#morerants

I never thought that I'd be stuck in my house for Christmas break. I want to go out and go to Cueva Ventana, Caja de Muerto, Playa Rosada, Palominos, La Mona, Toro Verde and more. *The list goes on* , but I can't. I love the Internet and everything, but this is getting boring and monotonous. I feel like a total bleh. :/ 

Tired of being told I’m not “fat enough” to have body imagine issues. Beauty has nothing to do with weight. Fuck you, at least your pretty. I have to glob on tons of make up and hair products and padded bras just to look “feminine”. Every pound I gain ends up front and center making me look pregnant, my hips are twice the size of the rest of me, I have insect arms and “athletic” (is that supposed to make me feel better?) legs, my eyes have huge raccoon circles a family trait I got worse than everyone, and my hair is the color of a mouse. I have things to fucking complain about too! I’m an unconfident scared of the world around me mess of a human being. You’re big and beautiful I’m boyish and homely. Leave me alone. Telling me that I’m too small to feel bad does not make me feel better, it makes me feel ashamed. You’re not helping me, your putting me down. Which would be understandable if I did the same to you but I don’t. I long to be curvy. I long to have a big chest to match my hips, I long to look like a woman. Despite years of being the “skinny” friend (I’m not skinny just short and petite, there is a fucking difference ask any short girl who weighs more than a hundred pounds.) I was not flirted with, despite what my friends thought. No I was made fun of, harassed, assumed to be the slut and to be easy because I wasn’t confident. I was shamed into never opening my mouth, shopping alone, and rarely going shopping without an adult because I wasn’t “big enough”. I was embarrassed because I still had to wear kids clothes, or everything was too long, and I couldn’t wear dresses because the dresses and skirts that fit my waist were WAY too short. I couldn’t wear a one piece because they sag in the middle and I was a bitch for being the only one wearing a two piece. My gal pals thought I was the “pretty” one because the pervy boys flirted with me. They didn’t flirt, they harassed, and only because they believed the wild rumors one of my so called “friends” started. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of feeling shame over not liking my body, on top of NOT LIKING MY BODY. I’m working on being healthier mentally and if that means working through my body issues so fucking be it! So just back the hell off ok? Because I’m not exactly the “idea” woman either, and I have issues too.