Earlier today I realized it's been a really long time since I've had any suicidal ideation.
Then a friend pointed out that it's been exactly a year to the day since I started hrt.
I always used to think about death, spiral into intense depressive episodes, think I'd never be happy.
And then slowly I became happy.
People started really seeing me.
I stopped fearing myself, stopped prohibiting myself from existing.
It took me way too long a time but I finally feel certain I'm not going to kill myself.
Imagine if I'd realized all this earlier.
We should live in a world where people are allowed to realize this earlier.
Tomorrow I will do a laser hair removal consultation. I will do bloodwork for my next appointment. I will check out a local clothes store for dresses.
And I will be so fucking happy.
