#myperfectguy

Blue eyes

Long hair

Facial hair

Broad shoulders

Taller and larger than me

Bum

V lines (a girl can dream)

Doesn't smoke

Is able to party without drinking

Surfs or skates

Plays an instrument

Speaks another language

Mature

Accepts me for me

Feminist : loving me despite my hairy armpits and spiky legs and excessive sweating. Respects my pmsing

Is not a prude: able to be equally gross

Open minded

Not racist, prejudice, homophobic

Respects that I need medication and does not take this personally or judge me

Never compares me to others

Doesn't watch porn

Makes me laugh

Spontaneous

Adventurous

Nerdish

Wants to travel, immerse in other cultures, camp, get dirty

Has definite morals and values

Knows who they are

Humble

Not work obsessed but has great work ethic

Generous

Helps others

Supportive

Loves and respects his family

Family orientated and will join my family events

Will spend time with my sisters

Will do things with my dad like watch rugby even I've he doesn't enjoy it

Makes an effort with my friends

Has good manners : offers to wash up, clears up, pays for dinner

A romantic

A gentleman. Will go out of his way to do things for me because I will do the same.

An animal person

Is able to laugh at himself

Doesn't take things so seriously when he doesn't need to

Can let his inner child out

Is not afraid to be emotional

Is a romantic

Is confident and secure within our relationship eg sexually experimental, let's me hang out with my guy friends. Understands self harming will most likely not be about him. Does not need me to message him constantly. Understands my cat will always come first. Know that he does not own me or my body

Confident in his sexuality : watches chick flicks, lets me dress him up, can go to gay bars etc.

Independent has his own interests, friends,time.

Includes me in his plans

Reliable

Will make the time to break down my walls.

Loyal. No exceptions

Patient

Loving

Responsible

Is able to apologise and know when he is wrong

Does not hold a grudge

Affectionate

Honest

Able to call out my bullshit, able to handle when I call out his

Compromising

Intellectual

Can teach me new things

Will read with me

Sentimental, knows our anniversary and what certain things mean to me.

Is able to have debates

Good communication skills

Respectful

Understanding: understanding when I need time alone, when Im not in the mood for sex, my anxiety attacks, my mood swings

Pushes me in an encouraging way

Is a man: Protective in a respectful way, wants to provide, strong physically and emotionally, treats me like a lady but acknowledges me as a strong independent woman.

Wants to grow with me

Cares about making a difference

Does sweet unexpected things

Random dates

Can cook

Will spend the day in bed with me

Will listen and let me be depressed instead of trying to be so positive.

Similar music taste

Similar goals although can take different path to get there

Kisses my forehead

Knows when I'm not alright

Writes me little notes or shows me he is thinking of me in his own way

Tucks me in at night

Kisses my scars

Holds me when I cry

Loves my body for what it is.

Will get drunk with me. Will let me get drunk and look after me

Remembers what I tell him

Will put in the effort during sex. Will not make me feel shit when we don't have sex.

When he says he loves me he really truly means it.

My question to you is what exactly is a perfect relationship and how do you know it is if you haven’t experienced it yet ?

Sure everybody says there’s no such thing as perfect. But still we all seem to have some sort of ideal relationship. We all have an idea of what our ideal soul mate would look like. We all have ideal scenarios of how we’d meet and rules on how fast or slow things should move. We all have boundaries and deal breakers when it comes too what we can forgive when our soul mate mucks up. I too used to have these ideals firmly in my head as well. But four years after meeting who I would say is my “soulmate” I’d beg to differ. Most people would think I’m just blind and I’m not with the person I’m meant to be with if they knew some of the things that have happened between me and my partner. Due to your ideals. You’d think it’s just a matter of time and that I couldn’t possibly have found true love. But again I would beg to differ.

Why? Well let me break it down for you. First of all my reality “ideal” guy in terms of physical appearance. Isn’t the guy I began a relationship with. In my head he was tall, he had big warm flex-like arms and of course an even bigger third leg. My guys just a tad taller then me (I’m 160cm tall), his natural physique is toned but he struggles to gain weight so his limbs are skinny and his third leg ? Well I better keep something to the imagination. But despite all that it didn’t stop me from having crazy honeymoon sex for the first six months. Honeymoon sex which I can whole heartedly say was the best sex in my life and if anyone asks I think my guys handsome and yes I am attracted to him.

Secondly my ideal scenario of meeting my soul mate was some kind of date. More just the two of us flirting away, getting to know each other kind of thing. I was always fine with kissing, hugging, holding hands if it felt right. But if I was serious ideally I wanted to wait for sex until we were official. My guy now, followed me to the bathroom at his house and pecked me on the cheek to show his interest. Why was I there ? Well my friend wanted to introduce me to ecstasy and my guy was the one who had contacts. Then him and his mates invited us over to a party at his. So I was high, drunk and surrounded by party people when I sat on his lap to return my sign of interest. So you can bet with both of us high on the “love drug”, we sure didn’t waste time. So that is now my cooee “how did you first meet?” answer. But still me and my love drug buddy have still managed to stay together four years later.

Thirdly, my ideal boundaries and deal breakers. This is the one that I know most of you will struggle to understand. The first two are child’s play compared to what I’m about to get into. I mean unless your extremely superficial, if you love someone it won’t take much to get past their looks. Whether they’re ideal or not and unless your uptight-Kathy then you’ll realize however your relationship begins has almost nothing to do with how long it could last. I never had a list of deal breakers but I always had a few obvious ones such as cheating, lying and physical abuse. I’ll begin by telling you now that each and everyone of those have been broken. I won’t bore you by writing out each and every crazy event that happened in detail But I’ll give you a short version.

In our four years together I’ve experienced a lot of crazy hurtful shit I never thought I’d go through or forgive. I’ve felt so insecure that I’ve become a crazy jealous witch who texts and calls all day wanting detailed alibis. I’ve seen him be flirtatious with other woman and vice versa then deny it till the cows came home. We’ve had physical fights in front of people and usually both drunk that resulted in me loosing a tooth and him with a swollen black eye and busted lip. We’ve had three break ups in which he would go into a drug binge, loose his job and crash his car and I would sink into depression and use drugs too. We’ve slept with people who we both knew well in our few weeks of separation. We’ve been addicted to methamphetime together as well as alcohol and everything that comes with that.

Everyone of my deal breakers and more shattered yet still wholeheartedly I am in love with the man. Am I blind ? No I can see each and every crazy messed up thing for what it is and Yes it sucked. It took awhile to move past and truly forgive but I chose to do it and I’m happy with my choices. Do I lack self worth ? Nope my self worth is if anything at its highest right now. I don’t accept crazy shit in my relationship because I have no self worth. I choose to accept it and move on for more then one reason mainly because I love him and I want the relationship, crazy or not. That’s what I want and it doesn’t alter my self worth one bit. Continuing the relationship would need to make me feel unhappy not happy for me to be accepting it based upon lack of self-worth. Sure my past ideals of what a deal breaker is for me have changed as I have experienced and learnt what my ideal relationship is right now. I have learnt that whilst cheating, physical abuse an lying may hurt and may affect your trust. It is not irreparable. Therefore it is no longer my deal breaker. But how would I know what my ideal relationship was if I had no experience in one. Sure it may be something you cant come back from and that’s fine too. As with most things there is no one size fits all option. Some people will feel happier to end the relationship there. But I hope this can make people understand that some of us can feel happy continuing. So maybe next time you will be less harsh when it comes to that know it all opinion of “he deserves better” or "their relationship is a mess”, etc. I have learnt a relationship is never at a standstill. Whether it is family, friends or romantic you are generally not just happy 24/7. So what may have been a crazy messed up relationship may be a perfect happy relationship a month later. Just because things went sideways, why should that mean they can’t turn back around ? Who are you to make that decision. Really the only people who can decide are the ones involved. I’m not saying it’s easy but I’m saying I know from my experience it’s certainly possible.

So there it is all that raw ugly stuff we hide away for no one to see or judge. If your still wondering why my perfect relationship is with this guy. Maybe I should finish off by telling you some of the good stuff.

As I explained in our four years I’ve felt the most painful and hurtful emotions possible. But I’ve also felt the most beautiful, pure love, movie-like feelings too. I’ve never felt so comfortable with anyone in my entire life and that’s a blessing in itself. My guys not just my boyfriend, he’s also my Best friend. I hate to be that cheesy person but he is ! We’re together everyday, We tell each other literally everything. We can be goofy weirdos together but we can also get serious and go grocery shopping and make a nutritious meal together. We have a lot in common so it’s never difficult to find something fun to do or talk about. I used to think that all couples were like us and then my sister or whoever would make remarks like,“you guys are always doing cool things together” or “gosh I wish my bf liked watching DVDs” (who doesn’t seriously !?) or “I wish we talked as much as you guys without disagreeing and bickering”. I’m certainly not trying to say my relationships perfect(obviously) but by golly it sure is for me.