I will find you in the next world

My heart hammered in my chest and my pulse thrummed in my ears so loud that it overwhelmed me. Instead of declining politely, I was airborne and headed to the wilderness.

With a final swing of my wings, I land on the fresh snow with a soundless thud. No matter what I do, either way I end up here every fucking year. It was almost five hundred years ago, when I stood here for the first time. The dark clouds hide the sun as I stare down into the icy chasm beneath me. I want to think that this is the place where the Illyrians threw my mother into death. 

When I came back when I was of age, stronger than anyone else in the camp, my mother was gone. They’d refused to tell me where she was buried and it remains a secret if they even did bury her remains. After the Illyrians told me that she was gone, I flew off and that place right here somehow spoke to me. That day I chose it to be the place I’ll come back every year to mourn her. 

It was so long ago, I can't even remember what she looked like. But the brush of her fingers over my wounds and her lilting voice never left my memories. I wish I had something – anything from her. But she only lives on in my memories now. I sink down and ignore the pain in my knees as I hit the ground. The wind howls in the mountains and the low rumble of thunder echoes over the caps dressed in white. 

I let out a roar and I punch the dirt with my fists so hard the ground shakes. I am angry at myself for not being there when she needed me. Since that day, my mind spirals – what if I had been there sooner. I could have protected her. What if she came with me to Windhaven…no one would have allowed that. What if I stayed? I could have stayed with her instead of being trained into the warrior I am today. 

The day she got me into the war camp is sharp in my mind. I was so proud to be a big boy. I hoped that it would be a new beginning, a fresh start to my bastard life on the verge of society. I remember the last hug she gave me and the pride that shone in her tear-rimmed eyes before she stood up and pushed me away. I knew that it was an Illyrian tradition to shove the younglings to make them go to the war camp. I would have clung to her if I’d known that this would be my last memory of her. But I was familiar with how the Illyrians worked and ran towards the headquarters. 

Now another illusion is nagging on me. What if she never got pregnant with me in the first place? It would have prevented her from getting a bastard son. She could have met an Illyrian that was worthy of her and married or even mated. They never would have outcasted her. She could have been alive if it wasn't for me. 

Her only problem was keeping me and loving her bastard son. I’m punishing myself for that since I know she is gone. 

I got home to embrace her and tell her that she can be proud of her son. I made it to the rank of sergeant and asserted myself against all odds. 

But I disappointed her in the worst way. I wasn't here for her. 

It was a turning point for me. Since then, I worked my way up to be the general of the Illyrian army. I changed what I thought was most necessary first and later introduced females as warriors in her honor. Maybe, if my mother would have been trained properly, she would've been clipped in the first place and would have been able to defend herself from the attackers. She could have survived. 

Growing up, I kept my distance from females. Of course I trained them, but that was work. But I never let any of them near me. I had flings and one night stands and never let it be anything but. I only visited them at night and was gone before the first rays of sun. It was like a fever dream, but being near a female by day frightened me. I never wanted to fail them, so I kept it simple. That was the easiest way.

Hot rips of thunder flash in the distance but the clap is so close that my hair stands. I gaze into the distance and I feel pain in my heart, like someone’s tearing me open to let it fly away. The image of YN settles in my mind. How sad she looked when I ran, her eyes following me like a shadow. 

Something about her was off today. I saw it and I left her anyway. Like a coward.

I was doing it again. Running away. Leaving her behind. I press my hands over my chest like it could protect it from splitting open. The courage to tell her how I truly felt evaded every time she was close to me. I never dared to explain my feelings to her. How can I even think that she could love someone like me? Someone so broken. Someone who couldn't even protect his own mother. 

Thunder cracks and it pierces the air so loud I think I might go deaf.

But then, I saw it for what it was. 

My silence, the distance and my vanishing. I drowned in my own pain without noticing that I had hurt her. I had already failed her. The cliffside felt colder than it ever had before. The realization hit me like a blade between my ribs. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe I could still be there for her. I wouldn't survive losing her. I had to try and make it better. No running away anymore.

The blinding light that ripped through the air set me in motion. I didn't think, I only moved. I snapped my wings open and launched into the sky.

She is still there. At the top balcony of the House of Wind. I land softly, my boots barely making a sound on the balcony stones. But she heard me. Her head snaps around from where she’s sitting curled up in a blanket. Red eyes meet mine and I see the dried tears on her puffy cheeks. A basket patiently waits beside her, a thin layer of frost perched on the fabric that protects what’s hidden underneath it.  

“YN–” my voice cracks as I call her name and the words die in my throat. I want to explain but nothing comes out. She stands slowly, the blanket falling from her as her lips part. “You came back.” 

I know that look in her face. It's the same one she wears when we haven't seen each other for too long. Mostly only days but that's too long too. She'd wrap her arms around me and I’d spin her in circles, whispering ‘I missed you’ into her ear. My gut turns at the yearning for her touch.

“I should’ve never left.” My brows furrow as I step closer to her. 

She shakes her head and I desperately hold her gaze like a lifeline. “I didn’t want you to be alone. Not today. I’ve noticed… every year, around this time. You always get so quiet. So far away. And today… you looked like something had already broken in you before you even walked out the door.”

Snow is crunching under my feet as I step closer cautiously, like if I’d move too fast, she'd disappear. “I couldn’t stay because… I was afraid,” I say softly. “Afraid of what this day turns me into. Afraid you’d see the worst parts of me and realize I’m not worth–”

She frowns and whispers “Cassian. Don’t you dare.” She cuts me off but her voice is small and pleasing, like she’s begging me to stay above the surface of a roaring river.

My breath curls in the cold air that separates us. “I’m afraid of failing you the way I failed her.”

The gears in her head turn and fall into place like the last piece of a puzzle. “Your mother…” She says it is like a question.

I nod. “I wasn’t there for her. I was just a child, but I’ve spent centuries wishing I could go back. Save her. I’m sorry I left without giving you the chance to help me out of that pit I’d thrown myself into. I never wanted to hurt you.” I flinch at my own words and look away, too afraid her eyes tell me that I’m right.

Tears spill freely down her cheeks now. “I waited out here all day, Cassian. I packed food, because I didn’t know what else to do. I just… I didn’t want you to hurt alone.”

I look at the basket. Her thoughtfulness. Her gentleness. All for him.

“I’m sorry,” I say with a thick voice. “I’m so damned sorry. I looked at you this morning and I saw it. I saw the sadness in your eyes and I still left. I should’ve stayed. I let you down.”

YN closes off the distance, the blanket behind her already forgotten. Frost is biting into her skin, leaving a trail of pebbles as the wind rips at her dress. She reaches up to touch my face, her thumb brushing against my cheekbone. “I just wanted to cheer you up. You looked so devastated and I didn't even know why. You’re here now.” she whispers. 

My hands reach up to undo the clasps of my coat. I pull it from my leathers and lay it around her shoulders, bathing her in warmth again. “I swear to you, I’ll never walk away from you again.” I hope my coat around her little frame tells her what my words can’t. I won't run away if she needs me. Not when I need her.

Her breath catches. Maybe she does know what I wanted to tell her. A soft smile splits her face. “I wanted to carry this with you. I’m sorry you lost her. But you’ll never lose me. You’ve carried so much weight on your shoulders. I just wanted to lift it, even if it was only for a day.”

I let my forehead drop to hers as my hands sneak around her middle. Touching her feels like healing my wounds, like she had the power of the mother inside of herself, mending the wounds of the past that scar my heart. 

“Would you like to have a picnic with me?” her small voice rings over the wind.

I pull back slightly, just to look into her star mirroring eyes. “I’d like that.”

She’s in my arms bridal style and I grab the heavy basket to fly over the city. Velaris comes to life at night with its beautiful lights glittering in the Sidra. I land on the outskirts of the city, where the wind isn't biting anymore. Her warm hands slip from around my neck and she takes the fabric from the basket. It’s enchanted and sprawls out on the uneven ground. As we sit down, the blanket warms us from beneath and she unpacks what she stored in the intertwined willow branches. Candles are lit against the darkness and a variety of sandwiches, fruits and cups with magically refilling wine are set in front of us. 

Our shoulders brush as she takes a sip. “Do you want to talk about it?” She asks, testing the waters and with an ease in her voice.

“No.” I say contently, I want the past to stay in the past. I don't want history to repeat itself with the female that is most precious to me right now. “Not today.” Warmth sparks in my chest at the sweet gesture. No one else but her saw how I tormented myself and arranged this surprise to cheer me up. She succeeded. All the bad thoughts vanish and are replaced by her.

We begin to chat and she takes my breath away. The way she talks makes me laugh and I question myself, why I pushed her away in the first place. She had always been there for me. Half of the delicious food is devoured and the candles are on the verge of burning out. I pull her into my side, draping my arm around her. Her head nuzzles into my shoulder and she cuddles into me.

“You want to go home?” I ask even if I don’t really want that.

“Not yet. I want to stay, just a bit longer.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” I murmur and press a soft kiss to the crown of her head. I let my lips linger for a second longer than usual. I want to hold her forever. She plants ease into my troubled mind and for the first time in what felt like forever, my heart finally calms down. 

We watch the stars and the sky doesn't feel heavy any more. The storm from before long forgotten. I feel like I can finally rest. And I hope that one day, I won't be a coward and tell her how much she really means to me.

 I’ll tell her one day.

tags @donnadiddadog

Days went by. We slept in and cuddled or I woke to the delicious smell of his signature breakfast — a Full Velaris Breakfast. Richly seasoned vegetables with eggs, beans and whatnot he also had winnowed in by Rhysand. After that we spent hours in the sauna with enough sleep in between that would have dormice jealous of us. We read through a stack of books and when the evening called, Cassian sat well behaved at the corner of the kitchen, letting me move around while cooking dinner and chatting with me over nothing. But his glances at me were not so well behaved. Desire burned in them as he had a good view of what he liked most on my body while I wore a decent fabric of almost nothing.

The night before solstice came and went, leaving me sleepless from Cassian's unyielding power to pull another string of moans from me.

He was helping me into my coat as I finally looked out the window without the dazing state he left me in. White. Pure white. At first, I thought it was just a bright morning, but when I looked closely I noticed that we were snowed in. Cassian pushed against the door, but it didn't budge, not even an inch. No chance to get out. We were caged.

Then a ringing sound announced Rhysand's presence inside of my head. "When are you coming over tonight?"

I looked at Cassian, seeing in his eyes that he got the same message before his gaze shifted to something I knew too well. Hot and burning like liquid fire his eyes narrowed down on me.

"Don't wait for us." He answered loudly and send the message down the thought path to his friend. But it was also a message for me. His voice was deep and threatening. A dark promise that made my thighs press together, trying to stop the flow of blood without success.

He deliberately took off my jacket all so slowly and time became a thing I've never heard of as the tails of his fingers left me gasping for air.

I didn't know when it happened, but suddenly I stood naked in front of him. Right in front of the general of the night court's army in his winter fighting leathers, fully in gear. Me — without anything to hide, without anything that I wouldn't give to him.

Step after step, his broad frame pushed me back until the back of my knees connected with the soft sheets of the bed. He brushed a sole strand of hair out of my face, cupping my cheek and lowering his head until our lips connected. The kiss was slow but full of want and male dominance.

Without a warning, he hoisted me up, my legs wringing around his middle. My hot skin against the cold leather and metal of his suit was right out of a fever dream and the image of us melting together in heat became the only thought left inside my head.

He kissed my breath away as his mouth grew more eager, more wild. Lips became teeth and warily bites grew into marks that would leave my skin at the brim of ripping. The stings of his bites thawed into the stream of feelings that ran up and down my spine, leaving me lax in his arms, enjoying the emotions dance over my body. "You're so beautiful." He whispered against my pulse point. I clawed on his shoulders, the need for more taking me apart second after second, my nails doing nothing to his armor and his chill demeanor. The only thing he did was smirk before throwing me onto the bed just before grabbing my ankles and pulling ne towards him, like was his prey and he was the hungry wolf.

The blood roared deafening in my ears and I didn't hear him when he got to his knees. His large warm hands trailed over my legs before he pushed them apart roughly, leaving me yelping at the stretch and helplessly sinking deeper into the sheets. Kisses and teeth and mumbled praises merged with the hard presses of his hands and then I felt it on my center. His hot breath fanning over my exposed flesh, then hot and melting his mouth begin to devour me. "Fuck! You taste divine, sweetheart." He rasped and dove in anew. Lapping at my juices and driving me further to the edge with every stroke of his tongue. When I thought that he was done playing, instead of giving me a pause, he added his fingers.

My eyes shot open as he stretched me — as I stretched around him. I grabbed the sheets, seeking for any kind of anchor in my helpless state. "How many is that?" I breathed.

"One." He answered, licking his lips in satisfaction.

I was already feeling so full when my air was taken away.

"Two." Cassian murmured as he added another digit, digging deep against that point that had me squealing already.

My breathing became short as his other hand pressed against my lower stomach, so that his hands could move together in sync. I had to restrain to push his hands away, the release was so close. But he's the general. I had no say in this. Then his tongue fluttered against my clit, giving me just enough friction with his three days of stubble.

Fueled by my sweet moans, he relentlessly pushed and pulled and pressed and softened his grip in just the right way until the small noises I let out let him know that I was near already. Just three more strokes and he felt it. The liquid flooding my core and giving him even more way to pleasure me. Pulsating in need, I came on his tongue and fingers undone as he rocked me back and forth, riding out my orgasm undone.

I had no idea how long it took until I came down. Nowdays, it felt like this bliss took longer and longer until it ebbed down, leaving me in a heap of my disintegrated puddle of myself.

So out of my mind, I haven't noticed that he stood up, not even thinking of wiping away the remnants of my release from his mouth. Before I could open my eyes again he grabbed the side of my head and pulled me into a sitting position. My thighs spread wide around his legs and my head on eye level with his cock. I looked up at him, still dazed from the firework that he stoked between my legs. All I could do was to open my mouth wide for his length, ready to invade me.

"Stretch your tongue out." He ordered while his thumb pressed down on my chin until I opened my mouth enough for him like a mindless doll. The corners of my lips teared but I didn't care as I saw that beautiful drop of precum, ready to be devoured by me. "That's my girl." I had no idea when or how he got his pants off. All I could see was the massive angry red head hat stared back at me. Cassian's wings twitched, pulled in tight and narrow over his form as if they wanted to see the spectacle too. Just then, he pushed into me. No time to adjust, no time to lick my lips in prepare. He invaded my mouth like a leviathan. Hot. Thick. Demanding.

Cassian grabbed the hairs on the back of my head for leverage and pulled it backwards, so he could see everything that was happening. The tug was so violent, I moaned into his dick. I couldn't do anything about it. That was just how I liked it. To be owned. Inch by inch he buried it deeper into me. My hands flew to his thighs, trying to grab onto anything that might help me not to drown. "Hands behind your back." He grumbled and smacked my cheek enough that it would sting but lovingly enough to tell me that I wasn't in charge now.

As if i burned myself, my hands flew from him and my fingers locked at the little of my back. He loved having me at his mercy. I knew better than to wait for his question if I was ready as he pushed his cock into me. Not waiting for my mouth or throat to give him way. Not waiting for my last breath. Not waiting for me to whimper for him to take me.

He groaned deeply, letting his head fall back as my pipes closed around him. I gave myself to him as he took a relentless pace. Deeper and deeper. He pushed his was into my throat. "Mother you're so good to me." He breathed huskily and I felt the first sign of him pulsing against me. My head got dizzy, all thoughts swept away by his lovely force — no air needed anymore, just him. I tried to stay on this side of consciousness but failed. I accepted my fate of choking on his dick but my gag reflex had another plan. I sput out the remains of my air with him in my mouth. It was just his sign to go harder on me. His hand flew to the back of my head, pushing me down, taking him deeper as if a spell told me to. I could do this.

A deep guttural moan fell from his lips as he pulled himself from me. Tears streamed down my face like a silent love letter, not wanting to let him go.

"Fuck!" Cassian swore as his thumb brushed my cheek like I was the most precious thing — like he didn't just use me for his sole pleasure.

I gasped for air, missing him inside of me at an instant. I'll never forget the glitter in his eyes when he looked down at me. "Turn around. Onto your knees."

It became my most favorite command. I couldn't feel my knees anymore, red an scratched against the worn out rug, but I didn't care. On wobbly legs, I climbed onto the sheets, destroying the tugged in ends he spent too much time with before we thought we were leaving.

My elbows dug into the pillowy sheets as my head sand between them while I stretched my ass up in the air.

"Take your vibrator." Cassian said it like it was a warning.

I stretched my hand out and the vibrating device flew into my hand. That fucking enchanted thing of a female's dreams. Mor gifted it to me at the morning of last solstice, so no other would see. A little bullet shaped helper that was hexed to tremble with unrelenting force. It became a sure device for my own pleasure when Cassian was on an assignment. But what I didn't know then was that he liked when I used it on myself while he was at me.

I pushed the button. "Put it on your clit." He ordered and I surrendered to his wish, pulling a deep but breathy moan form myself.

The bed dipped behind me. I wriggled my rear from left to right. I'm ready for you. Pushing back my ass until he was lined up with me. My wet folds were squealing for him put he snatched it just before I could feel him. When he heard my whine, he let out an "Awe!" like he pitied me for not getting my will and rubbed it all over my wetness.

He smeared all of his eagerness over my ass cheeks, my thighs and the space where I wanted him most. I tried to catch it with my slick hole, making me groan in protest but he escaped me every time.

"Such a needy girl." He praised me. "Is that what you want?" The question remained unanswered. There was nothing of me left — just my needy thoughts of his cock inside of me. I wanted to protest just when he pushed inside of me and he stole my breath away.

I chocked on air, wishing it was his dick was well in my mouth as he inched inside of me with no resistance. My ring muscles gave way willingly. Welcoming him in my heavenly cave. My spine became boneless as he filled me with one luxurious stroke.

A breathy moan fell from his lips and I couldn't help but smile. I was the only one who could do that to him. His hand hit my ass forcefully and once again the emotions bolted through me, making me move against him.

"So good f'me." He groaned and grabbed my hips as I rocked into his pelvic.

Happiness.

That's all I felt when it dawned on my that his marks on my skin would remain for at least a week. His teeth and hands dug into my flesh while his hips napped into me with force that my eyes rolled back with bliss. The second slap on my ass reminded me that I still had the vibrating toy in my hand and I put it where its use was best.

I gasped for air as my slick folds melted around it, pushing it against that sweet spot that turned my world upside down. My skin glowed with sweat form my arousal so in sync with Cassian's pace while his dick forced my body to split. His groans grew more ragged and strangled praises made my head fuzzy.

"You gonna cum for me, sweetheart?" He asked and Mother I felt him throbbing inside of me, his pounds turning sloppy, digging deeper into my core.

"Yes." I breathed as he pushed me further towards my limit.

Stoke after stoke he ignited that fire until I exploded under his praises. Screams of pleasure roared from our bodies as he spilled my walls with his cum.

I rode that wave of my climax until I was left as a sorry excuse of myself, drunk on sex. Before I could take another breath, he peeled himself from my body and grabbed me by my hair, pulling me upwards. "On your knees." Cassian commanded and turned me around until I was facing his sill hard dick.

"You've made such a mess. Don't you think you should clean it up?" He purred from above as I gazed at his length, coated with our mixed juices.

All I could do was nod submissively and eager, I'd say yes to anything.

His cock jerked as I wetted my lips before parting my mouth to let him enter. His hand tangled in my hair, pinching it just the right way — hurting but loving — and pushing it into me.

The salty and sweet taste made my eyes roll back into my head as I worked him deeper and deeper into my throat. His groans were the best reward and I didn't care that breathing became secondary as the tip of his cock found it's way stretching through my neck. "How do we taste?" He asked, petting my cheek lovingly, making me look up at him with teary eyes. My irises wrote a love letter as I tried so smile and mumble around my filled mouth.

"That's what I thought." He said and pushed my head down on him until he was sheathed fully inside. My whimpers became weak with every robbed breath and I felt him throbbing against my pipes. "Take everything." his order left no room for discussion as he took up the pace and rutted into my face. His puffed chest glistened with a dew of sweat and his head fell back, his locks spilling from his handsome face. We were in our own little world, his wings alternating between snapping in and relaxing to the beat of his cock pressing in and out of me.

With a roar, he came down my throat, allowing me to taste him again. I flattened my tongue against the underside and swirled it as he pulled it from me as if I was begging for that last drop.

"Such a good girl." Cassian brushed wet strands of hair from my face before leaning down and pressing the softest kiss to my lips.

I held onto his thighs as I stood up and wrapped my arms around his middle. We just stood there, breathing in each other and catching for the heated air.

Just when I loosened my grip around him to leave for the bathroom, he grabbed my waist, spinning me around until I was trapped in his arms again.

He tsked with amusement. "Where do you think you're going?"

"W-wash up?" I stammered with doe eyes.

"I don't think so." He said it as an absolute with a wiggle of his eyebrow before throwing me onto the bed again. I yelped in surprise as my back hit the disarranged sheets. He pushed my thighs up until they were clammed beneath my arms. I moaned as he towered over me and lined himself up against me, playing with my pussy and giving me just the tip. "Can't let my girl leave unsatisfied. There is one left, sweetheart." He took his dick and pressed it further down, where I awaited him already.

"I love you." Cassian whispered, gazing into my eyes.

"I love you too."

requests are open, if you have an idea for a oneshot just let me know<3

"You're quiet tonight. How're you doing while I was gone?" Rhys swirled the wine in his glass. He and his mate were visiting the solar courts, tightening bonds with the other High Lords, shaking hands to knot down trader promises.

I suppressed the grumble that build deep inside of my throat. "I'm fine." I murmured, eyes fixated on the empty glass in my hand, wishing there was still liquor to drown my thoughts in to... to think of anything but her. But the house never refilled it as if it wanted me to bath in my silent sorrow, mutely chuckling at me.

"Are you?" He asked. "I've heard from the wraith's that you've been … distracted. Is there a female from Illyria or the city? A waitress from Rita's or a shopkeepers daughter who keeps you up late? I must say I lost track at some point."

I wanted to punch that smug smile from his perfect straight teeth. My blood roared. Every female I'd touched in more than the last decade had been a desperate, failing attempt to erase Rhys' little sister from my memory. But things had changed long before that. It was the gala of her eighteenth birthday. I was struck when the doors opened and she walked through the mass of Fae. Her pearly white wings unfurled like a blossom on the first morning of summer. Glowing and blinding with that beautiful dress she wore, so in contrast with her lilac irises. When her eyes met mine, she stopped being the annoying brat and became the only female I would truly want. Ever.

My eyes stayed glued to my hands. Calloused and rough. Dirty by the blood I shed. By the people I've killed. Never good enough to hold hers. Delicate and bright and too innocent for someone like me. "Drop it, Rhys." I snapped. "It's nothing of your business." My answer was short. Harsh. And utterly too mean for a brother that just returned after weeks of not seeing each other. I cursed myself for being so hostile.

He just raised an eyebrow and exchanged looks with Az. Like his spymaster could give him any answer. The slight blew of his huff to ease his mind caught in the loose strands of my hair. Then, he tried to change the subject. "What about YN?"

My mind ran a thousand miles and my head spun to his. Did he know that I liked his little sister more than I should? That I couldn't concentrate for a second when she was in the room?

"What about her?" I asked, a little too agitated.

His brows furrowed like it was obvious what he meant. "How was she while I was gone? Did you look after her?"

I had to control the roll of my eyes. "Of course I looked after her. She’s your sister, Rhys. I’d die before I let anything happen to her," I grunted, finally tearing my deadly stare away from him. Az met my glare and I knew what he thought of.

It was a night a long time ago. I found her while she cried over the breakup with some fuckboy she dated. That asshole betrayed her with another female. I stayed with her until she fell asleep from exhaustion. Then I found fuckboy and punched him right across the face before I flew back to the House of Wind. When I rounded the corner to the corridor of my room, Az stood there. Arms crossed and his shadows whispering something in his ear. It took him one glance to put two and two together — her dried tears on my chest and my split knuckles. All he asked was, "How long?" A simple question. How long did my heart yearn for her? How long have I been punching the douchbags she dated after they betrayed her?

Forever.

I didn't answer Az and pushed past him as he said. "I won't tell Rhys. But you should tell her."

His words never ceased echoing in my mind since then. Just as they are now. How am I supposed to tell YN that I am in love with her when I know that she's off limits. Rhys told me years ago what kind of male he wanted for his beloved sister — strong, kind and good hearted, a constant and from a good background. Proud and equable. Someone who wouldn't tarnish her in any way. In other words: Someone who isn't me. I'm hot tempered, I punch first and ask questions later. I have enough issues from my upbringing to give everyone a piece and remain the prince of bastards. The battles I fought in still gave me nightmares most nights and left me contemplating if I was the real monster in the story.

I exhaled deeply to make my heart stop racing. "She's been doing fine. She hasn't been out much. She's been sticking to training with me but liked to cook or read or soaking in her tub for hours every night, as usual."

I stood. Done with this evening.

"Wait." Rhys said as I was already across the room, my empty glass abandoned on the cushions.

Sighing, I turned around to face him, my shoulders tired of keeping it together tonight.

"I need you to do something for me." His velvet voice slithered to me with mischief.

He let the seconds tick by as if he was amused with himself. Prick.

"YN will be leaving tomorrow for Winter."

There it was again — my heart racing at the thought of her being out of my reach. Out of my protection.

"I wand you to go with her."

YN

I hated Winter.

Not because of the cold. I never minded that. I've been to Illyria more times than I could count. I embraced the glittering snow and incessant winds howling against the windows. Even their harsh tone was something I became fond of. Clear command and actions. No formal yapping and exchanging pleasantries. I've always wondered how Rhysie abode those boring things it all.

It was the Winter's friendliness… as if not the tiniest cloud could sully their sunny nature.

Urgh. I. hated. Winter.

At least Cassian was coming with me.

Cassian.

Shit, I had to get myself together. He'd spot my heart rate instantly and ask if I was okay and order me to let him handle Winter. The general never knew that it was because of him that my hands got clammy and my ears hot as hel. Thankfully, I was able to veil myself, so he wouldn't notice the scent between my legs every time I saw him.

"Ready to go?" Mor asked, leaning in the doorway, absently picking at something invisible on her fingernails.

I looked myself over in the mirror one last time. My cloak hung flawlessly from my shoulders, my hands straightening it again and again like a cat licking its fur to perfection before wandering around to frantically find a mate. The invisible crown speckled with glittering stars on my head illuminated me, like it did my mother once a long time ago. My dress was the same sheer colour as my wings, almost translucent, shining as if the diamonds of the deepest mountains were sparkling for the first time after a thousand of years in the dark. I pushed the one strand of my hair that always pointed in the wrong direction out of my face.

Before my eyes could meet my mirror ones, they connected with orbs of hazel. Green and steel and warm brown. Staring directly at me like a lighting struck. A statue of will and power, hiding a softness he showed so rarely. When did Cassian slip in unnoticed?

"Yes." I breathed. And I wasn't sure if I was talking to Mor or to him.

"The Star of the North!"

The daydream, of that one thing I could never have that occupied my mind ran out quickly like the last kernel of sand out of an hourglass.

The name that was given to me on the day of my birth rang from deep inside of me. The Star of the North. White wings, glass like skin and shining like all of the stars and the moon combined.

Vivane stretched out her arms as she walked towards me cheerily, a wide smile on her face like she was greeting a friend she hasn't seen in ages. Her bone crushing hug warm as if trying to melt the ice of the mountain caps. My eyes drifted over her shoulder — to Kallias in the background, standing proudly before his icicle Throne, stoic as ever but kindness written all over his face.

I hugged her back. Once out of her squeeze, I bowed to her and her mate. "Your majesties, the years have been but a shadow compared to the light of your presence. My heart rejoices to see you—and your court of eternal Winter."

Then, Kallias voice rang from the columns of polished ice, his frown thawing into one of his rare smiles. "The Winter Court is made all the brighter by your arrival, Princess of the Night Court." He bowed his head in greeting. "Your words are as kind as they are welcome. Peace is finally with us and it is an honor to share it with you, not only as our allies of the night court, but as friends. Your grace, YN. And General Cassian."

The walls of my veil thickened on its own. Kallias' words were kind and welcoming. But hearing him addressing Cassian as the general didn't feel enough. He was so much more. The one that flew in the center of the first lines at battle against our enemies. Who was ready to give his life for the weakest. The one who poured all his power into his siphons till exhaustion. The lord who cherished his court to shed all blood of its opponents. The one who smiled during dark times. The one who's able to make me laugh at all times, who was there when no one else was. Who checked on me and took me on long walks through Velaris. The one who surprised me with flowers from Illyria one random morning. The one who sat next to me silently while reading for hours. He was always more than just the general.

"My steward will escort you to your rooms, so that you may refresh yourselves. Rest well. We shall celebrate this evening properly at the banquet this evening." Kallias said as a thin male with pale skin bowed deeply before leading the way.

"This collar is diving me crazy!" Cassian roared angrily from the mirror on the other side of the room of our shared suite. His face was red and I've never seen the crease between his brows so deep.

"Here," I cooed. "Let me."

I stepped between his angry image and his broad form, shielding him from his disheveled doppelganger, reaching up to help him with the tie and collar. His ceremonial armor was buttoned the wrong way and the silk of the sling around his neck was inside out. My arms went numb from holding them up so long to get him sorted. His warm gaze was burning and my skin rippled with kisses of lightning as he traced my every move. Hair combed back so meticulously like he just shed out of his skin — his broad shoulders could've shield me from the light of the sun — form so strong and impressive my knees nearly gave in.

And then, there was his smell. Snow chilled winds mixed with crackling embers of a pine tree. I could've get lost right then and there. If he'd asked me to skip today and fly out of the palace to catch a basket of the necessities and watch the sunset while picnicking, I'd say yes right away and forget everything else. Forget that Rhysand wants me to marry someone of name, a male of steady discipline and someone who knows the value of a true home. Someone whose strength is matched only by his patience. Urgh. That sounded so boring. He wanted a stiff and formal courtier for me, or a noble who follows every rule. Maybe a lonely scholar or a traveling diplomat or a gentle soft-spoken lord. If I'd saw such a male I'd instantly turn by back and let Cassian carry me to wherever.

"Everything okay?" His soothing voice was laced with concern as he noticed that I halted my movements absentmindedly and stared at the space where his heart pounded in his chest.

"Y-yes." I answered, my lips thinned at the lie and I took a step back from him. I took him in, he looked spectacular in his suit. My hand plucked a single hair of mine from his chest like it had no right to be there. "Perfect." I murmured and gave him a soft smile, hoping that didn't notice that I meant him, but his dressing.

CASSIAN

Her nails left marks on my arm even through my armor. The grip of her hand on my arm felt like her hanging on a lifeline. Like she was clinging to me for dear life. Like she tried to escape this situation of a stormy sea and let me pull her into safety. Like she wanted to be anywhere else but here.

I considered pulling her against my chest, spreading my wings and get her out of here. But I had to stay strong. Be her anchor. Even if her nervousness drifted through her thick shield and left goosebumps all over my body. I straightened my back and sucked my wings in neatly.

The steps felt heavier every time we set a foot forward, to the dais the new prince of Winter stood on. Athila.

This was the night the High Lord Kallias and his mate Vivane presented him to the world. They kept him a secret for centuries and decided that now, weeks after the wars was the right time to introduce him as their heir. As the new light, leading their court into a new era.

A quiet voice inside my head nagged and left me with knots in my stomach. They're putting Athila on a silver platter. For her.

Was this Rhysand's plan all along? Sending her off, presenting YN to him as a potential wife, as a prize to win, as a gift, of something he could give away like a handshake in thanks after their aid in war. To bestow her to anyone who could be of use to him in a couple of years? He wouldn't be cruel like that, would he?

I'm detecting her every move. But YN put on her facade, veiling herself with the same grace Rhysand did when he met other High Lords. Maybe I misinterpreted the signs. Maybe she was so on edge because she felt attracted to him. Her fidgety fingers on my collar and her eyes never truly meeting mine. Was it because she was excited to meet him?

Athila bowed smoothly and extended his slim hand towards her, asking her for the first dance.

No one but me noticed that the smile she wore was a nervous one as her hand reluctantly slid from my arm and into his palm. The music of Winter was like the land itself…crisp, elegant, and chillingly formal. The clank of her heels against the sheer floor were like drums that accompanied me to the scaffold. His hands on her delicate body — the sling around my neck. Him whispering something inaudible into her ears — the floor giving way. Her smiling and laughing at him — the oxygen drifting out of my lungs. The glittering of her eyes and the redness of her cheeks — my death.

The prince of Winter was everything I wasn't.

The air in my lungs caught as my blood boiled while my hackles rose, wings twitching noticeably. My shoulders tensed and I had to refrain from reaching for the hidden dagger I bore, just in case. Fury dropped in my stomach as the faintest scent of her smell drifted from sweet to something that was never there before. Dread, agitation or elation… I couldn't place it.

The second the song died with the violins of the background I stepped forward. Slow enough not to stir any compunction, fast enough to catch her from his last twirl. Viviane took over and was dancing with him now. I caught YN. She was in my arms. Mine for the moment. Her hands were cold as if the prince's cool and polite touch froze her to the core. I let my calloused hands slide around her, radiating heat through my grip to warm her up. My hear jumped as she leand in closer.

Other couples joined the dance until we drifted through a sea of skirts of tull and tunics of silk. She seemed so small against me, almost fragile, clinging to me again. We didnt speak. We just moved. My hands a heavy, grounding weight on her waist, the other crushing hers a little too tightly. Then, a soft stroke on my mind asked for permission to enter. I let her in and her divine voice slipped into my thoughts.

"I know you hate it when I do that, I'm sorry." I once told her that I hated it when her or her brother did that mind-talking thing. As if it would harm them to do it aloud. Since then, she only did it in an emergency.

"Are you okay?"

"Now, I am." She smiled at me. It was so different from the one she gave Athila.

A low growl rumbled in my chest.

“You look like you’re heading to the chopping block, not a celebration,” she said softly.

My wings flared slightly. “Hard not to, considering I just watched you dance with the 'Perfect Prince.' I assume Rhys is already picking out the celebratory wine for the engagement?”

She looked up at me, eyes wide. “You think so too? That Rhys sent me here to... to trade me for an alliance?”

My jaw tightened so hard I almost cracked a bone. “I know he's been writing letters with Kallias. Athila is high-born, powerful, and looks like he was carved out of a diamond. He’s exactly the kind of male a High Lord picks for a sister he wants to keep safe and settled.”

“I felt like a statue in his arms, Cass,” she whispered inside of my head. “He was perfectly kind, and I felt absolutely nothing but terror. If Rhysand expects me to stay here... if he expects me to be a Winter Court prize...”

The air around me seemed to drop ten degrees. Not from Winters magic, but from the suffocating siphon fueled rage.

“He won’t,” I growled back into her head. “I don’t care what Rhysand has promised or what Kallias expects. You aren’t a chess piece, and you sure as hell aren’t staying in this frozen wasteland unless you want to be here.”

“And if Rhys insists?” Her voice broke.

I pulled her an inch closer, drowning in her in my fragrance to calm her down. “Then I’ll pick you up and fly until my wings give out. I’ll start a war with the Winter Court myself before I let them lock you in a palace made of ice.”

Her breath hitched as she looked at me with raw intensity. I didn't say it with the protective instinct of a commander. It was with the desperate, burning hunger of a male who couldn't bear the thought of her belonging to someone else. Her hammering heart made me look down at her again.

“You’d really risk Rhys’ wrath for me?”

My face softened, just a speck, the fury turning into something achingly tender. I leaned down, my lips brushing the shell of her ear. “Sweetheart, I’d risk the wrath of the Mother herself for you. Besides,” I added with my signature smirk tugging at the corners of my mouth, “have you seen the way Athila dances? The male has the rhythm of a foal on a frozen pond. I could never let you marry him. I do have a reputation to uphold! Having a brother-in-law who trips over his own feet would be a stain on my record.”

Her tension faltered through her little laugh. Bright. Genuine. She buried her face in my shoulder to hide her grin. "He wasn't that bad."

"Right. He was catastrophic," I countered before spinning her as the tempo increased. Her skin has warmed under my hand on the small of her back, my thumb grazing over the soft fabric. “If you’re going to be bored to death by a male, it should at least be one who knows how to lead on a dance floor.”

She looked up at me with doe eyes through her lashes. "Is that so?" A tease through and through.

"Absolutely," I murmured back to her voice inside my head. My gaze dropped to her lips for a heartbeat too long to be just platonic. "I'll be at your side at all times tonight. If Athila tried to hand you a ring, we're hitting the sky before he's on his knees."

YN

Dinner felt less like a feast and more like an interrogation under a frozen magnifying glass. Athila sat directly across from me, his slicked back silver hair shimmering under the light of the countless chandeliers. Mr. too perfect. Every time he spoke, his voice sounded like wind chimes, elegant and hollow. Probably the reason his parents kept him secret all these years. I felt his gaze sliding over my skin. Heavy and expectant, like he was already mentally placing me on a pedestal in his collected gallery of beautiful things. My hands were clammy and bile rose in my throat.

Cassian was silent next to me. But under the cool exterior simmered a volcano. He didn't touch his food, just shredded bread into tiny pieces. His knuckles drained of color as he gripped his wine glass. If he wore his siphons, they'd glow in a menacing red, tainting a hue of blood over the pristine table cloth. His shoulders were tight but broader than everyone elses, even if he was dressed in solid black, so at odds with my attire — glittering and white. If he'd spread his dark wings, we'd look like the night sky speckled with a thousand stars.

"The Night Court is known for its mysteries," Athila said, uncoiling me from my daydream as he leaned forward to lock eyes with me. "Bur surely, a star as bright as you, Princess, deserves a sky that doesn't hide her in the dark. Winter would make you dazzle. The snow would reflect your light, not swallow it." His wink gave me goosebumps and my shoulders itched, wings wanting to flare in discomfort.

To Hel with those attacks wrapped in pleasantries. "I quite like the darkness, Prince Athila. It provides…privacy." I quipped back. Maybe I overstepped. I glances over the unoccupied chair across from them, it seemed his parents didn't listen to our conversation.

"Privacy is for those with things to hide," Athila countered with a sharp and playful smile. He reached across the slim table, his fingers grazing the back of my hand. It was like being peth with an icicle. "A female like you should be displayed, for everyone to see. Let me show you the gardens after this. The frost-roses are in bloom and they'd look heavenly against your hair."

My toe nails rolled and my shield slipped for a moment, just slightly. The glass in Cassian's hand creaked terrifyingly. I had to come up with something or else he'll strangle the Prince here and how. "I—I'm afraid I've caught a chill," I blurted out as I retracted my hand out of his touch. "The travel must have caught up with me." A bad lie. He probably knows that we've been winnowed in. I didn't dare to look at him one more time and I turned to the High Lord and his Lady. "If you'll excuse me, I think I need some air."

I bowed my head and didn't wait for an answer, standing up sp fast my chair nearly toppled. Cassian was on his feet before I could even take a step. His form was a towering shield between me and the Winter Prince. "I'll escort her," Cassian grunted lowly, his voice vibrating with a territorial edge.

He opened his wings just a tad behind us, putting his membrane screen between us and the banquet hall as he led me out. His hand was firm on my back as he met my pace. We didn't stop at the guest suites. We kept walking until we reached one of the secluded balconies, overlooking the frozen wastes. A biting wind whipped my hair across my face.

Cassian closed the door behind us for some concealment. "A chill?" He burst out, spinning me around to face him. "You were lying though your teeth!" His wild eyes met mine. "You hated the way he looked at you. I saw it... felt it."

"Of course I hated it!" I whined back. The frustration of the last few hours boiling over. "He was looking at me like I'm relic at an auction, knowing he'd pay every price. Like I was something Rhysand had already sold to him!"

"And what are we gonna do now, huh?" His eyes scanned my face. "Go back there and do like nothing happened? You think I can sit there any second longer while some iced-over princeling touches you?" Cassian's wings flared wide in anger. He stepped into my space, his chest heaving, nearly touching mine. "I can't do it, YN. I can't watch you go to him. I can't watch you go to anyone."

Something inside of me broke. "Then do something about it!" I cried, my voice shattering. I shoved his chest, palms hitting the warm metal of his dress armor. "Stop being the loyal general for one second and do something!" He stood his ground as I shoved him again weakly. "Do you know what it's like? Watching you walk out of Rita's with some other female and sit there like it's not torturing me? Do you know what it's like to know that the only male I've ever wanted thinks I'm just his High Lord's little sister? To soak in the tub every day for hours just to replace the warmth of your good night hug? To wash away the images of you with another female?"

Cassian froze all over. His hazel eyes searching mine. Like they were bleeding with decades of suppressed longing. "You…you want me?"

"I have always wanted you, you idiot Illyrian brute," I whispered, tears stinging my eyes as my hands slipped from his chest. "It’s always been you. Always." There it was. Raw and exposed. Everything I held in for so long poured out of a well I kept under control until now.

A low and primal growl rumbled from his deep inside his chest. Before I could breathe, his hands were in my hair, tilting my head back. "To Hel with the rules," he rasped against my lips. "To hel with Rhys."

Then his lips were on mine. Not soft. Nothing about him was. It was a collision. Tasting like the free wind and burning like liquor to a sore throat. It was fire melting ice. And for the first time in my life, the stars in my blood felt like they were finally aligned. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer, opening my mouth with the need to welcome the heat of him.

Clap. Clap. Clap.

The sound sliced through the cold winds around us. We sprang apart. Gasping and his taste on my tongue. Standing in the shadows of the doorway was Rhysand. His violet eyes shimmering under his frowned brows as he stepped towards us.

"Rhysie!" I squeaked, my voice rough and my face turning a shade of red that would have put a sunset to shame. "I…we…it's not what it looks like! We were just-" I stammered but Cassian cut me off.

"Actually, it's exactly what it looks like," he said, stepping in front of me. His jaw was set in that lethal line I knew so well. "Rhysand, I don’t care what you planned. I don't care about Athila or the Winter Court alliance. You can strip me of my rank, you can banish me to the edge of the world, but I am not giving her up. You can't marry her off and expect me to just stand there. I won't do it."

All I could do was staring at Cassian's back as my heart soared from his words. Silence stretched and I braced for Rhysand's legendary temper. A storm brewing before the stroke hitting. I could feel his intense stare on us — his power rolling off of him in dark waves. Is he- is he going to mist Cassian?

A low chuckle escaped Rhysand's throat, building until he was leaning against the archway, laughing hysterically. I peered around Cassian's wing, watching Rhysand's shoulders begin to shake while laughing. "Is he having a breakdown?" I whispered.

Cassian's arm slung around me protectively. "I— I don't know." He frowned but never took his eyes off his High Lord.

"Finally!" Rhysand gasped, wiping a tear from his eye. "Cauldron, I thought I was going to have to actually marry you off to that boring block of ice just to get a reaction out of you, Cassian."

Cassian blinked, his aggression faltering into confusion. "What?" His grip around me loosened. Rhysand straightened his tunic, a smug, triumphant grin spreading across his face. "I've been setting you two up for years. The training sessions? The 'accidental' solo missions? Leaving Cassian as your guard whenever I was gone? Sending you to Winter together? I even told Azriel to drop hints, but he said you were both too 'stubbornly miserable' to take the bait."

My hand found Cassian's. "You... you wanted this?" I asked, breathless.

"YN, you're my sister. I want you to be happy." He said softly, his playful voice genuine. "I always wanted someone like Cass for you. The strongest male of them all to keep you safe. He has a good heart, he's compassionate, not only to our people, but foremost you. I wanted you with someone who would burn the world down for you. And I knew that person was the bastard who’s been punching your boyfriends since you were eighteen."

Cass punched my boyfriends? I never allowed myself to dream of him stepping up for me in that way. He was untamed and stubborn and…mine.

He stepped forward, clapping a hand on Cassian’s stunned shoulder. "I'm happy for you both. Truly. But Cassian? If you ever make her cry, I won't need a Winter's alliance to deal with you."

Rhysand winked at me, turned on his heel, and started whistling as he walked toward the ballroom. The empty chair in front of Kallias and Vivane was his.

"Now, hurry up and fix your hair," he called back over his shoulder to usher us with him. "We have a dinner to finish, and I believe Athila still thinks he has a chance. I’d love to see the look on his face when you walk back in there holding hands."

I looked at Cass, who was still staring down the doorway with wide eyes. A slow and wicked grin spreading across his face. Without a warning, he picked me up in his arms and kissed me again before setting me down again. "You heard our High Lord," he murmured, reaching out to tuck a stray hair behind my ear. "Let's go ruin the Prince's night."

I never had to work a day from where I'm from. Nothing important besides pouring drinks and filling the males plates, leaving the females' empty. Being shouted at by drunks is nothing new. But I was taken care of for most of it. Beds made, meals served and taught by a governess. Here, I have to earn everything. I give my best at my new job to pay the rent for my little apartment and my new life. And I'm doing it with a smile on my face, because I know I never want to go back.

"One mountain whisky and two glasses of wine!" A male roars over the music and his fist slams down on the wooden bar.

I flinch at the vibration and the brute gesture, it rattles my bones. I begin to shuffle nervously with shaky hands as I pluck the glasses. Don't look up. Just get him his drinks and he's gone.

"Steady, YN." My boss' voice calls from beside me. Lara is seasoned and I think she grew up right here behind the bar. She nudges my shoulder and smiles soothingly at me. "Ignore the shouting. He's not dangerous. This isn't… well, it's not wherever you came from."

It was very fortunate that Rhysand and the Lady of the Night Court granted me shelter. There are rumors. The Night Court is dangerous and the people that live there are lawless brutes and cunning with their bargains. One of the High Lords Inner Circle found me at the border and took me straight to him. Him and his High Lady. They weren't indifferent but very collected. The High Lord offered me to be a subject to his court — the tattoo that appeared on my skin is witness to that. Delicate lines are running from the back of my neck over my shoulders and bleed over my upper arms and cleavage. They look like exquisite flowers flowing over my skin.

I nod tightly and take a deep breath before pouring the liquids with a hand that refuses to stop trembling. I never told Lara where I'm from and she never asked. But back home, a male slamming his fist and screaming were prelude to at least hand across your cheek and being humiliated in front of everyone at best. I never told her that the safety of the Nigh Court feels like a fragile glass floor to me. One wrong step, the barrier breaks and I'm pulled down again.

"Are Rhysand and his friends coming tonight?" Lara asks no one in particular over the blaring music. I frown and shake my head "I don't know."

Friends? The High Lord from my court never had friends. Just subjects and other people who he would use… take him to a position of advantage.

"Oh, I hope if he comes he'll bring his friends." My other colleague Raina chimes. "They're handsome as fuck! Azriel never talks to anyone, like he's brooding the whole time. But the other one, Cassian, he's a sight for sore eyes. Muscular in all the right places, dashing smile and he's never short of a flirt." She swings her hips while preparing a tablet of drinks. "I talked to him last time. I hope he asks me out today. Even if it's just for a couple of minutes at the back alley." She cackles and winks at us as a dirty grin appears on her red painted lips.

"What do they look like?" I ask sheepishly.

"You'll know when they're here," She chuckles and moves towards the end of the bar. "The air usually catches fire when they walk in."

Fire? Maybe one of Rhysand's friends is from the Autumn Court. That's not far from where I'm from and my High Lord has connections there. I hope they don't recognize me. A shiver runs down my spine. I get hot and cold and my heartbeat drums against my ear. "I'll refill this." I tell Lara and Raina and retreat to the shadows of the backroom of the bar. I don't even bother to turn the lights on. I prefer the darkness. My mind runs wild and I lay my palm over my chest, trying to steady my heartbeat. They haven't found me. Everything is alright. Rhysand promised me to be protected. I whisper it as a mantra.

I shake my head, clearing my mind and grab what I need before returning to the bar. Suddenly, the heavy front doors swing open. Even if the roar from the crown doesn't die down the shift in the room is instantaneous. Cheers and a wave raucous welcoming energy erupts that even the cold wind from the outside cannot blow out. I keep my head turned, focusing on rearranging the bottles but my skin prickles. There is a new scent in the air and I can't decide if my pulse calms down or wants to explode. It's sharp like freshly fallen snow with a hint of cedar. Something that smells of the sky above. Like something I longed for for centuries.

"There you are!" Lara's voice booms joyfully at the new guests. "YN, quick! prepare the VIP lounge!" I don't even look up, making myself as invisible as I can as I make my way around the bar. I cross the distance and get behind the velvet rope that secludes the special area. The cushions are fluffed and the table is wiped to perfection before I place the bucket of sparkling wine on ice and matching glasses on the table.

"Two ales and whiskeys and a bottle of your best red wine for the ladies!" a voice booms behind me like a firecracker "And whatever Azriel is drinking to make him look less like a pensive gargoyle." It's a command and my body is on alert to obey like a duckling to the reprimand of its mother. His voice is rich and gravelly as it bounces off the walls. I can't help put pull my shoulders up in fear as I spin on my heel anxiously. I step face first into a male. My head right between strong pecs and a frame made of stone from the Illyrian mountains. Strong calloused hands grab my arms more gingerly than I thought to create some space between us. "'m sorry. You, alright, love?"

My body works faster than my mind at the soft words of the harsh voice and I look up. My eyes meeting a pair of gems that focus solely on me. A splash of green and brown, gray and a hint of blue with freckles of gold that are reflected by the dim light of the club gaze back at me.

His stare is hypnotizing, hands warming my skin that is pebbled with angst. I've felt hurt on my nose before from crashing into him, didn't I? An unusual rush of emotions dampens all my feelings. What does pain feel like again? It doesn't matter anymore. All I can see is the depths of a pair or gems that promise to hold a certain secret that he's not wanting to share. Like it's a barrier I have to carve your way through to get to the sacred part. An ore deem inside the heart of a mountain.

His deep rumbling chuckle pulls me out of my stun and I look at him. It pulls all the strings from my consciousness.

And now. I really look at him.

He's standing tall above everyone else. Taking in more space than anyone should be allowed to — broad shoulders, his physique carved by the mother herself beneath his dress shirt and slacks. And he has wings. Massive and as dark as a moonless night. Tucked in tightly against his back that seem to carry more weight of a world that he wouldn't tell anyone about. Tendrils adorn his wings. They're looking like they could slice apart anyone who looks at him the wrong way. Every fiber of him screams power and danger and to stay away from him in every way possible.

The blonde friend of the High Lady tips her fingers against her forehead, saluting. "General Cassian, we're ready to drink!" She sings and chuckles with ha hiccup.

"Understood." I wring out, answering his order and ignoring his question of feigned concern. I'm averting my eyes.. I peel myself from his form and he lets go of me, his hands slipping down my sides. I step around him and greet Rhysand, his wife and the other guests before I drift away.

Cassian

"Are you gonna sit down or what?" Mor shoves me to the side as she takes her usual place in the corner. The others flow around me like a roaring river, sitting down and making themselves comfortable at our table. The pop of the cork that Rhysand opens pulls me out of my stun and I sit down at the corner of the booth — from here I can see everyone and it allows other fae, usually females, to meet me easily. My fingers ride up, massaging my temples as if they could convey what just happened. To make sense of it all.

Who was she? I've never seen her before. Everything about her is unusual to me. From her head to her toe — the way she wears her hair, the shy glance she praised me with, the slope of her body so different from all the other waitresses and females I've encountered before, the way she dresses, even if her work attire matches the other ones. All of her screams special to me. Like a puzzle hat asks to be solved. Like a treasure that seeks to be found. Like a map that begs to be unfolded. Like a gem that's pleading to be discovered. She slipped away too fast. And now I'm not sure if she was real in the first place.

While the others cheer and clink their glasses for the first time I look around the club to find her. It's like she's never been there in the first place. I scratch my stubble, soothing myself as Az leans into me and says lowly. "She's new around here. Be careful."

I've had a couple of drinks with Rhysand before I came here. But I can't make sense of the way Az says 'be careful'. Should I not trust her and be careful around her by what I say? Or should I be careful to behave?

Just then, I spot her behind her bar, preparing our drinks. To everyone else she seems invisible. But to me, she looks like the only one who's in the room right now.

YN

My heart hammers against my ribs. Frantic. Like a trapped bird.

The voice of the male present in my mind. I remember the orders that were given in my court on a regular as I pour the drinks one after another. The requests of the males from my court echo in my thoughts. I blink the tears away, feeling like I'll never be free of my shadows. Do exactly what you've been told. No averting. Do what is said. Exactly that or you'll be punished!

I caught the order of the one with the blue gemstones out of earshot while I inconspicuously fled their table, I suppose he is Azriel. The High Lady and her husband smiled at me cautiously, like they're trying to keep my secret as well.

The other barmaids push around me as I mix and draft their drinks, already cursing under my breath for being so agitated. I'll reveal myself if I'm keeping that up!

"Please, let me serve the general next time! I swear he has a thing for me." Raina whines at Lara like she's been hoping to be their maid tonight to be able to talk to that male. I freeze at her comment. General? Does she mean the one I ran into is the general of the Night Court? The glass nearly slips out of my shaking hand.

I regret not telling Lara that I have had bad experiences with his kind. Generals. They make everyone obey to every of their wants, ignoring respected behavior and taking whatever they please — whoever they please. They're harsh and vicious. Not averse to malice and brutal in a way no one should ever experience.

My whole body begins to shake and a thin layer of dew covers am skin. I balance the tray as I make my way back to their table, keeping my head down not only to protect my eyes from those piercing beams of light but also making me as much unnoticeable as possible while dancing fae bump into me. The tablet feels like lead in my hands, pulling me down with every step I take.

My foot hits the first step onto the pedestal, my stance uneven. "There she is."

There is his voice again. The general. If I didn't know better I'd say it was cheerful.

But my past tells me that it's a threat that I'm too late, too slow. That I didn't meet his standards. I prepare for the worst. Being grabbed by the throat and slammed onto the table. Told with a sneer that what I did wasn't good enough and that I have to make up for it. Memories of me, laying across the table in front of everyone while his unforgiving hand pressed down on my neck reappear — the air getting thinner.

Panic surges through my body. My eyes water with the feeling like they would pop every moment while being screamed at. A male — menacing the worst whilst others chuckle at the show in an amused tone.

The presence of the winged male at the corner of the booth is insurmountable. He's a predator who's about to start hunting.

But it's too late for me. I have to do what I'm told. Bring the drinks.

Cautiously with the tremor of my hands, I place the glasses on the table. Some drops of wine spill over, defiling the glass table with red.

Everyone seems to enjoy themselves, involved in conversation and not noticing what I've just done. But then his voice comes again with a dark grin on his face. "That’s a waste of good wine, sweetheart. In my camp, we have a very strict 'no-spilling' policy." He chuckles. "The punishment is usually spending the night with the general until the mistake is corrected."

"I'm s-sorry." My voice is small and I bow my head in surrender. Preparing for the worst.

"Come here." The general says an amused tone tinting his voice and I can make out that he taps the space beside him, wanting me to sit beside him.

My body goes rigid and tears sting my eyes, just before I'm able to wipe away the drinks that I spilled.

"Leave her alone, Cass." The High Lord intervenes. His serious tone is like a dark phantom that eats all the life that's joyous around us. The general shifts in his seat and I catch a glimpse of him looking confused. "It's alright. You did nothing wrong. Thank you for bringing our drinks. You can leave." Rhysand's voice smooths the situation. I can tell that Azriel — the one who found me — goes stiff as if he's uncomfortable with the situation. I scurry back without looking at them again.

"You insensible prick!" I hear the High Lord scolding his general as I vanish behind the counter, making my way to the break room.

My chest feels heavy and tears begin to stream down my face. My pulse is racing like a horse in battle as my back hits the cool wall and I sink down. I look around frantically, trying to catch my breath. A second later Lara walks around the corner and she sits down in front of me, her palms soft on my face. "It's okay, YN." She takes her time to soothe me, to bring me back until I can breathe again.

Lara tells me to stay put behind the counter for the rest of the night. Raina's smile is stunning as she hears the great news that she's supposed to serve the High Lord's table for the rest of the night. She swings her hips as she brings them another round and places herself strategically right in front of the general. The conversation she tries to hold is cut short by one-word answers of him. He's stretching his neck, looking around her and straight into my eyes. Our gazes lock and I cannot look away. My heart rate accelerates. A small smile washes over his lips before I look away again.

Raina comes back tattling on about how she's trying talk him into taking her home. I nod here and there while she rambles on. The High Lady pulls her husband and the others to the dance floor. Only the general remains in his seat like he's glued to it. Not in the mood to dance. I feel it. I always hated when my father pushed me to do it. It was always forced and for show.

The night goes on and our eyes meet from time to time. But I can't read the look on his face. Countless females flow by and talk to him. One even sits down directly on his lap like she did it a thousand times before. Womanizer. Just what I thought. He's like all males I know from my court.

Cassian

I spread out my crumpled wings and welcome the cold air of the night. I've been standing here for what feels like forever. The music isn't blasting anymore while the staff tidies up the place, most of them have left already but a special one hasn't left yet.

While the others drank and dances their asses off I was glued to my place. I couldn't help it but gazing at her the whole night. When she peeked my way my heart stopped for a moment. Raina and other females came over to me the whole night and blocked my view of her. Usually I liked flirting with them, but tonight I sent them all away. Not interested.

The door of the club opens again and I snap my wings in tightly.

She's even more stunning in the dark. It's like the night enhances her features.

She doesn't notice me. I clear my throat as she locks the door. "Uhm, hey." I stammer. Shit since when do I stammer?

She spins around and the look on her face is nothing but shock. It's like she's shrinking down in herself. A smell I know from the battlefield leaks out of her — pure angst. She's frozen.

I take a step closer, hands up and showing her I'm no threat but she steps back from me. I stop to give her room.

"W-what do you want?" Her eyes are big and I can tell her flight instinct almost kicks in.

"I wanted to apologize."

"Apologize?" She asks and her angst begins to melt.

"Yes, for before. I was just joking. I didn't mean it that way." She just goes on staring at me like she never heard an apology before. "I'm sorry."

There is still fear in her eyes and something else I can't put my finger on. I step back, I don't want her to feel trapped. She sucks in air like she hasn't been breathing for too long.

"What's your name?" I don't know what else to say but she doesn't answer.

"I'm Cassian." I stretch out my hand in a friendly gesture.

She hesitates but slowly shakes my hand "YN." She says it like she doesn't want me to know. Like she wants to keep it a secret.

I give her a reassuring smile. "Can- can I take you home? It's late and you shouldn't walk alone, you know." There is that damn stammer again.

"Is that an order?" Her voice is quiet, unsure and sounds defeated.

An order? That's ridiculous! I let out a laugh and shake my head. "It's an offer." I smile honestly at her.

"I'd rather walk home by myself, if I may." She says and tucks the keys in her purse.

I'd be lying if I said that I hoped she'd said differently. But of course, I accept that. It was a broad move anyway, to ask a stranger to walk her home. "Okay. Have a good night, YN." I give her a subtle nod and stay put before she nods back at me and begins to walk into a different direction.