#idkman

yes I love you, but not more than the boy who promised to kill himself if I did when I was 13 and slitting my wrist.

yes I love you but never as much as the girl who I called almost every night this summer, who recommended me Acotar and giggled over Kaz brekker with me, the girl who helped me realize I was aromantic

yes I love you but you do not recognize my handwriting like the girl from elementary school who I was friends with until middle school. She told me the other day that my handwriting hasn’t changed since then.

yes I love you but not as much as my first friend who was into theatre. She knew a shit ton of musicals and was really fucking cool. And we’re still best friends to this day and we’re going to the same high school.

yes I love you but not as much as the girl I played grow a garden with every day in 2025. We were both too old for Roblox but we didn’t care. She makes me laugh so hard I think I’ll die

everything feels backwards 

like i’m aging

but 

i don’t feel 

older

i actually feel more

childish

it sucks

everything sucks

well not everything 

but a lot of things

a lot more things suck right now then they don’t suck 

but i can’t stop the things that suck from un-sucking

and