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Note: I used the pronouns “me/I” instead of “you” but it’s not an Original character still y/n
Looking at the lacey, black fabric hanging on the rack it was impossible not to remember the time I had worn a similar contraption -that showed even more skin- for my mate. It was impossible not to remember the way Azriel’s eyes were blown wide when he saw me or the way his hands felt on my skin, giving me his undivided attention. I was so lost in the memory of Azriel’s lips and teeth grazing my skin I didn’t even notice Mor come up behind me.
“The dress is beautiful, and all y/n, but you look like you want to fuck it. Calm down, girly.”
My cheeks immediately reddened at the comment, but I ignored that and said anyways, “Do you think Az will like it?”
“Oh, Azriel is who you’re thinking about. I should have assumed it wasn’t me given he’s your mate and all, but a girl can still dream,” she responded with a wink and a smirk, making me blush even redder, reminding me of another night before I even knew my mate. It was one drunken incident centuries ago that Mor and I hardly ever spoke about, but it was one of the best nights of my life, excluding every night spent with my mate, of course. “I’m sure he’ll love it, but he’d also love you if you were dressed in a trash bag,” Mor continued.
“I’m gonna have to disagree with you there. He’s barely touched me in the last week. I need something that’ll get his attention.”
“Then wear nothing,” she replied with a smirk.
“I’m not going naked to Rita’s tonight, Mor.”
“Oh, but he’d be certain to take you home immediately.”
I rolled my eyes and took the dress off the rack and to the counter to pay. “Are we all going out to eat beforehand or to Rhys and Feyre’s?” I asked.
“Probably out, but it doesn’t matter because Rhys is paying either way,” she responded with a grin.
Rolling my eyes at her, again I finished paying, and we headed for the door.
…………….
I haven’t seen Az all day, he had left bed before I woke, and yesterday I hadn’t seen him until he had finally turned in for the night. I’ve been more stressed than usual, even with work being slow. With Azriel and I barely talking or touching, I’ve been incredibly tense. I know Mor would only shut down the thought if I voiced it to her, but I can’t help but wonder if Az is getting bored of me or if he realized he doesn’t love me anymore. I’m probably just being paranoid.
I climb into the tub scented with vanilla -Azriel’s favorite- and began washing my hair.
…………….
As I was just finishing up washing and was about to get out and dry off I heard Azriel walk into the bedroom. He knocked at the bathroom door, “y/n?”
“Yeah, come in,” I answered.
His eyes met mine, he looked tired, and I immediately grew concerned, but before I could say anything, he spoke, “Are you gonna be ready in 45? That’s when we need to meet up with everyone,” he said, never straying his eyes from mine.
“Yeah,” I responded, and he left. He didn’t even look at me, not even a peak. He always peaked a glance when I was naked. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I covered my mouth to stifle my crying. I sat there for a few additional minutes pulling myself together and panicking over my mate.
When I finally pulled myself from the tub, I cleaned up my face, applying makeup to cover any signs I had been crying, and dried my hair, pinning half of it back. Hanging up my towel, I walked into the bedroom naked, Az quickly looked away when he realized, and it was like a knife to my heart. I continued on my path toward the closet to retrieve my dress. As Azriel finished lacing up his boots, he walked out the door and headed downstairs. I stared after him and decided that if he was gonna act like this, then I was gonna be worse.
After slipping into the tight lace dress that had an underlayer that only covering my privates and left the rest of my skin open wherever the lace didn’t cover it, I strapped on some black heels and painted my lips red. I knew Az was standing in the foyer, and I could feel his eyes on me as I descended the stairs, but I refused to look his way. He was angry, and I could feel it, “You’re not leaving the house dressed like that,” he said behind me as I walked toward the door, hips swaying. With my hand on the handle, I glanced back and said, “oh, yes, I am,” before opening the door and swinging it shut in his face. I quickly walked down the steps with a grin plastered across my face and joined everyone waiting for us in the street.
“I just knew you’d look incredible in that dress,” Mor commented, “but I still think you should have come naked.”
I smirked at her and was about to respond, but Azriel had appeared behind me and grabbed my elbow. “Go inside and change. I’ll wait,” he growled in my ear.
“No,” I said pulling my arm from him.
“No?”
“I like this dress, and I want to wear it out tonight,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest, pushing my breasts up, showing them even more in the low cut of the dress.
His eyes darkened, and I could feel the anger rolling off of him as he said, “Your ass is practically hanging out the back of it, and the lace barely covers anything.”
“It covers enough,” I said, head still raised high, as I turned from him and towards the others, “So where are we going to eat?” I asked with an innocent smile. Azriel was still staring at my back seething, and everyone else was looking between us, a little hesitant and concerned, but Mor just named a place and put her arm in mine, walking us away.
Everyone soon followed after, and I could feel Azriel’s stare against my back, but I ignored it as Mor and I laughed together. I was perfectly happy being silently angry until Mor said, “Are you and Az, okay?”
I had to will myself not to cry. I took a deep breath, I’m not going to be sad because my relationship might be falling apart, I’m just going to be angry and get my revenge. “Of course. Why wouldn’t we be okay?” I responded with a fake smile.
“Well, he’s definitely mad, and I’m starting to think this dress overdid it with trying to get his attention,” she whispered.
“You don’t think I should have worn the dress?” I asked.
“Oh, no, I think you should wear it. Just maybe not to intentionally piss him off. Or maybe in a larger size, because your ass really is about to be on full display,” she said with a glance at my rear.
A growl immediately erupted from Azriel, and he glared at Mor. She tensed slightly, and I quickly glared back at Azriel and let a warning growl of my own loose as I pulled her closer to me by her hip.
As we arrived at the restaurant, a waiter took us to our reserved table in the back, and I sat with Mor at my left and pulled Cassian into the chair on my right. I could feel Azriel’s anger spark at that as he took a seat across from me, and I leaned into Cassian to whisper about something Mor and I had been discussing. He laughed at my comment but quickly stopped and looked away from me. Looking up, I realized Azriel was glaring at him. “Stop it,” I whispered across the table at him.
“Stop what?” he asked curtly, turning his glare to me.
“Glaring and growling,” I said.
“I’m not,” he said, then turned his head away, ignoring me.
The rest of dinner was tense. Azriel continued glaring or growling at anyone that looked my way a moment too long. And I avoided his looks, continuing my conversation with Mor and Cassian, occasionally adding a hand to their thighs or shoulders just to piss Azriel off a little more. Cassian wasn’t too happy about it, probably fearing for his life, but Mor happily flirted back after she drank a little wine.
We all got up and headed for Rita’s after dinner. The walk was short, and I stayed next to Mor and Cassian the whole time, mostly to protect them from any threats Az might send their way if I wasn’t there. When we got into the club, Amren parted from the group -probably to go to the Summer court rather than spend the night with us- and Rhys went to the bar to order some drinks. The rest of us headed for our designated booth, and as Azriel and Feyre sat down, I pulled Cassian and Mor to the dance floor.
Cassian quickly slipped away from me, dancing with some female I’d never seen before, but Mor kept her hands on my hips and danced with me. I glanced to Azriel, finding him downing a shot while Feyre and Rhys looked on worriedly. Rhys whispered something to him, but nothing was gonna help the mood I put him in.
After a while, Mor and I went back to the table to drink. Mor went back to the dancing before I did, so I sparked a conversation with Rhys and Feyre, avoiding Azriel’s eyes. As I stood to start dancing again, I realized that I should have had fewer drinks. Dancing was gonna be difficult. When I arrived at the edge of the dance floor, I looked over my shoulder at Azriel. He was studiously ignoring me. Of course, he isn’t going to come dance with me, I thought to myself. So I started swaying my hips by myself, wishing his hands were on them. I kept on like that, dancing where I knew Az could see me. If he was looking. Eventually, a pair of hands did find their way to my hips, but the first thing I noticed was that they weren’t Azriel’s. Well, at least someone wants to dance with me, I thought, so I let him pull me closer.
After a minute, I turned my head toward the booth, but Azriel was no longer there. I was about to pull away from the male to look for Az when I felt his lips kiss my neck. Okay, that was too far, and I was about to say as much when I pulled away, but before I got the chance, he was ripped away. I spun around to see Azriel holding the male by his throat and growling something I couldn’t hear in his ear.
“Az, stop it,” I protested, but he didn’t even look my way.
Rhys showed up a moment later and was saying something to Azriel, but my head went fuzzy. My ears were ringing, and everything looked blurry. I tried stepping forward and reaching out for Azriel, “Az…” but instead, everything went black. Right before I hit the floor, I felt hands catch me. Azriel.
It was only a few moments later when I woke up sitting in the booth, and Feyre was placing a glass of water in front of me. I quickly drank half of it and set it down before resting my head on Azriel’s shoulder. But then he pulled away, and my anger from before rose back up again.
“I cannot believe you’re angry with me,” I growled at him.
“You can’t believe I’m angry. Of course, I am. That man kissed you and was dancing with you,” he growled back, eyes blazing.
“I didn’t ask him to kiss me, and he wouldn’t have been dancing with me if you had been.”
“Maybe he wouldn’t have been dancing with you if you weren’t dressed like that,” he snapped back.
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean? I’m only attractive when I show some skin?”
“Of course not,” he practically yelled back. “But if you weren’t dressed as though you’re just wanting every male to wonder what the hell’s under that lace, then they wouldn’t try to touch you.”
“They also wouldn’t try anything if they had any idea I have a mate. Why do you think I’m dressed like this, Az?” he furrowed his brow and opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, I said, “You’ve barely spoken to or touched me all week, and we haven’t had sex in almost two weeks. The only male I wanted attention from was you,” I said, standing up and walking toward the door.
Once I was outside, I started walking home. I could’ve just winnowed but, I was hoping Az would come after me. Please, please, please. Run after me. Just like in the storybooks. Please! I practically shouted down the bond, but he didn’t come, so I winnowed to the foyer of our house and cried until I couldn’t anymore.
Eventually, I picked myself up and went upstairs. I ripped the dress off, never wanting to see it again, before wrapping myself in a robe and walking into the bathroom. I washed all of the ruined makeup off my face and brushed the lingering taste of alcohol away. Not that it mattered, because minutes later, I was seated by the toilet puking everything up and crying again. Azriel still wasn’t back when I fell asleep on the bathroom floor. But in the morning, I woke up in bed.
A glass of water was sitting on the bedside table, but Azriel’s side of the bed was still mostly made. He hadn’t slept there. I sat up in bed and was drinking the water when Azriel walked in, “You’re up,” he seemed surprised. I didn’t say anything. My mouth was still dry, and my eyes puffy from crying. “I guess we need to talk,” he said, sitting down at the foot of the bed.
“Are you seeing someone else?” I blurted out before I could stop myself.
He looked at me incredulously, “No! Of course not. Why would you even think that?”
Relief washed through me, and I just shrugged my shoulders slightly, looking down at my lap. I could feel the tears welling up, but I didn’t want to cry, so I tried to push them back down to no avail.
Azriel pushed closer to me on the bed and lifted my chin, “Hey, look at me. Look at me,” When I finally lifted my head, he looked me in the eyes and said, “I love you. I love you so much, you have to know that,” he pulled me into his lap, and I cried lightly into his shoulder while he kept murmuring those words again and again.
I fell asleep again, and when I woke up, I was curled against Azriel’s left side, his right-wing wrapped around us as he lay on his back. I snuggled closer to him, and when he wrapped his arms tighter around me, I asked, “Why haven’t you been around? I wake up and, you’re gone. I go to bed and, you’re still not here,” I looked up at him, and he looked back, pulling me up and pressing my forehead to his.
“At first, I was just busy with work. Then it felt like there was some disconnect between us. I didn’t know what to do so, I just pulled away. I realize I should have come to you, but it just feels easier to stay in the shadows.”
“Azriel…”
“I know. It’s stupid, and I’m an idiot.”
I pulled back slightly, opening my eyes, “I was not going to say that. I do wish you would have come to me, it would have made things a lot easier, but the way you feel is not stupid,” He kissed me then. Just his lips pushing against mine. Not too gentle, but not rough either. We stayed like that for a little while longer, just holding each other tightly.
We finally got up when our stomachs began to grumble and went to the kitchen. It was after 3 pm I sat at the breakfast bar while Az made us a couple of sandwiches. Things were less tense but, we were both still walking on eggshells around one another. I know I’m not mad at him anymore and, I don’t think he’s upset but, things are still a little off.
We make generic small talk while we eat, but the silences in between aren’t as comfortable as they used to be. After we finish eating, I pick up our plates and bring them to the sink. Before I realize he’s behind me, Azriel puts his hands on my shoulders and starts massaging.
“You’re tense,” he says, “what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. Things aren’t the same,” I frowned and leaned back into him, looking at him over my shoulder.
He smiled softly and said, “We got into the biggest fight of our relationship. Things aren’t going to be the same. But you still love me, don’t you?”
“Of course I do,” I said, turning around to look at him directly.
He just smiled again and kissed my lips lightly, “I still love you, too, y/n. I’ll love you always.”
“Always,” I repeated with a grin, kissing him harder.
I have to say it again. Azriel has to know Mor is Gay/Bi.
The best spy master. And 500 years and he didnt know.
I just think he finally realised if she told Feyre then maybe shes ready to be true to herself ie open up about being a lesbian. Thus he backed off.
There was something off between Mor and well everyone even Cassian mentioned it. But defo between Mor and Azriel. So there has to be more. Him backing off like that just seems random.
Note: This one doesn’t have a lot of Azriel/ relationship stuff
The next day was a series of events I didn’t feel very present for. When I woke in the morning, Azriel was not there, and before I went down for breakfast, I didn’t fail to notice the faint bloodstain in the sink and the few drops near the bedroom door. I had expected him to be downstairs, but when I arrived in the dining room, he was nowhere to be seen.
“He’s doing some paperwork. He’ll be back soon,” Feyre’s voice floats from across the room. Nyx is propped in her lap, shoving his cheeks with a muffin Feyre looks up from him to me, “He mentioned you’ll be needing some clothes, though. Wanna go shopping?”
*
It was late morning When the three of us left the River House: me, Feyre, and Nyx. We walked the streets for hours as Feyre dragged me into every store to try on clothes. I felt outside of my body, not really caring about the clothes at all. Feyre stored the many bags in a place “in-between,” Whatever that meant. By the time we were done, the early hours of the afternoon had passed so, we found a small restaurant on the edge of the Sidra to enjoy a late lunch. I could tell Feyre was concerned, but I didn’t have the heart to care.
“Az planned the whole thing, ya know. It’s gonna be small. We found a quiet spot for her grave.” Oh, she’s talking about the funeral later today. “I don’t think any of us are gonna go. Unless you want us to. But we figured you’d rather it just be you and Az.”
I nodded, the only sign I had heard what she said. Feyre turned back to Nyx, cleaning up the mess he made while shoving potatoes into his mouth.
Lunch was mostly quiet after that. Only bits of conversation here and there. When we returned to the house, I thanked Feyre, again, for the clothes and lunch. She simply gave me a small smile and reminded me I could talk to her if I needed to. I only nodded again and walked to Azriel’s room as Feyre walked the other way to Nyx’s to put him down for a nap.
When I walked into the room, the blood from before was cleaned up, and bags and parcels littered the room. I collapsed onto the bed, wishing Azriel was here to hold me and fell asleep. He woke me an hour later. He sat on the edge of the bed dressed in a neat black shirt and pants. It was the first time I’d seen him dressed in something other than his fighting leathers.
“I figured this was the dress you wanted to wear for the service,” he held up the plain black dress with a halter neckline. I nodded. Setting it down on the bed, he continued, “I made room in my dresser and put all your clothes away,” he wasn’t looking at me, as if he was worried I might be upset about it. I wasn’t, but I blushed when I realized he must have put all the undergarments away too. Even the lacey things Feyre convinced me to buy while she wore a devious smirk on her face.
“What have you been doing all day?”
“Rhys had me running around doing all kinds of things.”
For a spymaster, he could be a pretty shitty liar, “Are you hurt?”
“No, why would I be hurt,” he asked, finally looking at me.
“There was blood on the floor and in the sink. Where’s it from,” I asked though I had a good idea of the answer.
He looked away again. Thinking up another shitty lie, I’m sure. “Don’t lie to me,” I said slowly, “I figure you’d go. I told you their names, knowing you’d go. I’m not upset about that, but you didn’t have to hide it, and I wish you wouldn’t lie to me about it.” I wasn’t angry exactly. It was just the stress getting to me. I let out a heavy sigh trying to let go of it all.
Azriel sat down next to me again and pressed his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. “I-” For a moment, I was sure he would tell me he loved me, “I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I’ll never lie to you again. No secrets,” he kissed me on the head and left to give me privacy.
I wasn’t surprised to feel disappointed. It was foolish to hope he loved me as much as I loved him. Slowly I rose from the bed and went to the bathroom. As quickly as possible, I bathed. It was half an hour later when Azriel returned. I was dressed and brushing through my hair, avoiding the inevitable.
*
The scene was beautiful and small, of course. A small cemetery lied just outside the city on the coast side. There was no ceremony or even a priestess to say a few words. On the human side, we didn’t do such things. People would speak, and anyone that wanted to say goodbye would come. There was no one her who wanted to say goodbye, though. Just me. The grave was dug, and her casket sat next to it.
Azriel stood by my side dutifully the whole time. He only left me alone when I walked to her side to say goodbye, but I didn’t even know what to say, so I just stood there crying. After a few minutes, Az came to my side. I hugged him like I would die if I let go. He held me back all the while I sobbed into his shirt. When my tears eventually slowed, Azriel pulled back. He left me to walk to the casket and said a few words to Gran. I couldn’t hear, but I think there was a “thank you” in there somewhere.
When he returned to my side, he motioned for the fae to lower her. We stayed while they buried her. Azriel holding me as I breathed slowly, and tears slipped down my face. Even after we stayed. It was dark, the moon high in the sky when we returned to the River house.
Everyone was drinking in the sitting room when we walked in. They all looked up, I think Feyre was going to say something, but Rhys laid a hand on her leg, motioning for her not to. Azriel tried to lead me upstairs, but I walked into the sitting room instead. Plopping down on the couch next to Cassian, I grabbed the bottle of wine from his hand and took a large gulp. Everyone was staring, “do you guys usually drink in silence,” I asked, snippier than I’d intended. Azriel lowered himself next to me but didn’t try to pull the bottle from my hand as I lifted it to my lips again. The conversation picked up again, but I didn’t bother pretending like I was listening.
We sat there for hours. I stayed silent the entire time, and Azriel, next to me, seemed hyper-focused on my every move. I consumed more alcohol than I ever have in my life. Which wasn’t a lot because it didn’t take a lot to make drunk. At some point, I started randomly laughing for a reason I can’t remember. That’s when Azriel decided it was time for me to sleep. He carried me up the stairs and laid me on the bed. After tugging of my shoes, he gently tucks me in.
“You’re not gonna take off my dress?” I slur, “I can’t sleep in this.”
He looks down at me, “I don’t think that’s the best idea.”
Pouting, I cross my arms, “I could sleep in your shirt. I didn’t buy any pajamas; I like sleeping in your shirt.”
“That’s probably a worse idea,” he says, eyes darkening at the thought.
“Why,” I whine, tugging at the dress in a futile attempt to pull it off. Az watches for a moment before turning me onto my side and unzipping the back of the dress. He tugs it down, covering me up with the blankets as he goes. When the dress is off, he turns toward the wardrobe in search of a shirt. Facing his back, I whisper, “I love you,” and fall asleep before he can respond.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Yes maybe it is/was a possibility. However I am sure the book will be about Azriel-Mor and just maybe Eris.
Mor was gone for waay to long in this book. And that makes u question the importance from a story point of view. Forget the ships.
Getting that treaty is important. The queens are gone and at the moment for all we know they could be getting an army ready.
In a story pov the importance of what's happening during this time with Mor is important. We know Azriel and Mor arent talking but why. In a more linear time frame surely the treaty and the storyline parralell to Nesta and Cassain should come next.
We have also now had the pleasure of having both Mor and Azriel pov. And that's significant. And just maybe a hint at what is to come.
I think the final book will be about Lucian-Elain-(whether they end up together or not) and the human realm. Clearly something is happening with jurian-Vassa - Lucian. The battle will occur or something of the sorts. Lucian is yet to find out he is Helion son. Which is absolutly important. And I just cant imagine that happening in the next book.
I think Rhys said something important maybe Elain never stood up cos she never had the chance. And I genuinely believe that will take time. And maybe her standing up for herself thru her family and friends will occur in the next book. And maybe Azriel???
(Or it could be other way round. Which also now makes sense....I dont know I dont know. Why must we have to wait.)
The relationship these three have is complex. It was complex enuf that Feyre realised it after meeting all three the first time.
Just from this book. I liked all three for various reasons and all three as friends. I personally didnt feel more than friendship between them. And I'm soooo glad it isnt a love triangle (it's been over done and isnt needed).
We know Mor slept Cassian and Cassian was all for it, to help her I mean she is a good looking women. He helped her and I think he knew what he was doing.
The question really lies in why she didnt pick Azriel. And the simple answer is because Azriel felt more for Mor. And she knew he wouldnt/couldn't just sleep with her once. And its not cos he is an awful man. It's just cos he would be someone who would love deeply and her not sleeping with him again would be rejection. A rejection that would be to much like his awful step brothers. And I dont think she wanted him to feel that.
Of course we know more about her in the next book. And that's for the next book. But in this book I loved them all as friends. Friends who have stuck by each other. A chosen family.
What's annoying is within this great friendship they havent hashed this triangle issue. So many centuries and u havent just cleared the air??
There is complexity within them. In this book we really just touched the surface of who these characters are and the trials they have all gone through.
Sjm told us the trials but she showed them as strong characters. But I want to see how difficult those times were for each character. And ultimately how they have become strong characters.
So I cant wait to read more about these three not only in the next book but also in the 3 extra books.
