#mysay

To the Trump supporters that keep telling me that I “wouldn’t understand” why they voted for Trump, no I totally get it. Don’t worry, I too would have voted for Trump if I were a selfish rich white man who believed that the entire world revolved around them and was convinced that everyone else's personal choices affected me.  If I didn’t understand what being a feminist REALLY meant and told everyone that white privilege wasn’t actually a thing, that immigrants and “ILLEGALS” made it up because the REAL victims are the rich white men who keep getting shit on every time they open their mouths. Right? What a hard life, huh? Probably worse than being a person, including young CHILDREN, who are trying to find safety from war, genocide, child labor, communism, poverty, and much more. I bet the next thing you’re thinking is “That’s not what I mean, I’m not against immigrants as long as they do it the “RIGHT” way.” I mean that makes sense right? Everyone should follow the same procedures and rules like YOUR ancestors did when they landed their big ships here and proclaimed land that already belonged to someone else as their own because obviously, they weren’t “CIVILIZED” like the white men. The white men who raped, killed, took land that wasn't theirs, and tried to enslave those who only wanted live peacefully on THEIR OWN land. No, I get it…

Forced human beings of a different color to sail across the sea to a new country and enslave them because you NEEDED land and money. Even after freeing them you kept your children “SAFE” by making sure the blacks didn’t go to the same school as your pure white children. Obviously it’s because “BLM are all racist thugs.” Right? I applaud you for keeping the same morals and beliefs as you’re ancestors did hundreds of years ago. It’s obvious they are the same because you continue to push natives out of their land by building pipes that only benefit the rich white men. Also after killing innocent children of color you continue to tell us that we’re in the wrong for rallying together and supporting one another during this time, that we’re being “OVER DRAMATIC” and throwing a “TANTRUM.” All this but it’s okay that you all can create an angry mob, destroy private and public property because you lost a sports game. No, I get it…

You don’t let society play a role in affecting what you believe is right and wrong no matter how much the world has changed and is changing right in front of you. You go girl! Keep staying in the 1800’s! I write “girl” because obviously me saying person just isn’t okay like how you don’t agree with changing “man of the year” to the “person of the year” is a good thing. Because men have “ALWAYS” been superior, right?

There are a lot of things I wanted to say, I wanted to express, I wanted to burst out but I dunno where to start and how to put it in words because man, my mind is all over the place the whole day and I dunno how to pick it up and be able to think normally again. With Kris leaving before, I undertand the trauma it caused to EXO-L's. He stayed in his hometown for quite a while and dropped the bomb. So I understood how anxious and worried EXO-L's were when Luhan stayed in his hometown for a while. I know everyone is expecting Lu would return. Yet, somewhere in our hearts of heart, we were preparing ourselves for the worst. I saw many people saying 'I knew this would happen' or 'I already saw it coming'. Well, that's my case.  I was hoping and praying for the best but preparing myself for the worst.  But still the pain is unbearable.  I never knew kpop idols could really creep up to your heart like this that it would make you cry and break your heart more than anything else. EXO is my first bias celebrity. And when I started stanning them, I never expected something like this? No first timer would, I guess. I know the road is not always smooth and fine and a 'bed of roses'. But never did I expect it to be as bumpy and thorny and shitty as this.

Leave the fandom? That would've been a great option, really. No drama like this, no lawsuit, no bias making your heart break, no separation, no one leaving. Just plain you and your ultimate boring life story.

But no. I'm not leaving. (Why the hell not?!) Because maan, I've already invested too much emotion and time (nvm money because I didn't have that) that it's hard for me to let go just like that. Is this love?

And more importantly, Kyungsoo is still there. My baby is fighting to achieve his dreams. Who am I to leave him? I know I'm just one fan but the one me contributed to that number of stars in EXO's galaxy.

So yeah, I will be painfully and happily supporting EXO, Lu Han and Wu Yifan, my ot12, my fo12ever bias. The 12 creatures who made my whole world upside down in just a matter of roughly 10 months. The 12 people who would fill up my life's diary as if they were with me all my life. (That was how 10 month was long for me..) I made a promise to be with EXO in the next million years. And that is the promise I don't intend to break. ^^

After Kris's issue 5 months ago, then Baekhyun's scandal month after, there's already this fear of opening social media in twitter of what news might greet my morning.

I was feeling so delighted and happy with my Baby Kyungsoo's Cart press Conference when SM and Jessica's news flooded my tlist.