#mydabbles

Frozen in place, all I could do was watch as slander and delicate hands slide over broad shoulders. It wasn't just those shoulders that were familiar, the height, the dark hair, the clothes… all telling things that I knew too well, so much so that he didn’t have to turn for me to recognize who he was.

The owner of the delicate hands smiled widely, catching me staring, but instead of eyes, there was two big round spotlights – her glasses. She was focused on me, as her fingers grew longer, wrapping around his neck slowly, savoring, five snakes grasping in a deadly wrap.  

I tried to move, to stop her, I really did, but my body wouldn’t comply no matter what. I tried to scream at her, beg for her to stop, but my lips wouldn’t open; all I could do was watch.

And she knew it too, as her smile grew crocked, in pure joy, I knew that she could sense my despair.

I could feel him suffocating under her grip, slowly, painfully… then cracks, the sickening sound of bones snapping… gasping for air… he was…

… my eyes flew open, as I tried to catch my breath, blinking profusely to the ceiling.

It wasn’t real. It wasn’t… and even so, that perception, made nothing to stop the tears that followed. If anything, relief, tireness and a bundles of emotions got in the way, engrossing the damn tears, even knowing that all I had to do was to reach to find him, to ask for comfort. Even so, I didn’t. 

Instead, I got up from the bed and left the room, carefully, doing my best to not make any noise, as I retreated to our small kitchen, a hideway from any mess up nightmares. As I turned on the lights, letting the disgust of those mental images dissolve on the safety and normality there. 

And with the sound of boiling water from the electric kettle as background noise, my thoughts would scatter again, as I took out the chamomile can, the honey and milk. And if I wanted to be truly honest with myself, the nightmare itself wasn’t, in itself, the center of that turmoil; it was more complicated than that – I was stuck.

I sighed, fiddling with the handle of my favorite cup, "...but there's nothing I can do about it."

“How you can be so sure?”

My head turned without my control, our eyes finding and holding for a split of second, before I turned back to what I was doing.

“Do you want a cup of tea?” I asked, pretending that I didn’t say anything before, Rayan seemed to get it.

“I would love that, thank you.” there was tenderness in his voice, as well as a touch of curiosity “… you got up, you don't usually wake up in the middle of the night like this.”

I could hear the question implied in his comment, about what woke me up in the first place, but instead of answering I focused on making the tea. Rayan didn’t say anything else either, letting the silence stretch between us - something we'd gotten used to lately, whenever we had something to say the other wouldn't like to hear, the silence would be there.

I was sick and tired of it.

With both cups in hand, I turned to him, sitting on the kitchen bench, noticing that he was out of his usual robe, his hair messed up and with a sleepy look in his handsome face.

“I had a nightmare.” Finally, I answered, staring at him “With you and Marina.”

I set one cup in front of him, before holding my cup with both of my hands, the scent of honey and soothing chamomile clashing with the turmoil within my heart. Rayan traced the outline of his cup, still holding my eyes in his.

“Do I want to know how bad was it or…?”

"She had her hands around your neck and she was slowly choking you as she looked at me with a sadistic smile.” I don't mince my words, knowing the spite and disgust made that description sounding accusing – but I couldn’t care less. “It was bad enough. The idea of losing you is bad enough.”

The idea of fighting him over that girl made me beyond mad with myself, but all my accumulated frustration from the last few weeks was welling up and it felt out of my control. I waited for harsh words from Rayan’s end, like he did before, but instead, I felt him touch in my hand over the table.

There was something careful about the way his fingers traced the veins in my hand, drawing invisible circles on my skin.

“I’m sorry for putting you through this.” There was real grief in Rayan’s voice, so much so that it broke my heart a little. “You don’t deserve it.” Neither does you, I wanted to say “I’m going to find a way to fix this, whatever it takes.”

There was promise in his words, as well as a sense of loss and uncertainty that didn't match the Rayan I had known so far; and I could see other cracks in him just as well, the way his eyes looked sunken and tired, the weight he had lost lately… it was like I was seeing him for the first time after a long time.

I took my hand from his hand, leaving my cup aside too and crossed the distance that separated us with determined steps, I made him turn to me, my hands going to either side of his face.

“You don’t deserve it either, this is what you need to realize at this point.” There was still an edge in my voice, but my anger was no longer directed at him, “We’re going to find a way to fix this together and no ‘whatever it takes’, Rayan, I’m not losing you in any way, shape or form, I refuse to give her what she wants.”

I fought back the tears that came to my eyes, as silence tears fell from his own eyes. His hands went to my waist, pulling me closer, his face going to rest on my shoulder.

Stroking his hair I broke the silence again, “I’m still upset at you.”

I could feel his lips finding the weak spot on my neck, another quiet apology, sending a shiver down my spine.

“I never wanted you to be scared of losing me, I know how that kind of fear feels like all too well. I hate the thought you’re going through this because I wasn’t careful enough.” That made me realize that, to some extent, he could understand what I was feeling. “I wish I could simply make it go away.” We were so happy before all this.

“I believe in that.” I managed to say, pulling away slightly to make him look at me again. “And I refuse to see it all as just your blame, I know that in your view, this is about what you, individually, could’ve control and this is your strong sense of responsibility talking, but you need to stop shouldering it all by yourself. Why you said nothing about the death threats? Why trying to hide it from me?”

Green eyes looked at me intensely, “I’m scared to death of you leaving me because all of this.” That shocked me and he noticed it, “I… I don’t feel like myself anymore. I lost the job I loved… we never had so many eyes on us, on me… and this all already feels too much with me alone, when I put you in the equation, I have no idea if…” He shook his head, as if the idea of putting it in words again was too unbearable, “At risk of sounding extremely selfish… the thought of going through all of this without you feels like a living breathing nightmare for me.”

It's not that I couldn’t believe him, but I knew about all the bad cards that life had dealt to that man, all the suffering and lost he ever had to endure in his life, I knew it all, so I knew that even without me Rayan could be able to pick himself up again – it was just one of his strengths, one of the many reasons why I loved him so much.

However, have knowing all of that did nothing the lesser the pain I felt at his confession, neither made him sound anything else but completely hopeless.

I wiped away his tears, before tracing his lips with my fingers.

“I’m not going anywhere without you.” There was power in my words, in my voice, “So don’t go anywhere without me. Don’t let someone else take you away from me, not even yourself.”

“I’m truly sorry.” I saw the tightness in his face loose at my words, green eyes softening, “I’m sorry you had a nightmare. I’m sorry.” It seemed like the only acceptable thing Rayan found to say.

I sighed, resting my head in his bare chest, loving the warmth coming from him, “No, my nightmare was something out of your control. We should’ve talked about this all ages ago.”

Rayan got off the bench he'd been sitting on all this time, but without letting me go, he put one of my arms around his shoulders, then his arms went to the back of my legs. In one swooping movement, he scooped me up.

“I want to give you something good to dream about next time.” His beard lightly scratched my naked skin with a trail of hot, slowly, attentive kisses, that stole my breath away.

“But, all my good dreams are already with you anyway.” When he smiled at my words, the first genuine smile he'd given me in days, so handsome, so mine, that it made my heart squeeze tightly.

Resisting it felt wrong. Instinctively I knew that whatever was the force pulling me in, guiding me through the garden, towards the woods and the darkness, wasn’t something I should fight against. Somehow, there was nothing deceitful nor threatening behind that feeling, quite the contrary, something inside of me, deep in my core, needed to meet that calling. 

The sensation felt so right, that I had no reason not to yield to it.

So I kept moving forward, deep into the woods, letting that sensation guide me through the darkness, my footsteps sounding too loud for my overly sensitive ears. I could see just fine despite the tall trees hiding the moonlight, and the harsh shadows surrounding me, the path clear enough and the sensation of rightness only growing stronger inside of me.

Soon a clearing opened up ahead, and suddenly I was basked in moonlight. A lake was nestled in the forest and the silver glow of the full moon reflected brightly into it, highlighting the dark leaves on the trees and the deep blue of the lake. It was magical.

As I stood there in awe, my breath caught in my throat and my heartbeat quickened. I wasn’t alone.

A naked man was standing in the middle of the lake, bathing both in the water and the silver light of the moon.

His body was fit, built up with solid muscles, the fine dark skin tattered with white, long and painful-looking scars, but what caught my attention was the red brownish fur on part of his arms and up to his neck and back. Two pointy ears were still on his head, the red hair there shorter than they normally would. The incandescent yellow eyes snapped in my direction, lupine and wild like I had never seen before, but undeniably captivating in their own way.

A vicious growl pierced through the stillness of the place, screaming danger and giving me every reason to turn my back and run for my life. My feet, however, did not move. I was petrified in place, barely able to breathe. He bared his teeth to me, while another growl grew at the back of his throat. 

Go away. That’s what he was telling me to do. Leave, or I don’t know what is going to happen. And for a moment I thought about it, but I couldn’t, I was mesmerized by him in a way that I never experienced before. 

Instead, my eyes travelled through the curves of his body, taking in how handsome and lethal he looked in that moment. He was almost shining, drops of water dripping from his skin back into the lake. My gaze went back up to his face and I saw him taking a deep breath in my direction, wolfish pupils dilating with my scent, his resistance against my presence there faltering. 

Then I felt it again, so irresistible, stronger than ever, pulling me towards him. Calling me.

I made the decision without even knowing it, my fingers working on my clothes to take them off, before taking another step. I let my dress fall to the ground and walked towards the edge of the lake.

Even after the last piece of clothes fell to my feet, his yellow eyes, bright as the sun, stayed on mine. When I slowly started walking towards him, that was when his eyes ran over my figure with hunger, in a way they never had before. The sense of power that realization brought me drove each step I took towards him. 

In the stillness of the lake, I could hear his breath quickening, I could see his body stiffening and his strong jaw clenching, and just like before, somehow I knew that he was trying to resist the urge to win over that gap between our bodies, to take me and have me. 

I slowly started my descent into the lake, my feet were slightly sinking in the sandy bottom and the water was cold but I barely felt any of this, my mind solely focused on one thought, I had to reach him, he needed me and I… I needed him.

But soon the intensity of his feelings turned me numb to all the other sensations; the wind biting my skin, the coldness of the lake, everything else that wasn’t him, that wasn’t us, faded away in the back of my mind. 

“Aaron” the name of my vampire rolling over my tongue sweet and electrifying, mine to say because he called for me, because even now he was still calling me with no voice, but through our bond. 

He didn’t move when I stopped in front of him, he kept staring, so I tentatively raised my hand and touched his chest with the tip of my fingers.

A low growl came from the depth of his throat, but I wasn’t scared, somehow I felt that the warning was more for his benefit than mine, so I started trailing the hard planes of his body. Compared to the chilly air of the forest he felt so warm to the touch, and I felt mesmerised by the contrast of my pale skin against his darker one, of my softness against his hardness. It felt like we were made to complement each other. 

The more I touched him, the more I wanted. I spotted a water drop in the hollow of his neck and without even thinking about it I raised on my tiptoes and caught it with my lips.

That’s when he lost any semblance of control.

Strong hands grabbed my arms and his mouth came on mine. Rough, hungry, his kiss pure instinct and need, I had barely time to come up for air, his hands travelling over my curves and I closed my eyes, lost in his touch, ready to give him whatever he wanted from me.

I can’t take you now… the same voice whispered in my head, this time hesitant, struggling, almost in pain, and I could tell that his instincts were still more animal than man… it’s not safe.

But I didn’t care, I wanted more, much more. The moment I pressed my body tighter against his, a loud howl teared into the silence of the night.

I woke up into my bed, breath erratic and heart beating fast. 

It took me a moment to get my bearings. I was lying in my bed, completely dressed, sheets covering me. The forest, the lake, him… had it all been a dream?

I jumped off the bed and looked at my feet, was that sand on my toes? And the lengths of my hair were damp…

I walked to my window and looked at the full moon.

“And what exactly would they see?” I leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed my arms. “That you nearly made my heart stop!?”

With a huge grin, Armin lead-in, putting his hands at each side of my body, trapping me loosely against the counters.

“I didn't know it could have such effect on you.” So cocky.  

I bit my bottom lip, trying to hold back my smile. His pranks shouldn’t be encouraged, but that part of him was endearing, and the way he was looking at me, his clear blue eyes shining with mischievous intentions and full of promises.

But well, two could play that game.

Shaking my head to him, I casually seated up on the counter “You have a lot of effects on me.” My admission surprised him, together with the sudden change in my voice, turning smoother and calmer.

Armin knew how to be charming in his own unconventional way, but he had little experience in having someone infatuate he intentionally – which I noticed early on in our relationship. Just another endearing thing about him. That nearly made me smile. But before I could give that reward away, my hands went to his shoulders, caressing slowly until my fingers reached the soft hair of his nape.

Without any resistance, Armin let me pull him closer. Blue eyes diving on mine, drowning on me. His smile was tiny now, but warmer, less cocky and stripped of pretensions, genuine. My fingers played with the strays of his hair, letting that caress be more affectionate than anything else.

“I missed you today.” My whisper almost against his lips, so close but still not kissing.

“You did spend the day with Alexy.” Armin sulked, nuzzling on my nose, his hands running slowly in the sides of my body, taking their time to memorize my curves. “For a moment I thought about kick his door and save you.”

That finally brought out a laugh from me “Like the way you did when Amber locked me up on the School’s basement that one time?”

The hands on my thighs stopping to grab and pull, now I could easily put my legs around his waist “Yeah” he narrowed his eyes at me “But this time I would’ve saved you. That just how much I missed you.”

“Gosh, so dramatic.” I finally smiled at him, at the mental image of his kicking his brother’s door just so he could spend some time with me.

He would probably hurt his foot on the process, probably wouldn’t succeed again, but he would’ve tried anyway.

So adorable.

“You really have no idea in how wrapped around your perfect little finger I am, don’t you?”

His breathless whisper was just another caress over my lips, just the last pull that I needed to seal our lips together. Heat, sweetness and all sorts of sensations vibrating through my whole body with just a movement of his lips, with the closeness of his body.

My legs went around his hip, pressing, erasing any space that could still exist between our bodies. Armin groaned, giving a light bite on my bottom lips, just enough to make me open my mouth and give him more access. I shivered, every nerve in my body electrified with our kiss. I wanted more. I could feel that he wanted more too by the growing ferocity of his tongue rolling over mine in a suggestive way.

I tried to remember where we were, how easy it would be for any member of your family to find us that way, but I soon found out that it didn't matter to me. I missed him. I missed him all noon, and with my hands messing his hair, his hands all over my body, I was quenching my thirst for him; our thirst for one another.

I gasped for air, when Armin backed off slightly, I tried to pull him back, but my boyfriend went for my left ear.

“I’d rather go insane than let you go back to Alexy’s room tonight.” His tongue traced a went line on at the edges of my ear, teeth brushing over, teasing a bite. “What do you say? Are you coming?”

My hands went under his shirt, tracing the soft muscles underneath it, going down. I played with the band of his underwear, finally receiving the bite on my ear that I was wanting.

“For me we could finish this right here.” I whispered back, my nails running on his sensitive skin. “But I’m still trying to make a good impression on your parents, so…”

“Then, it’s decided.”

Armin lift me up from the counter, despite the trembling muscles of his arms. I was too heavy for him. He took a few unsteady steps towards his room, while I tried my best to hold tight.

“I can walk.”

He gritted his teeth with the effort to carry me. I tried to stifle a laugh in his shoulder.

“No way, I’m saving you from a whole night of Alexy’s snores. Not carrying you manly would ruin the whole thing.”

“If you say so, my hero.” I smiled at him, kissing the corner of his lips.

“Are you out of your mind?” I hissed at him, pulling my arm away and he let me go, his hand falling to the side of his body. “We’re in no place to have this conversation and I have nothing else to say to you, I have got it already” my arm, my eyes burning, hurting “This is a mistake, you said so yourself.” I turned to leave, before I couldn’t hold my tears anymore or that my voice could break any further, I would not give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry, I would not.

I didn’t take more than two steps before stumbling on Rayan, that had put himself between me and the elevator.

“If this is what you really want, I will not stop you once more but, please, before taking such a decision, please, listen to what I have to say first. I’m not here to hurt you again. And I know that you have no reason to trust me on that. But let you go without telling you how I truly feel, it would be the biggest mistake of... a mi-mistake that I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself for committing.”

The rushing torrent of his reasons had me breathless. All the risks that he’s taking on that moment, of someone, simply walk in and hear all of those things, notice our closeness, while in no time he tried to hide or disguise what was going on, everything just so he could reach me.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to get you by my side.” He took one step towards me, his hand finding my damp cheek. “If you let me, I’ll do whatever it takes to not make you cry again. I promise.”

“And if I still say ‘no’?”

I could feel his fingers trembling as he traced the lines of the tear lines on my face, but his gaze was fixed on mine, unwavering.

“Then I will go away.” I could see it in his eyes, how devastated and helpless he was when he repeated those words, I could almost taste it. “Just one word from you and I’ll go away. And I will stay away.”

I gently removed his hand from my face, my fingers intertwining with his and holding onto him tight. I gave a step towards the elevator, bringing him along. Rayan followed me quietly. I pushed the bottom to the highest story, then I pushed the emergency button that stopped the elevator with the doors still closed.

“Don’t ever let me go again,” I told him, my arms going around his neck and pressing my body against him. “Don’t you ever, ever again. Please.” I didn’t care if I was begging, there was nothing more important than having him there, in my arms. 

“Never again,” Rayan promised, in a passionate whisper, raw emotions matching mines. “I must be crazy if I let you go. Only the purest and complete insanity could keep me apart from you now, but even then, I would still be yours. Since the first moment, before I could even realize it, I was yours and only yours.”

I moaned, feeling my whole body the effect of his words, feeling my desire for it to burn and devour me, my mouth finally finding his for a kiss that I had considered lost, just minutes before. 

And I knew it was because of that that I hadn't given myself up to someone else that night, because there was no one like him, no one who could turn my world over so completely and so magnificent, he was the only one for me too. 

“I’m yours too. All yours.” I told him, between kisses. 

I leaned over the white rails, recognizing the smaller figure of Raphael and the bigger figure of my vampire, still with his head threw back and laughing. The sound was rich in humor and could be mistaken by a thunder rumbling. I had to struggle to kill any smile from my lips, reminding myself that I shouldn’t find his laugh so amusing or enthralling, not even the careless grin in his face.

That was one of my many reasons for avoiding Aaron lately. Every time I saw him something inside me stirred up with his gestures and voice.

Still, I stayed in the same place, watching the two take a certain distance from each other and raise... swords?

I watched with apprehension the slim figure of Raphael, positioning himself elegantly and waiting for a movement from his clearly stronger opponent. Held my breath when Aaron moved forward with speed and precision aiming for his enemy’s chest. With a gracious movement of his arm and his whole body, Raphael got out of the way and blocked the attack.

It soon became clear that the two were masters in the art of fencing and that I had absolutely no reason to worry about it. In fact, as the minutes passed, it seemed that the two were facing some sort of impasse, because neither of them seemed capable of disarming or having a successful attack on the other.

It was an incredible sight, especially when it became clear that their fightining style was not at all similar to the one among humans, the aggressiveness, precision, fluids of the movements, the strength and the speed would hardly have been captured by human eyes, but I could caught everything perfectly and I was thrilled with it all.  

The feeling was so intense that I put aside everything else, all my reservations, and got inside of my room to change my clothes to leggings and a tight shirt, my running clothes, tied up my hair in a ponytail and went running to downstairs, almost jumping the steps with excitement, and making my way to the backyard.

The door closing behind me was what made the two dueling vampires stop in their tracks. Aaron looked surprised, while Raphael gave me a kind and enigmatic smile.

Being the center of their attention so suddenly made me feel like a fool for my excitement and the idea that maybe they could teach me… which was absurd. Why would Aaron teach me when he had Raphael to practice with? If anything, he would hate my interference and take me as a dead weight to teach.

“Eloise? Is everything alright?”

Like a little high school girl, I blushed. Still hesitating, thinking of an escape plan. Anything remotely acceptable to say.

“I think we’ve had too much fun today, my dear friend.” Raphael said, walking towards me, towards the door, “I’m tired already. Eloise.” he greeted me, the hilt of the sword in my hand and leaving with a smile. “You two have a good night.”

I watched in shock, Raphael leaving without even giving Aaron or I a chance to stop him, his sword’s weigh in my hand lighter than I expected.

“I’m so sorry.” I tried to speak as fast as I could, hoping that Aaron would be irritated by my intrusion “I heard you two up there, and I thought maybe... could I join in? I wasn’t expecting Raphael to leave and…” I swallowed, trying to calm myself down. “I wasn’t trying to ruin your sparing session.”

“You don’t need to apologize.” Aaron shook his head calmly, for my surprise. “And you didn’t ruin it at all. I can teach you a little bit if you want, and thinking about it now, I imagine it’s important having you learn to how defend yourself.”

Only Aaron to approach that situation in the most practical way possible... and in the gentlest way possible.

Little did he know that I didn't care about learning to defend myself, I just wanted something (anything) that would take away from inertia, and the idea of ​​learning to handle a sword seemed more fun than utilitarian.

After all, who would attack me in a mansion full of vampires, who for all intents and purposes couldn’t hurt me either? So, sword fighting would be a useless skill… that I was dying to learn for being so cool.

“Also, I think it’s time already for you to see what you can do now.” Aaron was studying me again, then I realized, I never tried to test my limits neither.

I was no longer human. In addition to seeing better, to the point of watching a fight between two vampires without losing any detail, what else could I do? Again, a wave of excitement passed through my body as I walked towards him.

Aaron wasn’t smiling anymore, but the strong lines of his face also did not mark any kind of rejection. If anything, he seemed unfazed by my presence. I tried to tell myself that it didn't make me a little disappointed in the slightly.

“Try do bend a little, hold your sword up and try to firm yourself in a position that you will feel comfortable in moving” I focused on his instructions and did as I was told, trying to keep my stance and balance.

A sound of appreciation came from his throat as he circled me, trying to find something to fix in my posture. It was when I felt him spread his hand at the base of my spine, his other hand, temporarily free because he had stuck the sword in the damp grass of the night, went to my elbow, making me raise my stance more and lower my body a little bit more.

I had to grit my teeth at that contact, the place where his touch was too hot in contrast to the cold on my skin. I wanted to get away, to push him away from me, as much when I wanted more of his touch.

My lack of words, reactions, got meet by more words:

“You saw Raphael and I training, didn’t you?” The fact that Aaron knew that felt like a cold bucket washing over my body, but again, he used a matter-of-fact tone. “You already have an idea of ​​what to do and how to move. Before going to the basics, I want to see what you can do, your fighting instincts and how you deal with stressful situations, all these things will be of great use if I want to teach you.” He took the place in front of me, crossing our swords together. “Ready?”

I gave one step back, and instead of steadying my foot, I concentrated all my strength on an onslaught, aiming at the side of Aaron's face. In a blur his sword came up, blocking mine. The impact surprised me, I felt it throughout my line and repelling my sword with a deafening tinkle.

A cold blade came against my throat, yellow eyes burning in mine too close, closer than necessary. But I didn't back off, there was no fear in me, and he saw it in my eyes, clear as daylight that no longer belonged to my world. 

I felt the blade move away from my neck and saw his mouth open to say something, but I didn't let him.

I attacked again, this time, controlling my strength, but continuing to attack, again and again, pressing on him. The vampire retreated, blocking each of my attacks with unnerving passivity and ease. I growled, with renewed violence, looking for any opening, any chance to hurt him. Make him bleed. Just as he had done to me when he bit me just a few days earlier.

Blood for blood.

I jumped back, much like my first attack, hoping to fail, when I kicked the air, unexpectedly, hitting Aaron's strong chest and knocking him to the ground.

The vampire dropped the sword as soon as it fell to the ground, but I didn't give him a chance to recover it. I sat on top of him, my legs going to either side of his body, the blade of my sword pressing into his throat very much like he did early with me.

“Eloise.” My name, a plead.

Blood. My blade got stained with a thin trace of blood, the shallow cut preventing him from saying anything else.

It was then that all my anger disappeared, evaporated. There was no sense of satisfaction, fulfillment, just a misplaced feeling of anguish, tearing me apart inside.

And Aaron made no move to protect himself, to change our positions, nor did I move my sword away from him, dropping it on our side, close to his hand. Instead of taking it, his hands went to my hips, keeping me on top of him.

“Breathe.” 

I choked on the air that entered my lungs when I did what he told me to do. I felt my eyes sting. 

“It’s okay. Just keep breathing.”

Something about his tone, the way he looked worried about me, no longer disinterested, made me breathe, just as he told me to. There was something solid about the calm that still emanated from him, something that made me want to lay my head on his chest and allow him to comfort me.

But I knew that none of those were my true feelings, it was just another part of the elaborate chain that held me there. I tried to get off him, but Aaron didn’t let me.

“Where all that anger came from?” No beating around the bush.

“When... I saw you two sparing, I just wanted to have something to do... to learn something new and exciting. I had no intention of hurting you then...” I frowned, puzzled. “and I had no idea that you would allow me to.”

“Allow you to what?”

“Hurt you. Or at least tried to.” Our eyes met again, but this time I was mesmerized by the serenity in his look and how he didn’t run away from that contact. “You are much more skilled in combat than I am, you probably saw that kick coming and let me hit you. You just let me put a sword against your throat. Why?”

Aaron raised a little bit, supporting himself with one elbow his face getting a little bit closer, his expression acquiring a sad tone “I took too much away from you when I changed you, then kept taking and taking. Perhaps it was my turn to let you take something, for once.” His hand took mine, putting it on the middle of his chest, no heart beating to be felt there.

“That was the most masochistic thing I've ever heard.”

His confused expression amused me, “Maybe. But it wasn't like I could make you tell me what was going through your head before. Now, for better or for worse, I got a glimpse of it.”

Everything around us fell in the deepest silence, even the hissing of the leaves of the trees in the wind went still. We were surrounded by shadows, we were still barely able to understand each other, even if we could call that a “relationship” and “partnership”, actually wasn’t it. It couldn’t be. But even so, Aaron’s hand found mine again and hold onto me. Not for the first time, not for the second time… and somehow I simply knew, if I kept refusing and rejecting him, he would try again, and again... not letting me go. 

“I’m sorry.” I told him and I meant it. 

For a second, I thought his heart had come back to life under the palm of my hand still firmly placed on his chest, but it didn’t. It was the distant echoes of sensations that I thought I had lost, echoes of things that were still there, but that I had refused to consider.

“It’s forgiven.” He nodded with deep austerity. “You made me fear for my life for a moment back there. If we keep training, you can become a formidable opponent. Truly terrifying.”

I laughed at him, shaking my head “Says the big bad werewolf-vampire.”

“We’re an odd pair.”

A pair.

I had let myself forget that we were two in that arrangement. 

In the end of my chain was no perch tying me in, no, I was tied to something else... to someone. 

Rayan gave a lazy and indulgent smile. “You have my word that I will behave.”

I was not convinced, especially when his hand remained there under my blouse, but I said nothing back. Just looked at him and he looked at me, our silence full of complicity. I thought about continuing like this, enjoying the moment, even more knowing that he must be just as tired as I was.

Thia had drained our energy in a way that we weren’t used with just a few hours, but I could still hear echoes of our laughter with her. And looking at him at that moment, I thought about how he lifted her up in the air and played superhero with her.

“Did you ever think about it?” the words slipped from me and, suddenly, felt a little nervous with the trail those thoughts were taking me.

Before I could take it back, Rayan asks “Thought about what?”. I hesitated before answering.

“Kids. Did you ever think about having them… with me?” I couldn’t look at him, feeling shy, silly. 

“Kids. As more than one?” He sounded amused, large hands going to my face and holding gently, my eyes went back to his and what I saw putting me at ease. “How many?”

“Maybe two? But don’t distract me, did you ever think…?”

“I did.” There was something solemn about his face when he admits “Sometimes I picture it, even more after seeing how much you love Rosa’s and Leigh’s daughter company, but even before that... I never brought it up because it was still too early, and then you got focused on your business and all. We had plenty in our plates at the time, so I never brought it up.” he let his fingers run down my cheekbone, curling his finger in one of the curls in my hair. “But of course, I thought about it. How I could’ve not?”

“I would be lying if I say haven’t pictured it before too. A few times... even before Thia was born.”

Rayan made a low appreciative sound with my confession, absently tracing the lines of the tattoo on my shoulder. His touch sending chills all over my skin, I leaned in even more against his touch, loving the familiar, warmth, sensation.

“I’m glad we’re on the same page about this. I don’t think I could’ve dreamt about a better partner for this than you; my love.” He said the words close to my ear, laying a kiss on my cheek.

My heart that had previously been beating wildly from his warmth, was now racing in a madding speed inside of my chest. Lifetime journey. He saw our relationship lasting to that point, the idea didn’t terrify him, he wanted to share more of his life with me, to the point of wanting kids, maybe even more. 

I blinked, feeling foolish for being so moved; it wasn’t like I didn’t know the intensity of his feelings for me. But I knew that feelings and commitment were two separate things, you could have one without have the other, they didn’t always go together. Rayan, however, was talking about a commitment for the rest of our lives, something that I wanted as well.

It wasn’t a proposal, but it felt like a beginning, a place to start that climb. Just like when he asked me to move in with him, it felt precious.

Rayan seemed oblivious to my reaction. I checked his face and saw him looking at the fireplace thoughtfully.

“Two kids, hun.” He smiled “Since you want two, we shouldn’t take too long.” There was something playful about the deep tone of his voice, and to my surprise, he pressed me against his body, his mouth going for my neck. His kisses found a sensitive spot, his beard scratching my skin. I tried not to make a noise, covering my mouth with one hand while pushing his chest with the other.

“Rayan!” I tried to sound vexed, but I failed when a muffled groan escaped me. “Stop messing around. We’re in the living room.” I heard his quiet laugh, hiding in my neck and I couldn’t help laughing too, joy and love flow through me. I caught my breath, finally getting some space from him, but still over his chest. “But are you serious? You really think we shouldn’t take long?”

His smile fading a little “I’m not talking about today, tomorrow, next week… but yes, if you want it too, of course. We have plenty of time to think about that in the future.”

“Yes. I am sure we can make that work.” I assured him, my hand resting in his cheek, feeling the truth in my own word “And I know that any doubts that rise, we will both figure them out together. Nothing would make me happier than share a future with you. I can even picture it, a little girl with green eyes…”

“Curled hair like yours…”

“With a book in her hands, just as smart and bright as her father.”

He shook his head, “Just as bright and strong-minded as her mother.”

“You’re going to spoil her so much.” Just the thought was enough to make me giggle.

Rayan didn’t deny it, amused with my prediction.

We face each other in silence again, leaving the suggestion of ​​a daughter, a mixture of the two of us, in the air between us. Then the picture changed in my mind, and I saw a little boy with green eyes, my curly hair and holding a book in his little hands too, either way, the mental picture filling me with equal fondness.

My head when back to his shoulder, resting there, and we both snuggled for a moment, his arms around me. My eyelids closed heavily, tiredness finally winning me over. I felt Rayan’s lips on my forehead, brushing a soft kiss, I sighed, falling asleep just like that.