#ne-fe loop

Ah, the Ne-Fe loop, the bane of an ENTPs metamorphosis into being a non troll and/or non people pleaser. 

ESSentially, the Ne-Fe loop puts ENTPs into self-made shark cages of doing things for or in response to others. It’s a constant call and response to all external factors excluding ourselves; and it leads to some of us being unable to say no, doing all of the work in group projects, and giving speeches for clubs that we don’t even attend. This version of the loop can turn into some serious anxiety and an urge to control one’s relationships…… and eventually a lack of control so… more anxiety. 

But then, it can also lead to the super-douche ENTP, constantly waiting and watching what others do, and then doing just the thing to be annoying. This version of the loop creates a distance between the ENTP and people who could be close friends. Because not only is the ENTP being generally an asshole for no discernible reason, but since the Ti is not being used as it should, things that pertain to what’s actually going on with the ENTP are left out of all conversations. 

In both cases, it’s the Fe that pays close attention to the people around us, and it’s the Ne that creatively comes up with the what to do or say while skipping the Ti and leaving the ENTP’s real needs and wants out of the picture. 

wHaT tO dO? 

Good question. 

First step is to realize that you’re suppressing the Ti

You got that! 

Next step. 

Try to decide why you’re in an Ne-Fe loop

Do you really care what people think, or is there a deeper reason?

For me, I’m constantly aware of how people perceive me upon first meeting me given my race, gender, profession etc., and my people-pleasing stems from me actively trying to avoid stereotypes

The reasons can be anything

Recognize that no matter how justified your reason (which they typically are!), Ne-Fe isn’t healthy

Sure you’ve pleased everyone in this room, sure everyone is laughing because you’re a troll-connoisseur but how do you feel?

Like something is missing, probably

This isn’t a step, just a general reminder. 

Finalement, actively use your Ti until it becomes natural. 

Practice makes perfect! 

When someone asks you to do something, ask yourself, do I really wanna? 

Only volunteer when you’re seriously vibing the cause or the people you’re working with

Don’t be like me and give mULtiple speeches for diversity club when you only went to one meeting in the beginning of the school year. 

When you see a perfect troll moment (which there are many!) think to yourself, a) is what I’m saying rude without cause? b) will this other person take it ok? c) what goal am I actually trying to achieve here? 

Troll moments are fun; but most of the time, they have no goal.

I told these people at this party that in the US it’s very common to have pet bears and I just kept going for a solid 15 minutes on my Black Bear, Evan, mostly because I was interested in how they reacted

But honestly, why? They were all acquaintances, and no one knew me better from that conversation. All fat, no meat. 

I’m actively trying to stop lying as much 

It really is a process! I’m just now starting to be less of a pleaser and more of a does-what-she-wants-er. But the loop can lose us friends and gain us acquaintances…. None of these people will be there to save us from a knife attack so it ain’t worth it. 

And that’s all that matters! 

What is an Ne-Fe loop like?

Under normal circumstances, Fe in general usually seeks to understand another’s feelings and be attentive to the needs of others. This allows for a healthy appreciation of relationships and connections.

What does a healthy tertiary Fe look like?

In a healthy ENTP, tertiary Fe allows us to be more considerate of others and we seek to be more understanding of people and are likely to listen to their thoughts with empathy. It also makes us aware of how our behaviour can affect others and we are likely to adjust our way of interacting with others to ensure that there is a sense of cooperation.

Ti can overlook many aspects of the external world in its somewhat obsessive search for the whole truth. This causes the stereotypical cold, blunt and ‘I-don’t-give-a-fuck’ ENTP. Such ENTPs can overlook the importance of engaging with others to create an environment where ideas, thoughts and possibilities can be explored in a more cooperative manner.

Tertiary Fe helps to correct this weakness. It keeps us in check and reminds us to take consideration when presenting our thoughts and ensures that we understand and appreciate healthy connections with others.

What does an unhealthy tertiary Fe look like?

We become extremely sensitive to criticism and are likely to lash out for it. We are unable to handle disagreements and differences in opinions well, especially when this disagreement is acting against our Ne. This can cause us to seem cold, insensitive and extremely arrogant.

There is a strong need to be independent or, at the very least, be seen as being independent. For this reason, we are likely to refuse to acknowledge people’s opinions or even accommodate relationships, especially with our loved ones and people we care about. This is mostly due to believing that feelings are a weakness and that such a weakness can be used against us and also ruin our reputation.

With our Fe perspective, we can take advantage of the awareness of other people’s feelings and weaknesses to intentionally cause hurt and upset them. We can also use this knowledge to manipulate others into doing things we want or into liking us. This feeds our ego and gives us a false sense of confidence.

An example of this would be an ENTP acting nice and caring towards a person, not out of the goodness of their heart but with the intention of wanting to be liked by people. Later on, when the ENTP needs something from said person, they would guilt-trip the person into helping with something along the lines of, “I’ve done so much for you. I helped you when no one else did, and I’ve always been such a good friend. We’re friends, aren’t we? So you’ll help me, right? You’ll help me because I’ve always helped you, right? Because that’s what friends do, after all. And we’re friends.”

An unhealthy tertiary Fe can quickly lead to an Ne-Fe loop.

What does an Ne-Fe loop look like?

During an Ne-Fe loop, we tend to overlook or ignore the advice of our auxillary Ti. Fe is an extroverted function, similar to our dominant Ne, meaning that we can easily become heavily concerned about the external world. Without the introspective view provided by our auxillary Ti, it is very easy for us to become defensive about our inability to manage problems and blame our surroundings or other people instead of looking within ourselves and our own shortcomings.

Interestingly, those of us in an Ne-Fe loop have a constant need for approval from others. We aren’t consciously aware of this so it can be difficult for us to recognise that this is happening until either the situation gets out of hand or someone points it out to us.

There is a lot of insecurity involved and we have very little confidence in our ability to make decisions and good judgments without the approval of others. Wanting to feel confident about ourselves, we are likely to seek admiration by manipulating people and other social situations. There is a lot of anxiety about how people see us and a lot of pressure in wanting to be admired and seen as independent and capable.

This can manifest in wanting to achieve certain results such as getting the top grades, buying the best clothes etc. This puts us in situations which would, under normal circumstances, be unreasonable for us (such as taking on too many responsibilities than we are able to handle), and it also puts us under unnecessary pressure. Such an anxious and eager-to-please mindset takes a huge toll on our mental health, eventually leaving us unable to manage the issues created by our Ne-Fe loop.

How to get out of an Ne-Fe loop?

At first, an Ne-Fe loop can seem very empowering. It can seem like everything is under our control and that we have the ability to manipulate situations to fit our Ne’s liking. However, this later causes problems (both mentally and in our surroundings) that simply Ne and Fe can’t handle by themselves.

At this point, it is important to take a step back and reintroduce auxillary Ti to its rightful place. Healthy Ti helps us to make better judgments by allowing us to reflect on our decisions before we decide to act on impulse.

We can help re-engage our auxillary Ti by:

Considering possible future consequences of our immediate actions. (e.g. “By saying this, will I be seriously offending someone?”)

Taking into account the pros and cons of a decision. (e.g. “This subject seems the most exciting, however that subject has more opportunities to learn such and such.”)

Prioritising. (e.g. “Yes, I could work on that side-project now. It sounds like a good idea. However, then I would be taking out time that I could spend studying for my exams in the next two weeks. Hm. I’ll study for my exams instead and then, after they’re over, I can set aside time to work on my side-project.”)

I should note that there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to achieve certain outcomes such as having good grades and whatnot which I mentioned earlier, but not at the expense of our mental health, and most certainly not while just running for it, hoping it will happen, our only intention being to impress others.

With the help of Ti, and later Si, we can achieve specific results with better precision and carefully planned steps to ensure that we can do it to the best of our abilities. This will reduce wasted time, energy and errors while also helping us to be much happier and confident with our decisions.

Here is an ask I have answered about how an ENTP with underdeveloped Ti would look like. An ENTP who only rely on their dominant Ne and tertiary Fe is in a Ne-Fe loop and is only focused on the outer world. Being in a loop doesn’t necessary mean you have have a underdeveloped Ti, only that you suppress it. I don´t know much about loops, but here is a good post about Ne-Fe loops from mbti-notes.