it’s taken two years of feeling a lot of guilt and sadness to realise that becoming a mum didn’t stop me being creative. it slowed it down a lot, sure, but in the prettiest ways.
I don’t get to write as much as I wanted anymore, and sometimes that isn’t just down to having little free time. my brain and body are exhausted from growing and feeding and chasing this little whirlwind i’m so lucky to call my baby.
he’s two now and i’ve written little since he was born and i do miss it. but I get to wander in the forest with him instead and make tiny zoos in our home. there’s stickers on my floor and fridge, there’s a miniature alpaca on the coffee table. we walk through muddy paths with leaf umbrellas and i’ve learned there’s nothing more magical than some food colouring in a tub of water.
I still get to tell stories, just not here, not as much. instead, I get to whisper and laugh about the gruffalo and the highway rat, I get to make up tales about a little boy who lives on a farm and feeds all the animals before he falls asleep.
I get to be the best customer in the garden restaurant on mondays, the zoo assistant on a tuesday and a painter on a wednesday.
I think what i’m trying to say is - mostly to myself - that motherhood didn’t stop my creativity at all. I just get to give to someone else instead, for as long as he’ll let me. and when I feel like it, when the time lets me, I can give a little to myself again too.