was pretty sure she’d never need a guardian because she was her own. But Newt hated the world and he knew well of how it could destroy even the strongest people. He never saw weakness in her but he was scared that the world would get to her one day and she would never deserve that.

Bloody hell, a person like her didn’t deserve to be in a situation like this at all! She was such a good-hearted, happy and strong character. He wanted to hurt the Creators for sending her up to a place like this. All he wished for her was the best life she could have because if it were anyone who deserved goodness, love and life, it would be her.

Newt sighed once more, rolling to his side and finally letting his eyelashes flutter to his cheeks. He swore each day that he fell more and more for her that he would help her in any way he could to get that life she deserved, uncaring if she ever noticed him or not for it. He just wanted to see her radiating spirit surrounded not by suffering and hate, but with the love and life that she should have had to begin with.

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His limbs flailed upwards, forcing him to sit up as his eyes shot open and a loud gasp escapes him. His chest rose and fell fiercely as he struggled for breath, eyes darting around the darkness of his room frantically.

No Ivy. No cemented walls. He was in his room. He wasn’t sprawled on the Maze floor. There wasn’t a vine of ivy wrapped around his shattered ankle. He didn’t jump. Never again. He was in his room. He was safe.

Balls of sweat decorated his face and body and his hands balled into fists that gripped at his thin sheets. He could still feel the tremble that rocked his bones from within.

It was a dream. A nightmare. He was okay. He didn’t jump again. Y/N wasn’t looking at him with a disgusted expression like the pathetic, scared Glader he felt like he was in his dream. That part of him was over. He was okay. He wasn’t dying. He was alive. He was okay.

He repeated it to himself over and over again but as the minutes ticked on but he couldn’t find himself to be at all convinced. His breathing didn’t slow and his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest.

Newt frustratingly ran his hand through his dampened locks before swinging his legs off the edge of his bed, lazily stuffing his feet into his sneakers and then getting up and walking out of his hut without a second thought. He tried shaking his nightmare thoughts away as the cold night air bit at the bare skin of his lean arms. He treaded out of the Homestead quietly, through the sleeping bodies, and made his way to the Deadheads.

It was a strangely comforting place to be alone. It was dense He often went there to relax on nights like this, although it had been a good while since this happened. He let out a sigh as he walked through the dark woods, leaves and twigs crunching beneath his feet.

Being surrounded by the trees under the pale moonlight and silence of the stars already started to comfort him. He stopped for a moment, in no particular spot and took a deep, calming breath. He held it for a while, shutting his eyes and trying to remember all the good things in life - until a sound just the opposite found his ears. He exhales slowly, trying his best to keep quiet and focused on his hearing.

It sounded like someone was crying. Crying a lot. Suddenly, he felt his heart shatter because it sounded like a girl crying - and there was only one girl in the Glade. The girl that would never cry.

This was worse than his nightmare. His body moved towards the sobbing noises, finding confidence to move towards her as quickly as possible. What would cause the strongest one in the Glade to breakdown like this? Newt’s heart raced towards her, wanting only to take away whatever it was troubling her.

“Y/N,” escapes his lips as a breath when he found her by a large tree, knees to her chest and face buried into her hands. Her head shot up at the call of her name, her eyes wide and teary with lips parted in shock.

He moved swiftly towards her, concern overriding any nerves he felt when he usually interacted with her. She was wiping her tears away fiercely as he approached, obviously trying to hide her crying and stop her tears.

He crouched by her and gently put a hand to her arm, that she shook away causing him to frown a bit. “Are you alright?” he asked and found it stupid the moment he did because she so obviously wasn’t. “Are you hurt? What happened?”

She shook her head and forced on a smile, “N-no.” she breathed and then sniffled, “I-I-I’m fine! What are you talking about Newt? Something was just… in, uh, my eye and all.”

She wasn’t. Newt noted that her voice pitched higher than usual. Her eyes didn’t sparkle like the ferocity she had but because of the tears that welled in them. He felt the aching grow in his chest. A scowl formed on his lips and his eyebrows furrowed.

Y/N noticed, taking a sharp breath before she spoke, “Really, Newt, I’m f-fine. Nothing to see here. Just taking a midnight walk, couldn’t quite sleep yet.”

And with that she stood, and Newt was so scared that she was going to walk away, which she probably was, so he instantly grabbed her wrist. Her wide eyes met his concerned ones and a small silence fell on them. It felt like his voice was stuck in his throat while a million things ran through his head.

She let out a bitter laugh just as he worked out the confidence to say something. She yanked her wrist away from him, “I don’t need a pity party, Newt.” and there was a second of utter grief that crossed her face while she glared up at him, “I told you, just something in my eye. I’m fine. Completely fine. I’m not even crying. So if you would be so polite, just let me go alr-“

“You’re not fine.” Newt interrupts and irritation quickly grew on her face but he couldn’t stand to see her lying. It felt like he slammed into the Maze floor after a jump again when he finally saw it, and he never felt so blind before. All this time of watching her and falling for her, how could he have missed it?

She was going to open her mouth and respond something as bitter as her laugh a moment ago but he grew the confidence to speak first, “You don’t have to lie to me, Y/N. I know what you’re feeling, trust me, because I’ve buggin’ been there: trying to be strong and denying everything around you. I know what it’s like to hate this place and be so broken by it. It’s what this place does, it keeps us bloody trapped here, killing us even when we don’t know it. ”

The pain and hurt expressed on her face increased as he broke down more and more of what she truly felt. He felt tears tempting to well in his own eyes as hers filled with them, some already rolling down her cheeks as she looked anywhere but him. He frowned, “It’s nothing to be ashamed about. It’s okay.”

Her watery eyes met his all of the sudden, “No it’s not okay!” she snapped, raising her voice at him. “Look, congratu-shucking-lations to you Newt for being the only one who figured me out - you deserve a shucking reward!”

Her words hit him like a knife and he looked away for a moment, feeling awful for being so upfront before looking back to her hurt expression as she continued speaking through sobs. “Y-yeah! Alright? You’re right! I’m broken. I’ve always sh-shucking have been. I’m scared of everything! Everything about the Glade and the Maze and dying - and I don’t want any of this! I’m so shucking scared out of my mind, I come her every night just to ball my eyes out cause I’m so shucking pathetic!”

“Yet all of you think I’m some kind of warrior - some kind of hero, and I am not!! Absolutely not! I’m just a piece of klunk who pretends like she is just so no one could be bothered cause there are so many other important things we should worry about!” she choked on a sob before she continued, “C-cause ever since that first day, I’ve been known to be ‘strong’ but I just did all of that cause I was so shucking terrified! I’m not strong at all - I’m weak! The weakest shucking link around here!”

“I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be anymore! I hate it here and I hate myself! I’ve just been pretending to be this warrior princess in the klunk of a place - and everyone loves her but that’s not me! I’m really just a shank who’s too scared of everything so I lie to each and everyone of you every single shucking day! If everyone knew a-about this- this shuck-faced piece of klunk that I really am- th-then I’m just sh-shucking better off with the Grievers!” she yells out her last sentence, her voice cracking in desperation as her sobbing overtook her and she crumbled to her knees on the ground, burying her face in her hands as she sobbed loudly.

Newt felt the tears roll down his cheeks as he spoke and a small sob escaped him as he watched her fall. He quickly crouched down to her and wrapped his long arms around her.

She writhed underneath him, “L-let me go! I d-don’t want your sympathy! Shuck off, Newt!” she yelled and the more she did, the firmer his grip became. He bit at his bottom lip to force him to cry silently as she sobbed against his chest.

She stopped struggling against him after a moment and Newt took this opportunity to speak. “You’re wrong.” he starts, fighting to keep his voice stable. “You’re not weak at all. Not one bloody bit. I’ve always thought that you were the strongest one here in the Glade, because of your fighting spirit, and after this - I know I’ve been right all along.”

He felt her relax a bit underneath him, sniffling here and there but it was obvious she was listening. “The sole fact that you buggin’ feel like this every single day and night but still get up each day and fight through the day with a smile - that shows just how bloody strong you are, Y/N. It’s not pathetic at all, it’s shucking admirable. You fight on despite everything you’re feeling and not a lot of people can do that. A lot of them give up.” he paused for a moment, feeling guilty as he said that. “They give up and just want it all to end and do stupid things - but not you. You never give up even when your world is screaming for you to.”

“You’re not pretending to be someone else, Y/N. This is you. You’re so bloody selfless, brave, and strong. You carry all this on your little shoulders, all on your own, and never once thought of dumping your worries on any one else. Your tears aren’t weakness, they’re a sign that you’re still fighting. That you may be hurting like hell now but you’re going to wake up and persevere in the morning.” he pulls back slightly and he looks into her eyes as she looked up at him, “You are so strong, Y/N. I wish I could be more like you.”

A small smile finds his lips as he looked down at her. He knew it was hard for her to believe all that he was saying so he continued after brushing a strand of hair away from her face, “You care so much about everyone else. The fact that you persevere for others and not for yourself just proves how much strength you have in you, Y/N. But please,” he begged, “Please look after yourself. You have to. You have to think about yourself.”

“You opening up to me was so brave. I know how bloody hard that must have been for you, but I want you to know that I am here for you. You have been inspiring me every day you got here with your fighting spirit and as I learn more about you just now, trust me when I say you’re inspiring me even more. Ever since you got here, the Glade has never felt more hopeful. Every time I see you, I just know that there has to be something good out there because it gave us you.”

He didn’t exactly realize that what he said possibly revealed that he liked her, until he noticed the tint of red that sprinkled over her cheeks as she looked up at him. He suddenly felt a gulp in his throat and he couldn’t look at her eyes for a moment, but he forced himself to continue, “I believe that you deserve the absolute best in life so please, don’t carry all of this by yourself. Don’t drive yourself over the edge with feelings you’ll bottle up inside you. I’m here for you. I always have been and I swear that I always will.”

He looked back and supplied a small smile just for her. He noticed her lip tremble for a moment before a small smile finds her lips too and tears well in her eyes again before she wrapped her arms around his torso and hugged him tightly. Her head was pressed against his chest as they embraced.

“Thank you.” she whispered.

Newt smiled as he hugged her back tightly, “There’s no need to thank me, Y/N. I’d like to thank you, actually, who knew it would take you screaming at me to finally, really talk to you.” he chuckled.

She lifted her head up to look at him and chirped, “What do you mean ‘finally’?”

He gulped. Oh, klunk. He just said that, didn’t he? “U-uh,” he stuttered, “I-I just, uh, always wanted to talk with you… you know? I-I mean, we have in the past, here and there, b-but it was never just the two of us and I’ve always wanted to just bloody talk to you.”

Heat was quickly rising to his cheeks and he could get himself to look at her directly, “I-I hope that doesn’t sound creepy, it probably shucking does but uh, you know, I just, uh, you inspire me a lot. I-I really admire you… e-everything about you. I-I… I just, uh,”

Y/N licked her lips as he watched him stutter, her heart racing as fast as his. “I know.” she breathed out and Newt snapped his head down to look at her. “I- I mean, I know what you mean… b-because I feel the same way.”

She bit at her bottom lip and Newt felt his mouth part slightly in shock, a visible blush formed on her cheeks. “I think I, um, I would have honestly punched anyone in the face without thinking twice if someone found me like this. B-but it wasn’t just, anyone else. It was you. A-and, I’ve always admired you too, you know?”

Newt’s eyes went wide in shock and he looked at her to continue, not making eye contact as she did. “D-during the first few days, I wasn’t even thinking of a-acting strong but then I saw you who was so helpful and happy to me during those days and I thought, I-I need to be like this guy, even in this klunky place we’re in.” then she let out a little giggle that honestly made his heart melt, “Plus, H-he’d never like someone so frail and scared, so pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic.” he said immediately, making her look up at him with those wide, sweet eyes again. “And it doesn’t matter. You’re you and I, uh, well, I like you.”

Her breath seemed to hitch when he said that and his heart honestly skipped a beat. Her not responding didn’t help at all. She kind of just looked at him wide eyed and her little lips were parted and she said nothing for a while.

He loosened his embrace on her, pulling back slightly and looking away for a moment but then she suddenly crashed into him. Back into his chest, burying her face in it as she mumbled, “I like you, too. Always have.”

Newt blinked down at her, and he smiled, nodded and embraced her. “Don’t ever be afraid, okay? To have bloody feelings and to be vulnerable. I’m going to be there for you, I always have been but I hope you know that I really will be now.”

Y/N lifted her head up to face him. She looked up to him, smiling the most genuine smile he ever saw on her face, “Don’t worry, I’ve always known.”