#mthfr mutation

i appreciate words of encouragement and support but i’m tired of people giving me advice on my depression and anxiety when they have no clue about any of it OR me. advice i never asked for. they send me paragraphs or talk my ear off on why i get so down and what i’m doing wrong and how i can “fix it”. none of that is the case. they talk to me as if getting so low is a personal choice of mine. i do not choose to be down. i would just like to say, I HAVE FUCKING PERMANENT BRAIN DAMAGE. MY CEREBELLUM HAS BEEN SQUISHED DOWN INTO THE BACK OF MY NECK FOR MY WHOLE LIFE. THE CEREBELLUM IS WHERE ALL YOUR EMOTIONS AND IMPORTANT SHIT ARE, AND MINE IS PERMANENTLY DAMAGED, SO YES I OFTEN GO THROUGH IT WITH GOOD AND NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. I HAVE ALSO GOTTEN MULTIPLE BRAIN SURGERIES AND CAUGHT A STRAND OF BACTERIAL MENINGITIS THAT ALMOST KILLED ME AND PUT ME IN A COMA. I DON’T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS BUT MENINGITIS FUCKS UP YOUR BRAIN AND EVEN CHANGES YOUR PERSONALITY SO I HAVE DOUBLE BRAIN DAMAGE. ESPECIALLY WITH THE STRAND I GOT BECAUSE IT WAS A RARE ONE FROM IRAQ. MY BRAIN IS NOT THE AVERAGE BRAIN. SO PLEASE STOP ASSUMING AND GIVING ME ADVICE BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE ON ANY OF THIS TO EVEN HAVE AN OPINION IN THE FIRST PLACE. WHEN YOUR BRAIN IS TAMPERED WITH FROM SURGERY, IT CAN CAUSE THE BRAIN TO ACT WEIRD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. OUR INSIDES AREN’T REALLY SUPPOSED TO BE MESSED WITH, ESPECIALLY THE BRAIN, BUT WHAT CAN YA DO, RIGHT? AFTER BEING TAMPERED WITH SO MUCH, IT BEGINS TO DO THIS THING CALLED FLOODING. WHERE I GET A SURGE OF EMOTIONS OUT OF NOWHERE, BE IT ANXIETY, SADNESS, EMPTINESS, EXTREME HAPPINESS, ETC. STOP TELLING ME I HAVE TO BE MORE POSITIVE. I AM POSITIVE. I WAKE UP EVERY DAY AND CHOSE TO TRY TO BE UP WHILE MY BRAIN WORKS AGAINST ME. I CHOSE TO GET UP EVERYDAY AND STAY ON THIS EARTH EVEN WITH ALL MY SHITTY MEDICAL PROBLEMS. IT IS AN UNFAIR BATTLE I WILL ALWAYS FIGHT SO LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THE TERRIBLE ADVICE BECAUSE 9 TIMES OUTTA 10, YOU’RE JUST ANNOYING ME, TELLING ME THINGS I HAVE HEARD TOO MANY TIMES TO COUNT, MAKING ME FEEL BAD AND UNHEARD, AND MAKING YOURSELF LOOK IGNORANT AND DUMB BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE EVEN SAYING. IF YOU WANT TO ENCOURAGE SOMEONE, DON’T ASSUME THE PROBLEM AND TELL THEM WHAT THEY NEED TO DO TO FIX IT. YOU CAN LIFT ME UP WITHOUT MAKING ME FEEL RIDICULOUS AND LIKE SHIT. THAT’S ALL.

it’s like nectar of the gods

ohmygod I have to pee