#napdate

“It’s not.” She shakes her head. Gasping a bit at his words. “It’s not coming between us Shawn.” 

“It is! I never see you.” He works himself up even more, and she’s worried that if he keeps going he’ll work himself into panic. “And don’t you dare say that we’re seeing each other right now. Because this doesn’t count. I want to hold you, I want you to tell me about your day while I play with your hair. I want you in front of me, physically.” 

She smiles, taking a few deep breaths, willing him to copy her actions. He does, he always picks up on her silent clues. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him, she makes big things feel small and that he can conquer them. 

“I just need to see you. Everything's too much lately, and I can’t function anymore. I feel like I can’t breathe properly, and that my thoughts are crazy, and I just need to hold you.” 

She nods, “Okay. So what day do you have off? Completely?”

“Tomorrow.” He groans, scrubbing a hand across his face, cursing Andrew and Cez for their awful planning. 

She grins, biting her lip, giggling a little before she goes. “All it’d take is one flight. We’d be in the same timezone.” 

Shawn laughs, a small, breathy laugh. He looks up through red glossy eyes and smiles at her. She shrugs in response. “Are you serious?” 

“I got an idea. And I know it sounds crazy oh I just wanna see ya.” She continues.

“Do you got plans tonight?” He asks, reaching for his laptop.

“I’m a couple hundred miles from you, and I was thinking you could fly to my apartment tonight.”

Shawn laughs, hearty this time. Throwing his head back and putting a hand to his chest. “I’ll see you in four hours, be ready.” He grins. 

**

She wakes when her alarm goes off, quickly turning it off, looking over to Shawn to make sure he’s still asleep. She doesn’t know why she’s so worried to wake him, he’s completely dead to the world. Has been since he got home last night. 

He landed at about 11 pm, rushed to her apartment and didn’t say a word other than ‘cuddles’ before picking her up and hauling her to the bedroom where he promptly threw her on the bed and landed on top of her. She swears he was already snoring by the time he fell on her. 

She steps out of the room to call her boss and call out sick. She knows he needs her, and if she’s being honest with herself, she needs the time with him too. He’s not wrong, it does feel like she doesn’t breathe the same when he’s not around. It’s like her heartbeat is a step off, but when he’s in her vicinity its finally in tune. 

Once called out, she goes about her morning by making a cup of coffee and starting on his favorite breakfast. Waffles. 

She takes her time, humming ‘Lost in Japan’ and smiling at the fact that he really caught a flight just to spend the day with her. It’s crazy, completely and totally crazy. She has a hint of guilt, that festers when she thinks about the fact that he has to fly back at 5 in the morning tomorrow. It spiraled when she noticed the bags under his eyes when she traced his features last night after he passed out. 

He’s too thin, and his hair is too long. He’s just tired, and a little unhealthy for her liking, and she just wants to take care of him. So she makes him 6 waffles, herself 2, and has enough batter to make him four more if he asks. 

“What are you doing?” His hoarse voice asks. She jumps at the sound, lost in her thoughts. “Sorry Emi, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He slinks behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, tugging her back into his body. 

“I’m making you breakfast. Coffee?” She asks looking up at him, head rested on his chest. 

“Tea?” He raises an eyebrow. “I can make it, I’m sorry that was rude.” He turns away from her embrace. 

“No.” She pouts, taking hold of his arm and turning him back to her. He looks at her, bleary eyes blinking slowly down at her. “Go sit.” She pushes him to the table. 

“No I can-”

“No I got it.” She shakes her head.

“Babe I can make it. I don’t need you to-” 

“Shawn Manuel.” She puts her hands on her hips. His lips shut immediately, and he looks at her like he’s being grounded. “I want to take care of you, go sit your cute butt down and let me make you some tea.” 

He smiles softly, nodding and kissing the top of her head before going to sit down like he was told. “I appreciate it honey, but you need to get ready for work.” 

She cringes lightly, knowing he’s not going to like what she has to say. 

“What’s that face?” He raises an eyebrow.

“I called out?” She reaches for her herbal grey. 

“You what?” He sits forward. 

“I called out, so I’m here with you all day.” 

“No call back, you don’t-”

“Shawn.” She turns and looks at him. “Did you really think that I wouldn’t? I mean fuck, you flew all the way here to see me. Did you really think that I would just leave you here? You think that I don’t want to spend time with you too? You think that I don’t miss you like crazy? You think that I’m functioning without you?”

“Hey.” He reaches for her hand, tugging her closer to him. “I’m sorry.” He whispers looking up at her through his somehow perfect lashes. “I just don’t want you risking your career to spend the day here with me.” 

“I’m not. I’m so far ahead it’s not even funny. I’ve got sick time out the ass.” She curls her hand into his hair at the back of his head. 

“Okay.” He nods smiling up at her. “Why are you so hellbent on taking care of me?” He tilts his head to the side. 

“Because you’re thin, and tired, and alone for so long. You need to be spoiled too. You need someone to make you tea, and waffles with chocolate chips and whip cream.” 

His eyes light up when she says that. “You didn’t.” 

“I did.” She points to the massive stack of waffles on his plate. 

“Why so many?” He laughs, standing to grab both plates, setting them on the table turning back for his cup of tea and her cup of coffee.

“Hey! I’m-”

“I’m allowed to spoil you too.” He pulls her chair out, kissing her lips softly before taking the seat next to her. 

**

Shawn ended up eating all six pancakes, and proceeded to politely ask for four more. He’s so full he swears he won’t ever eat again, and every time he says that she rolls her eyes. Currently they’re sprawled across her small couch, laying on each other in what looks to be the most uncomfortable position but finding themselves rather cozy.

His head is on her chest, her fingers in his hair. He sighs in contentment when she kisses the top of his head, pulling him as close as she can.

“Do you want another glass of tea?” She asks softly, as the episode of Grey’s they’re watching goes to a commercial break. 

He looks up with puppy dog eyes, now starting to feel really bad considering this would be glass number three she’s made for him. 

“Don’t give me that look. I told you this morning-” 

“I wanna take care of you too though.” He mumbles, holding her tight so she can’t leave him quite yet. 

“You do.” She traces a finger down his nose. 

He gives her a dead look, not buying her statement. “I haven’t. Not in the way that you take care of me, and I want to so bad. You just don’t let me.”

“Excuse me?” She laughs, standing up and going to the kitchen to make him more tea. “I don’t let you? Says the man that sends me food so I don’t have to make dinner. Or notices that my sweatshirt doesn’t look as cozy as it used to so he sends five of his??” She peeks her head out of the kitchen. 

He doesn’t deny anything, just blushes and looks down into his lap. 

“You take care of me Shawn, you take care of me when you’re not even here. I don’t get to do that. I can’t take care of you unless you are here. So please, would you relax and allow me to make you simple glass of tea?” She asks handing him the cup. He takes a long sip, closing his eyes and groaning when he tastes it.

“You’re tea is always so good.” He whines. “I don’t ever want to drink anyone else’s. Like at my interview yesterday, they offered so I had some. I kid you not I almost spit it out because it was awful.” 

“Shawn!” She laughs, pushing his shoulder playfully. 

“Nothing compares to my Emi.” He looks up at her with a cheeky grin. 

**

The day has been the best day Shawn or Emi’s had in a long time. To be wrapped in each other and not have to worry about anything other than clicking yes to the ‘are you still watching’ pop up on Netflix is so freeing. 

Shawn’s got his head in Emi’s lap as she plays with his hair. He can’t help but feel this overwhelming happiness wash over him every time she laughs along with the show they’re watching. Hearing her happy, knowing she’s happy, makes his heart feel lighter. It’s almost as if it’s his reaction to knowing that the most important thing in his life is content. 

“Feeling any better?” She asks softly, looking down as he shifts to look up at her. 

“Yeah, you always make me feel better.” He answers truthfully.

She blushes, biting her lip as she nods, “Good.” 

“I’m so happy right now, I don’t think it’s possible for me to be happier.” 

“I’m happy too.” She caresses his face. 

And he says it without even realizing it at first. It just floats out of his mouth, “God I love you.” 

Her eyes go wide for a moment, but quickly she grins and giggles, “I love you too.” 

They take a moment to smile at each other, just soaking in the moment. That is until Shawn realizes what’s been said. When he does, he’s sitting up quickly, looking to her with wide eyes and pink cheeks. 

“We’ve never said that before.” 

“No I haven’t.” She shakes her head. “You, my Love, talk in your sleep.”

He nods, but then does another double take towards her. “I what?”

“You talk in your sleep.” She rubs her thumb over his ear, knowing that he subconsciously folds into her when she does that. “You told me you loved me the last time you were home. Just, while you were dreaming.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me that!” He whines, flopping back against the couch.

“Because I didn’t want to rush you. I knew that when you were ready you’d tell me.” She shrugs, crawling closer to him now that he’s flopped away from her. 

“I’m ready.” He nods, looking at her. 

“Baby I know you’re ready, was just waiting.” She sings out, giggling afterward. 

“You just love to change the lyrics to my songs huh?” He lunges forward to tickle her side. She shrieks, pulling away. As he chases after her they go running throughout her apartment. It’s not until Shawn grabs a hold of her waist that his normal clumsiness takes over. His fuzzy socked foot hits the hardwood of the hall and before he knows it he’s taking her and himself down to the ground in a hard thud. 

“Oh Baby.” He worries, reaching for Ember. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” 

All the while she’s just laughing up a storm, caught up in the emotions and actions to feel any pain. Not that she has any, he totally broke her fall by pulling her on top of him. “I’m okay.” She takes hold of his face. “You’re so clumsy.” 

“That wasn’t my smoothest moment.” He looks away embarrassed. 

“Have you ever been smooth?” She raises an eyebrow at him. 

“Yes!” He protests. “You told me so. On the night we met.”

“Oh yes, Cinderella.” She nods, climbing onto his lap. 

“Who knew Cinderella wore a short blue dress, the tallest heels I’ve ever seen, and ended the night in my boots?” He grins. 

“You remember what I wore that night?” She asks, leaning back in shock.

“Are you kidding? I remember everything about that night.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like how you joked that I was Raul when you first walked up to me and Juniper.” He shrugs. “Or that you had a really important presentation the next day and set an alarm for when you needed to leave, but didn’t get home but 4 hours after your alarm.” 

“And who’s fault was that.” She gives him a pointed look.

“I still have Doris’ note.” He pipes up, eyes sparkling.

“What note?”

“Doris wrote me a note on the back of the receipt from our midnight snack.” He explains while reaching back into his jean pocket, pulling his wallet out. He opens the expensive leather and pulls out a worn flimsy piece of receipt paper. “The order is worn off by now, but her note still stands, clear as day.” 

Ember takes the receipt into her hand and reads the note. “I was really hoping that you wouldn’t break my heart because I knew I was gonna fall in love with you after that night.” 

“I won’t break your heart. I promise.” He says softly, nudging her nose with his own. “Can I have my receipt back now?” He holds his hand out for it.

“Why do you still have it?” 

“I like to keep it with me. It’s a nice reminder of one of the best nights of my life when I need some inspiration.” He tucks it away safely into his wallet. 

“You do know how to make a girl’s heart melt.” She whispers, causing him to look up with his big brown puppy dog eyes. 

“I love you.” 

“For PR. The song isn’t doing as well as they were hoping, so they want us to go out, pretend to date. To spark publicity, get our names out there.” 

“Your name is out there.” She responds. “Be real Shawn, they want her name out there. The reason the song isn’t doing as well as they thought was because you’re the background. She attempted to overpower and in the end it resulted in your vocals being turned down.” 

He grins a little, loves how defensive she is over him. It’s a way she proves her love, when she’s willing to throw hands over anything. 

“So don’t tell me it’s to get ‘our names out there’ because it’s not. It’s to get her name out there. Because isn’t she about to release an album? If her song with you didn’t chart well then how the fuck is her album supposed to chart at all?” 

He’s biting his lip to stop from laughing. She’s got this down to a T, it’s incredible. The bad part of his hesitation is, she takes it as him thinking it through. 

“Wait.” She stops. “Are you thinking about it?” 

“What?” 

“Shawn?” She stops suddenly, all noises around her going silent. The only thing he can hear is her heavy breathing. 

“What Honey?” 

“Did you already sign? It’s already started hasn’t it?”

“What? No!” He grips the parked steering wheel. “Why would you think that? I would never do something like this without talking to you.” 

“But there are new pictures out. What are you wearing right now?” 

“Um,” He looks down. “I’m wearing my live aid shirt and blue jeans. My black ones are dirty.” 

“Oh my god.” She gasps. “You were with her today. You, you were at lunch with her. You said her team?”

“It was, her and her team.” 

“Then why is her team not in this picture. Shawn her team and your team aren’t in these pictures.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“The pictures, it’s just you and her.” 

“We were never alone.” He groans, looking through his feed. 

He’s so tired of feeling powerless in his life. He’s finally at a time where he’s thinking of settling down, of being happy with someone he truly loves. Yet this shit keeps happening and it keeps pushing those settling down plans further and further away. He’s frustrated, and the worst part is, he really can’t do anything about it.

“Shawn.” She sighs. “Listen to me, I love you, but this can’t be our relationship.” 

“What does that mean?”

“It means that I can’t do this. I understand that your career is important. I’m so proud of all the things you’ve accomplished, whether I’ve been with you or not, but this is not healthy for me. Not mentally, and not physically.” 

His eyes widen at her words, and he’s clicking back to the call trying to make it a face time but she declines it.

“It’s not healthy for me to be stressing over pictures and wondering if they’re real or fake. It’s not healthy to feel the pressure of being compared to who the world thinks you’re with. So,” she sighs. “If you think that this is a good step for your career, that this will help you succeed then maybe we’re not as meant to be as we thought we were.” 

“No Baby.” He chokes. “We are meant to be. We are.” 

“Do you really think that?” 

“Of course I do. I love you.” 

“Then can you do me a favor?” She asks.

“Anything.”

“Can you fucking act like it?”

Before he can even think of responding the line goes dead and her heavy breathing has disappeared. He’s essentially freaking the fuck out. This can not be happening to him right now. Not again. He’s already gone through this freak out, when this shit started. She’s already gone silent on him, her walls he’d finally been able to take down when they got together have been slowly building back up again, and he can’t keep fighting if she’s gonna keep building. 

He’s tried to call her back four times, she declines him every single time. So he finally leaves a message on the fifth call. 

“Okay, I understand that this is hard. Trust me, I fucking know that. But I need you to talk to me. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. This conversation was a full 360 of what I fucking meant for it to be. So for me to be able to ‘act like it’ or fix it you have to let me talk. I’m just trying to be honest with you. I love you, and I’ll give you some space. Just don’t give up on me yet.” 

He ends the call and throws his phone on top of the contract, putting his Jeep in reverse before Andrew can even think twice about walking up to his window when he realized Shawn was still sitting there. 

** 

It’s been a day, and he still hasn’t heard back from her. This is the one thing that drives him absolutely mad. She pushes him away in times where he knows she needs him the most. He can’t get into any contact with her, so he has no sort of control of the situation. He doesn’t even really need any control, he just wants information.

It’s why he always ends up flying back to her. It might seem dramatic, or totally immature but damn he’s in love with Ember Mills. He can’t just let her go because she thinks he wants something that’s fake and gross. He wants her. That’s all he wants right now.

He never thought he would admit it, but she’s everything. If she asked him to stop touring, he would. If she asked to him never pick up a guitar again, he would. She could ask him to do anything and he would do it. His faith in her is that she would never ask, because he wants to believe that she’s in love with him too. 

He feels kind of dumb standing at her apartment door. He feels even dumber when he knocks on the door like a kid in 5th grade wondering if she could come out to play. What seals the deal on the dumb feeling is when Juniper answers the door with a glare and scowl painted on her face. 

“What the hell?” 

“I need to see her.” 

“No, you need to let her go Shawn. I love you Mendes boys with all my heart, but this isn’t good for her.” 

“You don’t understand. She doesn’t even understand, and I’d like to explain it to her before I do anyone else. So please, can I just talk to her.” 

“Are you gonna hurt her?” Juniper asks softly, biting her lip. 

“No, the last thing I ever want to do is hurt her. She jumped to conclusions. She never let me explain why I was telling her about the contract.” 

At this Juniper stands straight, and it’s then that she realizes that Ember never did tell her why he brought it up. That was the missing piece to the puzzle. She was just so caught up in Ember’s emotions that she forgot that part.

She quickly waves Shawn in, knowing it’s cold outside and he had to be freezing. 

“She’s in the living room. I’m gonna head out, was supposed to be at Raul’s 15 minutes ago. She’s in good hands?”

“The best hands, other than yours.” He nods quickly, hugging Juniper and slowly making his way to the living room.

“He still hasn’t called me again June. I’m starting to lose faith that he meant he was fighting for me.” Ember calls from her spot on the couch, thinking Juniper was still in the kitchen.

“Don’t lose faith.” He speaks, watching her jump and turn to look behind the couch at him.

“What are you doing here? Where’s June?” 

“She let me in, then headed to Raul’s. We need to talk Ember.” 

His eyes are rimmed red from lack of sleep. His curls a mess from stressing them with his fingers. His hands are shaking from nerves, and he can’t seem to catch his breath from his anxious mood. 

“Shawn,” She sighs.

“No listen. It’s my turn to speak. You cut me off every time.” He shakes his head. Starting to pace her living room. “I literally called you about the contract so that you would know what they were trying to do. Not once did you let me finish my sentence, that would have gone like this; They presented me with a contracted about having a fake relationship with her, isn’t that fucking ludicrous? They want me to help her get publicity to sell her album, I have enough trouble on my own why the fuck would I want to take on her career as well?” 

She gasps and leans back against the couch when he keeps ranting.

“On top of that, they were talking about me holding her hand and kissing her? That makes me fucking nauseous because how in the fuck do they expect me to do that with her when all I want is to do that with you.” At this he finally makes eye contact with her. “I literally only want you. I can’t see my life without you in it anymore. And the more you talk about us breaking up or you leaving me makes me feel like I have no control. Over anything.” 

She stands at this, starting to notice his anxious behavior. 

“Because like, I’m in love with you. But at every slightest bump in the road you’re ready to run away from me. I can’t, I can’t live like that. I understand that it’s not healthy for you to live a life where you see pictures of me with her or any other girl for that matter. But at the same time it’s not healthy for me to live a life where I don’t feel secure in our relationship.” 

“Shawn, breathe please.”

“I thought we talked about this? I thought I made myself clear, but I’ll try one last time. I know my career scares you. It scares me too. I constantly have people in my business, nothing feels private anymore. That was the case until I met you. I will do anything in my power to make you happy. At the same time, I need to do anything in my power to make sure I’m happy too. You and music make me the happiest I’ve ever been. So I promise that I will keep you informed on everything. Every contract, every interview, every fucking thing I can. Okay?” 

“Okay.” She nods, finally starting to understand that he’s trying. 

He’s really trying to make her feel secure in his career, so he can feel secure in their relationship. That was like a knife to her chest when he told her she doesn’t. 

At this he stops, stares at her and finally takes a deep breath.

“I never signed the contract. I was never going to sign the contract. I’m never going to sign that contract. I called you and told you so you would know about it. I don’t want to keep anything from you. I made that mistake, I almost lost you because of it so I’m not gonna make it again.” 

“Okay,” She nods, taking his hands and kissing at the knuckles. “I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions.” 

“I need you to give me the benefit of the doubt okay? I may be a dumb boy, but I’m learning.” 

“I know.” 

“I’m also really tired.” He slumps his shoulders. “I’m tired from everything, but most of all I’m tired of feeling like every time I take one of your walls down, three more go up. I feel like I never get a win, that I’m always chasing my tail around you.” 

“You’re not.” She shakes her head. “You’re not chasing anything. You have me Shawn.” 

“Do I?” He asks her. “Because it doesn’t feel like it.” 

“You do, I promise you that. You know me better than anyone else does. I’m sorry that I get scared and run away. It’s just how I cope. But I’ll work on it, I know that doesn’t do any good for you or for me. So can we agree that that’s what we need to work on with each other? Not running away, not letting our emotions get the better of us? That we’ll talk, like adults. That way someone doesn’t have to fly home once a week when we have a disagreement?”

“I’d like that. I’d like to do this right. I’d like to love you right.” 

“You do, you do love me right. Now let me learn how to love you right.” 

“You do love me right.” He sighs, spreading his arms out, preparing to go on another rant about how she does, that’s right before she presses her lips to his. 

“Hey.” She answers on the second ring of his phone call.

“Hey, do you know how we always talk about building a fort in the living room and watching movies all night?” 

“Yeah.”

“Build a fort, I’m 20 minutes from home and I need a nap date.” 

“Did the meeting not go well?” She ponders, squishing the phone between her ear and shoulder while she works on some dishes that have been in the sink since last night. 

“No it didn’t. I’m tired of people telling me what to do and how I need to live my life. I know what I want and need.” 

“What do you want and need Babe?”

“I need you, and I want a nap date with you. Can you set it up?” 

“Of course honey.” 

“Good, you’re in for a shitload of cuddles. Be ready by the time I pull in.” 

**

She’s running a bit behind. He’s gonna have to finish help with the set up. It took her longer than she expected to build the stupid thing. It’s hard to hold up both ends of the sheet by yourself. She jumps a little when she hears him bust through the front door. She wasn’t ready, and she doesn’t know what to expect.

“Baby!” He whines from the kitchen, slowly making his way to her in the hallway past the living room. “I told you to be ready.” 

“I know I’m sorry! I had trouble with the sheets, my arms are very short and sheets are very long.” 

He smiles sadly at her, head tilting to the side when she finally looks over at him. 

“Hi.” He whispers. 

“Hi Baby Boy.” She grins, turning and walking towards him. He opens his arms, letting her fall into his embrace as he buries his face into the crook of her neck. 

“Missed you.” He mumbles, placing small kisses to her skin.

“What happened at the meeting?” She asks, wanting some answers so she can understand his mood better. 

“Mmm, no. Just cuddles right now.” He groans, letting go and allowing her to grab the rest of the blankets from the hall closet. 

Once they’re in her hands he races forward, laughing as she squeals, picking her up and hauling her over his shoulder. 

“Shawn!” She yelps, holding onto his waist for leverage, that way she doesn’t go head first into the ground. 

He drops her on the mound of blankets in the fort, laughing at the fact that the blankets she was holding are now covering her completely, burying her in the blankets. He drops on top of her, clicking through Netflix as she struggles underneath. 

She finally frees her head, huffing as she looks up at him. 

“Hey Blanket Monster.” He grins, leaning down to place a peck to her lips. She pushes his face away, glaring at him.

“Shawn. Get off.” 

“I’m rather comfy.” He giggles.

She raises an eyebrow, going unnoticed by him. So she ups her game. 

“Shawn!” She whines. “You’re hurting me.” 

That catches his attention, his head whipping over to look at her with wide eyes. He scrambles off of her and lands on the floor. 

“Baby are you okay?” He reaches his hands out to touch her. 

“Yeah.” She giggles, loving how concerned he gets when he thinks she’s hurt.

“I wasn’t actually hurting you was I?” 

“No, I just wanted you off.”

“Don’t do that to me!” He whines, flopping back against the floor. “You stress me out that way. I get so nervous.”

“Why?” She crawls over, planting herself on him, lying chest to chest.

“Because I always forget how big I am to you. I don’t want to hurt you ever.” He pouts. “But I always wanna cuddle and lay on you. You make me feel safe when you let me lay in your lap.” 

She blushes, reaching up to card her fingers through his hair. “You’re really cute. Did you know that?”

“You tell me at least three times a day, so yes.” He nods, turning his head towards her. 

She smiles, pulling him closer with her hand on the back of his head. He gets the hint and softly presses his lips to hers, sucking on her bottom lip. 

**

It’s not till their through the second Star Wars movie that he starts to talk. 

She loves that about him. How he always says he doesn’t want to talk, but after a few hours of processing he just starts rambling. It’s where they differ in personalities. He holds things in for a moment. Let’s his brain and thoughts wrap around an issue or idea before he acts on anything. Most times he only processes for a few hours, other times it’s days. 

Ember though? She’s a spitfire. So when she has an issue or an idea she just needs to get it out. Especially when she’s upset over something. If she doesn’t have a chance to vent to a safe zone, like her mom or Shawn, then she’ll say what she’s thinking and feeling to the actual person which can lead to some nasty fights. 

“They want me to do a small promo tour in the states.” He hums.

“What?” She tears her attention away from Luke and Darth Vader, looking down to where he’s laying across her lap. 

He turns his head to look up at her, sighing, “They want me to do a promo tour for the new single.” 

“Oh.” She pulls back a little, swallowing what she wants to say and nods. “Okay.” 

He reaches up and caresses her face, pushing her chin down so she’ll actually look in his eyes. 

“When would you leave?”

“A month?” He says it like a question. “They’re still figuring out dates, and I haven’t given the green light yet. They’re banking on the fact that I will be ready to get on the road again.”

“Are you?” She asks. “Ready?”

“Honestly.” His eyes tear up a little, “I’m not.”

She gasps at his words, eyes going wide when she realizes he’s being 100% truthful with her. 

“I’m not even remotely ready to even start thinking of leaving you again.” He whispers. 

She reaches over, clicking a button on the remote to pause the wailing of Luke as he finds out who his real Father is. 

“What do you mean?”

“I feel like I’ve just got you. I know we’ve been together for two years now, but that was long distance for most of it. I feel like I’m finally getting to live the life I was longing for during the past two years. I just wanted you, all the time. I wanted you to be the first thing I saw when I wake up, and the last thing I see before I go to bed. You finally are.”

“But Shawn, I’m not going anywhere.” 

He sighs, sitting up slightly. “I know that. That’s not what I mean though.”

“What do you mean then?” She asks softly, knowing he’s starting to get frustrated again. 

“I mean I want to enjoy it. I just got it and it feels like I already have to give it up. You know that feeling, the feeling like,” He thinks for a moment to come up with a good comparison. He snaps and points at her. “You know when we go to your brothers and they hand you Aiden.” 

She nods, trying to follow Shawn’s comparison about her nephew. 

“You know that feeling you get when they go to take him back? The feeling of longing. Like you just got to hold him, you just got him settled, he’s no longer fussy and just chilling and then suddenly their like ‘it’s time for a diaper change’ or ‘it’s time for a bath’ or ‘it’s time for someone else to hold him’.”

“Yeah, the slight pang of jealousy and the frustration of never feeling you get to hold him long enough.” 

“Exactly. That’s what I’m feeling. I just got you, I just got us settled, we’re no longer fussy, we’re chilling and now suddenly it’s time for something else.” 

She pouts at him, leaning closer with both her hands reaching around to the back of his head. She rubs her thumbs behind his ears and just stares at him.

“I love you.” She starts. “I know it feels like whenever we finally get settled we’re suddenly disturbed but we’re not. I know you feel like you never get more than five minutes of a break, but I want you to sit back and look at the whole situation. This is what you love. This is what you’re dreams have been since you were 13. Since baby Shawn got his first guitar and taught himself how to play Ed Sheeran. This is what that Shawn was dreaming about. I know your dreams have changed, they will always change the more you succeed them, but I don’t want you to give something up because you feel like it’s always time for something else. At the end of the day, I always end up being the one to hold Aiden the longest. I feel sad to have to pass him over and share him with others, but then I set him in your hands and I get to feel the joy of watching him make others happy too.” 

He stares at her, really taking all her words to heart.

“So while you might feel like you’re not getting enough of what you want right now, look around and realize that not only do you get to come home to me but that you also get to go out to them. To your fans who love you almost as much as I do.” 

He sighs, a tear dropping from his bottom lash. “You always make everything better.” He whispers, leaning his forehead against hers.

She smiles and kisses his nose, “I don’t know why you’re so worried about going. I’m still gonna be here when you get back.” 

“I just had some other plans in mind, and this would push that back.” He mumbles.

“What other plans?” She asks, pulling back to wipe his tears away.

“Plans for our future.” 

“You’re thinking about our future?” She asks, appalled.

“You’re not?” He clenches his jaw, heart rate picking up, nervous that maybe she doesn’t want a future with him.

“No I am, I just didn’t know you were.”

“I am.” He nods. “Do you think you could handle this? Having this talk every time a new tour rolls around?”

“Yeah I think I can.” She grins, shaking her head at him.

“I’m serious, would you ever get tired of the fact that touring is my job? That I’ll be gone for long periods of time.”

“Shawn we’ve been together for two years now. We met while you were on tour, and managed just fine through the next one. I know what I signed up for when I told you we were official. That’s not gonna change, I’m not gonna change. I’m proud of you, of who you are, that I get you call you mine.” 

“I’m proud to call you mine too.” He sighs, leaning up to kiss her lips. “Okay,” He hums. “I’ll go on tour, it’s a short one. 10 shows I think?”

“See, you were all worked up for nothing.” 

“Wanna come with me?” He grins. 

**

He watches her from the end of the bed while she changes. She’s slipping into one of his shirts, sporting a new pair of panties he’s never seen. They’ve caught his eye and he can’t stop staring.

“What are you looking at?” She asks over her shoulder while she takes her hair out of the messy bun she put it in.

“I’m looking at your new panties. Why have you never worn ones like these before?”

“Boyshorts?” She looks down, smoothing over the hem on her lower stomach. “I wanted to try something new. You like them?”

“I love them.”

“Good then I’ll get more.” 

“Please do. Come here.” He holds out his hand for her. She places her in his, yelping as he tugs her into him. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

“I’ve been thinking about what we talked about today.” 

“Okay.” She plants her hands on his shoulders, standing between his legs. “What about it?”

“About our future.” He looks up with his puppy dog eyes.

“Yeah?”

“I’m ready for it. I’m really ready for it.” 

“Me too.” She smiles.

“I want to spend forever with you. You’re all my dreams come true. Everything I’ve ever wanted and more.” He traces shapes on the back of her bare thigh. 

“I want you too.” 

“If I asked you to marry me tonight what would you say?” He bites his lip, staring straight ahead at the shirt she’s wearing instead of making eye contact. 

Her jaw drops, eyes going wide at his words. This was the last thing she ever thought he would say to her tonight, but all she can do is smile. She wants forever with him. It’s all she’s ever wanted after that first night they met. She wants to go hug and kiss Doris for giving him such good advice about not breaking her heart, and she wants to thank Juniper for the rest of her days for getting together with Raul and bringing Shawn into her life. 

She tips his chin up with her index finger, clicking her tongue. “You’ll just have to ask to find out.” She answers. 

He takes her hands off his shoulders, holding them in his as he breathes deeply. 

“I love you. With my whole entire heart. I mean it, you’re all I’ve ever wanted. You’re all I’ll ever want. I can not, will not, imagine a life without you in it. You complete me in a way I never knew I needed but now can’t live without. Ember Mills.” He tucks his right hand under his leg retrieving the diamond ring he hid while she was changing into his fingers. “Will you marry me?” 

She’s crying. Tears dropping onto her flushed pink cheeks, holding her right hand up to her mouth in shock that he’s actually asking. That her dreams are actually coming true. 

“Yes.” She chokes out, letting him slide the ring onto her finger. 

He goes to stand while she wraps her arms around his neck, their lips meeting in the most passionate kiss they’ve ever shared, clinging to the other for dear life.

Tears of joy and happiness flow down both of their cheeks as they hold the other, repeatedly saying ‘I love you’.

“Can’t wait to be your wife.” 

He walks down the hall and slips his shoes on while she looks up from her book slowly. Not wanting to take her eyes off the page. 

“Where are you going?” She asks, brows furrowed. 

“We’re out, gonna go pick up some more.” He grabs his key from her key dish that looks like a big ugly leaf. “Need anything while I’m at the store?” 

“Could you get me pads?” 

“Sure, what kind?” 

“Just the kind I always use.” She shrugs, looking back down to her book. 

Shawn blanches for a moment, trying to rack his brain on if he remembers the kind she uses. He draws a blank and opens his mouth to say something, but when he looks at her again she’s so lost in her world, with so much trust and faith that he knows. So he doesn’t say anything just walks out into the cold towards his Jeep and tries to assure himself that he’ll know it when he sees it. 

**

He doesn’t know it. He doesn’t even know what fucking type of detergent they use. He’s so tempted to just pick the first thing he sees off the shelf but he doesn’t want to be wrong. He’s groaning and trying to remember the color of the container. Was it yellow? Or green? There’s a green brand in front of him, no yellow though. Lord he’s probably so wrong, it was probably white or something. 

He’s about to give up when his phone starts buzzing in his back pocket. He sighs a little when he sees it’s her name on the screen. 

“Hey.” He answers.

“Hey it just occurred to me that you’ve never gotten me pads before, and that I told you to get the kind I always use. You don’t know that, I’m sorry. I get the brand Always, it’s gonna be like a darker green plastic package. I get the night time ones, with wings. The pads themselves should be orange.” 

“Orange!” He turns around to the other side of the aisle. 

“Orange?” She asks softly. 

“Fuck it,” He sighs. “Baby what type of detergent do we use?” 

“Oh.” She responds. “We use Tide, orange container, original scent, it’s the pods.” 

“Okay thanks, and you said Always right?” 

“Yep.” 

“Okay, thank you Emi.” He smiles, throwing the orange container into the cart and moving on to another aisle. 

**

He comes home to find her vacuuming the living room, hair now thrown into a messy bun, his shirt and her sleep shorts adorning her body. He’s learning that Saturdays are for errands and cleaning the condo.

“Did you find it?” She asks, turning the vacuum off. 

“What?” He snaps out of his thoughts, “Oh yeah. I hope I got you the right kind.” 

She starts to dig through the bag and nods when she pulls out the package. “Yep, thanks Babe.” She kisses his cheek, wandering off to the bathroom. He takes the tide and goes to the laundry room to start some laundry, only to find that what he had in the wash before he found out they were out of detergent is different now. He can hear the patter of her feet and turns to look at her. 

“Sorry, I just,” She leans against the doorway. “You have to separate darks and lights.” 

He blinks and looks at his clothes. “I did.” 

“And colors.” She cringes. It’s then that he realizes she’s taken all the dark reds and blues from his grey pile. 

“Oh.” 

“But now you know.” She leans up to kiss his cheek again. He sighs when she walks away. 

He feels like such a little kid, learning how to do basic adult tasks. It’s a little disheartening that he can’t help her out. She has to show him how, and that has got to be worse than just doing the chore yourself.

She catches him with his face in his hands as she goes to put the vacuum away. She stares at him for a moment, watching him breathe and grumble to himself. She then watches him angrily toss one more black shirt into the wash and practically chuck a pod into the washer. He gently closes the door though, remembering how she told him that if he did it too hard it would break. He clicks a few buttons, mumbling something about cold or hot water and finally going;

“Fuck it, they’re just shirts they can be washed in cold water.” 

She wants to laugh a little, but she can see the underlying tension he’s holding. 

“Hey.” She whispers, causing him to jump and turn around towards her. “Wanna watch a movie?”

“What about the dishes?” 

“We’ll get to them later. I wanna cuddle.” 

He nods, and looks to his clothes. “Let me clean this a little and I’ll be right there.”

“Shawn.” She stops him. “It’s you’re home too. If you wanna leave clothes on the floor I’m not gonna get upset with you.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Baby come here.” She holds her hand out to him.

He takes her hand and allows her to lead him to the living room, that now has a candle lit in the middle of the coffee table and her favorite throw blanket on the back of the couch. 

“What’s wrong?” She asks, tugging his hand for him to sit next to her. 

“Nothing.” He responds too quickly.

“Shawn.” She gives him a look. 

He sighs and looks to his lap. “I’m trying to adjust, but I’m struggling.” 

“Struggling? With what?” She asks, leaning closer. 

“Feeling like an outsider in my own home?” He whispers.

“What?” She gasps, leaning back. 

“I’m sorry, not like that.” He reaches for her. 

“Then like what?”

He tugs at his curls, “Not being able to find anything, or almost messing up the wash, or not knowing what cups to hand wash and what cups can go in the dishwasher. I didn’t make the bed right and I-”

“Hey.” She turns his face towards her. “Do you think I knew how to do all that shit?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I didn’t. I’m literally making this shit up as I go. I make the bed different every single day, because I can never remember how I made it the day before. The amount of cups I’ve melted in the dishwasher is incredible. I’m still learning too. You’re not alone.” 

“Really?” He sighs. 

“Really.” She nods. “You’re so cute.” She caresses the side of his face. “And I love you.” 

He looks over at her with a pout on his lips. “I love you too.” He mumbles, leaning forward for a kiss. 

“Do me a favor.” She hums. “Tell me when you feel like an outsider, so I can pull you back in. Okay?” 

“Okay deal.” He grins. “Fun fact, you can pull me back in with kisses.” 

“Oh good to know.” 

“And lunch.” He nods, grinning as she shakes her head at him. 

“What do you want?” 

So when he wants to go out one Saturday afternoon to start looking for her outfit she’s reluctant. She’s yet to tell him how she’s feeling, knowing he’d get a little upset and more involved with making her feel better. He finds her to be the most beautiful woman he’s ever laid eyes on and can’t stand it when she doesn’t feel the same way about herself.

She can hear him humming from the other side of the fitting room door. The lace feels foreign to her skin, her stomach looks bloated, and her skin is pale and blotchy.

“Emi you good?” He asks, checking his watch to see that she’s been in there for 10 minutes now.

“Mhm.” She hums, tracing over the features of the ribbon and lace.

“Got something on?”

“Yeah.” She sighs.

“Let me see.” He whines, trying to open the door to her room and gasping to find that she’s locked it.

This isn’t their first time shopping for lingerie together. He’s gone with her after she wore something that was rather pleasing to the eye and he requested she had more. So to find that she’s locked him out of the room is a bit concerning because she never has before.

“Ember?” He asks, taking his joking attitude and tossing it completely aside because he knows something is wrong. “Baby what’s wrong?”

Her eyes well up with tears when she hears the concern in his voice. It’s not that she doesn’t want him to know, she knows he’d be so supportive, she just doesn’t want him to be disappointed. He was so excited to go shopping, that this was his idea and she liked it, or at least she did at the time.

“Ember.” He whispers when she doesn’t respond. “You’re worrying me, what’s the matter?”

She sighs, unlocking the door and opening it just a crack. He’s there in an instant, eyes dark and brows furrowed. His gaze travels up and down what he can see of her, wanting to double check that she’s physically fine. “Come in.” She whispers, reaching out and gripping his blue t shirt.

He shuts the door behind him, locking it with a flick of his thumb. “What’s the matter?” He reaches out, cupping both sides of her face with his large hands. “Why are you about to cry?”

She smiles at him, loving his protective side. “I’m just struggling to feel comfortable in my own skin right now.” She sighs, staring up at him with her big eyes.

“What?” He gapes at her. “What do you mean?”

“I’m just-” She tries to look down, almost as if she’s ashamed he’s finally found out, but he won’t let her.

“No look at me Emi.”  

She resumed eye contact with him and bites her lip to hold tears back. “I’ve gained a little weight, and you can tell, I just don’t like the way I look right now.”

Shawn’s whole body goes slack, he just stares at her for a moment, really letting her words settle in his mind. “How long have you been feeling like this?”

“Few weeks.” She shrugs.

“Ember!” He hisses at her. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’m your fiance´ I’d like to know when you’re not feeling yourself. That way we can work together as a team, which we are by the way, to help you feel better.”

“You’ve been so excited for this though. And the wedding. I didn’t want my negative outlook that I have right now bringing your positive one down.”

He shakes his head, turning and taking a seat on the bench. “What was the cause of your feelings? What is making you feel like this?”

She nods, knowing that their gonna have this conversation right now, in the middle of a dressing room. “Can I change before we get into it. I’d like to get out of this.”

“Of course.” He nods, reaching for her hand and kissing the back of it. “You look stunning by the way.” He whispers, letting go to allow her to change.

She changes quickly, feeling a little more comfortable in her jeans and t-shirt.

“Did I do something?” His ghost of a voice asks when she finally steps in front of him.

Her eyes go wide and she quickly reaches for his hands. “No you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s just one of those down times for me I guess. You’re amazing and make me feel so loved, but sometimes we just struggle to love ourselves.”

“Was it like one specific thing that like started the spiral? I know when I get that way it’s usually one thing that gets me thinking about thousands of others.”

She takes a deep breath and nods at him. “It is yeah.”

“What is it?”

“I can’t find a dress.” She mumbles.

“You can’t find what?” He cranes his neck to hear her better.

“I can’t find a dress.”

He sits up straight and makes an ‘oh’ shape with his mouth. “Baby-”

“No don’t, don’t pity me, don’t tell me I look amazing in everything. Don’t try to make it better.”

“Hey,” He whispers, cutting her rant off. “I wasn’t gonna try and make it better by telling you to just feel better. We both know that doesn’t fucking help, really it makes it worse. What I was gonna say is, if you’re struggling to find a dress alone, then maybe I can help?”

“What?” She pulls back.

“I mean, I know it’s bad luck and all for the groom to see the dress, but I mean, do we really believe that?”

“No.” She whispers.

“So maybe I can help. You once told me I make everything better. So let’s work together to make this feel better.”

“Words aren’t gonna be able to do that though.”

“I understand.” He nods, voice calm. “And if you truly feel like you’ve put on weight, although it must be in your big toe because I haven’t got a clue of what you’re talking about, then let’s do something about that.”

“And what would that be?”

“When I feel like I’ve gained a few pounds I tend to try a new routine at the gym. So if you want to get in shape, not to lose weight but to be healthy, then I can talk to Jake and create a gym routine for you.”

She stares at him with a spark of hope in her eyes.

“I know you’re not the biggest fan of the gym, but would you think about it if I created a routine was like your personal trainer?”

“Are you gonna yell at me to do more push ups?”

“No, I’ll bribe you with kisses.” He grins.

She laughs and rolls her eyes. “If you can come up with a routine I’ll try it. I’m not gonna promise that I’ll stick with it, but I’ll try.”

He smiles big, standing up and pressing a kiss to her lips.

**

He sits on the couch later that night, phone glued to his hand as he types quickly.

“What are you doing over there?” She asks, looking up from her book when she notices his brows furrowed and his bottom lip being gnawed on by his teeth.

“Talking to Jake.” He mumbles.

“Really?” She sits up, shutting her book.

“Yeah, he’s helping me figure out a good starting routine for you.”

“You’re really taking this seriously huh?”

This gets his attention, causing him to look up at her with a small grin.

“Well yeah, I love you.”

“I love you too.” She smiles.

“If you’re serious I’m serious. I want you to be confident Baby, and I think that this could really help with that.”

“You’re amazing.”

“Also,” He sets his phone down, leaning over to grab his tea off the coffee table. “I talked to Tiff, she said she’s free this weekend if we wanted to meet up with her.”

“For what?” Ember tilts her head to the side.

Shawn blushes and looks to his hands. “Well my Bride is one of a kind.” He looks up at her. “And she should wear a dress that’s one of a kind, fit and made just for her. So Tiff said she’s free to do a little shopping to get some ideas of what you like and don’t like, so she can custom make you a dress.”

Her jaw was hanging open, eyes wide as she stares at him. “No,” She shakes her head. “Shawn that’s too much.”

“No Baby it’s not enough. Let me do this, let Tiff do this. She’s freaking out that I asked, she’s so excited.”

“Shawn I don’t wanna-”

“But I want to. I want you to feel so special. This is our day and I want to make you the center of it. So please, will you come with me to meet Tiff this weekend so we can talk about your dress? If not I’ll go alone and design it without you.”

She laughs a little at his huffy nature, nodding at him before standing up and planting herself in his lap.

“You truly are something else Shawn Mendes. I don’t know what I would do without you. Thank you, for always knowing how to take care of me.”

“You don’t need to thank you, but if you want too I wouldn’t turn down some cuddles.”