Jeannie October 7, 1975 – January 1, 2007
Each day I am reminded of Jeannie…the photo of her beautiful face beside me on my desk, her and the others’ ashes peacefully in their urns under the light of my windows .
Everyday they are with me, at last peaceful and content, at least that is what I pray. But, yesterday I had an awakening….
I went to see Tatu to wish her a Happy Birthday. She was in Jeannie’s room. In the same place I last saw Jeannie alive, there was Tatu, just 39 years old and so alive, vivacious, and young!
I suddenly realized Tatu was born only a few months after Jeannie in 1975 too They are the same age. Last fall Jeannie would have been just 39 too, but Jeannie has been gone for 8 years now, dead at 32 years old far too long before her time.
Her heart was just unable to beat another day. Her heart was so damaged and destroyed from all the years she spent in a research lab–those days in her life when every day she cried out, screamed in fear, and endured painful and unimaginable atrocities. Her heart–both physically and emotionally–suffered the most damage of all.
Realizing how alike and yet so different the lives of Jeannie and Tatu were was a jolt I must say. Yes, of course I knew it, but somehow yesterday in the precious moments of seeing Tatu in Jeannie’s room, it really hit me. The vitality of Tatu who has never experienced invasive experimental procedures in a bio-medical research or testing lab in contrast to the frailty and untimely death of my beloved Jeannie who had endured so much physical and emotional abuse, is an injustice I have no words to describe.
(Merck Sharp and Dohme “owned” Jeannie. They used her. Then they sold her. And, they never considered the consequences for her. A pharmaceutical giant had nothing to give to her in consideration, kindness, thanks or even out of obligation. For them, she was simply a “thing” to be used.)
I am always so delighted to see Tatu move. She is active, can walk elegantly across fire hoses, slide along thin steel rails, run through the skywalks shouting out to all who will listen. She is funny, outgoing, interested and interesting. She is not frightened of everything, she does not self-mutilate, have severe and serious anxiety attacks or emotional meltdowns that cause her to crumble or fearfully hold on to her steel cage for dear life. Tatu is not a victim of research, she did not grow up alone in a cage enduring physical and emotional trauma every day of her life. Tatu learned life was good, not something to dread each day wondering what was next.
Tatu has social relationships and can live with others. Never separated from her family as a youngster, she has keen social skills and can live a more normal life even within the limitations of confinement in sanctuary. Tatu is so unlike Jeannie who could barely get through a day without some sort of suffering and anxiety…physical or emotional…even within the healing world of sanctuary.
So today when I sat in my office it was different. I looked at Jeannie’s beautiful face and around at the photos and portraits of all the others-- Billy Jo, Pablo, Donna Rae, Annie, Pepper, Tommy-- and suddenly I wondered if they really are at peace at all…
I realized: How could they be until we end the use of chimpanzees (and all animals) in laboratories and release all their friends and families from the labs they are still in today. Though the US National Institutes of Health declared an end to the use of chimpanzees in US research –the only remaining country that had continued to use them in invasive research -- it has not yet begun to release them to sanctuary, nor to issue its timeline or plans to do so. How can anyone rest, until NIH’s declaration is not proven hollow and we see others, one by one, in small groups or in large numbers, find the peace and care in sanctuary that they so deserve?
How can we leave them where they are knowing how much they are suffering, how terrible their lives are, the damage that has been done to their bodies, their minds and their souls? How can we allow the laboratories to continue to profit to keep such amazing sensitive beings in such conditions, not knowing today should be a very different day than their lives have held?
We know what happened to them, we know the story far too well, and we know they will only be given the chance to heal when we get them out. We cannot change the damage they endured but we can promise them it is over. We can promise to make a new day and a new beginning for them once we get them out of the labs they are in --where many, if not most, have been held for their entire lives..
Jeannie is helping me remember that it is not done yet, and we still have so much to do. Fauna, again in partnership with NEAVS (neavs.org and releasechimps.org) will not forget how many there are still in labs, and together, we will not rest until every one of them knows that today is a very new day! I, for one, want all those I have known and loved and helped and all those still waiting to know:
I hear you Jeannie, your body banging on the cage…
I hear you Billy, your screams of fear…
I hear you Pablo, your helpless anger…
I hear you Tommy, protectively shouting out for your friends, …
I hear you Dona Rae, crying for the pain you had to endure, the disrespect of your beautiful body, the violations…
I hear you Little Man, who not only endured but witnessed the torture of so many friends caged near you….I hear you Annie, your bravery, your strength…
I hear you Pepper, caring so deeply for your chimp and human family...
And, I hear you Melilot, your cries the loudest in my heart for all they did to you, and for my not being able to save you….
I hear you all and I promise we are not going to rest until you can all rest knowing we have done what needs to be done for all those still waiting.
Today is the 8th anniversary of Jeannie’s death,
“For it was not into my ears you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”Judy Garland
My hope is that in the New Year we will all commit to doing more, to remembering that our work is not over, and to promising to do something every day for those still inside labs until we get them ALL out … They will know, somewhere in their hearts, they will know, I promise.
With much love and the greatest admiration for all of you who help chimpanzees, to NEAVS for its tireless continued work on their behalf, and for all of you who care.
You can read more about Jean here.
Photo Credit © Maggie Gillis
