#mujimumbled

he is the first friendly face you see in ishgard—and at least for me, he was the first random (at first) npc that really stood out to me and made me want to know more about him in post ARR. he is the one we turn to when everything goes to shit, and he’s delighted to be able to help us. he sympathizes with our plight, treats us as an honest friend, makes you feel like he really cares about you, is truly grateful for the things you’ve done, and doesn’t want anything in return for his hospitality and kindness. he really, really cares—and he is really, really fond of the warrior of light.

like imagine the WoL walking through ishgard getting strange looks for their somewhat draconic features, vendors trying to cheat them out of more gil than other customers, that sort of thing. to most people here they are, at best, offputting to look at. at worst, they are an enemy infiltrating the politics of ishgard under the guise of a hero. but haurchefant has no lens of prejudice. to him, the WoL is fascinating and beautiful and he would listen to them talk about the intricacy of scale care or the xaela tribes or the history of the raen for hours if he could. he wants to know everything they can tell him about their people.

small breaks to breathe, but they were used as opportunities for him to find other places to plant his lips; kissing the corner of your mouth, your cheek, your jaw, your neck—all with reverence and something so earnestly gentle. you had learned lighter was a romantic, but he had yet to truly show the length of the sentiment until now; it was clear to you that he must truly hold you dearer than dear to show this much affection, for all his movements to be imbued with so much meaning. everything so intentional, so full of patience and respect that the champion almost seemed hesitant.

returning to your lips, his forehead absently knocked against yours in an affectionate manner, his eyes shut tight as he couldn’t bear to feel the weight of your gaze, much less let it pierce his soul. not yet, not now, while he could show you how much he loved you for the first time. not yet, not now, while he bore the nakedness of being without his sunglasses, not having come to terms with the discomfort yet.

- lighter in a hangout event after you choose to watch a romantic movie where the two leads die for each other

“i’d like to give it a try too,” is a dialogue option.

then he says:

“…don’t say that, i might actually believe you. but let’s wait until we’re both tired of living first.”

. . .

this man quite literally just insinuated that should he ever fall in love with someone—should he ever fall in love with YOU—he would lay his life down for that person. he would lay his life down for YOU. we already could have guessed that, it’s surely not surprising, but this interaction basically told us that should you both choose it, YOU would be the person he falls in love with. perhaps you already are; perhaps he is already halfway there. perhaps lighter has already decided he would lay his life down for you, given the circumstance calls for it—actually, i am certain he has. i’m certain that whether he loves us romantically or not, he would die to protect us, as he would for anyone he holds close.

he did not have to say that second part of the first line. he could have left it at the fact that he was ruminating over the themes of the movie. but he didn’t—and because he didn’t, his words imply so much to the player, if you decide you want to interpret it that way😭

“i was just reflecting on the notion of dying for love. i’d love to give it a try, if i ever got the chance.”

— i would die for you. i think i could fall in love with you.

“don’t say that, i might actually believe you. but let’s wait until we’re both tired of living first.”

— i want to believe you. i already believe you.

that last sentence—let’s wait—is more of a joke to me than anything else; like haha if we’re going to fall in love and die for each other in a romantic fashion, let’s wait until we’re tired of living👅. but the fact that he said it at all basically affirms the previous implication—that he could and would fall in love with the proxy, and perhaps he is eager to. he wouldn’t make a half-joke like that if he weren’t serious about its implications.

his sense of humor is still intact, certainly rough around the edges as you’d expect, though much less biting than before. it’s easy to tell that most anything aggressive he says is a front, a front that he is no longer concerned with presenting as absolute truth. perhaps the front is his sense of humor, and his affection is all thinly veiled behind jabs and sour grumbles—he is not willing to divulge the intimate details of that, however, preferring to leave it up to interpretation.

i just think of him and his healing and i feel like if he were to fall in love, it would be such a sweet and gentle and quiet sort of thing, just like his newfound peace. he ponders over many things, brooding by himself as much as he can, though he occasionally allows space for others to brood with him. that, i think, is something unique he may grow in. there are people who cannot tolerate strong emotions in themselves and certainly not in others—but he is the kind of person who can. he is the kind of person you could sit with and exist in your sadness and just be sad, and that’s okay. he’s not offering words of comfort or anything, but he doesn’t need to. anything he’d say would be useless anyways, he knows what it’s like and knows that a presence is enough and existing in your emotions safely is enough. he can appreciate someone who is straightforward about feeling unwell, who doesn’t seek pity, who is alright with sitting in the mud. he will gladly sit with you, then, as long as you don’t expect him to get all mushy about things.

he would do well falling in love quietly, not having to beat around the bush. naturally, pieces would fall into place, and he’d find himself yearning to be in the presence of another in a way he’d never before experienced. he had never really wanted to be around anyone, had never sought out anyone’s presence. but once he has been treated gently, has fallen softly into the arms of a likened soul who has the patience and understanding to touch his rough edges without recoiling, he finds his third space being with this new safe person.

and despite his reluctance to be anything but mysterious and nonchalant, i believe wanderer in his healing season would become quite the romantic. not in the sappy sense, but in the quiet love sense i’ve been talking about. firm and protective, subtle and gentle, almost gentlemanlike if it weren’t for his falsely rotten attitude he enjoyed projecting. romantic in a princely way, in a reverently respectful way, in a grotesquely wholesome way.

only the most chaste touches and kisses; he’s still getting used to affection, and would abhor pda. in private he’s much more open to being touched, because he is safe. if he is not safe, he is deeply conditioned to be conscious of his vulnerabilities, and it’s something that will take a lot of time to override, if even at all. but it’s a massive and beautiful step that he is even willing to receive affection at all, that he would want it from a partner in any amount.

hates eye contact, likes playing with hands. likes tracing veins and creases in skin and freckles and scars; he finds them fascinating, as he has nothing of the sort on his artificial body. one of his unique ways he shows affection is what could be called “studying” you. he likes to brood (with you there; perhaps it could be called parallel brooding) and take your arm and trace all the splotches, imperfections, veins, tendons he can find. he likes to touch more than he likes to be touched i think. perhaps he becomes amusingly selfish in this way. perhaps he is more averse to receiving than giving the affection because his disgust towards himself still lingers. perhaps he still has harmful core beliefs to unlearn.

i think he is full of a love that is strong and quiet, a love that he gives so sparingly, and only in pieces, never all at once. unless, that is, someone comes along and manages to drag it all out like a magnet—his carefully crafted exterior is in pieces, just like that! but oh, once someone is in possession of his love, he begins to know them so intimately, more intimately than he lets on. he so deeply knows who he loves and he knows how to give and to take action and so he does it, silently, for he is adept at perceiving the needs of his loved ones. reading body language and facial expressions is second nature to him at this point; nothing can get past him.

he studies you wordlessly with the expression of a cat who loves and reveres its human, except it’s the kind of cat who believes it owns the human, not the other way around. you’re his responsibility that he has taken on like an extension of himself because he loves you, and you have loved him, and now he hardly wants you out of his sight. his journey of rediscovery and learning self acceptance has been mentally and emotionally arduous, but ever since you came in and made loving him seem so easy, he’s felt much more at peace, and has had the capacity to reflect and process with much more freedom to sincerely feel.