#mostly fat

Its 1:40 AM and im feeling fat as fuck and ugly and hopeless

i am sad and lonely

According to the Internet, I am 20 pounds overweight. The Internet tells lies. According to my friends, my body is fine the way it is. I hate that word. According to myself, I am 50 pounds more than I would like to be. I don't know which is correct. I want to feel my hip bones protrude, I want my collar bones prominent, I want to look at a photo of myself and not cringe with disgust. I want to look in the mirror and not wonder if my face looks good enough to distract people from the rest of me. I don't want to be scared of what people think when they see me eat, I don't want to be scared of what i think when I eat. You are what you eat. What if I eat nothing? Will i slim down and be the girl that people wish to be? Or will I be sadder with myself than I am currently? I want to love myself. I won't love myself until I lose 50 pounds.

feeling fat and sad

I JUST ATE AN ENTIRE BOX OF COOKIES MERRY CHRISTMAS