And okay, I wasn’t going to address this but here goes: (mental health tw)

So I’ve been struggling a lot with stress, and anxiety and what I had been able to work with for months for to get better is kind of like not settled right now, however I understand healing is not linear, and I’m working on it. I am going to go back to therapy so I can work on it because I’ve been really struggling with balancing school, my job and other stuff, and I’ve been doubting myself a lot lately and I let everything get to my head. Like really. Everything is just—triggering and I’m losing motivation on both school and my job and I don’t want my performance to go down.

I always try to keep a positive attitude but sometimes you have to let yourself feel blue, I think the problem is I feel down but not let myself feel down. But maybe I need to let myself rest and yeah. I need to get a break. It’s not easy, with the pandemic and everything, I feel like right now I’m not in the best mental space and I don’t like that. I want to work on it, but I think I really need to distance myself from this site.

There had been a lot of people here who have been getting into my head and it’s not cool, some people making me doubt myself, some people who think it’s okay to make me question why I get or don’t get notes , some people who just keep pressuring me, some people who are really rude, sometimes people forget there’s someone with feelings behind the screen, and it’s not cool. I feel like sometimes I put too much pressure on me to keep this cool positive persona for you guys but some people have really taken advantage of it and I’m just not in for it anymore.

I still want to write but I’m losing motivation for it everyday because it gives me a lot of stress to come on this site and worry if you guys will like it or not, and I always feel pressured to post the next one, or to write it a certain way, or all the requests and things I’m not cool with. It’s weird. But sometimes my head gets in this weird place that goes: hey don’t say that it’s my story, don’t change it. Not because I don’t like your ideas, or whatever, it’s just since I’m trying to keep up an order, sometimes the ideas just detroy that order in my head (it’s on my head not wanting to lose focus) and I just lose it. It’s not your fault, it’s my mind saying: don’t get me out of the way.

Maybe you guys hadn’t noticed but I’ve become more and more absent on this site because seems like every day I have to pressure myself for it, and I really shouldn’t have to.

I think I’ll keep on going absent but come back to post the chapters and maybe chat for a bit, however I’m just really doubting if I should because lately I just can’t handle anything.

You guys know I’m always up to give advice, help, and talk, I’m someone super open, though I’m shy, I try to be nice and kind to everyone. However, some people have really crossed the lines and straight up demanded things, blamed me for other stuff, and were just straight up rude. I know I shouldn’t let it get to my head but I am human and I feel and sometimes I can’t handle it, like it comes to a point where I just simply don’t want to anymore. Or like I become too overwhelmed because some people really pressure me and even if you mean your best my mind can’t simply handle it.

I don’t want to deal with that, so I won’t. That’s it. I need to heal and give myself time to do it.

So yeah, I’m taking a semi-hiatus. I won’t be here as much as usual, (maybe I’ll get in to reblog stuff but don’t expect me to answer) and I don’t know if I’ll keep the perennial schedule because I’m letting myself breath. Yes, I’ll continue posting it, but I can’t promise when. (Itll be mostly weekly, but when I feel like it) because writing was my escape and now it feels like it’s a duty and I don’t like that. It’s just until I figure out how to calm myself and not be tired all the time