#monagamy

So I have been asked the question “could you ever be monogamous?” a few times. The answer is yes, and no. I have been in monogamous relationships before, I’ve enjoyed them and loved the person I was with. But there was always this stupid crush I would have on one of my friends. For example, what I was dating a guy, we’ll call him Levi, I had a crush on my now significant other. I dated Levi for months and was committed to him entirely, buttttttttttttttttt my cute genderfluid friend made my heart beat a little faster and when we cuddled, I never wanted to get up because it was just us. I was crushing bad, but my boyfriend had all my love. My now significant other and I would cuddle and be emotionally close but I never dared to hold their hand for long periods of time and flirt with them because I had Levi. I can be in a monogamous relationship but there’s a chance I will have a crush on someone else. My heart is not monogamous. I don’t need to love more than one person but it happens. I’m happier being in my polyamorous than I was in my monogamous relationship, though that might be because Levi was a jealous prick. For a while, it was just my significant other and I and I was one hundred percent fine with that, damn I loved it because I didn’t love anyone else, I had zero potential partners. To be honest, I’ve only been in two polyamorous relationships and only started to explore my polyam side September of 2017. I can only love one person at a time, it’s happened before. I could be in a monogamous relationship and I could only love one person, but I could still love someone else. So, yes I can be in a monogamous relationship and adore only one person but no, when it comes down to it I can love more than one person at a time so I am not monogamous.

Saw this at work today.

Which is when she introduced me to her friend Shannon. We hit it off really well and things progressed rather quickly. I could tell when the three of us would hang out that things between Shannon and I made Jannette uneasy and tense, despite her best efforts to offer support. Even though I like Shannon she still plans on leaving for school in the Fall which makes things hard for me, because even though I have feelings for multiple women, monogamy is my ultimate goal. I love the idea of a wife, children, and a family. I can't tell if my relationship with Shannon is due to over-correction or not. I have feelings for her and I think she is an amazing woman, but Jannette still runs around my head constantly and I feel horrible for it. I connect to both of them on so many levels and I don't know where each of the paths go, so... I hope I can get it together fast enough not to hurt anyone. Though I fear it may be too late.