Anon wrote: Hi, I’d like to start by thanking you for all your work, even though I’m not 100% sure of my type this website has already helped me quite a lot. The reason I’m asking for this type assessment is so I can step out of my hedonistic lifestyle, it is enjoyable but it’s not fulfilling anymore, there’s things that I really want to do in my life and I know they will take time and patience but I’ve always only been able to do enjoyable things, and that really has to change.
When it comes to the types I’m confused about, it’s between ESTP and ESFP. At the start I was considering ExxP types, but I ruled out Ne, because I never really drove any enjoyability from abstract things or possibilities, I really care about sensation and yeah, to directly experience the world around me.
I’m 22 and my therapist and study counsellor at university are both almost sure I have ADHD, but I do not have an official diagnosis so I might not have it. A previous therapist suggested I could have OCD, but again, only “maybes” as I never followed up because the diagnosis are quite expensive. But what I am sure about is that my auxiliary function is underdeveloped. Actually, I think all my functions are immature.
And I’m really sorry for the length, I just wanted to make sure that I got everything and maybe with your answer it’ll help someone else too I hope.
Dominant Se: For Se as my dominant function, all my life I’ve been driven by this need to experience the world, to see it, to try everything basically. Throughout my life I have done an incredibly amount of things, a jack of all trades but a master of none basically. It kind of drove my mother insane and I understand, I mean one year your taking your kid to gymnastics, the next it’s ballet, then karate, horse-riding, ice-skating, salsa, convinced a history teacher to start an extracurricular club about global folklore, guitar lessons, the local orchestra, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, scouts.
The thing about that is that I really just want to experience things, I’d hear about something and suddenly I’d be there trying it out, only to quit because I got bored and found something that piqued my interest even more.
And in some ways I’m still like that, especially in relationships. I’ve always been like this, I’d find someone I liked, we’d date, then “Oh, who’s that??” and there I went. Which I hate honestly, I know that everything in my life is only temporary, whenever I like something or someone, I know that it’s only a matter of time until I lose interest and get something else.
And I do feel a serious need to participate in everything, just this week we had a presentation and I’m always the presenter because I love and I’m pretty good and quick on my feet to respond to any unexpected questions by the teachers or jury. But this time, a classmate wanted to try it out and I let him, and I did not thing that I would get as worked up as I did. Not in jealousy or anything but because I NEEDED to do something, I was literally shaking in my seat and twitching like a rabid dog or something. I was just so full of energy to participate and it was so hard to sit still, so hard. And when the questions came, omg, I almost stood up, my friend had to literally put his hand on my shoulder and put pressure to stop me from standing up. It’s not like I mean or think to stand up, my body just does it. The amount of times I’ve done things without thinking, just jumping into anything. I even volunteered to be the first to present a project to investors because my arm shot up after the teacher finished asking the class. I have almost no impulse control. Even when crossing the road, I look both sides and see a car and my body just goes ahead either way, I know there’s time, but still omg.
I also agree to things really easily, just yesterday I agreed to do a reiki table reading magical thingy or something I guess even though I don’t really care about any of that but it sounded interesting.
And with everything I wrote under, it’s kinda easy to understand that It’s like I go any way the wind blows in that current moment, no matter any thoughts or decisions I had made beforehand. I feel like all my life I’m like a goblin just picking up any shiny object and then immediately spotting a shinier one and going “Oh! ANOTHER ONE!”, in an endless cycle. But, then sometimes, I can get away from the current moment, and catch myself, but I’m just immediately pulled in again. I never catch myself for long enough for it to stay with me and help me change my behaviour.
Inferior Ni: An event that really stuck with me was when I was finishing Highschool, I was suddenly hit so hard with the fact that I would have to pick something that would last me three years to complete. I went crazy, I felt like I was actually doomed. Mainly because after a whole life of jumping around everything, I never stayed anywhere long enough to know if I liked it or not, I never really developed my inner world. I still struggle with that. I feel empty sometimes, like a hollow person I guess, I was really down at that time, it’s like I was nothing. And it hurt even more because my memories and past experiences don’t really mean almost anything to me, like they don’t exist anymore, I’m only who I am now, and because my attention is grabbed so easily, I couldn’t even predict what I would like. I can’t even tell you what I will do in 10 minutes, even if I have a very important appointment, there is a 50% chance that I’ll be doing literally anything else. Two days ago I had an important prototype showing at school, but when the time it was starting I was already half way across the country to attend a Master’s Degree info session about a program I wasn’t even interested in anymore.
Auxiliary Ti: And how I got into the degree I currently am in? Well, after finishing Highschool I took a gap year and became a lifeguard, which I loved, but hated how most beachgoers are really dense. What I did love was the world around me, the sand, the sea, the sun, I loved every second of it, especially at the end of the summer when the wind was horrible and the sand was getting dragged so fast it literally scratched your skin.
But the other thing I loved most about being a lifeguard was training to be one. The late hours practicing in the pool, the difficult scores we had to reach. It was beautiful, I felt so alive. And when I got my diploma, I was sad. I was so sad, because the training was over, there was no reason to keep pushing myself so hard, it really hurt.
And I’ve always been like this. Even now with exams, I always wait until I’m as close to the deadline as possible to start working just so I can feel some adrenaline. I love being stressed, and sometimes I even create situations just to get my blood pumping. And then I study so hard, and when I receive my good grades, I’m sad. I’m supposed to be celebrating being stress free and having gotten good grades, but those moments are so horrible.
I hate achieving things. I like training for them, practicing, working on my skills, my stroke, my butterfly technique, getting my self to do just a few more meters under water each time. It’s the part where I’m pushing myself that I like, but when I finally do one more pool underwater, it feels empty, and then I immediately start thinking on how I can push myself even further, get better. One thing that I regret, is that I never stuck with a sport long enough to actually compete in the Olympics, I know it sounds dumb, but I know I could push myself that hard, but I also know that I wouldn’t be interested long enough to push myself hard in the same sport.
Even my parents garage, it’s full with a sea of tools from hobbies and skills that I get so interested in and do amazing things with, but never stay on the same skill for more then a year. I always loved tinkering with tools and making stuff, I even made myself parallel bars and a pull up bar when I was younger with some soldering tools my uncle had.
Tertiary Fe: When my gap year finished and it was time to pick my degree, I still had no idea, but the day before the final day of enrolment I met up with a few friends and one of them was telling me about how their going to study cinema and it piqued my interest and then I enrolled in that as well even though I really had never thought about that option and I wasn’t really interested ever but I did want to try it for some reason. And then I quit because it was so boring.
The situation where, I got interested in studying cinema wasn’t only because it piqued my interest but also because my friend really got to me in a way. And after I quit that one, I had to pick another one, my family really wants me to have a degree because they had difficult lives as farmers and they wanted me to have a better life then they did, and they always told me to pick something that I loved so much that it would feel like I never had to work a day in my life, so I felt a lot of pressure to pick the “perfect” degree. And that on top of my already very momentary interest in experiencing things really put a lot of pressure on me. My parents had moved to another country while I was doing my first major and when I quit they wanted me to pick a major in that country so I could join them. I didn’t want to live my home but I did, mostly because, hey it’s a whole new country to explore. When picking the new major I decided on something, but at the very last minute I was with my friends and they brought up how I was really creative and such so I picked a whole different major then I had planned to because again, they really got to me. And since my inner world is almost non-existent, I picked the one they suggested me to.
And also, I have a very unhealthy tendency of using people, for example, the first thing I did when I got to this new country was to date someone so I had someone to explore this new place with and new friendships don’t come with the same level of companionship as a relationship does. And something that makes me feel like I might not have Fi or that it’s underdeveloped is that, I really have no self respect in a way, or I don’t really care about it. I will argue fervently about how other nationalities see my nationality as a “toy” and then I proceeded to use the characteristics of said toy to attract a woman with a car and a very comfortable wallet. And looking back at my previous relationships, I never really liked anyone, it was always because I wanted something. I dated a guy just because I argued with a friend and I knew she liked him. I dated a girl because she was smart and gave me summaries to study for exams and did my homework. And the thing is that I don’t want to do those things but I also don’t bother to get what I want in another way because other people are just so much easier for me to convince to do something then it is to actually convince myself to do something that isn’t immediately gratifying or pleasurable to do.
Se+Ti+Fe: And I don’t know if this is maybe a part of Se+Ti+Fe, but I’ve always been very competitive. My interest has always been momentary, and I know that, which also made me aware that I never stuck with anything long enough to master it. Which probably triggers a sense of inadequacy in me and a need to show others that I have something I know I don’t instead of actually fixing the part of me that is creating my insecurity. So, anytime someone even suggests they are better than me at something, or that I can’t do something, or that I SHOULD do something, I get so annoyed that I will run over my life just to prove them wrong. When I finished middle school, everyone was saying how I should be an engineer, and pick science as my main program in high school, and I was so annoyed that other people thought they knew what was best for me, that I pick the arts program. I don’t regret it, because I learned a lot of interesting things. But it was still a very bad way to decide something.
Auxiliary Fi: The reason I think I have auxiliary Fi is because now that me and my dominant Se keep turning my life upside down, for no logical reason, I started looking within. Like why am I doing this? Or why can’t I stick with anything or anyone for more then a few months? And, I have never been with anyone I actually really liked, it feels wrong and weird to like someone. It feels weird to like something. It’s like I need a reason, an external reason to want something. Almost like I need an ulterior motive to pursue anything. Because again, I don’t have anything in me that is strong enough to get me to pursue something. Like, I’ve had a crush on a friend since I was in highschool, which is why I have literally always avoided her in any possible way. When we go camping, I will cross a river if I have to just to know she’s as far as possible. It actually irks me to feel my feelings. One time, I actually decided to sleep out in the open because I forgot my tent and the only other one with space left was hers, and then lucky me, she wanted to fall asleep stargazing, and suddenly I wasn’t tired at all and decided to go for a walk to count bats.
It’s like I purposefully avoid things that mean a lot to me or that I could actually feel something towards. And also, ever since I was little I really wanted to be a wildlife biologist or ecologist, I loved national geographic, Jane Goodall, David Attenborough, Tarzan, the Jungle Book. I love being outside and seeing nature, learning about it, documenting it. I even kept an animal encyclopaedia where I wrote down all the animals I saw in my farm and the forest around it or the beach near my house, I was always exploring it. But as I grew it started feeling wrong to like things. Because I saw how I’d experience them and then I’d stop liking them. So deep down I actually believe, that when I like something or someone, and I pursue it, that I’ll stop liking it.
But now, I’m in the second year of my current bachelor, and even though I hate it, I’m gonna finish it. And with the year and a half I have left, I’m studying biology, geology and math on the side so I can go and finally take the bachelor’s I’ve always wanted. But sometimes, before I start studying, I fear that I shouldn’t because if I love biology then it means that I WILL stop loving it. But a part of me knows that I’ve always loved and been in nature. Especially now that I moved to a “concrete”/modern country, it really accentuates how much I miss nature, and how important it is to me. Even though logic and past and current events show that this is what I want, part of me still thinks I’m somehow lost and doomed because I’ll feel empty again soon.
But nature means the world to me. The sea has always been my special place, whenever I’m in it, especially when the waves are really tough, I feel at peace. Same with nature. Like when I see a giant tree, maybe it’s everyone idk, but it actually feels like I’m levitating. And I’m also that weirdo that needs to touch the trees, there’s this actually need to do it, like if you were starving and suddenly there was a tasty roast right in front of you. Like I HAVE to connect with that tree or something. The same thing with all the activities I keep doing, I HAVE to experience it. Maybe that’s more dominant Se then auxiliary Fi though.
And I also love writing. I work on about 5 different stories at different times. But they all have the sort of same thing going on. It feels like a way where I can connect with my feelings without actually having to acknowledge them.
Tertiary Te: A lot of times, when I feel incompetent, or like I’m lacking something, I cling to external achievements or expectations. For example at the start of this year in university when I started realizing that I really didn’t like this degree, it was moving into some capitalist things that I really hate, I know marketing and such have their purpose but it’s literally brainwashing people into losing themselves enough to buy things to do things that will not help them in any way. But instead of looking for other options, I immediately thought how I couldn’t just quit from a second degree. What would people think of me? (Maybe that’s tertiary Fe…) So, instead of seeing other options, I clung harder to this one, I became this weird but satisfying accomplishment machine, I worked so hard for like 3 months. I even started going to the gym at 6am before class even though I didn’t have to which was weird.
But yeah, after those three months a little voice in me woke me up, asking why I was investing so much of me into something that meant nothing to me. Something that I was really against. And I was scared, because if I didn’t have what I had in that moment, then what did I have? There was nothing shinning anywhere, so what was I to do? And I certainly couldn’t look within. I am so terrified of my inner world most of the time, that when I’m not fully entranced into what I’m doing I put on my earphones in max volume just so I don’t even have to hear my own thoughts or get in touch with myself.
I even started looking into the whole “ego death” thing because it feels much easier to me to just erase any inner feelings or dreams or hearing what my heart wants, then it is to connect with my inner world. Because I do know that there’s almost nothing there, and whatever is there now, will change really soon. My wants are so fleeting, it feels like that scene from harry potter where he’s trying to catch a letter but when he’s almost grabbing one, another one takes its place. And in a way I guess all my “letters” say the same thing but in different ways, I’m just so unskilled in deciphering my own “language” that I can’t understand them.
Auxiliary Fi + Tertiary Te (Or auxiliary Ti?): I value freedom and I think everyone is different. So it’s always been really hard for me to grasp society. Not society, but capitalism I guess, in most countries it’s like capitalism is the current culture of most countries, globalization and such. I even twisted the final papers for two of my classes just so I could dive deeper into this subject, because it’s so weird for me to wrap my head around it. I just can’t understand why most people accept it, in a way I am a part of said system, and when I lack confidence in my inner world I follow the achievements of the system to guide me. But maybe this is auxiliary Ti? I’m really unsure about my auxiliary function. The thing is that, before, I really had this need to get people on board with the way that I though or viewed things or make them have the same opinions as I did. Then I grew a bit and tried to understand people’s point of view, but I couldn’t and I still judged them. So now with the help of my therapist I’m starting to understand that I don’t have to understand, there is no definitive answer to most things, and it’s not my job to find it either nor will it actually bring me any fulfilment if I find it either. And it's also not my job to get people to think the way I do, because I don't know either, I used to kind of think that I knew better then others and that my way was "the way" but it's not, there is no right way there's just ways. So, yk, it is what it is.
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Assessment-wise, this is a very clear-cut case because all signs point to ESTP. The evidence for Fi and Te is virtually non-existent.
Is it possible for someone with high Fi to lack depth of inner experience to the extent that you describe? Possible but not plausible. There would have to be a third mitigating factor operating behind-the-scenes that has seriously and severely disrupted the type development process. However, there is no obvious sign that such a mitigating factor exists.
Could the factor be an undiagnosed disorder such as ADHD, OCD, or even a personality disorder? Again, possible but not plausible. If you suffered from a psychological disorder to the extent that it severely disrupted auxiliary development, you would exhibit far more crippling dysfunction in daily life.
Development-wise, the main problem you describe is existence without essence, which is attributable to a troubling imbalance between Se and Ni (that afflicts all immature Se doms, so it's not abnormal). Through investigating the functions, you've come to have a good understanding of Se and its unhealthy extremes, which is great. But it's not enough.
Although you've been gradually raising self-awareness, you still haven't gotten a good grasp of the auxiliary function, which is why you aren't able to populate the auxiliary and tertiary parts of your profile with enough info to decide between T and F. Reading through your profile, all of the judging function descriptions are quite weak, so I'm basically forced to determine which pair is the weakest of the weak.
One thing you may not realize is that ESFPs are not random. Whether healthy or not, Fi points ESFPs in very particular, personally significant directions. This makes them naturally loyal to their personal preferences and values, which easily translates into commitment.
Of course, ESFPs do also have the potential to suffer commitment issues because of Se adventurousness. However, they will always choose things that speak to and reflect a coherent sense of self that lies at the foundation of Fi. Since Fi acts as a personal touchstone from which inner identity manifests into observable behavior, ESFP decisions are rarely random.
Contrast this with you: you have no such touchstone, do you? You've said that you are empty inside, which is why you go wherever the wind blows. You have no strong values from which to stay loyal to yourself, right? If you had Fi, you'd understand that this kind of self-betrayal is unacceptable.
There is a world of difference between underdeveloped Fi and the complete absence of Fi. You describe the latter. An underdeveloped function should still be readily observable, misdirected as it may be. Your understanding of Fi is so poor and there is so little evidence of it that I don't think ESFP should even be under consideration.
In your case, the evidence suggests that dominant Se has been allowed to wreak havoc because you keep ignoring Ti development. You are capable of impartial self-evaluation and even realize when you make decisions for nonsensical "reasons". But you proceed anyway. Why? If you're like other unhealthy ESTPs, it's partly because stopping for reflection is (unconsciously) viewed as a hindrance to Se-Fe loop.
You obviously care about some important things, such as nature and the dangers of capitalism. But rather than nurture and cultivate these seeds within, you purposely try to reduce how much you care, because... glob forbid you'd have to commit? The consequence of this self-sabotage is that life is lived far too carelessly, without any meaningful direction or purpose.
Can you really be shocked that you are empty when you have done everything in your power to keep the most meaningful things in life at arm's length? The problem isn't that you are too easily carried away by whatever you value most (Fi); the problem is that you aren't. You basically talk yourself out of the best path at every turn.
It is dysfunctional Ti that so easily detaches from and rationalizes away self-betrayal. It is dysfunctional Fe that keeps trying to merge with the world at the expense of one's own individual growth.













