How to change and what’s stopping you
“You are changing constantly – your temperature, cells, thoughts, and fluids – but the longer you repeat a physical or mental pattern, the more it becomes ingrained and resistant to change...
Either an event brings the problem into view, or the growing stress and pain finally motivates change. Confronting a problem is an acknowledgement of reality... The brain begins a creative process of seeking insight, answers, and resolution. Alternative options that hadn’t been considered begin to emerge...
Introspection into the cause of your problem is a prerequisite to change. Taking responsibility implies that today’s choices are the seeds of tomorrow’s change or stagnation... Many people want to escape that freedom, because they fear the shame of failure or are not used to making their own decisions...
With honesty and insight, deeper change becomes possible...
Action is required. A decision must be made. It comes when you are ready, and cannot be forced...
Entering new territory requires courage. Sometimes change happens because the pain of the problem outweighs the fear of the unfamiliar. Faith can help tip the balance in favor of risking an undetermined future. Meditation is valuable preparation, because the practice letting go of control, if only momentarily. Encouragement and support from friends, family, a mentor, or a therapist is vital when traversing difficult changes...
Good self-esteem suggests that you’ve felt the power of self-efficacy in the past. You’ll have the confidence and motivation to manifest your heart’s desires. This is the best reason to change, rather than for external or practical rewards. When you’re inspired, you’re infused with energy and power. It stimulates your creativity, promises a better future, or connects you to a larger purpose. It fills you with positive emotions that can overcome fear and motivate action – even in the face of death...
Often people resolve to change or get excited about an idea, but within days or weeks, they’ve lost interest and can’t motivate themselves to act. Usually, they’ve talked themselves out it. Their inner dialogue proclaims that they lack the skill, that their idea was unoriginal, impractical, too difficult, or too costly in time or resources. They may fall back into denying the pain of the problem they face by employing the defenses described above. Commonly, their parents voiced those obstacles to their childhood dreams, were autocratic, or too passive in teaching them how to accomplish goals. There are those who lack all inspiration. They don’t know what they want and don’t get excited by anything. Treatment for depression may be indicated. They need help connecting to themselves before action is possible...
(Change) requires focus and sustained effort over time before results are noticeable. Many lack this self-discipline. They get sidetracked by fleeting distractions or become easily discouraged when quick results aren’t forthcoming. Self-discipline and the ability to exercise your will is a developmental task children learn in order to delay gratification, enabling them to develop their skills...
Discomfort inevitably accompanies change – whether a new manner of relating to reality or the confusion and incompetence experienced when tackling something for the first time. You may feel awkward and anxious, but will succeed by continually exerting your will-power. The process is not a straight path, but a spiral of movement forward, slips, stagnation, and leaps ahead. It is easy to get discouraged and be swayed by the pull of habit, but persistence pays off.
You may have tried repeatedly to change a habitual pattern or attitude to no avail. When the ego has exhausted its efforts, you finally reach a hopeless impasse. It may be that an internal shift is required before anything external can change or change permanently. Often if you let go and give up control, then almost miraculously, in ways you could never have conceived, change happens, not by you, but to you... If you’re confronting an addiction, you’ll need support until new habits have become a solid part of your self-definition...
For change to last, in addition to motivation and self-discipline, you must be committed to yourself and the goal, and it must be congruent with your core beliefs. If your motive was to achieve others’ approval or monetary gains, then once achieved you may return to your prior behavior. Thus, it’s important to examine your original motive for changing to ensure that it expresses your true self and fosters your highest good.”
Darlene Lancer, “6 Steps to Making Change”
