#new jerseys devils

“Probably feels worse” he admitted, pulling you close. You wrapped your arms around his middle, breathing in the scent of him.

“Would ice help?” you asked, your voice muffled by the fabric of his sweatshirt.

“No but a kiss would” he replied and you rolled your eyes as you pulled away.

“You’re kidding me.”

“Why would be I be kidding? I’ve missed you.”

“And I’ve missed you but it looks like it hurts you to talk, let alone for me to touch your mouth” you grimaced, eyeing him skeptically.

He pouted at you, looking all the more pathetic with his fat lip. “Fine, we’re icing it first though, go sit down on the couch” you sighed and he quickly did as commanded.

You heard his soft voice greet your cat, Piper, who you assumed was making herself at home on his lap. The little cheat loved him way more than she did you. After wrapping a few ice cubes in a soft towel, you made your way to the living room, watching him coo lovingly at your cat. You smiled at the scene until his own lips spread into a grin and you saw the gap.

“Holy shit, you lost a tooth!” you gasped, nudging Piper over so you could sit beside him, your legs settling over his lap.  

“I don’t want to talk about it” he groaned, laying his head on the back of your couch.

“It’s cute” you said, surprised to find you meant it.  Your compliment just earned you a glare though so you gently placed the ice on his mouth, a wince of pain overtaking his features. His eyes closed as a comfortable silence settled around you both, broken only by Piper purring on his other side.

As you watched his face slowly relax as the ice numbed his pain, you couldn’t help but note how domestic this scene felt. Jack, you, and your cat curled up on the couch after a roadie with you tending to his injury. If only you actually knew what the two of you were, maybe then you’d feel as relaxed as Jack looked.

***

You two had met at the team’s unofficial Halloween party, at the invitation of your neighbor Dawson. You really were closer with his girlfriend, but you all hung out sometimes so you accepted the invite. As soon as Dawson introduced you two, you were done for. You would do just about anything to earn one of his genuine smiles, the kind that lit up his whole face. You two spent most of that night chatting and you couldn’t believe how quickly time flew.

But you were swamped with school and he was busy with the team. Over the next couple months, you two slowly became good friends, meeting up when you could but mostly Facetiming or texting. Until New Year’s Eve anyway.

Nico’s apartment was noisy but you two had tucked yourselves into a back room, clearly not meant for guests but at least you two could actually talk.

“You’re fucking with me” you laughed, wiping tears from your eyes.

“I swear to God, he ripped the braces right off my teeth” he grinned and you lost your breath altogether as he continued describing it. As you tried to get your breathing under control, you rested your head on his shoulder without a second thought. It felt only natural when his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you even closer.

This was one of your favorite things about being with Jack. You two had great conversations but silence never felt awkward. Lost in your thoughts, you almost didn’t hear the rest of the party counting down to midnight down the hall. As they got to single digits, you moved from your spot on his shoulder to see him already staring at you intently. You held his gaze until you couldn’t fight your eyes dropping down to his mouth and back up again, willing him to make a move.

As the countdown neared its end, your heart was pounding in your chest and nerves twisted your stomach. While the group outside cheered, he leaned in, his lips finally meting yours. You couldn’t describe how you felt in that moment—all you could remember was how your lips locked together like puzzle pieces, his hands falling to the curve of your waist like they’d been molded to fit that exact spot.

You thought that moment would change your relationship and, in some ways, it did. He’d pulled away with that shit eating grin of his as he led you back to the party. You two hung out a lot more after that, almost always at your place. At first that confused you, but as time went on you wondered if it was because so many of the guys lived in his building and he didn’t want them to see you. Not that you thought he was ashamed of you but rather that he wanted to keep it lowkey. Which you could do, honest.

***

Seriously, for months that was what it was. When he had an off day or you had a light school week, you two were more than friends. Otherwise, you chatted like you had been, very little changing between you two. Right when you fully accepted the reality of the situation was the first night that he showed up at your door late one night.

You’d been just about to go to bed when you heard a knock. You assumed it was at your neighbor’s door until your phone vibrated beside you. Are you up?  followed by another knock at what you now realized was your door. Rage flew through you—you could do casual, fine. But to show up announced with a ‘you up’ text? Unacceptable. As you pulled the door open to tell him just that, you stopped when you saw how deflated he looked.

“I’m sorry, I know I have no right to just show up like this” he said, sad blue eyes meeting yours.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, worry flooding your chest.

“It’s not even that big of a deal, we just lost the game and I had a shit night and all I could think was that I wanted to see you. I should have at least called or something, I mean—oh shit, it’s Tuesday, isn’t it? You have your 8AM class tomorrow morning, I’ll go, I’m—.”

You’d cut off his rambling by grabbing his hand and pulling him into your apartment. “Look, I don’t mind if you stay but I am seriously exhausted so if you came here for any kind of action, you’re in for some disappointment.”

“Seriously, I just wanted to be with you” he insisted and you gave him a doubtful look. “I mean, if you’d offered, I wouldn’t have said no but that wasn’t my intention.”

You took in the slope of his shoulders, the way he was folded into himself in a way that was so un-Jack-like, and believed him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you asked softly and he nearly collapsed into you in response, arms wrapped tightly around your waist, his head buried in your neck. You two stayed like that for a while, the tension in his back slowly releasing as you held him.

“Don’t know what there is to say” he finally mumbled, “I totally blew it tonight.”

You shook your head as you gently pushed him back to cup his face in your hands, thumbs brushing over his cheeks. “Jack, you are one person. You’re allowed a bad night. So, let’s get you some pajamas and into bed and you can tell me all about it, yeah?”

He nodded glumly and you pulled him towards you, your hands staying on his cheeks as your lips met. This kiss was different from any you’d shared. He normally took charge, his confidence bleeding into every aspect of who he was. But tonight, he kissed you tentatively, slow and sweet in a way that didn’t set your heart aflame but instead made it settle down in your chest. It had felt vulnerable and real and like the start of something new.

***

A little over a month later, you returned to the present moment. He came over after most games now, celebrating the wins and seeking comfort after losses. But still, no labels, no discussion of what you two were. Suddenly, the absurdity of it hit you—you were giving this man your all without even knowing if he still just thought of you two as friends with benefits.

With that thought, you took his hand, placed it over yours that had been holding the ice in place and stood up, turning your back to him.

“Where you going pretty lady?” he asked quietly. Normally, a line that silly would earn him an eye roll and a giggle. Tonight, you just wondered over to the windows, taking in the city below you.

“Y/N?” he asked again and you took deep breaths trying to get your thoughts in order. The long pause must have made him nervous because you heard him sit up.

“Jack, what are we doing?”

“Well, right this moment, you’re making me nervous” he admitted and you sighed, turning to face him.

“Jack, seriously, I need you to be honest with me.”

“About what? I don’t understand what’s happening right now, we’ve done this so many times.”

“Exactly, Jack! We have done this countless times and yet I have no idea what your intentions are. Every step of the way, I’ve thought ‘Well, it must be happening for real now’ but no, that was just stupid wishing on my part if you don’t even know what I’m asking you” you replied, turning back to face the window. You’d be damned if he saw you cry.

You were met with the first awkward silence you two had ever shared and you shook your head at yourself—you should have known better. Lost in your thoughts, you jumped slightly when his hands landed on your shoulders, gently turning you around. You let him, and he buried his face in your neck like that first late night he’d come to you see, seeking comfort after a loss. You allowed yourself to enjoy his presence for a moment before lightly pushing him back.

“I need you to tell me what we are, Jack.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do” he sighed in frustration, running his hands through his hair, confused eyes meeting your own.

“No, you’re not saying anything! You’re just holding me, like you always do.”

“Exactly!” he snapped and you flinched back slightly; he’d never raised his voice before and it startled you. “When I have a bad day or game, I come here because you always know how to make me feel less shitty. When I have the best day or a great game, I want to share it with you because you make me that much happier. Fuck, I’ve been a goner for you since Halloween for god’s sake! I don’t understand how you don’t know that.”

“Because you’ve never said it, Jack!”

“Neither have you!”

That response made you pause and quickly sort through your memories only to find he was right—you hadn’t said anything either, allowing you two to float in this gray space the whole time.

“When you didn’t say anything, I just assumed you wanted it this way. Every time I pushed to get closer, you let me but only so far. So, I just left it alone” he said much more quietly, avoiding your gaze.

You sighed, leaning in to rest your head against his chest.  You hadn’t even realized you’d done it—just like he said, whenever you felt any emotion intensely, you wanted to share it with him. After a moment’s pause, you felt his hand gently tangle in your hair as he rested his chin on the top of your head.

“We’ve been stupid, haven’t we?” he muttered and you laughed, pulling away to look up at him.

“Yeah, I’d say so” you agreed. “I just never wanted to push you so I left it and then got mad when you did the same. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too” he whispered, tracing your lips with shaky fingers. You couldn’t remember a time he seemed nervous or unsure but if his quivering hands didn’t prove it, the searching look in his eyes certainly did. “Can we do this now? The right way?”

Your heart tripped at the slight crack in his voice and you nodded, “Yes, please.”

That earned you a grin, albeit one tooth short. His hands, a bit more sure of themselves now, cupped your face as he pulled you to him. Your lips met and you took great care to be gentle even though you desperately wanted to claim him, pull him into you as much as you could. But within 30 seconds, you felt him flinch as you accidentally hit a sore sport so you pulled away.

“I guess the kiss didn’t help as much as you thought it would” you teased.

“I mean, it did just not physically” he admitted and you laughed. You laced your hands behind his neck, pulling him down to place a kiss on his forehead.

“My poor baby boy” you cooed and he swatted you away as you laughed again.

“You swear you don’t think I look dumb with this stupid gap?” he asked shyly.

“I thwear it” you promised earnestly and he grabbed your sides, throwing you onto the couch before tickling you ruthlessly.

“Can’t make fun of me if you can’t talk” he smirked, triumphant, as you wiggled helplessly beneath him.

“I yield, I yield!” you gasped out and he stopped. Piper had long since abandoned you two so you laid out fully on the couch, trying to catch your breath. Jack laid himself on top of you, resting his head on your chest as his arms snaked around you. You absently ran your hands through his hair, lightly massaging his scalp.

“Jack?” you started softly, not wanting to break the peaceful silence.

“Hmm?”

“Do you think you’ll leave your teeth like that?”

“Fuck no.”