#myrandomday

Some days feel more bad than others. I cannot sleep peacefully because my mind won’t shut up. It started to think the worst scenario of everything and brings out every anxiety possible. As if all of the thoughts isn’t terrible enough.

It gets me sleepy on the next morning so I will crave for a coffee. Coffee sure didn’t help much; the caffeine can worsen the anxiety. Nice...

I keep myself busy but still my mind keep playing the games. The unpleasant feelings drained me out.

It will be clear once I start bleeding. Usually. Ugh

What’s your dream? 

Anyone else maybe has a dream to be a great figure and create great thing or whatever that has a meaningful influence on their surroundings. 

I don’t have a big picture and a clear objective related to such a “dream”.

Just dreaming of a peaceful life where I could be myself and didn’t worry what others think about me. 

One thing that’s been very clear all this time is that I wanna go to Japan a lot. Been there 2 times and couldn’t get enough. 

The other things might grow old with you, have a family, a garden, and a pet. Have a morning coffee, afternoon tea, everyday cuddle, quarreling minutes, and good night kisses.

It seems like the coffee not only for the morning, sometimes it's gonna be for the afternoon and night also. Then comes the sleepless night and exhausted day afterward.

A lot of things in my mind but I am too lazy to write about that. Beside those thoughts appear in the wrong time, when I am not in the mood to write. -_-

OK, let’s talk about this pandemic situation that overwhelm the whole world. Most people starts to panic and suddenly this world is just like zombie apocalypse. Some start to care less and some spread kindness more than ever. There’s always two sides of every story. While imma be a plain ignorant sometimes, because there’s no significant result from the action taken by government. Just take care of myself and family, also filtering information. A few friends panic and feel depress because receiving too much information. :|

I’ve been working from home (self quarantine) for 3 weeks and it feels nice except the back ache. I don’t have to spend a lot of time for commuting. Just wake up, do a little exercise, set up my working table, prepare breakfast (mostly coffee), and start working on 8.30 as usual with a sleepy face. Take a bath on 12, have lunch and finished working on 5.30. What a day!

Now my hand and finger start to ache and sometime I miss my desk. I just realize that my college D.I.Y. desk is not very comfortable. Maybe back then I just touching it a little and only use it to watch movie on PC. :|

Still working from home until next week, it will round it up to 1 month. Let see what’s changes after this whole time. Hopefully everything’s get better.

You have something you didn't want, yet got nothing of what you expect. To see ourselves fighting hard and still get disappointed is kinda hilarious.

We can get down on our knees and stand tall at the same time.

Then you get something you’ve asked for when you least expect it. In a blink of an eye, your doubt is gone.

By that time, you realized that God is work in mysterious ways.

It's funny, isn't it?

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15/7/2019; 03.28 pm.

At Office, when I'm craving for coffee but couldn’t take any

Pagi ini bangun dengan dada terasa penuh. (Bukan, bukan t*t* w gedean).

Tapi penuh membludak sampai kedorong ke tenggorokan. Tenggorokan pun tercekat, pengen nangis ya Allah.

Bener aja pas mandi langsung tumpah ruah. Gak tau kenapa, gak inget persis mimpi apa. Gak ada angin, gak ada hujan. Adanya bulan purnama yang masih bersinar sampai pagi ini. Yang gw tau rasanya sedih bgt. Perasaan gak karuan, gak enak. Ini yang mendorong untuk langsung nulis di sini.

Karena apapun itu, semoga ini hanya lanjutan sakit kemarin. Asam lambung yang naik sampai bikin muntah 3x, isinya cuma buih kuning dan asam. Diperkirakan karena puasa tapi gak sahur.

Semoga bukan pertanda ini atau itu yang bisa membuat sedihnya makin kacau.

Semoga jiwa, raga dan hati yang berarti tetap terlindungi.

Dan semoga sakit ini sembuh.

Aamiin

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Depok, 18 Jun 2019 [6:11]

(Sekarang mau mulai pakai timestamp karena di tumblr gak keliatan postingnya kapan)

Pernah gak craving bgt akan suatu hal tapi belum bisa dilakuin? Pernah lah ya pasti.

Sekarang gw lagi pengeennnn bgt nyetir sendiri entah kemana. Anggap lah ke puncak. Berangkat subuh sampe sana ngopi di warung yang di pinggiran tebing sambil ngeliat pohonan hijau di sekeliling. Gausah ajak temen, gausah ngobrol. Bengong bego aja ngejogrok disitu. Habis itu ya sesuka hati aja mau kemana. Makan indomie kek, berenang kek, ato mao metik tobeli jg bisa. Atau mau lanjut tiba-tiba nginep dan besok paginya baru balik ke rumah.

Enak banget gitu kayanya. Tapi sayang sekali, saya ga punya mobil dan gak bisa nyetir juga. Ngumpulin duit dulu buat beli mobilnya, belajar nyetirnya juga.

Suka random emang kepengennya. Tapi sungguh, pengen bgt bisa kaya gitu. Keinginan yang lebih advancenya ya macem lagu Long Drive-nya Jason Mraz lah. Di new zealand gitu hahaha

Sakit ye. Iye emang. Biarin aja 😂

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Tulisan di atas gw tulis beberapa hari yang lalu di kereta saat berangkat ke kantor. Sekarang gw gak pengen nyetir sendiri ke puncak. Gw maunya ke Pantai aja, nikmatin angin sepoi-sepoi di pinggir laut sambil denger deburan ombak.

Bicara tentang tipe manusia. extrovert, inrtrovert dan ambivert.

ada yang bilang hal ini tergantung energi yang diperoleh.extrovert merasa energinya lebih banyak disaat dia beramai2, apalagi jadi pusat perhatian. sedangkan introvert merasa semua itu sangat melelahkan. Ya gw jg kurang paham lah yang gini2an.

Gw? Yaa tergantung mood gw aja. Kadang gw suka diantara keramaian kalo lg mumet bgt. semacam pengalihan pikiran aja. tapi pada waktu yang berlainan, gw pengen sendiri. ke mol sendiri, makan sendiri, nonton sendiri, ngapa2in sendiri, ga pengen ada yang ngajak ngobrol bahkan kalo denger orang berisik aja suka langsung annoyed sendiri sambil bersuara dalam hati, "anying. Bacot bet. Diem ngapah".

Kalo orang bilang "ngapain sendiri? kan punya temen", iya ada. Tapi terkadang melakukan hal itu sendiri tanpa ada orang lain yang akan mendistorsi pengambilan keputusan itu sangat enak.

misalkan mau nonton, berangkat lah gw tapi tiba2 udah di tempat tujuan lalu ga mood nonton yaudah selow tinggal ganti urusan. klo sama orang kan pake nanya dlu, "eh gajadi nonton aja gimana? ke toko buku aja. e tapi klo lu mau nonton yaudah kita nonton dah".

Gak jarang juga gw maleesss bgt kemana2. Bahkan di rumah aja gw males ngomong, cuma pengen nonton seharian terus tidur. Entah kenapa yaa. Apa gw capek bgt? Akhir-akhir ini gw tidur siang bisa 4 jam, padahal malemnya tidur jam 12 - 7. Apa sekarang sistem tidur gw dirapel di akhir minggu? Hmm...

Even happiness has its own glitch

This photo taken accidently while playin around at HnM last saturday. Kinda love it