#never forgetting

Imagine making your son think his husband doesn't value their marriage because he did what he thought was the right thing.

Imagine using one of the things he regrets the most at one of the worst times in his life against him.

Imagine roping in his little sister and her fear of being alone and rejected.

Just because I stopped waiting for you and hoping for you to come back, doesn’t mean I still don’t love you. 

However, I have learned that you cannot keep a wild thing; there is no point of holding onto something that I don’t have any assurance of. It only causes hurt — and I need to live a happier and more peaceful life. I need to do this, not because of you, or even for you, but for myself. So, if gaining the best for myself means letting your “maybes” go, then I must be willing to do it. I must grab this opportunity to grow, to recover all the time that I’ve lost, to discover new things, to create new relationships, to make wonderful memories, especially with my friends and family, to achieve the things that are ahead of me, and to become this woman I’ve always wanted to be. All the tears we wept and problems we faced, they were bridges to something more extravagant, and I truly believe in that. All the stories we made, wishes that we once clung to, plans that were thoroughly laid out, and good memories we collected, shared and treasured — they are pieces of us that no one can ever take away. And yes, you left a mark on me that no one could ever replace. I’ll forever love you for that. I’ll love you in a way that accepts you as the person who changed me, who gave me the inspiration to make myself better than before, and to love myself even more. I’ll love you for the friendship and companionship we’ve established and shared. I’ll love you for the way you helped me through this cruel life. I’ll love you in a way that will still leave space for you, if we would ever stumble across each other 5, 10 or 20 years from now. And if we run into one another then, I’d be pleased to know your story over a cup of tea or coffee. But you are gone right now, and I can’t focus on trying to get you back. I can’t keep running after you. You’ll always be special to me, but I must go. I must go.