@more-than-a-princess
"As always, Taiami-sensei, I regret the inconvenience," Shinobu murmured. "I'm sure you would have preferred to spend your morning sleeping in, rather than coming into school." There was no other way to do it, though. Now that she'd made up her mind, she wouldn't be able to stop agonizing over what she had to do with Sonia, such that devoting focus to any kind of school project wouldn't be possible. At least now she could get that part out of the way.
Her teacher shook her head. "It's fine, Yaguchi-san. I was up early for my morning run anyway." She pumped her fist. Taiami-sensei wasn't much for teaching, Shinobu thought, but she took physical fitness seriously. Well, that was fine enough. They'd been through a half-dozen temporary teachers during their first year due to the understaffing issue, and now that Taiami-sensei had stuck around not only for the entirety of their second, but the start of the third as well, it seemed they'd have no further replacements. There were worse teachers, she supposed.
"Besides," she added, "you might be the only person turning your project in, but there are a few others working on them today. I might as well drop by and see how progress is going! Or, offer a jog or some weight training as a break!" She patted Shinobu's shoulder and offered a smile. "You're welcome to join. Aoyama-san and the boys all hate losing to you, so having you around is good motivation for them!" She really wasn't a tactful woman, was she?
"I'll have to decline," Shinobu murmured, failing to suppress a rolling of her eyes. "I have plans with a friend this afternoon." Taiami-sensei was undaunted, as usual, but at least it looked likes she understood. "Then I won't keep you any longer. Good work today, Yaguchi-san, and I'll see you on Monday." She put her notebook inside her desk, along with Shinobu's report, before departing the classroom and leaving Shinobu to clean up her things.
Her teacher's lack of tact wasn't always a bad thing. A more thoughtful or attentive person might have offered to help Shinobu tear down her presentation supplies, which was the exact opposite of what the archer wanted. She preferred the solitude, packing what she'd keep into her back, and gathering up the rest to be taken to the recycling, or the incinerator. That kind of mindless organizational task gave her time to think.
In the days that had followed her nightmare, Shinobu hadn't been able to shake it. She wasn't someone who believed in any transformative or prophetic power of dreams - far from it. As far as she was concerned, dreams weren't of any importance at all, and yet, there seemed to be nothing she could do to stop thinking about it. Maybe there really was nothing that she could do to stop this runaway train. If she hadn't allowed Sonia to approach her the previous autumn, or if she hadn't continued to speak with her, things might have been different. If she hadn't taken Sonia to her home, if she hadn't accepted those Valentine's chocolates.
But she did, and she had, and this was how everything had ended up. Herself hopelessly in love, and saved only by Sonia's obliviousness, which itself was likely only because she lacked the knowledge of what a pathetic, lovesick lesbian looked like - which was just as well. If she knew the truth of how loathsome they were, she'd hate them. Over enough time, she'd figure out that truth, while Shinobu would continue to drown in her feelings with no air in reach. Sonia would hate her for her feelings, and Shinobu would resent her in her heartbreak. At least, if their wretched personality and natural talent at ruining relationships didn't destroy things first.
So, ending the friendship while she still could was the only viable option. It just... didn't have to be today. At first, Shinobu had tried to rationalize it as some gift to Sonia - one last good day with a friend before everything came tumbling down. That kind of false magnanimity didn't suit her. In the end, even the good memories would turn rotten, and all Shinobu could hope for is that they'd fade - that Sonia would forget them, and in the future she could look back and laugh at poorly-remembered days where she'd tried to befriend a monster.
Rather, today was about her own feelings. It was Shinobu who wanted one more good day. Perhaps she'd failed to appreciate the moments as they'd come, but she wouldn't repeat such a mistake now. Today, she'd carve each instant of their time together on her insides so they couldn't be forgotten. It would be her penance, and her salvation. Something she could remember fondly even as her humanity drained away and left only a husk standing, and a knife she could stab herself with whenever she falsely believed it were possible for the entity known as Shinobu Yaguchi to be a person, or to achieve sustained happiness.
Upon returning to her lab, Shinobu set down her school bag and took a moment peer at her reflection in on her phone screen. A navy blue tie, and matching nails offered something different from her usual fare, due both to Sonia's onetime compliment that she was sure she'd forgotten, and the general oceanic vibe of an aquarium. Mm. Today would be a nice day. They were no actress, but even with so much weighing upon them, it didn't take any deception to enjoy being in Sonia's presence. Indeed, despite everything, a small smile bloomed on their lips when they heard a polite knock at the laboratory door. "Good afternoon, Miss Nevermind," she said after opening the door. "Perfect timing. I just finished things here."
















