#nayisoch

LIKE A GIRL… -

The title does not refer to the pointless bender which India can't seem to get out of (the IPL), but the translation, which from Hindi becomes - New Thinking/Idea. 

Four years ago, I moved away from home to a college far away from home as could be. My mother insisted that I live in a hostel, learn the ways of life and if possible, some engineering too. But living in a hostel is comfortable, except for the pangs of homesickness which hit you every day for the first year or so. Eventually, you begin to think of it as your second home and settle in quite comfortably. And just when you're starting to accept the flaws in the place, college is over and you've to move again, this time for work.

For me, that turned out to be a wonderful coincidence. I've landed myself in a job in Whitefield, Bangalore. True, residents of Whitefield would agree they're closer to the moon than Bangalore, but hey, its at least near home, and that means I get to come back to home-cooked food, and the warmth of my room and the creaky fan (may contribute to warmth). At this juncture, there are two clear types of people. The ones who have to move back home to a different cultural life, and the ones who have to move to a new city. In my opinion,the latter face the bigger challenges. 

Through the four years at college and random observations, it has been made apparent that people take the city/town divide quite seriously. I, for one, found it impossible to digest the social norms prevalent in college when I first moved in. I remember telling a couple of my newly-made friends to 'make themselves at home' in my first year barely furnished room, and the mockery it earned me for a long, long time. I remember when talking to girls and getting their number was rocket science, when being seen talking to a girl meant you were dating her or trying to and most importantly, I remember my reactions to all of that. Sheer and utter surprise. Really, was there that big a divide between the culture I had been brought up in and the ones the rest of the college had? Clearly the answer was yes. I did most of my schooling in Bangalore and there were enough social rules going about then. But those from Trichy and Thanjavur seemed to be completely ignorant of those very norms. Unfortunately, my college was not in Bangalore, so all I could have done was suck it up. Sure, I could have become one of them and happily forgotten everything that was taught to me (including knocking on doors before barging in), but I chose not to. Now, after vacating my room a couple of weeks ago and finally moving back to Bangalore, I find myself in a horrible dilemma. As I feared during my course of study in college, I have been institutionalized. The first words that come out of my mouth are in Tamil, the one that isn't understood here. I am sitting plonk in the middle of a cultural dilemma, again. Maybe this transition will be easier because I've lived here longer, but nonetheless, it is a challenge.

However, those who have lived in small towns all their lives and then moved to hostel in college would have adapted quite easily to the environs there. In fact, there is a small percentage of people who took up hostel in their 11th and 12th grade itself, which makes the transition even easier. But when they have to move to a bigger city for work, an all new evil place poses quite a hazard. For instance, they would be living on their own for the very first time. Sure, they'll share accommodation with friends and have company and all that, but for the first time, they'll be truly independent. When you start earning, I suppose you become a little conscious of your expenses. Moving to a city with a higher cost of living does your confidence no good either. I'm not an expert on such a scenario but my advice would be to move in with a relative for the first couple of weeks, or with someone who knows the city. Those who are fluent in Tamil but speak intermittently in English will have to step it up a notch and become equally fluent in both tongues. Social borders and preconceived notions of society are probably going to be thrown out the window on day one, so that is something everyone should be prepared for. Lastly, try not to put your culture at odds with the existing one. Chances are, you're going to fall in with the ways of the existing ones anyway.