#mum stuff

I don’t get to write as much as I wanted anymore, and sometimes that isn’t just down to having little free time. my brain and body are exhausted from growing and feeding and chasing this little whirlwind i’m so lucky to call my baby.

he’s two now and i’ve written little since he was born and i do miss it. but I get to wander in the forest with him instead and make tiny zoos in our home. there’s stickers on my floor and fridge, there’s a miniature alpaca on the coffee table. we walk through muddy paths with leaf umbrellas and i’ve learned there’s nothing more magical than some food colouring in a tub of water.

I still get to tell stories, just not here, not as much. instead, I get to whisper and laugh about the gruffalo and the highway rat, I get to make up tales about a little boy who lives on a farm and feeds all the animals before he falls asleep.

I get to be the best customer in the garden restaurant on mondays, the zoo assistant on a tuesday and a painter on a wednesday.

I think what i’m trying to say is - mostly to myself - that motherhood didn’t stop my creativity at all. I just get to give to someone else instead, for as long as he’ll let me. and when I feel like it, when the time lets me, I can give a little to myself again too.

And when my sister pressed, the GP said for Mum to get an MRI, so we did that last week (Mum was super resistant to it).

But the antidepressants have clearly not worked, and worse is that Mum has started noticing the deficits. So she's now quite upset, and there's nothing we can do about it right now. Only try and find something to do that's easier and more positive.

Mum: nothing is stopping your from wearing one. Go buy one and wear it all the time

Me: is that a fancy way of saying you want one too?

// first time styling a wig from a-z