Sonia's mind went blank. Not the blissful sort, not the sort she'd felt the first time Gundham had kissed her or when Chiaki had offered her a piece of her karaage chicken on Sonia's first day at Hope's Peak Academy before suggesting they be friends. No, this was the panic sort of blank, the sort of feeling that Sonia couldn't let show on her face.
Regret, yes. Apologetic, of course. But panic, panic was reserved behind closed doors. Members of the royal family were composed at all times even, and especially, when they were in the wrong. And as much as she endeavored to be a normal teenage girl, some habits were hard to break.
Only the likes of those who knew her well, Chiaki and Gundham mostly, knew when Sonia's smile didn't reach her eyes. When her kind words were laced with sarcasm and double meanings rather than sincerity and warmth. Shinobu wasn't one of those people. More importantly, Shinobu couldn't be one of those people, who could riddle out the muddled mess in her head and her heart and read her for exactly what she was: someone determined, desperate, to let the truth stay buried. No one would get hurt that way. Besides Sonia herself, and that was always acceptable. For the good of the country, or the world, or anything bigger than herself, which her life mostly, nearly entirely, was.
"I am so sorry, I truly had no idea," SoniaΒ began. By sheer will she managed not to stammer in Shinobu's seemingly embarrassed presence. Of course she was, this was hardly a situation she wanted to be in. She swallowed, steadying her nerves: at least her remorseful look was genuine. That's all Shinobu needed to know, that it had never been her intention to put her in such a position.
Even if, deep down, the most important reason why was Sonia's self-preservation. This was a path Shinobu chose and could walk herself, but it was never an option for Sonia Nevermind, Princess of Novoselic. Surely Shinobu knew that, and that was what mattered. She didn't need to know that when she'd mentioned the aquarium being a prime spot for lesbian dates that Sonia had briefly considered the prospect, with Shinobu, before forcibly pushing it out of her mind. In the glimpse she'd had they'd held hands and Sonia had bought her a small stuffed plush of the jellyfish Shinobu had rescued, that she'd never forget her kindhearted deed for as long as she lived, that she was always a better person than the rest of the world regarded her as.
And kissing had been involved. It was only a moment though, hardly enough time for her imagination to elaborate on the practice.
"If I had known, I would never have suggested it," SheΒ sighed, chewing the inside of her mouth once before letting go. A habit her mother always scolded her for, and Sonia could hear her in her mind already. For chewing the inside of her mouth. For even entertaining the idea of kissing a woman. For many things, Sonia was sure, that didn't live up to what the Princess of Novoselic needed to be. "You must have wanted to come here with someone you truly liked," She paused, exhaling deeply. Every word felt like a new cut into her flesh, a stinging reminder of how bitterly painful it was to say. "Not me." Never her. Not like she saw her like that anyway. Ji-yeon and Rui, yes. But Sonia wasn't like them: independent, confident, beautiful, unafraid to turn their backs on theΒ conventions and expectations of the society they lived in. That, Sonia felt, was the sort of woman Shinobu Yaguchi liked. The sort she'd prefer to visit the aquarium with.
At least Sonia could still smooth down the front of her skirt and smile at the penguins, determined to make the best of it all. And maybe try to escape the now-prying eyes of the female couples around them. Didn't they understand that she and Shinobu were just friends?
"Ah, I'm sure we shouldn't preoccupy all of the penguins' view," SheΒ finally suggested, moving away from the tanks where the birds still dove and swam for fish and for each other, eager to splash and play. "I hope you still enjoyed yourself though, despite my foolishness in not comprehending the social conventions of aquariums." And that she hadn't ruined it for Shinobu's inevitable future dates, but Sonia supposed that was the obvious unspoken sentiment between them. "Are you hungry or thirsty at all? I'd love to treat you to something to eat or drink, if you like. Maybe even one of those coffees you love, if there's a suitable cafe nearby!" She'd find a way to pour enough sugar into one to drink a cafe-blended coffee, if it would put Shinobu at ease again.