#mydeardiary

❀ Teenage Discomfort (My Dear Diary) hand embroidered patch! ❀

Teenage years are a big deal in the life of most of us, is the time of big confused feelings, rage, fear of the future, changes, dreams... and discomfort. I used to write millions of pages in my many diaries myself and if I ever should read them again I would find a lot of it! ❀

I made this patch is to celebrate that time of the life, in a perspective of a kid who played with her very precious digital secret diary in her room.❀

My Dear Diary, 

        Tonight, I finally watched God's Not Dead. You know? That movie that came out back in March, and I was never able to see. I have to say, I may have underestimated it. Sure, I thought it would be a good, encouraging movie with great arguments as to why God is real from the perspective of an average college student. I wasn't expecting to be moved so emotionally. 

        Since I want to keep this post as spoiler free as possible, I'll just share my consequent thoughts and emotions. The latter being very raw right now, since I just finished watching it an hour ago. 

          Firstly, I wish I had such boldness. Boldness to speak out is an aspect with which I have, admittedly, been struggling. I feel as if I need to push out of my way in order to speak to someone, and then I suddenly close up again, feeling as if I didn't hear the Lord right. Maybe I'm not approaching this idea right. Maybe, just maybe, God has in mind who He wants to reach. What if, instead of trying in my own head and strength, thinking of cool situations which sound right in my head as to why that person is doing something, or is going through something, I simply listen to the Lord. Instead of making my own effort, I instead ask Him for strength, wisdom, and opportunity to be a light for Him. I feel like I talk so much about wanting to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, but when it comes to actually doing it, all the noise inside my head blocks Him out. This is something I want to strive for. Walking boldly, expecting the Lord to speak to me and through me, instead of trying to stir up zeal in my own heart which only ends in self-condemnation because I didn't do anything with it. 

         Secondly, the aspect of leaving father, mother, brother, sister, husband, wife--any family behind for the sake of Christ hit me hard. Not that I don't feel willing, though in my heart I ask God to constantly keep me in this, I don't realize how it affects other people. I live in a Christian family. I grew up in a Christian household. My parents are supportive of my walk with Christ, and they encourage me to follow whatever path He's leading me. But, there are hundreds of thousands out there who don't have this. And the problem is, we view these converts' parents as horrible people with no feeling. The fact that their child is now Christian, in many cultures, is equivalent to them being dead. Furthermore, those parents must cast them out themselves. My heart goes out to them because they don't understand. They don't know the worthiness of Christ! However, those converts who stood in their faith despite this hard, hard trial--they stand as a testimony to Christ. Our prayer should immediately be that the parents of those brothers and sisters in the Lord would see the Lamb of God nailed to the Cross for them. Not just because He wants power, but He wants their hearts--He wants their hearts. And He wants them to give it to Him willingly. He would never forcefully take love. He is gentle, patient, merciful. My prayer is that He would touch them and open their eyes through the testimony of their children. 

         Thirdly, God has a purpose for us. To be honest, lately, I've been feeling the same as the pastor. I felt as if I go day in and day out without making an impact. I watch these movies and see those like Josh standing up to their professors for the sake of the Lord, and I want to do something like that. Something that allows God to have glory--to have opportunity to reach lives. And yet, as I go day by day, studying, writing papers, walking from building to building, I ask myself "What am I doing?". The Lord reminded me though, what seems insignificant to us, may be used greatly by Him. What's my purpose in studying? I don't know. Not now, anyway. I believe that I have great impact through prayers and intercession, because God is always listening, and He answers. But, I don't know what He's preparing me for. I have no idea, really, what things He has planned for me. But, I know whatever it is, I'm willing. Though my flesh is weak, and I complain half of the way, and sometimes I get distracted, my spirit is willing, and again, I will say "Here I am, Lord." 

To leave off, I'll finish with this verse, so often quoted, so little truly taken to heart:  For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.For as the heavens are higher than the earth,so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.~Isaiah 55:8-9 

Goodnight, 

{Creative title, ain't it?}

My Dear Diary, 

This "entry" will be more of a rant than anything. I love babies as much as the next girl, but honestly, there are just some things that get under my skin. Maybe it's because I'm an introvert. Maybe it's because I'm blunt about my feelings. I don't know, but I hope I'm not the only one out there who feels this way. So, here we go...the five stages of a baby shower phases described in paragraphs, pictures, and gifs(oh my!). 

      In every singly baby shower there are inevitably these things that happen. 

1.) The pre-shower awkwardness 

       So, if you're related to the mother in any way, you're expected in some way to help with the set up of the shower. No problem. I prefer to helping out to sitting awkwardly on the side, but inevitably, as the youngest of the group there, I end up sitting on the side, twiddling my thumbs--or pretending to text(Because, let's be honest, who do I have to text?)  More awkwardly, I just end up staring at someone doing something I WISH I was doing, so I'm just like...

2.) The Stranger Effect

This is the amazing effect where every single person you know ends up coming to the momentous occasion LATE. So, for the first hour, you're stuck being introduced to strangers. Now, this generally is a good thing--meeting new people and all that jazz. But, it's not cool when you're in one of those situations where you go for a handshake, and they go for a hug because "You're so darn cute!". Just...No. I am an adult, thank you. Therefore, I bring to you position number 2: 

3.) Small Talk 

Ah, yes. The introvert nightmare. Okay, maybe this isn't true for all introverts, but for me, I feel like small talk can be really shallow. If I small talk with you, it's to try to find a subject we can talk about in depth--not to continue the small talk. So, at the shower, you're seated at a table with other people you may or may not know. Either way, this small talk begins. Sometimes, you do catch that little subject which creates a brand new, blooming friendship. But, in most situations, you end up with someone you don't really know, and who doesn't really care what you're saying. Thus, you get the awkward silence and/or "I didn't hear you so I'll just nod" silence. In the end, as much as you try, you just end up sitting across the table like this...

(I'm sorry! I'm just really not good at social functions.) 

4.) Moment of Salvation 

This is where there is finally a turn of events. Here comes that silver lining. That beautiful dawn from the painful night. That--okay I'll stop. This is the moment you've been waiting for: Your best friend finally arrives.  At this point, you're trying not to show your extreme excitement, because you're desperately trying not to offend the person you were making small talk with in the first place. Your best friend obviously feels the same way, and so you meet in a completely lady-like way. As so...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, right! It happens more like this: 

(Also, Dan and Phil. Yay!) 

5.) The Commencement 

All the games have been played. All the food eaten. All the gifts opened. All the encounters made awkward. The shower is now over, and the mother is happy(which is really all that matters at a baby shower anyway). You help clean up, and you go home. This is sometimes the most satisfying moment of the day. You prop up your feet, put on Netflix or grab a book, and sip your tea in quietness. Ultimately, you realize that, even though social functions have their place, staying home and enjoying silence is just as rewarding. So, the final position...

(THE BURRITO.)

That is my little rant on baby showers. I hope someone else can relate. If not, it's cool. I always knew I was a strange one. 

Sincerely,