#naboo

Talking with @ozvezdja the other day, we just ended with this ridiculous idea. Their bdsm is extremely educative.

Transcription of the dialogue on alt text!

Because obviously TTT, Mara Jade, and the Emperor's Hand as a concept predate both the PT and Palpatine being from Naboo, but they're all perfectly backwards compatible.

And the Naboo handmaiden system is objectively insane.

I love it! It rules!

It is ALSO insane.

George Lucas was, as always, operating primarily on vibes and mythic imagery rather than asking uncomfortable sociological questions, but if you stop and think about the institution for more than a solid minute, it immediately starts raising eyebrows.

What kind of society elects a teenage queen and then surrounds her with a cadre of teenage noblewomen trained to impersonate her, carry weapons, participate in security operations, keep state secrets, and potentially DIE in her place?? That's not even a hypothetical, that's Cordé.

That's a state security apparatus specifically created from child soldiers wearing silk and makeup.

My favorite headcanon is that the answer lies buried in the institution itself!

Once upon a time, someone kept trying to kill the Queen.

Maybe it was rival houses. Maybe succession disputes. Maybe civil war. Doesn't really matter, the point is that Naboo's history was far uglier than its idyllic image suggests.

Eventually some desperate monarch, cornered by enemies and running out of options, came up with a brilliant solution: every major noble family would send a daughter to court. They would be honored guests publicly ... functionally they would also be hostages. They would be trained to fight, trained to serve, trained to imitate the Queen's speech and mannerisms so thoroughly that no assassin could ever be entirely certain who they were killing.

Viewed through that lens, the institution suddenly starts making a little more sense. What noble is going to sponsor a plot against the throne when the young woman wearing the crown might actually be his own daughter? Every major family now has a personal stake in the monarch's survival. The knives are still there, but now everyone has to think twice before drawing them.

Over centuries, the original purpose becomes obscured. The hostages become companions. The companions become handmaidens. The coercion gets wrapped in honor.

Which is exactly how cultural institutions survive.

And if you accept that premise, Naboo becomes a much more interesting place. Beneath the fountains and beautiful architecture is a society that normalized masks, doubles, hidden identities and carefully managed appearances.

The Queen pretends to be a handmaiden.

The handmaiden pretends to be the Queen.

Political survival depends on controlling appearances.

Which is EXACTLY THE CULTURE that should produce a Sith Lord in the exact flavor of Darth Sidious.

For most Naboo, the culture of masks and doubles becomes a defensive adaptation; for Palpatine, it becomes a worldview. The future Emperor spends decades pretending to be a kindly public servant while secretly engineering galactic catastrophe. He presents himself as a grandfatherly statesman while running the largest conspiracy in galactic history. He doesn't reject Naboo's political culture; he internalizes it and weaponizes it. Which is extremely Sith.

And then we get to the handmaidens themselves.

Because I am convinced that Senator Palpatine watched the events of TPM unfold and took notes.

Imagine him sitting there watching a bunch of fourteen-year-old girls with blasters repeatedly interfere with his plans.

Not just the Jedi or elite soldiers or master spies.

Handmaidens.

Loyal. Adaptable. Good at disguises. Comfortable with deception. Willing to risk their lives for the person they serve. Every time one of Padmé's girls successfully pulls off another switcheroo or security operation, Palpatine's reaction isn't just annoyance but professional admiration.

Somewhere in the back of his mind there has to be a moment of: I want one.

Not a handmaiden, exactly. That's too obviously Naboo. But the concept? The concept is excellent.

Fast forward a few decades!

Palpatine is Emperor now. He takes the idea apart and rebuilds it according to Sith principles.

He keeps the loyalty. He keeps the secrecy. He keeps the personal service and the ability to operate independently. He keeps the willingness to sacrifice everything for the person at the center of the system. Then he strips away the humanity and replaces it with possession. He adds espionage, assassination, manipulation, and dark side conditioning.

Hmm, needs less sisterhood and more murder.

The result of course is Mara Jade.

At some point he absolutely had to workshop the title.

"Emperor's Handmaiden?"

No. Too obvious.

"Emperor's Hand."

Perfect, print it.

Everything gets scaled up, militarized, stripped of its humanity, and rebuilt in obsidian.

Which feels phenomenally appropriate for the dark side. Sith don't invent things from whole cloth. They corrupt, distort, and take something that already exists and twist it into a more selfish, controlling form.

And that's exactly what Palpatine does with Naboo. For all his claims of transcending ordinary beings, for all his efforts to become something greater than human, he never really stops being a product of his homeworld.

He just takes every institution he inherited and asks himself what the most evil possible version would look like.

The final irony is Mara herself.

Because in this reading she's the dark reflection of a Naboo handmaiden. She is the culmination of Palpatine's attempt to recreate and weaponize one of the defining institutions of his youth.

She's like the cultural fusion of Naboo and Sith cultures. Culturally orange chicken.

And after all that effort, after decades of planning and conditioning and control, she eventually defects, marries Luke Skywalker, and gets absorbed into the very family that destroys everything Palpatine built.

Padme & Anakin