#negative tw.

It sucks worse when you're in a small town with very few mental health resources, and those resources you have to book weeks to months in advance when you think you're having an episode.

It also sucks when your small town is a summer town and people are out enjoying the day; but you're not. Because mother nature just doesn't want you to be happy during this time of year. Because it makes you feel lonelier than ever, and your creative outlets just aren't satisfying you anymore. Because it makes you feel like you're losing a part of yourself that once gave you confidence and made you happy.

One of my one piece server disappeared and I noticed 3 people blocked me too on tumblr over the holidays. I'm barely here so I have no idea what happened/if I did anything.

Like, I'm not gonna try to contact anyone about it I'm just super confused as to what happened? I haven't been active in that server over a year, but I still liked to check it once in a while. As for the people who blocked me, I never interacted with much more than a couple asks and such, but I'm still a bit saddened.

Anyway I don't want to step on any toes so that's the only post I'll make about it! And I want to apologize too if I did anything that made anyone uncomfortable. I'd love to know what so I can rectify or at least, apologize properly, but if not that's okay too.

I know that’s mostly my depression talking, but at the same time this blog is backed up and cluttered and hard to navigate. And for as much as I cherish the good memories I’ve made here, there are some things other than that I want to separate myself from.

I’m tired of being taken for granted. I’m tired of feeling used.

I love my characters and the world I’ve built up for them and I don’t want to give that up. If I do set things aside here and make a new blog, it will be centered around Luna with the rest of my cast (Anton, Lucca, Elliot, etc..) being available on request. I would like to keep and transfer most of my bonds/ships over to new said blog, after contacting people and letting them know if they’d like to continue or not.

This is something I’ve been mulling over for a few days and it hasn’t gone away. Part of me knows it will just put more work on me and I don’t know whether or not I should because I’ve been feeling so low, and me even making the tiniest of mistakes sends me spiraling. I keep trying to remind myself that things will get better once I’m healed, but even that doesn’t help in the short term. I know this might feel like I’m coming out of left field for some of you, but I’m not used to talking about things like this, not without feeling ashamed and like I’m fishing for pity points and then delete anything I have to say less than a day later.

I appreciate the people who have reached out to me and if I’ve dropped the conversation suddenly... it’s on me. It’s my fault. I don’t know how to talk about these things without coming off selfish or angry or both, and I don’t want to push that on people.

I haven’t made a concrete decision yet as to whether or not to move and start fresh. I’d have to gather most of my writings, bios, headcanons, etc... and transfer them onto Google Docs, hopefully in a way that makes them more easily accessible after some tweaking. Make it dash only because I’m not bothering with theme graphics, they’ve never been my strong suit.