#mtab

“Was she able to do it?”

Stillness stretched and I didn't dare to breathe. What were they talking about? Rhysand said that he wanted us all to have a revival meeting from the battle tomorrow after breakfast. Why was he having a discussion with Cassian now in the middle of the night? 

“Cassian.” The High Lord warned.

“Yes, she was. She was able to heal me. She was able to heal her and my wounds of the Faebane. Just like you said. She was the key we’ve been looking for.”

What did he mean - I was the key?

“Cauldron bless. She’s the right one. I knew it. She’s the girl that is able to heal our certain death. Do you even know what it means to have her on our side? We are able now to fight every opponent that uses that poison. She makes us invincible.”

My breathing had come to a full stop and my head swam. I stumbled backwards without a noise but my hand grabbed onto the wooden planks of the wall to keep me from falling. My trembling hand drove to my chest just to check if my heart was still there and beating. I had no idea what they were talking about. Everything I knew was that they lied to me. I had to get out of there.

When I was down the corridor I heard a glass shattering against a wall, followed by dull objects being thrown around. Muffled and rough curses and the call of my name  were accompanied by something that sounded like a fight. Like they were hitting each other. The only explanation I had was that they noticed me and now were coming for me - trying to overpower each other to be the first to get their hands on me. Adrenaline thrummed in my veins and I began to sprint down the hallway.

The spirit of the house didn't send me through a maze as if it noticed my distress and wanted to help me. I reached my room faster than ever. I grabbed the first dress that I found, some boots and a jacket. I needed to clear my head. And I needed to bring as much distance between me and those liars as possible.

They found me and played me. Dirty. Was it all a lie? I caught a glimpse of me in the mirror as my hand stilled on the doorknob. I looked so out of place right there. The only thing that connected me to the night court was the hairpin at the back of my head that adorned three black blossoms of the illyrian poppies. I couldn't stand having anything from this court on me and ripped it out of my hair, throwing it to the ground. I ripped the door open and vanished into the night. 

I ran towards the mountains until I passed the barrier to Velaris. The harsh winds and unusual coldness that the barrier held back clawed on me now. The wind whipped and tangled my hair, collecting snow crystals instantly. My skin pebbled and I tucked the jacket higher to shield my neck. Fresh snow crunched beneath my boots and I fought with the covered ground, staggering forward in a hurry. I had no idea where I was going but it really didn't matter. 

What the hel just happened?

My head was empty and overladen at the same time. How did I even end up in this mess? I let my life pass before my inner eye to discover where it all went to shit.

I was born 700 years ago. My mother died during the war. She was wounded when her water broke and I was born on a battlefield. Priestesses found me, still attached to her womb and cradled in her arms, protected from the cold by every piece of fabric that she wore on her body.

I grew up in a temple in Day. That was where they found out that I had healing magic when I was four or five. I remember it as if it was yesterday. I played with an older member of the temple when I fell and broke my leg. I screamed and held my leg but before the others could carry me to the infirmary I brushed my hands along the wound and willed it back as it was before. I healed myself. It was a miracle they said. Never has a healer been revealed at that age. Rumors that the youngest healer was discovered spread and so my training began. Grand masters from all over Prythian came to educate me. Then another war broke out. Hybern always was an opponent and they attacked the Day Court where we were most vulnerable - the temples.

The sisters tried to protect our home and fought but it was no use, they were too strong. Most of them ran away and so did I. But it was on that very battlefield when a soldier of the Illyrians attacked me, grabbed me by the neck and pushed my head under water. I always thought they were our allies and that they came to help us against Hybern - but I was wrong. I chanted my last prayer in my head and suddenly I was breathing again. Another winged male had saved me. He killed the one that tried to drown me but I was so afraid of them that I ran away as fast as I could.

Luckily I was met with another priestess that escaped and we found the nearest temple. The high priestess protected me and said to me it was better to delay my healing training. I never questioned her demand - thinking it was because we all had to pass our traumas and build up the temples again.

Years ticked by until I was allowed to train my healing. Soon, they wanted me to have one of those blue gemstones that all priestesses used but the force of my magic broke everyone they handed me. They helped me to channel my powers until they realized that they were too weak to contain my healing powers.  When the head of our temple couldn't educate me any more, she sent me off to every high priest of the six courts to learn from them. The Night Court never allowed foreigners to set foot on their grounds. Year after year I studied healing. Plants and crystals, the moon and other celestial bodies, potions and ores that had special powers until even their knowledge had dried out.

My fear for water was the highest obstacle for me when I stepped on the ship that would bring me to the continent. But it was worth it. There were so many new ways to heal wounds that were not only on but inside the body. They taught me that not only magic can be healing but actions of my bare hands too. Rooms of titanium white with a wide range of disinfected instruments lay organized on a table. Right next to that, we cut open a sedated Fae and removed parts of organs that had turned ill beyond saving. Learning internal medicine became my new obsession and I left the continent after many years of studying their techniques.

The High Lord of Spring allowed me to stay in his court for a while. By that time his mate had given him three sons. The youngest, Tamlin, was commissioned to accompany me when I wandered their woods until I knew my way around. He told me that it was for my protection, because if I crossed the border, the humans would have tied me to a pyre and burned me alive.

By then I became known all over Prythian. Other High Lords invited me to their courts which I accepted happily and lived in their palaces, with my sisters in temples or in my own houses.

No matter how much the places changed one thing stayed the same. I healed hundreds and hundreds of patients. No matter if it was a simple cough or in the tents of battlefields where I demanded to tend the wounds of warriors from both sides. Yes I took money for it, but I wasn't heartless and took only so much to get a roof above my head and a meal on my table.

I was in Summer when Rhysands note reached me. It was a temptation to be invited to the Night Court, because strangers were rarely allowed. He must have known from my reputation that I was still hungry for more knowledge. That was the trap they set for me.

Velaris had narrowed down to a small sparkling spot and the wind became eager to blow away my footsteps in the snow. The cold hugged me tight and gripped on my bare shins and face like tiny needles worming their way inside me. My hands were white, drained of all blood and ice crystals covered me from head to toe. I still felt the cold and hated it to feel anything. Only thoughts - that was what I needed to be to sort out this mess. I picked up the pace as their words echoed in my mind.

Was she able to do it?

Yes, she was.

She was able to heal her and my wounds from the Faebane 

The key we’ve been looking for

She’s the girl that is able to heal our certain death

Have her on our side

She makes us invincible

Their words roared in my head. They must have known of my powers. Somehow they knew that I was able to heal Faebane. I could heal their certain death. They wanted me as their personal secret weapon. I was the key they’ve been looking for - the key to never let them die, nothing else could kill them. They needed me on their side to use me. They could use Faebane against others while I could prevent them from dying from it. Use me against other courts in battles to make them invincible and spread their terrain.

And I fell for it.

It was the sole reason they invited me to the Night Court months ago. I came to that stupid dinner and said yes. I almost tipped over the edge when I saw Cassian but he saved me from falling. Of course he did - how could he lose their precious healer who could make them invincible? 

And how to bind someone to you not just because both get their part of the deal fulfilled? Make them emotionally dependent!

Cassian cared for me from the first day on. He set up a new bed for me and even prepared a fire to make me feel welcome. Shortly after that he trained me in self defense in case some Illyrians would step out of the line. He wouldn't want me to be uncomfortable or hurt on the first day in my new ‘home’.

He even noticed when I sat glued to my chair beneath the window and picked me up to have some real fun. That was the first day we shared more than pleasantries with each other. He must have had the order to watch me closely and begin to form a friendly relationship with me.

They showed me their hidden city of dreams and the precious library and I adored it instantly. How could I not?  I flew the first time with Cassian and he promised me he would never let me fall. He showed me his favorite spot in the city and bought us chocolate croissants. They had a thought-out plan: Show her something hidden and be sweet to her and she gives you her trust. I was so dumb.

All the times I healed him bonded us even more together and it ignited a spark in my chest that gradually grew into a torch. Cassian knew of his effect on females - I could hardly hold back from touching and kissing him when he sat in front of me half naked and giving me fuck-me-eyes.

When I stumbled on the frozen lake, broke in and almost drowned, he saved me. He cradled me in his arms and didn't let go before I was warm. I felt so safe back then. When I drew my first sketch of him in the field of moonflowers, his eyes barely left mine. Again he had to safe the clumsy damsel in distress from her suicide mission.

When I found the three Illyrian boys I could reason with him until he agreed to build a shelter for them. That must have meant something to him, regarding he was an orphan once too, right? Or did his heart turn into stone from all the years under Rhysands reign? Probably, it didn't matter… because they used it to bind me even more to them - have me dedicated to their soldiers.

For fucks sake he even flew up to the mountains to get a bouquet of moonflowers for my room at the House of Wind. And we danced together and he protected me from the water on that bridge in Velaris. He promised to be on my side with every step and that he wanted to make sure that I don't have to fear anything when his arms were around me. He even let me touch his wings when he shielded us from the sudden rain. I could tell in that moment something between us happened - something changed in my heart… The way he looked at me, his eyes beamed at me and his smile radiated, he was able to wash the sunshine directly into me too. For a moment I even thought he wanted to kiss me. When I think about it now he probably did. Just to get his foot in the door - it would have been the next step to tie me to him, to this court.

I will never forget how furious Cassian was when I came back from an expedition too late. The worried look on his face haunted me in my dreams. He looked so broken when he told me that he needed to be able to trust my word. He wore the same look the night the Illyrian male came to my cottage to take advantage of me. It was as if I could feel his sorrow in my chest as well as the relief that he wasn't too late. The way he soothed me in my bed and held me in his arms. How proud he looked when his warriors kneeled before me, accepted me as one of them. Was I wrong about him all the way? He did a good job - talking me into feeling guilty even if I accomplished something for him and praising me to get along. I’ve never had the suspicion he would be this manipulative.

He stood up for me every time someone spoke down at me as if I was a mere creature. He protected me every time. And he kept one of my drawings pinned to the wall just beside his bed. The night before the battle, when we sat together on the roof, I told him that I was afraid for his life and that I wanted to stay in Windhaven with him - that was when he knew that the snare snapped. He had me.

How long did they plan that all along? Did they plan for me to find Cassian during the battle and be saved by him? Did they plan that he would get hurt with Faebane, suggesting that I might be able to heal him? That sounded ridiculous even to my ears. Did it? Rhysand was a cunning High Lord, always a step ahead. He must have been sure that my magic would unfold in fear of losing Cassian and I would be able to heal him.

If Cassian knew… he would’ve never done that, would he? Risk his life for his High Lord? They grew up together and were brothers…they would do anything for each other. How could I be so blind? All it took was a handsome face that pretended to have a good heart and I fell for it.

But after I healed him he knew what kind of powers I really had. He could have just taken me back to Windhaven or Velaris and put me in a cell - at disposal for their use. But instead he encouraged me to come along with him in the starlight pool that recharged my power and mended my wounds and held me in his arms as if he couldn't believe that he was alive and I saved him. I even was dumb enough to tell him that I loved him. Their plan worked effortlessly. They played with my feelings to tie me to them and this court just to use my powers to their advantage.

How could I be so silly? Why didn't all the alarm bells in my head ring and shout at me? They all lied to me, even the girls. Did Rhysand lie to me about the complications of Feyre’s pregnancy just to make me more emotionally involved with her and him? I didn't know what to think anymore. But they all did a great fucking job.

Where did that leave me? I was trapped in a foreign court in a town deep in the mountains. The High Lord bribed me to live there rather comfortably in exchange to gather healing knowledge. Their general made me fall in love with him to bind me and make me their personal puppet for their interests and to make them invincible.

I was a fool. Happily, my plan on becoming just thinking worked. The city of dreams, now the city of nightmares for me, was out of sight and I was ensnared by the Illyrian night. The sky was inky but the moon was bright, contrasting my vision with midnight blue and hues of silver against the snow. I couldn't remember when I last felt my toes and exposed legs. The harsh wind whirled around me blowing the freezing breeze up my legs beneath that thin and silky dress I grabbed on my way out. My hands were white and even stopped to shake, not bothering anymore to try and pump the blood back in. I couldn't feel my face anymore and my eyes even stopped hurting against the cold. My body was shutting down gradually and I embraced it.

Hours passed. I walked and walked with no destination. Where could I go? Dawn was beautiful at that time of the year. Day would be a nice variety after Night. Summer was lovely during every season and Tarquin became a friend of mine when we spent some time on one of his islands. But they both seemed too close to the night court. I never liked to stay in Fall for too long - Beron had never been a nice host. Maybe Tamlin would allow me to come back to his court? 

Whatever it would be, I was fine with walking until I reached the border to the next court to plead for asylum. I was ashamed of how stupid I was -  I was also fine with freezing to death. The thought didn't even shock me anymore. I had given so much to this court, to its ruler, to its residents, to Cassian. I had given everything and they destroyed every bit of me. How could I ever trust anyone anymore? Maybe it was better to die here and be buried by the snow forever, so my healing powers could never be used the wrong way…

YN

 I heard a voice call. Quiet at first. I could feel my body get rigid under the pressure of the cold. It was my mind playing me tricks, trying to keep me walking.

YN

the voice called again. Maybe it was the Mother - trying to guide me to her, welcoming me in her arms and giving me the final peace. 

YN

Something in my chest tightened. Probably my heart slowed its beat. It was as if it pulled me into a different direction. And a pang of fear that wasn't there before mingled into my brain. It was like my mind wanted to keep my frail body alive.

YN

No. I knew that voice. It was Cassians. A gust of wind howled through the snow perched peaks, but it was nothing compared to the sound of wings cutting through the air. I willed my jaw to clench, not that I could feel it anyway, and forced myself to spurt as fast as I could to pull away from his presence.

Then, he landed in front of me with a snow muffled thud, blocking my path, scattering snow around him. I flinched back, eyes wide with terror. I stumbled backwards but my body was able to get into flight mode and use the remaining strength to spurt the other way.

“YN, wait.” he called after me.

I had to get away from him.

The wind howled as he called me. When something hindered me from getting away, I flipped around. My wrist was anchored by his hand. His huge form seemed smaller as usual as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and his eyes blown wide. “YN, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. I was so worried when you weren't in your room. What are you doing out here?” he asked, his voice broke.

“Don't touch me.” I retorted and tried to yank my arm free without success, his grip stayed. My eyes roamed to his chest, where he had the scrunched hair clip fastened. He must have stepped on it when he came back to my room.

 “Sweetheart you’re freezing. Come on, I’ll get you home and warm you up.” he tried with a soft voice. He looked me up and down. My skin had an unhealthy hue of gray and my fingers were white and shaking again. 

“Like you care!” I yelled at him, “Now let me go.” and I yanked my hand free.

“What? Of course I do care. What's that supposed to mean?”

“You knew!” my voice shook but my body was incapable of producing tears. “You knew about my powers and lied to me. You lied to me the whole time.”

“YN, please let me explain-”

I scoffed “There is nothing to be explained. Leave me alone, Cass.”

He stepped towards me but I flinched back. “Baby, please you, need to understand-”

“Understand what? That you and your High Lord tricked me into staying in the night court and being your subject? That I would finally reveal my true powers and keep them at your disposal? So that you could use me whenever you liked?”

“It’s not like that.” he growled but couldn't look me in the eye.

“Then how is it, Cass? Tell me. Did Windhaven really need a new healer or did you just get rid of the former to have a preface to get me? Tell me that all the nice things you did for me- all the nice things you said to me - were just because you wanted to shackle me to your court - to use me.” He took a step closer and I stepped back, holding the distance.

 Even though my words raced out like spitfire, I felt cold and tired on the inside. “Tell me that you only cared about the shelter, because I was so infested in it. That it was just another point to get me to stay. That all the dinners we shared meant nothing to you. Tell me that you lied to me when you held me on that bridge over the middle of the Sidra and told me that you would be there with me.” My hand unconsciously collected some of the high perched snow and pressed on it until it was a dense ball, containing all my anger. “I invited you into my home, into my bedroom. You saved me from that illyrian bastard and I let you hold me the whole night. You knew how much that meant to me. But youre no better than him - you’re just another illyrian brute.” My cold body couldn't cry and I had to take a deep breath to fill my heavy lungs. Wrath and despair ripped me apart from the inside, I was about to pass out. I took another breath and screamed out. “I saved you, Cass. I brought you back to life. You said that you loved me. And you lied to me.” I yelled at him and my hand hurled the ice ball towards him.

He didn't dodge but flinched as it hit him - directly over his heart. The snow clung to his chest and his hand flew over the spot like my hit stung more than just to the plate of his armor. It was like a fever dream but somehow I could feel the impact it had on him in my chest. Like my heart broke just at that moment.

“It wasn't a lie, YN.” he said and I could see the brokenness in his eyes, but it only fueled my rage.

Cassian’s hazel eyes flashed with hurt. "You think I don’t care about you? That I don't love you?" His voice was low, rough. "You think I was just setting you up to be some kind of - some kind of tool for the Night Court?"

"Wasn’t I?" I shot back, taking another step away from him and fury thrummed in my cold veins. "You needed me, Cassian. You needed my power. You made me trust you, you-" my voice broke, and I hated the way my throat burned with all the curses I wanted to throw at him.

He ran a hand down his face, exhaling sharply. "Gods, YN, listen to me."

"Why?" I spat. "So you can feed me more lies?"

"Because I love you!" he roared.

The words stopped me dead in my tracks. All I could do was stare at him blankly.

His chest was heaving, his expression desperate as he stepped closer, he was furious. "I love you," he repeated, his voice cracking this time. "This -us- it was never a game to me. Never a plan. I fell for you long before I even knew what your magic could do."

My vision blurred from the cold and his words. The way he talked was sincere, like he really meant it. I wanted to believe him. But I couldn’t.

I shook my head and my chin dropped. "You’re just saying that so I’ll come back with you."

He let out a broken laugh. "Fuck, YN, do you really think so little of me?" His wings flared behind him agitatedly, his fists clenched at his sides. "Do you really believe I held you in my arms, kissed you, trusted you, just to use you?"

I swallowed hard and stared at the distance behind him. "I don’t know what to believe anymore."

I turned around to leave as the wind howled between us. I had heard enough. I let the shark cutting silence fill the space between us as I took the first steps away from him.

Then, another sound gurgled behind me with a whoosh of darkness that had me turning around again.

Rhysand stood there, the last traces of his winnowing thinning in the air around him. His violet eyes locked onto me.

"YN," he said with a tight voice.

“Leave me alone Rhysand.” I said to him. My mind was too beaten to talk to him. I wanted to get away no matter if it was the cold that finally took me or reaching the border to the next court.

 "We don’t have time for this. You need to come back now."

My stomach twisted at the desperate tone in his voice. "Why?"

The snow behind me crunched under Rhys’ feet as he stepped closer, his usually composed face full of something close to panic.

His voice was filled with panic. "Feyre is in labor. The babe is coming."

<<< CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER THIRTEEN >>>

I should’ve backed out of the room as soon as I saw the looks on everyone’s faces. I should’ve stopped once I saw Joon’s suspiciously blank face as he welcomed me to the emergency meeting. I should’ve gotten up and ran when Hoseok was picked to deliver the news. But I didn’t, and now I’m sitting next to a cocky jock at a kissing booth.

See, when we came up with the idea to hold a kissing booth alongside our standard radio booth, I was reassured that I wouldn’t be stuck behind it. That my position at the DJ booth was safe. Kaylee and the new assistant, the two most adamant about it, would take over the female shifts. Hoseok wasn’t too happy about it, but I was fine with it. Sorry, but getting paid to kiss any random stranger isn’t exactly my thing. Even if it is for a good cause.

That plan was made almost two months ago. Everything was going great, even almost perfectly. Supplies acquired, slots booked, advertisements hung and distributed. Everything was fine. Until Hoseok decided to finally put on his big boy pants and ask Kaylee out.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them. I wish he’d done it sooner so we didn’t all sit through 6 months of pining. But now that she’s spoken for, she can’t really do a kissing booth while her boyfriend sits and watches. And since we all agreed that it’s best to have both a guy and a girl during each shift, as the only other available girl, that means I gotta step up.

But I had to do this. I had to help the Night Court. I had to help his warriors, I had to help him. Just to make sure he makes his back home as well… unharmed. So I nodded with my chin high, hoping that the fear wouldn't leak out of my leathers and he would not command me to be brought home to stay behind.

“Okay.” he nodded but his tone wore disappointment while a strange feeling of guilt and uneasiness weaved through me. “But you have to promise me one thing,” he began and rubbed his thumbs over the back of my hands and I could practically hear his siphons and mine sing the same melody “No matter what happens or what you hear you have to stay back here in the last company. They’re ordered to protect you at any cost. I would never forgive myself if anything happens to you.”

My brows furrowed at the heaviness of his words and my eyes glazed over as I nodded again and my voice broke. “But Cass, you have to stay safe too. Don’t do anything reckless. When all this is over…I want you to come home with me. We’ll leave together.”

He exhaled a shaky breath and forced a small grin on his lips as he nodded almost defeatedly. His hand found my cheek and he leaned down to press one last kiss to my forehead, pulling me closer to him. The moment stretched until his restrained hand left my cheek before he stood straight and puffed his chest, collecting his mind. He gazed into my eyes for the last time before he looked over to Rhysand and Azriel and nodded, telling them to take off and take their positions. The invisible glue that connected his hand to my cheek seemed to evaporate and then turned around with a huff as if it was the hardest thing he’s ever done. He looked over his army one last time before taking off with force and flying to the front, swirling up the fresh layer of snow and spiraling it behind him like glittering dust, leaving me encircled by his most trusted warriors. 

The warriors around me closed the lines and stepped closer to me, fulfilling Cassian's order to take care of me. I could see nothing but the snow beneath my feet, pitch black illyrian leathers before me and the crystal clear sky above us, with the sun on our backs. When the following seconds stretched into minutes, nothing was heard. The calm before the storm. No birds chirped in the late morning sun. No sound of breathing carried through the crisp air and not even a tiny squeak of moving leather creeped through our stance.

Hyberns' army emerged out of nothing before them and screams of war erupted from the first clash of the armies. The battlefield stretched out like a dark blanket of blood and steel fighting in chaos. A light breeze swept the smell of iron into my direction and I hoped that the blood wasn't from our warriors. Cries of pain and metal striking through armor sent cold shivers down my spine.

Adrenaline made my heart pound against my ribcage. The monstrous of the battle threatened to devour all my senses as I forced myself to keep breathing - to focus. My mind drifted to the tales of the war in which my mother birthed me. The priestesses told me that they found me clasped in her dead arms - the veins on her chest black from the Faebane infused dagger that had stopped her heart. Memories of the first battle where I almost died flooded back into my mind. They were unrelenting and weaved into those where I was grown up and healed the forces. The scars that were left on my mind burned hot with every scream and clash. The loss, the chaos and the helplessness - it all came rushing back until I was afraid of being drowned by it.

But I had to stay above the surface of the sea of the hurting to protect the Illyrians. I clenched my fists to steady myself, my nails biting into my palms. I closed my eyes to focus just for a brief moment, collecting the threads of magic inside me. The moonflower elixir I had distributed to every warrior before they took their formations thrummed in their veins. I could feel it. The faint hum of the protecting bubble around each of them. I inhaled deeply and let my power flow through my siphon, weaving into the elixir until it thickened their shields. It layered an extra armor over the warriors. I could see the soft glowing barrier that absorbed the worst of the blows from their opponents. 

The first incantation flew around us protectively. It allowed me to pause for a second, letting me collect my power again. I let out a strangled breath as I tried to steady myself with my hands on my knees, sucking in more and more air. I’ve never healed so many warriors with one blow and I felt that it drained my magic more than I thought. 

Before one of the soldiers of my company could reach me to ask if I was okay I rose up again. I closed my eyes again, letting the healing magic flow through my body until it accumulated in the siphon that Cassian gave me. It dangled from the necklace and shone with a bright light as I let it flow across the battlefield right into the obsidian crystals that everyone wore at the front. They pulsated as my magic reached them, increasing their healing. It was as if I could see every of their wounds and mended it in mere seconds. I pushed harder as my vision flickered for a moment, ignoring the strain clawing at my powers. But as I opened my eyes again the illyrians were able to push forward alive and powerful.

Small groups of Hybern attained to slay their way, breaking into our lines. I collected my magic and let it drift through the small portal of my siphon before letting it fly above the illyrian forces, covering every one of Cassian's warriors to protect the first lines that clashed with Hybern’s forces. We won’t fall so easily.

War was ugly. A brutal orchestra of blood, steel, and pain. Screams of agony rippled across the planes like a never-ending earthquake. The clash of metal on metal rang out, sharp and grating, as if the very air were being torn apart. The bitter scent of blood, sweat and earth filled my lungs with every breath.

My company shifted forward slowly, keeping me within range of the warriors at the front lines. Each movement brought me closer to the heart of the battle, where the cries were loudest and the bodies of our opponents piled higher. My hands trembled as I sent wave after wave of healing to the wounded. I could see their pain ease, the light of life returning to their eyes—but every healing left me weaker. Each pulse of power surged out like a beacon, weaving into the Illyrians, pulling soldiers back from the brink. But it took more from me with every use. The burn of exhaustion crept through my body and my breaths became shallow and ragged. I could feel the magic dwindling, ebbing like the end of a great symphony.

The world around me blurred and black dots veiled my vision, reducing the battlefield into fragments. The glowing light of my power faltered, dimming with every blow. My body ached from the strain until my head swam and I feared to collapse. And then, finally, the siphons glow faded entirely. I stared down at the dull gem dangling on my necklace. I gritted my teeth and tried to summon more, but only a faint flicker answered my call, just a mere whisper of what once had been a storm.

The screams of the battlefield still rang in my ears, but another sound began to cut through the chaos, faint and indistinct at first. A whisper. A voice, calling me.

“Do you hear that? Someone’s calling my name!” I asked the Illyrian closest to me, who repelled one of Hybern’s soldiers.

“There’s no one calling you.” he answered with a ragged voice after driving his sword out of his opponent's chest.

My brow furrowed as the sound grew louder, insistent, like a lifeline that was tugged closer. I looked up into the sky as if it would give me the answer. Then I closed my eyes to sharpen my hearing, trying to localize where the voice came from. My heart thudded deafeningly as I realized who it was. Cassian’s deep tone reached me and grew louder and more desperate with every repetition.

YN.

YN.

YN.

At first I thought it was my imagination playing tricks but the voice got louder, paired with fear and terror searing through me like fire kissing parchment until it was nothing but ashes. Every hair on my body stood and I couldn't ignore it anymore. It was Cassian's voice. Something happened to him. I had to find him. Why else would he scream my name across the battlefield? The warriors formed a protective circle around me as I moved forward, trying to get closer to the front. With every step the attacks got heavier. Swords and shields of green, blue and red clashed defending me and drove the opponents away from me. The gaps between them grew wider. The short sword Cassian gave me was now in my hand, ready to defend myself. I hurried forward to find Cassian, ducking every opponent and stabbing them wherever I could as I maneuvered through the plane. 

Suddenly I was close enough to get a glimpse of Cassian. There he was, finally. Fear surged through me as I saw him whipping his sword and pushing back opponents. The snow beneath our feet was tinted red and the coppery tang of blood pieced in my nose. Dirt and ichor mixed on the gravel beneath his feet. He was like a war god. Blood all over him, screaming commands at his warriors and ordering formations, while parrying hits and striking Hybern’s soldiers. The lines pushed forward, leaving the general laboring heavily air into his lungs. I froze at the sight of him, standing there and collecting himself. I called his name, desperately drawing his attention to me. My voice rang clear like a bell and he spun around instantly. Wide blown eyes stared at me in utter shock, his chest heaved violently before he strode and met me halfway. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked in a breath but his tone wore confusion, worry and incomprehension. His brows furrowed as his hand found my cheek. “I told you to stay behind.” The red shield of his siphons ebbed down as well as the thin layer of protection that surrounded me as he touched me.

My palms reached up to rest on his armor padded pecs. His heart beat as if it would spring out of his chest. “But you called me.” I whispered to him, letting the last drop of my magic hum and heal the cuts and bruises on his entire body. “I heard you scream my name. I had to get to you and make sure you are alright.” 

“I’m fine. Sweetheart, but I didn’t say a word. You shouldn’t have come here! It’s too dangerous.” His head shot up to one of the warriors of my protecting company “You! Take her and bring her back to the lines behind!” he ordered grimly but before the male could move a distant voice hollered “Arrows!” 

Before I could even register Cassian’s hands flew around me and he pulled me to the ground, shielding me from the salve. Arrows struck around us, some warriors cried out when they were hit.

When his hands loosened around me and I was almost by the male that had to fly me back, a soundless arrow whirred through the air. “Cassian watch out!” I managed to yell and pushed him out of the way. It was fast and pitch black, its nasty spiked head twisted and drilled itself through the flesh of my upper arm. I cried out in pain and I lost balance, my knees hitting the gravel under the weight of me. My whole body shook as my other hand clutched around the thick stick and a fresh tear ran down my cheek. I heard Cassian yell my name as a dull noise before he kneeled before me, grabbed my arm and pulled it to him to inspect the wound. “What the hel YN, what were you thinking?” He swore as he regarded the arrow sticking in my arm, wobbling with my shaking body. Luckily it didn't hit my bone. A fire erupted around the area, making my eyesight go blank for a moment. “I have to pull it out.” Cassian said to me, holding me steady. Before I could react he gripped the arrow and removed it in a quick motion. I screamed again, as the head pulled some tissue from my arm. My hand flew around the wound, pressing on it. Concentration evaporated from my mind as I tried to channel my power though the siphon and into the wound. What once was a bright glow, was now a silent note beneath my fingers. “Shit.”

“Let me see.” Cass ordered. My hand slipped from my limb arm, smearing deep red blood all over it. “Fuck.” he swore again as he took in the gash that was left. The corners of the wound were dark blue. It turned the area around it into a lifeless shade until dark veins like lightning began to grow on my skin.

Faebane.

“I’m gonna get you out of here.” he said to me and pulled me up into his arms, setting off into the air. Mere meters airborne, Rhysand crossed our way. “Cassian, what are you doing? Set her down and get back in line.” the High Lord ordered.

“No. I’ll take her somewhere safe!” his furious voice thundered as Cassian flew around his High Lord, ignoring the command.

The pain surged through me like a hot wave and it felt like my arm would fall off every second. My other arm reached around his neck, trying to pull me further up into his arms as if it could distance me from the poison in my veins.

Another salve of arrows painted the sky dark. It was a trap. Hybern waited for the Illyrians to fly, just to release more arrows into the air to strike them where they’re most vulnerable. Cassian sped up towards the treeline, dodging the flying death but they were too fast. Three arrows whirred and bored themselves into the membranes of his wings. One went right through but two stuck in the sensitive skin. He roared in hurt as he tried to remain in the air but it was as if heavy boulders were tied to his legs, pulling him down - pulling us down. With every desperate beat of his wings, the rips grew where he had been struck and he lost balance, searing down towards the ground. 

As his hands loosened lightly around me the adrenaline in his body must have kicked and he pressed me tighter to his chest. In an uncontrolled spiral we soared down and with the force of him, he would bury both of us. “I’m not letting you fall!” he screamed more to himself as he turned us around in the air, so his back would hit the earth first. The arrows didn't stop their mad howls in the air and another one struck Cassian right beneath his left collarbone. His body went limp in pain just before his back crashed unrestrained onto the snow dusted leaves on the ground. I rolled myself into a kneeling position, my shaky hands flying over his wound, not daring to touch the arrow that still stuck in his chest. Blood dripped from his wounds, staining the earth. The arrow lodged in his breast glinted cruelly and every rugged breath he took made my chest ache as if it was my own pain. The magic of the Faebane was quick, it was known to neutralize all strength and skills. Maybe I could endure it just to the point until my magic hummed back and I could try to heal him. He groaned and his breathing became uneven, the color drifted out of his face as if a fresh layer of frost settled over him. 

Another salve of arrows struck behind us on the battlefield but the thick treeline protected us. Only the cries from the battle were heard and pure fear surged through me. We had to get out of here. Away from the battlefield. Somewhere hidden and calm, where I could tend his wounds and wait long enough for my power to be recharged.

“Cass,” I slapped his cheek cautiously, he had to stay awake, “We need to move. We can't stay here.” I grabbed his collar and pulled him into a sitting position, taking his cold cheeks into my hands. The air in front of my mouth curled “Can you stand up for me?” 

He blinked a couple of times as if a fog eddied in front of his eyes, finally seeing me again and coming back to reality. His brows furrowed and he fletched his teeth as he pulled himself up on my shoulder. I slung my arms around his waist with my fingers digging into his side to support his power eluding body. One of his arms stretched around my shoulders, the other clenched around the arrow that was still in his chest and we began to hobble away from the battlefield. I grinded my teeth, refusing to give in to my own injury. Time ceased to exist as he took one step after another. It took all of my remaining power to hold him up - that’s how humans must feel all the time. The dense forest swallowed the noises from the battlefield as the thick smell of blood died behind us. Frozen leaves crunched beneath our feet, stones and logs of decomposing wood were haphazardly slippery. The trench of our fresh traces followed us like a hungry wolf. We couldn't hide anywhere near here, anybody could find us. 

A steady rushing sound grew with every of our wobbly steps. Cassian's face was set into a nasty grimace, trying to contain himself from screaming out in pain. My view shot between the non-existent path before us, a possible pursuiter and Cassian, afraid to see any deterioration.

Gurgling and splashing drummed against our ears as we halted on the rocky riverbank. Roaring water tinted in crystal shades of blue above the black pebbles rode by like horses driven by the hard hand of their master. My heart rate shot up, my palms covered themselves in sweat as heat and cold alternated on the back of my neck. I gauged the distance between the wild surface of the water and the stones beneath it. It could reach up to my hip but the bare thought of stepping into it quickened my pulse even further. Memories flashed in my mind: The pull of the water dragging me under, the suffocating pressure, the helplessness. I clenched my jaw and stared at the river, my body frozen for a moment. 

Cassian groaned, his knees giving out as he slithered out of my grip, his body going limp but I was able to catch him and pull him standing again an inaudible groan on his lips as his brows drew together. It snapped me back to the present. His life depended on me. I had no choice.

“Alright,” I murmured more to myself than him. “We can do this.” I tightened my arms around him.

“Cass, we have to get to the other side.” I nudged my head to the cliffs of the steep mountain that sat on the other side. “We can find shelter there. See? We’re almost there.” my voice shook but I tried to brighten his mood and spread hope. “Come on, I'll help you.”

I adjusted my hold on him before we stepped into the water. Like a thousand needles, the water stung though my armor, my boots immediately sinking into the riverbed. The stream was unrelenting and tried to pull me with it. But I had to get him into safety. I tested the ground for tripping traps as the current pressed our legs. The angry force let us almost trip over, almost pulling us into the raging stream. 

One small step. Then another.

 I steadied him but I could feel the warmth leaving his body with each movement, his breaths became faster. The water soaked our clothes, letting our limbs feel heavier as it ran upwards. My throat tightened as the water rose and splashed against my waist but I pushed us up as I did not give in to the image of it pulling us both under.

“I’ve got you,” I whispered to him, restrained. “Just… hold on.”

The current pushed harder with each step, making the weight of Cassian nearly impossible to bear. My knees threatened to buckle. But then I felt his arm tighten weakly around me, his voice rasping near my ear.

“Keep going,” he murmured.

It was enough to push forward. Gritting my teeth, I forced my legs to move, each step a battle against the fear and the pull of the river. Finally, the water began to recede, the current weakening as we reached the far bank.

My legs shook as I pulled us both onto solid ground, gasping for breath. The cold air bit into the wet skin but the relief flooded my chest. We made it - but I couldn't rest yet. If anyone saw us in this open landscape we would be an easy target. 

Cassian groaned under the heavy weight of his soaked armor, his lips trembled from the cold. “You’re okay, Cass,” I assured him and let my thump feather over his bright red cheek, his eyes barely open. “I promise we’re there soon and then I can heal you.”

I led him deeper into the woods until we reached the clearing right beside the steep mountain cliff that towered over us. But the forest opened itself to reveal a serene space bathed in faint starlight.

In the center of the clearing there was a pool, similar to the hot pots that you knew from Day, it’s surface shimmering with soft silvery light above a dark but clear liquid. The gentle glow reflected every light and bathed the treeline and the bare rocks and mountains in a playful glitter. The calmness was otherworldly. No wind breezed through this secure area, only the tunes of small birds clung here and there.

I read about thos starlight pools in the library of the house of wind just before the battle started. I already mapped out the areas where they might be found but I didn't remember this sacred place on Cassian's old maps. They were legends about them. Some said they were formed by the tears of the Mother herself, shed during the first great war to heal the wounds of her children. And so the stars, moved by her sorrow, blessed the water with their light. In answer to the first wars, the mother plucked the black flowers beside the pools to call the illyrians into life, to make them invulnerable Fae like in the lullaby. Other sources say pool reveals the truth of one’s heart. Warriors have come to its edge seeking clarity, and it is said the reflections in the water show their truest self—strengths, weaknesses, and deepest desires.

“I’m gonna let let you down now, Cass,” I said to him as I carefully balanced him in my arms, helping him lie on the ground. He laid now sprawled out next to the pool, I hoped that the warmness of the water and the surrounding ground would help to keep his temperature. His wings spread wide to each side as his breath became shallow. I kneeled beside him and my arm throbbed faintly as I peeled out of my jacket and pulled it over his body, trying to keep him as warm as possible. 

“This is going to sting, but it’ll soon be over, I promise.” I worked quickly, snapping the arrows in his wings and pulling them out with one smooth movement, his thick membranes clinging to the arrows and stretching under the pull. Dark blue mixed with the crimson blood around the gashes that were left. My power wasn’t back. I dug in the satchels that hang on the belt around my hip, pulling out herbs and creams to treat his leaking wounds after I cleaned them with melted snow. Light groans fell from his lips as I touched his wings softly, trying not to apply too much pressure. Cold sweat dewed his forehead and his dark locks were splayed around his head like a beautiful dark halo. His eyes fell shut as I leaned over his upper body to loosen the ties of his armor, releasing the parts on his chest in hurry. My fingers trembled as I pulled the ties loose, Cauldron bless I knew how the complicated armor was pieced together. 

My hands traced the corners around the still stuck arrow - it was the same kind that hit my arm. It must have been the anxiety that I didn't feel the poison that fueled out from my arm into my whole body. I didn't care about me. The Faebane creeped like dark lightning around the wound on his chest. “Cass I have to remove the arrow. I can only heal you when it’s out.” I warned him as my hand ran soothingly over his cold and reddened cheek. He furrowed his brows and clenched his eyes shut as he nodded stiffly, grinding his teeth. He sucked in air as I reached around the stem before drilling it backwards to pull it out with the least possible traction. He hissed in pain and groaned ruggedly as the tip left its mark. His eyes rolled back in his head and his breathing quickened from the shock. “It’s okay, Cass. It’s okay. I got it out. You did soo good for me.” I praised him, rummaging again for the herbs. The nasty gash sat proudly under this collar bone. If the arrow hit him just six inches beneath, it would have hit his heart and killed him instantly. My hands trembled as I applied the mix of crushed leaves and paste until it covered the wound entirely.

My healing power still hasn't recovered and I pulled his head on my lap, cradling his cheeks as I observed the Faebane crawling and spreading around. It didn't help. I looked around in dread, scanning our surroundings for any plant that could stop it from merging with his organism. Perched around the starlight pool. There were slim faintly green stems with black blossoms at the top. “Cass, look,” I tried to keep him awake and brushed wet strands of hair out of his face, ”There are the Illyrian poppies!” His lids were heavy as he opened his eyes, trying to look over there. In the lullaby it said that the mother used them to gift the Illyrians life and strength. Maybe they really had the magic and it could help me to heal him. I grabbed them, ripping them out with roots, crushing them in my hands before lightly pressing them on his chest wound. He hissed from the too harsh contact and I petted his cheek “I’m sorry. It’ll help.” I promised him as my hand drove down over it, trying to summon my healing. But the usual glow didn't answer my call and I felt his skin getting colder with every moment. His eyes fell shut again and his chest rose and fell flatly. The pulse on his neck ebbed down and his once rosy lips turned into soft hues of blue. “Cass, you have to stay awake.” I pleaded as I stroked his cheek with one hand. the other rested on his chest, still reaching out to collect my healing magic. His weak and cold hand reached around mine on his chest with a whisper of his grip. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” he murmured.

“No. No. No. Cass. Don’t do this.” Tears stung in my widened eyes, “Please stay awake. Stay with me.” 

He forced his eyes open to look into my face. His other hand reached up to cup my cheek, his thumb brushing away the first tear. He struggled against his flat breathing as he said. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Cass, you’re going to be okay. I will heal you and we’ll get back home together.” I sucked in air, fighting to stay calm but my heart tried to spring out of my chest. I wished it did and would sink into his, to keep him alive.

Suddenly Rhysands voice called furiously inside of my head. What the hell is going on there? Is he okay? But I shot up my inner walls. He probably did not reach Cass. But I could deal with the high lord later. Even if I answered him, he couldn't help us. I had to stay with Cassian now.

He shook his head, brushing a loose strand behind my ear. “Cass, you promised that we’re going home together.” I choked against the cries I left for him.

“I would have taken you stargazing on our date, you know.” he whispered, “and I would have kissed you just like that if you’d let me.” his finger brushed my lips before it almost slipped down, drained of all power.

I reached around his wrist, holding his hand to my cheek again. “I would have loved that.”

“Build that shelter-” he sucked in a bit of air, his chest almost not moving, “and get back home safe.”

“Cass, please don't leave me.”

“You’re going to be okay.”

Sobs fell from my lips as fresh tears streamed down my cheeks. I cursed the arrow that stung him, just because he wanted to get me out of harm's way. I wished it would have hit me. I would have traded places instantly.

“Can you do one thing for me?” he asked as he blinked his eyes, willing them open.

“Anything.”

“Sing for me, please.”

No. This could not happen. We were supposed to return together. We were supposed to get back to Windhaven and build that shelter together. And we were supposed to go on a date and kiss in the secrecy of the starlit sky. We could have had dinner together every evening and I would let him steal every glass and every painting that I did of him. We were supposed to be together.

But how could I deny him his last wish? 

I collected my mind and began to sing to him quietly the only song that flooded my mind.

In highlands where the poppies grow, 

And starlit pools in moonlight glow,

The Mother found a secret rare, 

With tinted blooms as dark as nightmare.

My view wandered from the crushed flowers beneath my blood stained hand to his closed eyes. Little stars of fresh snow sat between his lashes. He looked beautiful and peaceful as I could hear his heartbeat leaping - a faint drum that was once powerful and warm under my touch as he kissed my cheek goodnight just some days ago.

She took the poppies in her hand,

And whispered words across the land,

From petals soft, with strength anew, 

The Illyrians to life she drew.

I willed my voice louder but it came out as a soft whisper as I choked on my sobs. I pressed my eyes shut, pulling all my willpower together to fight against his farewell. I imagined us together, walking hand in hand through the streets of Velaris - crossing that bridge over the river until we were on the threshold of the little town house that we would’ve bought together. A cozy fire purred as we cuddled up on the soft sofa. He would hold me until I’d fall asleep.

With hearts so strong and spirits high, 

Invincible within the sky,

The Illyians rise, brave and true,

The poppies’ gift in all they do.

As the last words left my lips, his hand on my cheek fell limb into my touch. On his blue lips he wore a wide smile. His chest did not rise anymore as his feet fell to the sides. His wild locks were sprawled out just like his motionless wings that he once wore proudly, his impressive form looked too small. 

A shot hit my heart and I couldn’t breathe for a moment. An invisible force clenched at it and dared to rip it out of my chest. My body felt numb and it tingled as a dark thunder struck my mind. I saw through eyes that weren't mine. Memories of me and him played: How we met at the moonstone palace, how he showed me my cottage and hesitated to leave. How he trained his warriors and his eyes slipped to me, cuddled up in a thick blanket and his cloak, smiling back at him from where I was sitting on the side. How he took me sledging and sat together and talked on top of the snow perched mountain. How he pulled me out of the water where I almost drowned and warmed me beside the fire before we found the moonflowers. How he showed me Velaris and bought us the chocolate croissants while overseeing the city of dreams. How he held me securely when we stood at the middle of that bridge in Velaris and he whispered in my ear that he would keep me safe. How his heart almost flew out of his chest when I came back too late from searching the obsidian crystals. How proud he was when his illyrian warriors kneeled before me after that dreadful night. How we sat on the roof of my house yesterday night… and an untrue vision of him kissing me flooded my mind. Somehow the last bit of Cassian's soul was in my head, clinging to the last living thing that was near him. Pain soared through my chest as I tried to hold onto it as long as possible. But the pain grew with power as if he and I melted together. Panic rose in me and I remembered the lines of the song - starlit pools - tinted blossoms - poppies in her hand - whispered across the land. Maybe the illyrian poppies really held the potential of saving him.

I still felt him inside of me - clinging to my heart. This was the last chance I had. I had to try it. I grabbed the flowers from his wound in my fist and dunked it into the starlight pool before pushing it onto his chest where the Faebane cursed his body. With my other hand I ripped the siphon from my necklace and stuck it into my clenched fist. The last kernel of his soul powered my body. I prayed and begged the mother to gift me the ability to heal him, to save him. I sobbed, pressing my forehead to his. “Please,” I whispered to the void around us. “Please, Mother… anything… I’ll give anything if you save him. Please.” I offered her my soul to trade places with me and suddenly my healing sang back at my calling.

I began to chant the lullaby again.

In highlands where the poppies grow, 

And starlit pools in moonlight glow,

The Mother found a secret rare, 

With tinted blooms as dark as nightmare.

I held the last bit of him in my heart and tried to keep him right there before he finally let go, clinging to that thin band that connected us. My power leaked into the siphon, a faint glow grew and light peeked and shone through my fingers. 

She took the poppies in her hand,

And whispered words across the land,

From petals soft, with strength anew, 

The Illyrians to life she drew.

The water of the pool of starlight fueled the sleeping magic of the poppies alive until a blinding light erupted from my hand. A high pitch kept ringing in my ears and I had to fight, I lifted my voice, not crying anymore. I just sang the sweet song to him while the tears dried on my cheeks.

With hearts so strong and spirits high, 

Invincible within the sky,

The Illyians rise, brave and true,

The poppies’ gift in all they do.

I shut my eyes, furrowing my brows in exertion as I caught the last bit of his soul and willed it back into his body. I planted the small seed that was him back into his heart. The starlit water poured over it and under the hum of my healing a black poppy appeared in my mind, growing in his heart again. It unfolded its blossom and a steady thump echoed in my head.

The world around us stilled as the air around charged itself with a hum that was ancient and unyielding. A voice, warm and powerful, resonated in my mind, not harsh but firm, like the earth itself speaking. It was the Mother that spoke to me.

I didn't understand the ancient words that she said but they resonated in my mind, fueling my healing as if sewing together what has been broken. I let that voice flood through me with the wish I had. Save him.

I opened my eyes, black spots appearing as my body dared to give in under the pressure. But I blinked it away and looked down on the fist that covered the wound over Cassian's heart. I forced air into my lungs before I lifted my hand, white knuckles still clenching the wet siphon and the crushed flowers. The blue and black creeped back to the center of the wound until it petered inaudibly. The gash closed, melting itself together. My view shot at his wings - the holes that the arrows left were nowhere to be found.

I recoiled in shock as Cassian sucked air into his lungs and his chest heaved like a storm roared inside of it. His hands gripped my wrist and pressed onto it with its usual warmth and power. The ashiness of his skin was replaced by rosy cheeks and the tan from the snow reflecting sun of the illyrian mountains. The blue of his lips was a faint memory as they parted to grab all of the air he could get.

His eyes shot open darting from one side to another, wild and feral as if looking for a monster made by nightmares.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Moments ago I lost everything I ever wished for. It crushed my heart like a wilting flower and I had decided to die with it. But somehow I willed him back to life. I truly saved him. 

Cassian pushed himself up on his elbows, then stood up entirely. It seemed like a dream - a statue of a long forgotten deity coming back to life - breaking out of his chiseled idol. Cassian was towering over me again, testing the air in his lungs, looking down his body and testing his muscles. He looked behind him and flared his powerful wings, pushing a light breeze perched with crystals of snow through the air like an early tornado. He looked around himself as if he lost his most valuable dagger until his eyes landed on me. Wide blows pupils and stormy hair stared me down as he froze entirely. He was back. He was back again. Alive and safe. His bare chest heaved. 

He truly was back.

I stared at him in wonder as I still knelt in the blood sprinkled snow where he laid just moments ago. “Cass.” It was a plea. I needed him to look at me to see that this was reality and not just a dream.

His eyes shot to mine as if petrified that another living creature was with him. Cold air curled in front of him and my small smile that fought against the sob set him into motion. He closed off the distance between us and crouched down, pulling me into his chest. My arms wrapped around his waist feeling his warmth beneath me. He hid face in the crook of my neck, strands of his locks tickled my shoulders as he tightened his grip around me. Short breaths of his nose fanned over my skin while one of his hands found the back of my head, hesitantly pulling us apart just enough that he could look into my face. I relished the smell of his usual odor - leather, sandalwood and pine trees mixed with fresh fallen snow. His eyes bored into mine as the air we breathed mingled “YN-” he whispered before he kissed my forehead softly and long before his hands cupped my cheeks and he stared back at me “You healed me.” If we haven't been on the ground my knees would have given in under his presence.

“The Faebane… I should have been dead… I heard you sing… How did you-?

Tears of joy lined up in my eyes and a happy sigh fell from my lips. “It isn't just a song…the lullaby of the illyrian poppies. When I thought you were gone, I felt you in my heart and I had to try-” I stammered, “I took the flowers and the starlight water like the lullaby instructed and begged the Mother to give me the strength to get you back.” I choked on my words as I pulled back a bit to look into his beautiful face, pushing loose strands out of his face. “It worked. She spoke to me and I don't know how,” I let one of my hands slip to his chest, where I could feel the steady beat of his heart against my palm,  “but my healing was back and I pushed your soul back where it belonged.”

He opened his mouth but closed it again, he was out of words. His hand found mine on his chest, clenching around the nonexistent wound.

“I presume that like in the song, the starlight water has healing abilities, just like the poppies.” I didn't know how. I only knew that it worked. His head shot to the water and he began to fumble with the laces on the rest of his armor.

“Here, let me.” I asked and he got completely still under my touch as I loosened the strings and peeled him out of the shielding plates until he was only in his loincloth. Slowly, he stepped into the glittering water, steaming against the cold air as if breathing itself. One foot after another he submerged into the dark liquid until his collarbones reached the water and he let out a strangled groan as if it eased his strained muscles. I crawled closer to the stones of the rim, watching him soaking and floating. Observing his breathing and his every motion in angst that it would stop again every moment. After a moment he stood up straight, the V shape of his abdomen muscles mirroring on the surface as he held out a hand to me. Rooted to the ground he stood there, inviting me in to join him in the healing water. 

Before I could remind him that I could not swim and was afraid of it he said “I know. Trust me, it'll make you feel better. I promise I won't let you fall.” 

My eyes darted between his and his palmed up hand. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat and before I could shake my head my hands moved by itselves and began to remove my black fighting leathers as if my body subordinated itself under his command.

The cold bit onto my skin as I stood just inches away from the glittering liquid. Only the delicate lace of my underwear disconnected me from being completely nude surrounded by the harsh of the illyrian summer in the mountains. 

My hand melted onto his extended hand and I let him guide me small step after step into the water. His eyes were fixated on mine and boring into my soul, holding it steady as he held my hands. First my ankles, then my shins and my thighs and hips submerged and his stare never drifted from my eyes to my exposed body even though it left nothing to imagination. Even when my heart pounded furiously against the angst, I knew he would never let me slip and get under the surface, he would always be there to keep me from drowning.

He took a step closer and guided my arms around his shoulders as he cautiously took my legs and slipped them snugly around his middle. His hands wrapped around me, pressing me securely onto his form when my feet left the stone. He maneuvered us slowly to the middle of the small pool, our upper bodies still above the water before his hoarse voice said to me “I’m going to get us down to our shoulders, okay?”

I exhaled and nodded in agreement before his hands tightened around me and he did as he said - dipping us together under the water, so only our heads would be above. The warmness of the glittering liquid encaptured me and it felt light and heavy at the same time against my skin. It soaked into my sore muscles, spreading and easing the cramps that stiffened my body. With every inhale that I took I welcomed the healing power of the starlight pool and felt it creeping into my very bones. Its energy reloaded my power and my body forgot about the horrors that haunted it. 

He relaxed under my touch as my hands stroked his back and his shoulders soothingly. My mind drifted into the sweet moment of ease and I found favour in pouring small amounts of water on his hair, washing out the clumped blood out of his glorious locks. The red dissolved instantly and he let his forehead sink onto my shoulder as his breath evened out. One of his hands was slung around my middle, holding me steady as the other one drifted carefully from my back, over my neck and onto my arm, he rubbed the space where the arrow struck me. The soothing circles his thumb traced there made him pull away just enough so he could lock his eyes on mine. 

“YN, the Faebane. The arrow that hit you. It didn't leave a mark.” 

My eyes widened as my eyes shot the place where the force of our opponent hit me. But nothing was to be seen. The power of the mother inside of me must have erased the gash and healed it. I just knew that the water of the starlit pool wasn't able to entirely heal the wound, there was nothing that could be an antidote to this type of poison, not even the cauldron blessed water of the stars. I should have been dead too but somehow I wasn't. 

“I think the mother gave me the power to heal us both-” I hesitated as my eyes drifted from the nonexistent wound to his, “But either way,” I exhaled deeply and looked into the glitter in his eyes so alive and I knew there was no way I would let pass by another day without telling him, “I wouldn't have tried healing myself if I’d lost you today.” tears lined up in my eyes again. It was true, there was no point in me living my immortal life if we weren't a part of it. I wanted to join him in the afterlife after that day and I prayed that I would be with him in that eternal afterglow - that we would appear as stars next to each other in the night sky. And I spoke the words. “I love you, Cass.”

After a second his pupils were blown as if a storm in him stilled, processing what I just said. He got eerily calm before his hand cupped my cheek softly and gazed into my eyes before he dared me “Say that again.”

My hand found the base of his neck and a tear of joy slipped down my cheek. “I love you, Cass. With everything I have and I wish I said it sooner-” my words were drowned as he crushed his lips onto mine raw and desperate.

Longing and desire spoke louder than any words could ever do as he kissed me with the force of all the unsaid words of the past months. My breath was kicked out of my lungs before they were filled with the air that Cassian shared with me. Just enough oxygen that I wouldn't faint, his breath kept me alive as our mouths moved. I yearned for more of him. Only in my wildest dreams, I imagined that I would be his and that sealing kiss was better than any of it. His pillowy lips moved against mine, igniting a fire in my heart that had slumbered there until now. I parted for him invitingly and with every stroke of his tongue against mine, we melted against each other until we were one. 

His broad arms pulled me closer as I weaved every emotion into the kiss: the fear of losing him, the gratitude that he woke up for me even when I thought he was dead. All the memories of the times when I thought about grabbing his collar and drawing him to my eye level until I could kiss him - it all converged in this very moment. 

My breath hitched as my hands roamed over his frame tangling in his hair, angling his head just the way I needed him. I felt his muscles shift under my touch until my hand found the way to his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath my fingertips. A heart that I fought so fiercely to save.

His hands moved to my waist, pulling me closer as though he couldn’t bear the thought of any distance between us as his wings shifted behind him. Those strong illyrian wings that were whole again created a cocoon around us, sheltering us from the world as if we were the only people in this universe.

He hesitantly broke apart to gaze into my eyes, capturing me with the golden freckles on the green of his irises. Our breaths mingled in the cool air, his voice was a low rasp as he spoke, his lips brushing against mine as soft as a feather “I love you, too. You are my everything, YN.”

My lips curved into a trembling smile, my fingers tracing the edge of his jaw. “Then promise me you’ll stop catching arrows with your body.”

A chuckle reverberated from his chest and a wide grin made the dimples in his cheeks appear. “I could ask you the same.”

I laughed softly at that. He was right, each of us sprung in between the weapon and each other as a shield. “I’d be lying if I said I wouldn't do that again for you.”

“Likewise.”he whispered and pulled me into him again, kissing me until I forgot the world around us, sealing our love with every move of his lips.

<<< CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER ELEVEN >>>

When Cassian and I arrived back on the battlefield we were met with cheering as the warriors saw us emerging from the skies. Praising chants of our names drifted through the air. As soon as we landed on the ground again, he just hesitantly let go of my hand as I ran towards the improvised hospital his warriors set up. Warriors came up to me to kiss the knuckles of my hand in a bow to thank me for my healing and protecting spells. They said it was one main reason why they were able to triumph over their opponents. While my bubbles of moonflowers shielded them, they had the opportunity to push the lines back without one of them getting hurt. 

 While I took care of the wounded, Cassian got into full general-mode and barked orders to his warriors, how and where to move the injured and what to do next.  Rows of our wounded soldiers laid on the ground supervised by their companions groaned in pain as I got an instruction which one’s were in most need of my aid. My healing hummed eagerly in my chest as I knelt down, the siphon in my hand, and began to heal the wounds of our warriors. One after another they recovered. Some of them I knew from Windhaven. When I was finished patching them up, they thanked me and kissed the back of my hand before taking off, searching the air for more wounded. 

Even when I could save the ones that we reached in time, there were enough that I prayed for when we buried them on the grounds back in windhaven. Inky black engraved stones sat above every one of their graves. The tears I cried when we bid our last farewell were connected to the times when they gave me a smile after I healed and patched them up after their harsh training. Too many faces that I had grown fond of would stay in the past. But I knew they gave their lives to protect our court. Our home. It made me proud to have known them and their sacrifice. 

 Back in Windhaven, I stayed with Fentus, Volares and Thorne for some hours. They told me how they were keeping up during the time I wasn't there. They were doing just fine in my cottage. I was proud of them that they were alright and safe there. Before I left, I took a last look at the plans for the shelter that laid on my desk. A content smile spread across my lips at the thought that my dream of building that shelter for them soon will come true. All the orphans are getting a second chance at life. I hummed the lullaby happily as I stepped outside again.

The aftermath of the war was settled in the camps and Rhysand invited Cassian and me over to Velaris to take some days off. While Cassian flew us over there we chatted and laughed and kissed while the wind whispered against our ears. I was no longer afraid of flying with him. He would always be there to keep me safe and close to him as we soared through the skies.

The dinner room at the house of wind was alive with the soft hum of conversation and the clinking of glasses alongside the rich scent of roasted meats and fine wine. The battle was over. We had won. And yet, the weight of what we had endured still lingered in the air. A weight pressed onto my heart as my mind drifted back to the warriors we lost. Tonight, however, was a night of celebration and of gratitude.

Then a sound caught my attention and ripped me out of my thoughts.

Cassian’s chair screeched over the wooden planks as he stood from his seat at the head of the table. His armor was replaced with a more comfortable attire, dark trousers and his signature black button down shirt that was slightly see through at the sleeves, revealing his tattoos in the golden light of the chandeliers soft glow on his rugged features. Everyone's gaze turned to him as the room fell silent. His eyes scanned the faces of the family that had fought beside him. And then his gaze landed on me, sitting at his side. My small form was dwarfed beside his impressive body height and I looked up at him in awe. 

He cleared his throat and lifted his glass. “We did it,” he said, a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “We won. And we did it together.” he paused, letting the weight of those words settle. “Each of you played a part in this victory and I will never have enough words to thank you. But tonight, there is one person I want to honor above all.”

He turned fully to me and his gaze softened “YN,” he began, his voice quieter as if he only spoke to me, “you were your salvation. You healed our warriors, kept them standing when they should have fallen. You healed me, even when…even when I thought I was lost.” A deep breath shuddered through him. The same memory flickered behind my eyes. How he laid motionless in my lap. How the mother allowed my power to sing him back to life. “You didn't just bring me back - you saved me in more ways than one. And for that, I owe you my life.”

Exhales hushed over the table and all their eyes were on me as I blinked in surprise as my cheeks heated at his declaration.

“I’ve never been good with words,” he admitted and a gentle smile played on his lips, “but I want everyone in this room to know that what I feel for you goes beyond gratitude.” his graveled voice grew stronger as his eyes again locked with mine. It made my heart pound wildly in my chest and I had to hold onto the fabric of the table cloth for false stability.

“I love you, sweetheart. And I’ll love you until my last breath.”

Feyre reached for Rhys’s hand while the other one went around her belly, the babe kicking her from inside in approval and a knowing smile curved her lips. Azriel wore a big smile, Mor grinned brightly and even Amren’s impassive expression softened at Cassian’s words.

I was lost in Cassian’s gaze as tears shimmered in my eyes and I was speechless. Then, I slowly stood as my hand found his as I whispered “I love you, too.” The room erupted in cheers and applause. 

He pulled me into a soft kiss, our lips melting together as the tension left his body. Azriels clapped Cassian on the back while Mor raised her glass with a wide grin. But I didn't hear any of it, too lost in the male that was connected to my lips. The male I saved against all odds, the male I would spend my life fighting for to keep him. 

With a gentle hand, he pulled away to press a soft kiss to my forehead before he whispered “We made it.” His words worked its magic and for the first time after those long days, peace settled into my bones. 

The evening went by quietly. After dinner we settled on the cozy sofas surrounding the fireplace. Before I could take the seat next to Cassian he pulled me into his lap and snaked his hands around me. One on the side of my thigh, the other softly stroked my back. Long luxurious pets caressed me from my shoulders down to my hips. I leaned into his touch, embracing his warmth and feeling his steady heartbeat under my touch as I kissed his cheek every other minute, feeling the stubbles of his freshly trimmed bread scratch against my soft lips. 

One of my arms was perched around his shoulders, playing with the strands of his hair whenever I wasn't fondling the strong muscles of his neck. I didn't even hear what the others were talking about, too much lost in Cassian's embrace. 

But I noticed that Feyre was getting restless and did not find the right position to sit in anymore as she petted her round belly. “How’s the babe, Feyre?” I asked her and slipped from Cassian’s hands and I missed the warmth of him instantly. I knelt before her, my knees digging in the carpet as I placed my hands on her. “It’s fine but it moves constantly.” she let out a sharp breath and a hiss as she ground her teeth. “I’ll take a look.” I said to her and closed my eyes. I let my magic hum through the siphon that dangled from my chest and I concentrated until I could feel and dimly see the babe though my inner eye. “It’s heartbeat is steady and it’s already in the right position,” I looked up at her and added, “it’s adjusting the wings, that’s what you’re feeling right here.” I took her hand and laid it on the little bump on her roundness. “The babe is ready to come. It could happen any moment. You should rest. A bath will ease you.” I recommended and instantly Rhysand had her in his arms and they waved us good night. 

The High Lord's voice called into my mind. Have you found anything?

I got up from my kneeling position and hoped the others would not notice our silent conversation. Nothing concrete yet. I’ll be at the library if you and Feyre need me. I answered and saw them leaving through the glass door. I linked my hand with Cassian’s and gave him a chaste kiss. “There’s something I have to look into. Good night. I’ll see you at breakfast.” It would have been a lie to tell that I wanted to go already as I hoped that I could spend the night in Cassian’s room. But this was too important, my High Lady needed me. 

“Okay.” he breathed back and stared longingly after me as I left for the library. I could tell that he thought the same as I.

Light raindrops knocked on the glass roof of the library as I made my way downstairs to the working desks. After a quick chat with Clotho, she collected some books for me. Some I reread in hope that I had missed a clue and the new one’s she found for me were my last hope. The hours ticked away, I was so deep into reading that only the cups of steaming tea the house set up for me indicated what time it might be. Power naps fueled me for some time but the letters blurred before my eyes. I willed them open to look towards the sky, finding it in soft hues of orange clashing with light blue. It was morning already but the paper beneath my pen was still blank.

 I had found nothing that could help Feyre.

I felt like shit. I let out an angry moan and massaged my temples. Suddenly Clotho was behind me with her paper and scribbled without touching in big letters ‘You need to get some rest. When the time comes the High Lady needs you at full power.’

She was probably right. When the babe comes I have to be at full strength. 

I got back to my room and fell face first onto the bed and was fast asleep after a couple of seconds.

I woke up in the afternoon. I didn't remember covering myself with a blanket. Then I noticed the card on the nightstand.

You slept so soundly, I didn't want to wake you up. Be ready at 6pm. I’ll come and pick you up for our date.

Cass X

Cass was here and saw me sleeping. He must have thrown the blanket over me. A smile began to form on my lips at the thought that he took care of me and wanted me to be warm and cozy. I showered and pulled on one of the dresses that Mor got me some weeks ago. Black and glittering soft fabric covered me as I touched up my subtle makeup. My eyes fell on the bouquet of illyrian poppies on my vanity.

An idea sparked in my mind.

I pulled three blossoms and exchanged them for the ones that already were on my hair clip. I covered it with my preserving spell before placing it cautiously at the back of my hair. I looked like the night court in person. All black and sparkling with the flowers that saved the male I loved right in my hair.

He picked me up at 6pm sharp and flew us down to the city center. Hand in hand, we walked down the streets. The tingle in my stomach grew gradually under his touch and from how sweaty his hands were I could tell he felt the same. He wore his wings neatly tucked in, his chest puffed as we strolled around like he wanted to show me - to show us - to the whole world.

We stopped at the bridge where he held me in his arms and kissed me tenderly as the sun began to sink behind the horizon. After that he had a reservation at a small hidden restaurant that only had a handful of tables in a calm alley. Wisteria grew as an awning along the red brick stone pillars and little apricot lights swung in the breeze above us.

Candles shone on the table as we ate and shared dessert. After that, he pulled me up in his arms and flew us to the border of the city into the mountain range. My breath caught in my lungs as I took in the spot he prepared for us. A soft padded, huge blanket with pillows and a fruit basket was nestled on a rocky outcrop. 

We laid down and watched the last rays of sun being eaten up by the darkness of the night. Soon, the stars glimmered against the black sphere. I laid in his arm as he showed me all the star constellations and recited the legends that were told in the Night Court. It was magical. Between his stories we kissed softly and laughed when we had to part to breathe.

But the cold of the night grew more insistent and he flew us back to the House of Wind. He walked me back to my room and pulled my lips to his. At first, it was soft and innocent. But I couldn't get enough of him. I had my arms around his neck as the kiss grew deeper and more urgent.

A light moan slipped from my lips and he pulled back. The warmth of his lips lingered on mine, his breath uneven. His plush lips were swollen from our kisses and all I wanted to do was dive in once more. His eyes glittered with restraint and desire as he gazed down at me sending heat curling in my stomach.

His hands were still on my waist, thumbs tracing slow circles through the fabric of my dress, but he didn’t move closer - didn’t pull me back in.

“I had a great time tonight,” he murmured, his voice rough. “You- you're incredible.”

I could still taste him on my lips, still feel the way he had kissed me like he was trying to secure the feeling in his memory.

He took a small step back, releasing me as if it physically pained him. “Good night, YN.”

My heart nearly sprung out of my chest as I watched him turn. His wings were tense, like every fiber of his being was telling him to stay even as he tried to leave.

“Wait.” I said softly.

Cassian froze. Slowly, he turned back, his brows drawn. My breath was shallow and my pulse thrummed like a war drum as I reached for him, curling my fingers around his wrist. “Do you really want to leave?” I whispered.

A muscle in his jaw feathered and his gaze flickered to my lips where his own were only moments ago. “YN-” he breathed. I could hear it in his voice - the battle between his self control and the raw need to be close to me. 

I stepped closer until only an inch was between us “Then don't.”

The moment the words left my lips, his restraint snapped and he crushed his mouth onto mine. His hands were warm and large pads on my cheeks before they traveled to my neck, my hair, my waist. He was touching me like he had been starving - like he could never get enough.

He backed me into the door, pressing me against the smooth polished wood as his lips devoured mine. I could feel the heat of him, the strength of him, every inch of his powerful frame pressed against mine. He angled my head and I parted my lips to invite him in. The faint taste of his glasses of wine and our dessert mixed with his intoxicating scent of fresh pine that obfuscated my mind.

I breathed heavily and my fingers tangled in his hair, tugging just hard enough to draw a deep gran from his throat. The sound sent fire shooting through my veins.

“YN,” he rasped against my lips, his breath uneven. “If we go inside, I-”

I cut him off with another kiss and I let my small hands trail down his chest to feel the way his muscles tensed under my touch. Then I reached behind me, opened the door and pulled him inside. The door clicked shut behind us, sealing us away from the rest of the world.

Cassian’s wings flared as he lifted me as if I weighed nothing. My hands grabbed onto the bulges of his hard biceps as he carried me to the bed in long strides. He laid me down gently, so in contrast with the hunger in his eyes. He hovered over me, his ragged breath fanning over my heated skin.

“Tell me you want this,” he murmured, his forehead resting against mine.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down until his body covered mine completely. “I want you,” I whispered.

And that was all he needed.

He claimed my lips again, this time with no restraint, no hesitation. He kissed the corner of my lips and along my jaw with the firm pillows of his lips. My skin pebbled where he left a trace of kisses down my neck as a hot trail. My head fell back and a moan fell from my lips. I’ve dreamt so often to have him like that. So many nights alone in my bed with my hands between my legs, thinking of him. Of the things he would do. How he would be.

I couldn't wait anymore. I needed him. My fingers fumbled with the buttons of his shirt almost ripping it open. He let out a low chuckle at my desperate attempt to free his body from that unnecessary piece of fabric and pulled me around so I could straddle him. He sat up straight, pressing his chest to mine as he planted his feet on the carpet.

“I appreciate how eager you are, but let’s slow down, sweetheart. I wanna enjoy every second of this.” he rasped and cupped my cheeks, forcing me to look into his fiery eyes. 

“Okay, you’re right.” I sighed and kissed him slowly, stroking my tongue against his, against his lips, letting his stubble scratch over my skin like lightly inflammable matches against a gravely surface - igniting a fire deep inside my core. 

He let out a deep guttural moan as my hands traveled again over his arms and pecks, feeling how agitated he was for me. I loosened the buttons of his shirt, one after another, kissing the tan skin that was revealed until they dipped too low. I undid the last one and he helped me to get rid of his shirt. His hands flew around my middle instantly to hold me securely as I leaned back just a bit to give him space to explore me.

Breath caught in my lungs as I took him in. So many times I’ve seen him training with his bare chest. So many times he’s been to my cottage to let me tend his wounds. My fingers traced all the scars on his powerful torso as if I could make them vanish beneath my touch. So many times I’ve dreamt of being able to touch him the way I craved. He shuddered under the light touch of my fingers and his breath fanned over my cleavage.

“Like what you see?” he asked with a husky voice.

“You have no idea.” I answered as my eyes flickered to his and back to his chest.

One after another, I began to kiss every one of his scars, letting him feel how much I wanted not only his mind but also his body. There was a story behind every of it but the only thing I wanted was his body to answer my desperate call. My teeth scratched the soft skin where his shoulders and his neck met, drawing a grunt from him as I tasted the dust of salt on him. 

I felt his cock growing even more where our hips connected. I looked down between us at the huge bulge. My dress was ridden up around my waist, where his thumbs drew soft circles over the fabric.

Then his hands ran over my thighs. From my knees, over my legs, up to my ribcage and back like he tried to chisel the view into his mind. But this wasn't enough. I needed more. I needed his hands traveling all over me. Touching me everywhere.

“Touch me.” I asked him with a whisper.

He melted under my command and finally grabbed onto my ass, kneading the plump flesh of my hips harshly and the crease where my legs hit my hip. “Like that?” he asked, kissing my neck while rasping in my ear.

“Yes.” I nodded and bit my lip as I let my head fall back. His grip tightened as he pinched my skin with his large calloused hands, pulling me in with force to close off the unpleasant distance between us.

All so slowly, he slid down the first strap of my dress, then the other one while kissing where the fabric once had been. “You’re so beautiful, sweetheart.” he said as he let it fall to my middle, finally exposing me to him. 

My nipples clenched together into small drops as his warm breath hit my skin. He stared at my tits in awe like he couldn't believe that he wasn't dreaming. His hands stayed frozen on my waist until I took one of his hands and guided him to cup one of my breasts in his calloused hand. 

I moaned as our skin connected and he began to massage it and pinch my nipple, drawing it incredibly harder. “Fuck, Cass.” I breathed as he sucked it in his mouth, lapping on the tight bud.

“I’ve been dreaming about doing this for so long.” he admitted as he took in the other one, while his hand kneaded the other one. “You’re divine.” he murmured against my skin, leaving a wet trail.

As his mouth devoured my tits, his hand traveled down again to my thighs, riding higher with every demanding stroke. I couldn't hold back any longer as I began to slowly rock my hips against the prominent bulge in his pants. I needed to feel him, all of him. 

Then one of his hands found the back of my neck, forcing me to lock my eyes on his. I breathed heavily as his other hand drew closer to where I wanted it so desperately until he stopped at the soft skin, right next to my panties.

“You want me to touch you there?.” he asked while his eyes stayed on me and delivered another luxurious long stroke.

“Yes, please.” I answered and I was sure my irises dilated just like his as his thumb grazed over the lace. “Mother.” I swore under my breath as my eyes rolled back in my head. My hips pushed into his hand, needing to feel more of him.

He pulled me into a kiss and bit down on my lip as his thumb pushed the lace to the side. A moan fell from my lips as he brushed his fingers along my folds. “Fuck, sweetheart, you’re soaked.” his stubble scratched my cheek as he rasped in my ear. His other hand still held the back of my neck to prevent me from falling backwards. He slid his thumb up and down, collecting my juices until he finally let it glide over my sensitive clit.

My head fell back with a moan as he rubbed me, slow and deliberate. “You’re so desperate for me. I like seeing you all needy for me.” he said and looked down at his hand, already soaked and glistening from me. 

I melted beneath his touch and I began to rock against his hand, needing more friction. I looked down where our bodies connected, imagining how his cock would feel inside of me.I felt very empty. I pressed harder against him, hoping that he would slide just one digit into me. But suddenly, he pulled me up until I stood in front of him on shaky legs and he ordered. “Stand.”

I held onto his shoulders and looked down at him puzzled. His wings laid on the bed, sprawled out behind him, heaving slightly with the pulse that ran through them but his eyes were gazing into mine. His hands fell from my waist as he leaned back on his hands behind him.

“Strip for me.” he said barely above a whisper, looking down and up my body again. A shot of hotness ran down my spine and I couldn't move even if I wanted to. My eyes traveled from his, over his torso and down to the bulge in his pants. I licked my lips at the thought of finally seeing him.

“Now,” he said more firmly, setting my body into motion. I took a step back, my eyes locking with his again. But then, the desire from him leaked into me, arming me with the courage to follow his command. 

My chest was already bare and I played with the fabric that pooled around my waist, slowly pushing it down in circles. His eyes followed my hands as they removed the dress and the skin that was uncovered. When it reached my hips, it fell down on its own in a puddle of true night - black and glittering stars against the carpet soundlessly, leaving me just in my panties.

“Go on.” he said and I could see a small patch that leaked through his pants, leaving a wet stain on it. I wanted to tease him but I was under a spell and the lace was gone immediately, leaving me standing completely nude before him. I reached down to undo the strap of my heels but he cut in. “Leave them on.”

My head shot back to him and I found him nibbling on his bottom lip. His eyes traveled from the black polished leather on my feet over my body and onto my eyes.

All I could do was stare at his crotch. “Is this what you want?” he asked and fisted his cock around his pants.

I was still frozen but was able to nod as if I was just ripped out of a daydream.

“Use your words, sweetheart. Do you want this cock?”

“I want it in my mouth.” I answered truthfully and nodded eagerly for clarification.

“Come here, babe.” he ordered and without hesitation I stepped closer, getting on my knees between his legs. 

“Fuck, you look so good on your knees.” he groaned and cupped my cheek. His thumb pulled my bottom lip from my teeth before kissing me deeply with a desire that kindled sparks in my core like there was never before. “I can see it in your eyes - how much you want to taste me.”

My hands found the buckle of his belt and he helped me, making quick work of pulling down his pants, his underwear gone with it. 

I gawked at his length as it sprang free. I licked my lips again and stared at the sheer girth of his cock. A glistening drop of precum decorated the tip and I swallowed heavily. I couldn't stand to be separated from him another second, but before I could move, his hand found the hair on the back of my neck, pulling my hair down and my chin up to look into his eyes again. “You’re going to put your lips around me. Show me how much you want me.” A low rumble reverberated in his chest. I nodded against his grip and he set my head free. I got even wetter at his unrestricted commands. He was more than I could ever imagine in the bedroom. Possessive, unapologetic, commanding and dirty in the best way. I didn’t need another word from him as I let my mouth sink down.

The smell of musk and salt hit me and my nostrils flared in response. I needed to taste him. My heart rate shot up before my lips connected with his. I kissed the base of his cock, the velvety skin contracting where my lips left as my mouth traveled slowly upwards. “Eyes on me sweetheart.” he said under his breath and my eyes locked with his. His cock jerked under my lips with every touch, pulling groans from him as I traveled up his shaft. 

His hazel eyes deepened the hot blazing in my body as I reached the tip, finally able to lick that delicious drop slowly and easily from the head. His head fell back and his body rigited before looking back down at me as I pulled the head between my soft lips. A deep guttural moan escaped. “That’s it babe.” he said as I took more of him in my mouth. “Fuck, look at you.” his hand found my cheek again as I slowly worked his length deeper into my mouth. I let my hand sit at the base, stroking him while my lips stretched around his girth. Curses fell from his lips as his hand tightened its grip on my hair, keeping it firmly out of the way. “Just like that.” he praised.

My other hand found his balls, beginning to massage them - at first feathery light until pushing my fingers into the plush flesh, working it in tandem with my mouth. Inch for inch I pushed my head deeper down, holding my gag reflex back until he was completely buried inside of my throat. “You’re so good for me.” he moaned as I began to bob up and down on him. 

I felt him throbbing in my throat and I tightened my lips around him. I could feel the corners of my mouth ripping, ignoring the faint smell of fresh iron leaking but his encouragement let me forget that instantly and let it be replaced by my desire to please him even more. Deeper.

“Fuck, sweetheart. You have to stop or I'll come all over your pretty face.” I heard the dull sound of his moan as I picked up the pace, needing to taste his cum on my tongue. My core coiled and I sucked him even harder before he pulled me away gently by my hair. 

I looked up at him with despair and regret, my brows were drawn together like I couldn't understand why he had stopped me. “I’m going to take care of you first.” he said firmly. With that he gathered me in his arms and threw me onto the mattress. My back hit the plush bed and in no time, he was leaning over me again. 

His fingers grabbed my chin, forcing me to look into his blazed eyes again. “I’m going to kiss you down there. Then I’ll put my fingers inside of you. Understood?” he commanded and I replied with a whisper. “Understood, sir.”

His cock jerked against my thigh at my devoted answer and he grinned wickedly in response. 

“Good.” he rasped against my lips before his kisses traced down my body. Teeth and lips left a hot trace until his face parted and connected again with the skin of the inside of my knee. His hands pushed my legs even further apart to make room for him and his wings. He began to nib and kiss my inner thigh, riding closer to the spot where I wanted him to be. Just around the velvet skin of my crotch, he drew slow circles, breathing in the emanating smell. “Is that all for me?” he asked, his eyes connecting with mine. “All yours.” I answered breathlessly as his hand grabbed down harshly on the soft flesh of my thigh, waiting until the pain grew into the urgent bolt tha rode through my body, shutting off the synapses of my brain.  

“You’re gorgeous, YN.” he said with a low grumble and I could feel a drop run down from my folds for him. The air he breathed out bathed my core in warmth as he stared at my center. Before it could hit the mattress, he unfurled his lip and caught it with his tongue, letting my back arch out. “Cassian.” I moaned as his tongue flattened at the bottom, licking his way slowly upwards, collecting my leaking juices. His lips slipped over my folds until his tongue licked my clit and sucked it in, biting lightly in between. I whimpered and thrashed against him, pushing my body against his face for more friction.

But he didn't pull back and buried his face against my core. A breathless groan escaped my lips as he stopped to tease and began to feast on me. “You taste so good.” he said between licks and placed a flat hand on my stomach to hold my writhing body down. 

His tongue dug past my entrance and he began to suck me, pulling in my jewel in between firm strokes. It felt as if I had just entered the garden Eden. Having him between my legs, lapping on me  - It was the best feeling I’ve ever had. His stubble scratched against the soft skin of my core, rubbing unyielding towards my climax. I needed more. His tongue wasn't enough. My hand grabbed his on my belly, trying to shove it down to my leaking pussy, where his face dined like a king. The vibration of his low chuckle against my folds pushed me even harder. “You want more?” he asked with a grin, my juices glistening on his lips and chin. All I could do was nodding desperately before my head fell back against the pillows. 

His hand followed my silent command and traveled down until his index ran up and down my wet lips. “Please, Cass.” I whimpered against his touch.

“Well, since you’re asking so nicely.” he growled teasingly and his finger pushed his digit slowly in and out of my pussy. I clenched around him as he slipped into me without any resistance. “You’re soaking me. That’s so hot.”

He picked up the pace and my moans grew louder as he worked me. He added another finger to fill me up and pushed against that spot, working towards my release. His teeth grazed my clit as he pumped into me “I want you so say my name when I make you come all over my fingers.” He had me arching my back at his command, his fingers pummeled into me. He licked fast circles around the sensitive bud and my breathing became rugged and shallow, the hotness from my stomach drove down into my core, keeping my climax at bay. “Come on my tongue.” he ordered and sucked me again until I cried out.

“Cass.” I screamed and rode my hips against his face as my orgasm exploded. The pleasure raced through me as his fingers slowed its movements, allowing me to ride it out. Hotness and the white force of ecstasy seared through my body until I finally came down, moaning and thrashing weakly on his lips.  

“Fuck, Cass. That was amazing.” I said breathlessly as he pushed up until he laid on top of me again. His beard was coated in my cum. I pulled him in, my arms and legs tangling around his body until I was able to kiss him. My tongue sucked his in, enjoying the taste of myself on him. I moaned against his mouth, only parting for air.

He draped his powerful wings over us, cocooning us. The candles shone softly through the membranes, painting soft hues of orange and red over our features. I stretched out my hand and let my fingers glide gently over the velvety skin. They twitched with anticipation at the first contact before the tenseness thawed and they relaxed against my touch. My hand ran slowly up and down, over the strong muscles, tracing the thick veins and he groaned a moan against my lips. “It feels so good when you touch me there.” he rasped and kissed my forehead tenderly.

“Like that?” I asked, my fingers sailed to the most sensitive part, where his wings drew out of his strong back. He hissed delicately at the contact and his cock jerked against my stomach. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, biting down hard, marking me up in response.

His right hand drove down my body, tickling the skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps until he slid his fingers to my core, gingerly gliding through my wet folds. “You’re ready for me now,” he whispered. “We’re gonna take it nice and slow.”

His lips were on mine again, moving with yearning and passion before he pulled back to brush a strand of hair out of my face and murmured lowly. “Eyes on me, baby. I wanna see the look in your eyes when I push into you.”

Words evaded me, all I could do was to nod and bite my lip as he grabbed his cock and brought it to my entrance. The thumb of his left hand came to my face as he held himself up on his elbow, pulling my lower lip free from my teeth. He ran the tip along my wet mouth and gazed into my eyes. 

“I love you.”

Her hands wrapped around my neck before I whispered. “I love you, too.”

Then, he slowly pushed into her and I moaned at the velvety hot skin against mine. His eyes dilated as he pushed his member inch by inch into me. “Ohh, Cass.” I mewled at the stretch and my eyes hooded.

“Look at me, YN. Let me see you.” he breathed and I willed my eyes to lock with his. His right hand came up, tangled our fingers and placed them beside my head before pushing fully into me. I gazed into his eyes, drunken on the pleasure to finally feel him fully inside of me. I moaned and he kissed me sharing our air.

He groaned and his cock throbbed against my walls. “You’re divine, sweetheart.”

Cassian slowly drew out and I whimpered, missing his girth instantly. He pushed back in and gave me a second to adjust to him again before he began to slowly pump in and out. “Cass, you feel so good inside of me.” I mewled.

“You’re so beautiful.” his voice was gravelly and strained and he placed his right hand on the side of my neck, stretching my chin up for him to kiss me again. My fingernails bored into his back, trying to pull him closer, so that no air was in between us. I began to move my hips against him, trying to find even more friction. “I need you, Cass.”

“You want more?” he asked. “Like that?” and pushed harder into me, earning a moan as I writhed beneath him.

“Yes, please.” I nodded desperately with a smile across my face.

A guttural moan fell from his lips and he began to pick up his pace until he pumped roughly and hard into me, hitting that spot that melted me away. 

One of his hands found my hip, to keep me in place, so my head wouldn't hit the headboard. I would have gotten a concussion from the consuming force that he set between my legs. “You feel so good around me. You were made for me.” he rasped and my hand drove over the delicate skin of his wing again that had him pick up his pace even more. “Fuck.” he growled into my ear and I clenched down on him in response. 

He pulsated inside of me and his brows furrowed while he bared his teeth - I could tell he was close. Without a warning, he changed positions, his hand wrapped around my middle, turning us as he rolled onto his back with his wings spread out beneath him and me straddling him. 

I moaned at the new angle and straightened my spine, arching my back for him, to push his tip against that sweet spot. He looked delicious beneath me - a fresh layer of dusty sweat on his forehead and his hazel eyes burned me alive, full of lust and desire. My hands grabbed down on his chest, leaving half moon marks on his powerful pecs as I began to push myself down on him, rocking my hips.

His hands were in the crook of my knees pushing and pulling me over his crotch, helping me with the pace I set. His head fell back into the pillows and he groaned. 

“You’re gripping me so tight.” he opened his eyes to settle them to the part where our bodies connected, drinkin me in. It was a powerful feeling… having Cassian - the general of the night court’s forces beneath me - moaning and groaning for more. For the special something that only I could give him. Having Cassian - the lovely male beneath me - whispering and breathing the sweetest and most passionate things in my ears - that made me desperate for more.

That was exactly how I felt. Desperate. Desperate to feel him come inside of me, to feel our world narrow down until we were the only ones left in this universe. 

One of his hands left my knee, leaving a hot trail on my thigh until he placed it where my hip and leg connected, finally placing his thick thumb against my clit. My head fell back and a moan fell from my lips as his calloused digit rubbed craving circles on the sensitive bud. Never in my life had sex felt so good and pure. It was pure bliss and with every passing moment he pushed me further to the edge of paradise.

“I can feel you’re close.” he moaned and bit his lip as his eyes gazed at my face. My brows drew together at the low rasp of his voice and my clit twitched for him.

“I want you to say my name when you come.” he breathed and I placed my hand over his on my hip, letting him grip me harder, forcing his hand to leave blue marks on me while I glided on his crotch. “This is what you want baby?” he asked and slapped my ass, encouraging me to get feral.

“Yes, please.” I whimpered and he grabbed my tit and twisted it, letting my lips part and a string of curses fall from them. I nodded and I prepared until the sting from his grip thewed into the rush of hot lightning that thrummed right into my pussy. When he released me out of his vice I leaned forward to kiss his lips hungrily and shot my hips back and forth, letting his cock push me higher to my climax. 

His thumb rubbed desperately against my clit and our breaths hitched at my wild pace. “Let go baby. Come for me.” his tone was husky and strained, barely containing his orgasm. I angled my hips to take him even deeper.

It only took me one more move until that coil inside of me snapped, taking him with me over the edge. “Cassian.” I cried out as my movements became deficient with bliss and his cock throbbed for the last time, pumping into me and coating me full with his release. 

It wasn't just an orgasm. Something deep inside of me shifted and an unknown force drew me into him. Like there was a string attached to my heart, manacling me to him in the best way - sealing our connection for eternity. 

His voice became a delicious whimper when he pushed up his hips to bury him even deeper into me, letting me milk every last drop of him. Bolts of pleasure soared through me and had me back out - my body lost its tension and became flaccid in a fraction of a second nearly colliding with his chest but his hands quickly found my shoulders and caught my fall. He let my limp body collide slow and sweetly with his chest and his sturdy arms wrapped around me, tracing long luxurious circles on my back. Our breaths synced and I bored my face in the crook of his neck, kissing the delicate skin on his pulse point, both gasping for air. We were a tangled mess and slowly came down from our shared high. It made me feel complete, it was the peak of my life. 

I melted against his chest and my heartbeat was still unsteady as I tried to catch my breath. His warm body surrounded me and his scent of pine, fresh snow and our mixed sweat filled my senses, letting me drown in him and I let my eyes flutter shut. 

One of his hands flattened gently on the middle of my back while his other hand found my chin, tilting my head up to lock eyes with him. 

“You’re incredible.” he murmured and his lips brushed delicately against my temple like I would break if he pressed them too hard on my skin. 

I flushed and smiled shyly, burying my face again against his neck, trying to hide the rising heat of my cheeks. “I…I don’t even know what to say.”

He chuckled, the sound deep and satisfied. “Then don’t say anything. Just stay.”

I lifted my head slightly, meeting his gaze, and my chest tightened at the sheer tenderness in his expression. He looked at me like I was something precious, something cherished, his eyes hooded and drunk on our passion.

I let my head fall back to his pecs, my eyes following my movements as my fingers hesitantly and carefully traced the planes of his heaving chest, marveling at the strength beneath my touch. His chest rose and fell steadily.

I took a deep breath as I was lost in my thoughts. All that was Cassian flooded my mind and it narrowed down to one single thought. “I love you,” I whispered, the words slipping out like a prayer.

His head gently cuddled mine and his arms around me tightened as his wings rose and curled protectively around us again. “I love you too, sweetheart.” he murmured. Then he kissed the crown on my head, slow and deep as if to seal and imprint on our souls.

The exhaustion pulled me under its surface and I let myself fully relax against him, lulled by warmth, his heartbeat against my ear. He pulled the blanket over our bodies, securing me with the warmth from him that was trapped by it. 

The last thing I remembered was me mumbling ‘I love you’s’ all over again while I drifted to sleep with his arms and wings around me, secured from the world. I drifted into sleep and I knew that I was exactly where I belonged.

<<< CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER TWELVE >>>

Based on the song, I had mapped out some areas where to find that ancient magic flower, but before I could present my plans to the High Lord and Cassian, war knocked on our door.

Neither the moonflowers nor the obsidians would be of any use in Feyre’s situation and I hoped that she wouldn't detect my upspeed pulse when I greeted her with a hug, drawing circles on her back. She looked so happy to wear their babe around and I hoped that I would have left more time to find something that would be of use.

“It’s good to see you again.” The high lady said to me, holding my middle for a moment and looking into my eyes as if she were a starborn herself. Then she pulled away from me and winked with an honest smile before stepping out of the way to reveal Azriel to me.

Cassian’s brother towered before me, his blue siphons gleaming calmly and his shadows nowhere to be seen. A soft smile spread around his tan kissed lips as he took my hand and brought it to his face an ancient gesture of benevolence.

“You’re a force to be reckoned with.” he lowly said to me, his smile wore a trace of proudness and guilt. “I never intended to spy on you.” I knew he wanted to keep me safe. Safe from the reckless illyrian male that attacked me. I chuckled at him, forgiving him, for the time he remained at my cottage and hoped that he would forgive me for throwing him out in such a brutal way. When he loosened the soft grip on my hand he said, “Rhysand and Cassian were the first they bowed to ever. You’re the third. You’re lucky to have tem.” I really was lucky. That day became a changing point for my relationship with the warriors. Even Devlon must have heard of what happened that morning. His usually ice cold stare wasn't directed at me anymore whenever we passed in Windhaven.

Amren was the last to enter. A thin figure but she leaked of ancient power. It was the first time I saw her in person. She looked me up and down, then her cold irises drifted to Cassian and back to me before she said “Interesting.” with a grin that I couldn't read.

I knew she was old and sometimes spoke like one who knew the prophecy but it caught me off guard. After her comment, my eyes darted directly to Cassian, searching for reassurance. But he only smiled at me and shrugged his shoulders, mouthing ‘I don't know either.’ to me. I tiptoed closer to him, letting his confidence leak into me.

Then everyone sat around his table while Cass dug into a trunk for rolls of maps.

He secured the rolling ends of the map he sprawled out with mugs and a crystal glass… It was one of mine. The second one he stole from me. He grabbed the glass lacking liquor after our usual dinner at my house and held himself onto it as he pretended not to be drunk when he walked outdoors after we said good night - after receiving the usual kiss on my cheek before he went down the way to his house.

But the serious mood of the inner circle kept me from smiling at the memory of our spent evening days ago.

Black figures representing his armies were placed on the detailed map of the night court - opposite sat green one’s - caricatures of monsters and towers imitating Hyberns forces.

Rhysand’s hands grabbed on the corners of the table “Azriel got message that Hybern’s forces will attack in three days - in the late morning, at the north-western borders of the night court. The leaders of the other camps should be here any minute-” without a knock, the seven lords of the camps walked into Cassian’s cottage, every of them looking more frightening than the one before.

I took a step back from the table to give them space, officially their ranks were higher than mine and I knew how oldschool the other Illyrians were. But before one of them could push me even further behind, Cassian’s wing stretched around me, pulling me back beside him. His hand carefully grabbed mine and squeezed it reassuringly as if to say that this was the place where I belonged. My thumb brushed over his skin before breaking the contact before anyone could see our intimate gesture - this wasn't the right place for ‘weakness’ as they would phrase it.

I felt out of place in between the tall figures - in between their dark wings and bulky uniforms. Each wore a grim face and the one opposite me crossed his arms and snarled at his general “What is she doing here?”

Cassian held his stare, not saying a word and giving me the inaudible signal to handle him myself. I glared at the male and flared my non-existent wings “Your healer should probably know where you’re moving your companies during that battle. Would you prefer that I heal Hybern instead or would you like to aid your warriors yourself?” my arrogant retort instantly shut him up, clearing for everyone that I had the same right of being there. That pull in my chest—it still hadn’t gone away, leaving me drawn to Cassian as admiration flooded my body.

When Cassian began to outline his strategy to the lords, he was full on general mode. It was captivating. The stance of his presence, his mind and the meticulous way he structured every part of the plan. Command and authority dressed his voice, measuring his words to weave a deliberate fabric of the scheme he had in mind.

The preciseness of the points he covered were impressive. He took into account the shape of the landscape, noting that the cliffs would both cover and height to send scouts for the first signals, while the lowlands would be key for drawing in Hybern’s main forces. He planned to use the sun to their advantage, blinding the opponent soldiers by moving with the light at their backs. He even took into account the latest weather report he commissioned.

I was fascinated by the detail of his strategy and so were the warlords surrounding the table. Each of them were still and drank in the information of their general. At the end of his speech he turned directly to me, his expression remained strong and impenetrable of any emotion “You’ll stay toward the back,” explained, gesturing to the rear formations. “From here, you can give healing support to any of the wounded who fall back.” And you’ll be in the safest position possible, his glance at me told me.

The warlords nodded in union before asking their last questions about how he wanted their warriors to move exactly. His responsibility was incredible and his protectiveness of his soldiers fueled his plan. He wasn't just the brute general here, he was their leader who valued every life under his command as he calmed their questions with his precise answers. My admiration for him only grew, seeing him in one of his natural habitats - the compassion and his strength hypnotized me.

After Cassian spoke his farewell to the lords leaving his cottage, the inner circle stayed for a bit. Rhysand seemed to mind-speak with Cassian causing him to grind his teeth and the muscles in his jaw feathered as he growled lowly at his High Lord and his hand grazed mine as if he wanted to pull me behind him. Rhysand remained stoic before turning to me. “Hybern will play dirty and we have to be prepared for that. YN have you experimented with Faebane or ash wood?”

I stretched my neck around Cassian's large frame. “I have been to many battles in my 700 years but I was never able to get my hands on a weapon made of ash wood or something that was infused with Faebane. If another court had it in their possession they didn't let me experiment with it.” I answered truthfully.

“That's a pity.” A whisper of astonishment flashed over his face before his eyes got cold again and nodded at me thankfully. Was he surprised by my age or that I never got in touch with the poison?

“Well then. The plan is set. Take your time preparing. I’ll see you in three days.” the High Lord announced and winnowed everyone away, leaving Cassian and me by ourselves.

“Nice glass.” I joked at Cassian to lighten up the thick air, who began to roll up the map. “I swear there are two missing on my cupboard.”

He smirked at my remark. “The other one’s upstairs in my bedroom. You can go and get it.”

The stairs squealed as I went up the narrow stairs. Heat rode down my spine as I could feel his eyes on my back. His cottage was larger than mine with three rooms upstairs. All doors on the small corridor were open - one room filled with neatly organized armor and weapons, a bathroom and the biggest one was his bedroom. His musky scent drifted up my nose as I stood in the doorway, taking in where he slept. Sandalwood and freshly fallen snow waved around me as I inspected the tidily made bed. I imagined rolling around it, wrapping myself in his scent before my view fell on the single nightstand on the other side.

The crystal glass waited to be picked up. Above it there hung a single parchment, pinned to the wall. It was the sketch I did of him, sitting among the moonflowers. He must have taken it the day that he flew me to Velaris. He definitely saw my drawings and took it just to hang it by his bedside, so he could look at it before he drifted to sleep every night. Cheeky Illyrian I swore under my breath as I grabbed the glass and the parchment and got downstairs.

“I never took you for a thief.”

“I only lend it.” he said defensively, clearly thinking of the glasses he kidnapped from me.

“I didn't mean the glasses.” I said to him as he spun around from the trunk he just closed with a thud. I held up the painting with a grin, letting the silence stretch, waiting for him to explain himself. Cassian froze, his wings twitching slightly, as if debating whether to flee or fight his way out of the situation.

The seconds ticked by and I could practically see the gears in his head grinding to come up with an excuse. Finally, his eyes widened, and he stumbled over his words. “I, uh—I thought it was... a gift!” he blurted, his voice half a note too high to sound convincing. His cheeks flushed in a soft red, betraying his embarrassment as he stepped closer. He towered over me as if to reclaim some semblance of control over the situation.

I arched my brow. I refused to let him off the hook so easily. "A gift?" I echoed, "Funny, I don't remember wrapping it or handing it to you. Care to explain how it magically appeared in your possession, general?"

He scratched the back of his neck, his biceps daring to split the armor. His gaze darted to the paper then back to me. “It’s a painting of me. I thought... I thought I’d keep it. To remind me of that night. Of you.”

His sincere words hung in the air and my teasing demeanor faltered at his soft words. He cleared his throat, adding quickly, “You’re a damn good artist, and I didn’t want it to just sit there. Thought I’d give it a proper home.”

“On your bedroom wall?” I shot back teasingly, though my heart skipped a beat at the thought that that might be the last thing he saw before drifting to sleep. Cassian’s lips curved into a crooked grin, the embarrassment was replaced by his playfulness and his voice dropped. “Yes, in my bedroom.” his eyes locked onto mine ”On the wall.” and lust darkened his face.

The sound of his words knocked the air out of me and sweeped all thoughts away, leaving just one. One where he pinned me against that wall and-

I needed to get out of there before I couldn't rein control anymore. Heat pooled between my legs. Something cold! That was what I needed.

“You can keep it.” I said with a false tint of superiority in my voice. I pressed the parchment onto his chest, his hand grazing mine as I let go to grab the glasses and turn for the door. “To keep you company when you’re alone in your bedroom.” I mused, letting him stand there plastered as I exited to get back to my cottage. “See you at dinner.” I chimed to him teasingly.

The evening before the battle. I couldn't find any rest, tossing and turning in my bed but no matter how long I gazed out my windows, hoping that the view of the mountain range would calm me down, sleep didn't find me. The freezing air of the winter didn't blow against my window anymore and the cold didn't creep in through the slim slit beneath my door. Maybe I got too used to the harshness of the frosty windhaven.

The night seemed too still. Most of the tents went dark hours ago, the warriors falling asleep, collecting their strength for tomorrow. No chants of drunken illyrians, stumbling out of pubs, nor the howling of owls or wolves hung in the air. The sky was clear and I stared for what felt like hours into the twinkling sky as if it tried to lull me into the overdue sleep.

But nervous driven butterflies rummaging in my stomach held me awake. My mind spun the worst of visions one could have. I went through a hundred ways this war would turn out. It was no use, I would never find sleep.

I got up from bed and lighted the candle above my desk in the windowsill again. I sat down, recalling Cassian's plan for tomorrow. I remembered every bit of it but the uneasiness wouldn't leave my mind. The thick air of the dying fire in my kitchen felt clamped, as if it wanted to suffocate me whole. I needed to get out to get my thoughts clear.

I remembered how Cassian would sit on his roof whenever a calm night spread itself across windhaven. I thought it might help me too. So I got outside, climbed onto the roof of my cottage and planted myself onto the highest point, staring into the silent sky, hoping that the stars would answer my ridden nerves.

I shuddered, welcoming when the night breeze hit my bare arms. I let my head fall back into my neck, observing the stars, hoping they would send me fortune for the next day. Then my view drifted to the dark window of Cassian's cottage. He must’ve been asleep by now.

But the familiar squeaking of his door rang through the night, clear like a bell and shook me from my trance. My eyes shot down where the noise came from, but the dark of the night forbade me to see anything. Next thing I heard were powerful swings of wings that could only belong to one male. Cassian. His dark form covered the blinking stars as he soared down towards me like a blanket of darkness laid out itself right before me. I didn't bother to make space for him. I knew he would hit the mark, landing right next to me. With a soundless thud and a last swing of his powerful wings, he sat next to me, blowing loose strands of my hair to fall from my ponytail.

For a couple of seconds we sat still beside each other before he broke the silence. “Can’t sleep?” he copied my posture, leaning forward to encircle his knees with his intertwined hands.

I shook my head.

“Me neither.” he sighed and looked into the distance. and after some moments he said “I got you something.” and fumbled in the pocket of his leathers before pulling out a necklace. A delicate chain with a framed grayish gleaming stone. He let it dangle between us. What was that supposed to mean? Everybody knew that only mates gifted their spouses jewelry - at solstice. But it was beautiful and I’ve never seen such a stone before. I couldn't hide the way my heart rate shot up.

“Cass that’s gorgeous.” my fingers traced the stone and he let it sink into my palm. It had some kind of magic, but i’ve never felt that energy. It tickled lightly on my skin and sharpened my nerves on my hands, “What is that?” I asked with wide eyes, darting between Cass’ and the jewel.

“It’s a special siphon. You said, when you were with the priestesses, that their blue stones couldn't hold your magic and you broke them. I asked around and found a jeweler who specialized on siphons. He said it was the only one if it’s kind and I thought you might want to give it a try.”

It was weeks ago when I told him about that. He must have spent a great lot of time looking for this gem. Never ever has a male put so much effort selecting such a rarity for me. But I knew that siphons were from Illyria and only served one folk. “But Cass, I’m not illyrian. Siphons won’t work on me.”

He raised an eyebrow and smirked at me. In no time he had pulled out his knife and slit the blade over the tan skin of the back of his hand. He didn't even bat an eyelid as if it didn't even hurt. Panic rose as I observed him, too slow to interfere, too slow to swat that knife away from him. “Heal me.” he ordered, that grin still on his lips as he nodded to the gray siphon in my hand.

I frowned at him but he only nodded again reassuringly. My hand clasped around the shimmering jewel while the other one hovered over Cassian’s wound. I closed my eyes and concentrated. The energy of the siphon seemed to take in my concentration and redirected it orderly as if it would frame my healing powers more precisely. I let it flow down my other arm and into the palm of my hand. When I opened my eyes again, the glow of my magic seemed sharper and more exact than before. The siphon sang in my hand and just seconds later Cass’ hand looked like before. The cut was gone and even the drops of blood had vanished. My eyes darted to him in surprise that he remained right. This was a very special siphon. A healing siphon. It would help me great time tomorrow at the battle, speeding up my healing, making it more accurate than before.

“Cass, that’s amazing!”

“Like I said, a special siphon.” he winked at me and I handed it back to him, turning around and gathering my hair, holding it up. His gaze was heavy on me, I felt it burning on my neck and my shoulders as he reached around me with gentle, careful movements, letting the cool metal rest against my collarbone. Breath caught in my lungs as his hands brushed my neck - his fingers warm and rough in contrast to the delicate clasp he was handling with precision. His breath was a hot whisper against my ear when my imagination produced pictures of him leaning into me and peppering small feathery light kisses to the skin of my shoulders and my neck.

When the clasp finally clicked into place, he let his fingers linger for just a heartbeat, before I turned around to him with a wide smile plastered on my lips. His eyes met mine and something passed between us. I couldn't put it in words but whatever it was it left my pulse racing. He cleared his throat as if it would chase away the thoughts that jolted though his mind, his voice was a low murmur as he leaned back. “There you go. Looks perfect on you.”

My fingers traced the delicate metal that framed the siphon, testing how it sat on my skin, playing with the necklace, “Thank you, Cass.” I smiled at him softly but I couldn't hold his intense gaze so I looked down and then over to the mountain range, trying to hide the red that creeped into my cheeks.

We stayed quiet for some time, just sitting next to each other, gazing at the stars, until I broke the silence. “This must be the calm before the storm, isn't it?” I chuckled darkly.

“It’s always like that before a battle. Everyone sticks to themselves, laying out their gear, checking endlessly if they have all their weapons, trying to find sleep.”

That was what he must have done countless times this evening. Inspecting that all his knives were in place on his armor. That his sword was precisely sharpened and his leathers intact. I was sure he could do it with closed eyes, but still he was nervous before a battle. 

“They’ll be good tomorrow, Cass. You trained them well and you’re a damn good general.”

He joined my chuckle and lightly dipped his shoulder in mine, smiling down at me, noticing that I bit my lip. I always did that when I was nervous. “Are you afraid of tomorrow?” he asked, not breaking his gaze.

I hesitated for a moment before inhaling sharply and looking back in his star-lit eyes. “I’m not afraid for myself.” my heart thudded fast in my chest. The words felt heavy. I didn’t need to say anything else - he knew what I meant. The gnawing fear wasn't about me dying on the battlefield. It was about him. 

It drove me crazy thinking that something might happen to him. That he would be wounded and I was too late healing him. As general he had to lead the front and from the scars his body wore, I knew he did well hundreds of times before. But I couldn't shake the terror at the thought that he would not return with me.

He sucked in a shaky breath as he stretched an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer, his hand rubbing up and down the cold skin on my upper arm. His other hand gently reached for my chin, tilting my head up and towards him, forcing me to look into his eyes. “I’m not going anywhere, YN. We’re going to be okay.” he said with a sincere, low voice, as if it could ease the worry in my heart.

I wanted nothing more than to believe him. But tomorrow’s battle…it wasn’t something anyone could predict, let alone promise. “You can’t know that,” I whispered, my voice breaking as tears lined up in my eyes. “You’ve seen what war can do. What it can take. I’m not ready for it.” my chest tightened as I imagined the blood, the screams and the chaos of past battles with Cassian’s lifeless body amidst. 

He let his hand wander from my chin to cup my face, his thumb brushing away the first tear that slipped “I know,” he admitted, his voice almost breaking. “But I’m not about to leave you alone. Not tomorrow. Not ever.” His gaze never left me as he said those words.Then his brows furrowed and I could read it in his eyes - sympathy and pity for the both of us. I could see the hurt and the regret that this was something we had to get through. Together. He was sorry that he couldn't change my mind, he would have preferred that I’d stay at home, safe. 

“I’m going nowhere, I promise. Do you understand that, sweetheart? ” he forced a smile to his lips and just stared at me until the corners of my lips tugged upwards. “There she is.” he whispered and pressed a long and soft kiss to my forehead.

Cassian sat back next to me, with his arm still around my shoulders, stretching one of his wings around me to shield me from the cold summer breeze. I leaned in and rested my head on his shoulder, taking deep breaths to calm my ridden nerves. After minutes it felt like our hearts beat in union and I melted against him even more. Silence settled between us, enjoying the moment we shared. With every breath, tiredness creeped into my body and my eyelids became incredibly heavy. How was it possible that he had such a calming effect on me?

He inhaled as if he had to recollect his courage before he asked. “What are you going to do when all of this is over? I mean in the future… after your studies are finished up here in the Night Court?” 

Suddenly my heart began to hammer in my ribcage. I thought about that a lot during the last couple of weeks. I’ve heard that Summer whould be nice at this time of the year but that never really was an option for me. Not now. “I- I wanted to stay here. Here in Windhaven.” Here with you.

He leaned back until he could look me in the eyes, my face wore no sign of a joke. His brows shot up “You really do?”

"Yes, of course. There are so many reasons to stay. I want to build that shelter and make sure this will be a new tradition. I feel like here I can really help people…not only hunting for new knowledge, help during war and heal for money. And you won’t be easy on your warriors during training, so they’ll need a good healer. Hel you need a good healer! Remember that time when you stopped a hit with your bare hands I had to stitch you up?”

He chuckled at that.

“You need me up here.”

“I really do.”

I glanced up at him, searching for the right words. “Cassian… I don’t know how to thank you. For everything. For everything you’ve done for me. I just—what can I do to make us even?”

He chuckled softly with a hint of mischief. “Even?” He raised an eyebrow, a playful smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Well, there is one thing.”

I tilted my head. “Name it?”

“You could go on a date with me.” He said it so casually, but I could feel the tension in his body. He must have felt the same nervousness as I studied his face in awe, not believing what he just asked me. His golden-brown eyes flickered between mine, eagerly awaiting my answer, hoping that we felt the same.

A sudden rush of warmth flooded my chest, my heart pounding in response. A date? With Cassian? The thought left me speechless, and for the first time in what felt like forever, the weight of tomorrow lifted just a little. I swallowed hard, a smile creeping onto my face as I found my voice again. “I’d like that very much.”

His grin widened, and for a moment, the looming battle seemed like a distant thing, overshadowed by this simple, quiet moment on the roof under the stars. Cassian’s hand brushed a strand of hair behind my arched ear before exhaling as if a heavy weight was lifted from his chest. “Good,” he said, his voice a little lighter. “You won’t regret that, sweetheart.”

<<< CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER TEN >>>