#move them

Oh honey. I’ve been there. Hell, I’m still there. You have to know how much you trust them. Trust their character. Here, think of it like this:

Our relationships happen in circles. You’ve got your outer circles, for strangers, acquaintances, whatever, and then your inner circles, for those you keep closer to you. Friends, family, lovers. The closer they are to your heart, the more they’ll affect you. But the same is true for the other way around. If you are also in their inner circles, if you are close, then what you say and do affects them too.

Now here’s the important bit: if your relationship is strong enough, you can fight, scream, say the worst things you can possibly think of to hurt the other person–and the relationship will still go on. Works with families and friends and whatever. My brother and I, we have a really good relationship because every time we fought–and we’ve had some spectacular fights–we would be able to talk through it and forgive each other. Every time. When we were little and our parents told us to separate, we ignored them and worked it out ourselves.

Of course, there are times it doesn’t work. And a gap is driven between you. The best way to deal is to move them out of your innermost circle. That means they can’t affect you as much anymore. You don’t let them.

Doesn’t mean you break off all contact. Doesn’t mean they’re there permanently. I moved my dad almost to the outermost ring, but he’s inching his way back in. He’s getting better–we’re getting better.

I don’t know what your secret is honey, and I don’t know your relationship with this person. But I know that if you trust them to understand, even after the extreme fight that could be inevitable, they will still be in your circles. Damage can be repairable. If you’re strong enough, you’ll come back to each other. That’s the way it works.