#negative stims

I have negative stims. I bite my hands, punch myself in the head, pull at my hair. People tell me to just stop. To find other ways to stim. But that's not how it works. I don't get to pick my stims. Especially not my violent I'm breaking down ones. I've tried chewy necklaces, I've tried soft squishy things. But when I melt down it all goes out the window. I bruise myself. I've left some pretty icky marks sometimes. But I can't stop it. And I do have less violent stims, like touching specific fabrics, chewing my shirt or silicone necklaces, oven just patting my hands on my chest or running them up and down on the zipper of my jacket. I don't know today just felt like a talking about stimming kinda day.

I have negative stims. I bite my hands, punch myself in the head, pull at my hair. People tell me to just stop. To find other ways to stim. But that's not how it works. I don't get to pick my stims. Especially not my violent I'm breaking down ones. I've tried chewy necklaces, I've tried soft squishy things. But when I melt down it all goes out the window. I bruise myself. I've left some pretty icky marks sometimes. But I can't stop it. And I do have less violent stims, like touching specific fabrics, chewing my shirt or silicone necklaces, oven just patting my hands on my chest or running them up and down on the zipper of my jacket. I don't know today just felt like a talking about stimming kinda day.

That autism feel when you haven't eaten all day but all of the available food seems like it would feel bad in your mouth and you know you need to eat but feel too anxious and hungry to do anything about it.