#mod misa

Examine how your inner guiding voice talks to you and pay attention to the following things:

Do you like the tone of your inner voice?

Is it sweet, loving, harsh, or scary?

Is it fair?

Is it a reliable guide through life?

Does it reward you when you do well?

Can you please it?

Does it punish you with shame or guilt when you need to be reined in?

Is the punishment overly harsh?

Do you really require such harshness to get the message?

Misa: *gets on knees*

L: *crouches down*

Y/n: *lays on the floor*

he does love me, he just hasn’t admitted it to himself yet! he’ll end up loving me one way or another, don’t worry!

Relapse is a process, it's not an event. Relapse starts weeks or even months before the event of physical relapse. Three stages of relapse:

Emotional relapse

Mental relapse

Physical relapse

In emotional relapse, you're not thinking about using. But your emotions and behaviors are setting you up for a possible relapse in the future.

The signs of emotional relapse are:

Anxiety

Intolerance

Anger

Defensiveness

Mood swings

Isolation

Not asking for help

Not going to meetings

Poor eating habits

Poor sleep habits

The signs of emotional relapse are also the symptoms of post-acute withdrawal. The early stage of relapse is easiest to pull back from. In the later stages the pull of relapse gets stronger and the sequence of events moves faster.

Early Relapse Prevention

Relapse prevention at this stage means recognizing that you're in emotional relapse and changing your behavior. Recognize that you're isolating and remind yourself to ask for help. Recognize that you're anxious and practice relaxation techniques. Recognize that your sleep and eating habits are slipping and practice self-care.

If you don't change your behavior at this stage and you live too long in the stage of emotional relapse you'll become exhausted, and when you're exhausted you will want to escape, which will move you into mental relapse.

Practice self-care. The most important thing you can do to prevent relapse at this stage is take better care of yourself. Think about why you use. You use drugs or alcohol to escape, relax, or reward yourself. Therefore you relapse when you don't take care of yourself and create situations that are mentally and emotionally draining that make you want to escape.

For example, if you don't take care of yourself and eat poorly or have poor sleep habits, you'll feel exhausted and want to escape. If you don't let go of your resentments and fears through some form of relaxation, they will build to the point where you'll feel uncomfortable in your own skin. If you don't ask for help, you'll feel isolated. If any of those situations continues for too long, you will begin to think about using. But if you practice self-care, you can avoid those feelings from growing and avoid relapse.

Mental Relapse

Part of you wants to use, but part of you doesn't. In the early phase of mental relapse you're just idly thinking about using. But in the later phase you're definitely thinking about using.

The signs of mental relapse are:

Thinking about people, places, and things you used with

Glamorizing your past use

Lying

Hanging out with old using friends

Fantasizing about using

Thinking about relapsing

Planning your relapse around other people's schedules

It gets harder to make the right choices as the pull of addiction gets stronger.

Techniques for Dealing with Mental Urges

Play the tape through. When you think about using, the fantasy is that you'll be able to control your use this time. You'll just have one drink. But play the tape through. One drink usually leads to more drinks. You'll wake up the next day feeling disappointed in yourself. You may not be able to stop the next day, and you'll get caught in the same vicious cycle. When you play that tape through to its logical conclusion, using doesn't seem so appealing.

A common mental urge is that you can get away with using, because no one will know if you relapse. Play the tape through. Remind yourself of the negative consequences you've already suffered, and the potential consequences that lie around the corner if you relapse again. If you could control your use, you would have done it by now.

Tell someone that you're having urges to use. Call a friend, a support, or someone in recovery. Share with them what you're going through. The magic of sharing is that the minute you start to talk about what you're thinking and feeling, your urges begin to disappear. They don't seem quite as big and you don't feel as alone.

Distract yourself. When you think about using, do something to occupy yourself. Call a friend. Go to a meeting. Get up and go for a walk. If you just sit there with your urge and don't do anything, you're giving your mental relapse room to grow.

Wait for 30 minutes. Most urges usually last for less than 15 to 30 minutes. When you're in an urge, it feels like an eternity. But if you can keep yourself busy and do the things you're supposed to do, it'll quickly be gone.

Do your recovery one day at a time. Don't think about whether you can stay abstinent forever. That's a paralyzing thought. It's overwhelming even for people who've been in recovery for a long time.

One day at a time, means you should match your goals to your emotional strength. When you feel strong and you're motivated to not use, then tell yourself that you won't use for the next week or the next month. But when you're struggling and having lots of urges, and those times will happen often, tell yourself that you won't use for today or for the next 30 minutes. Do your recovery in bite-sized chunks and don't sabotage yourself by thinking too far ahead.

Make relaxation part of your recovery. Relaxation is an important part of relapse prevention, because when you're tense you tend to do what’s familiar and wrong, instead of what's new and right. When you're tense you tend to repeat the same mistakes you made before. When you're relaxed you are more open to change.

Physical Relapse

Once you start thinking about relapse, if you don't use some of the techniques mentioned above, it doesn't take long to go from there to physical relapse: going to get a drink or calling your dealer.

It's hard to stop the process of relapse at that point. That's not where you should focus your efforts in recovery. That's achieving abstinence through brute force. But it is not recovery. If you recognize the early warning signs of relapse, and understand the symptoms of post-acute withdrawal, you'll be able to catch yourself before it's too late.

Recommended Reading:

Bluth, K. (2017). The Self-Compassion Workbook for Teens: Mindfulness and Compassion Skills to Overcome Self-Criticism and Embrace Who You Are. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.

Brach, T. (2003) Radical Acceptance: Embracing your life with the heart of a Buddha. New York: Bantam.

Brach, T. (2020). Radical Compassion. NY: Penguin.

Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Center City, MN: Hazelden.

Desmond, T. (2015). Self-Compassion in Psychotherapy: Mindfulness-Based Practices for Healing and Transformation. Norton.

Germer, C. K. (2009). The mindful path to self-compassion: Freeing yourself from destructive thoughts and emotions. New York: Guilford Press.

Germer, C. K. & Neff, K. D. (2019). Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion program: A guide for professionals.  New York: Guilford Press.

Gilbert, P. (2009). The compassionate mind. London: Constable.

Hickman, S. (2021).  Self-Compassion for Dummies. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley.

Neff, K. D. & Germer, C. K (2018). The Mindful Self-Compassion workbook: A proven way to accept yourself, find inner strength, and thrive.  New York: Guilford Press.

Neff, K. D. (2021). Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive. New York:  Harper Wave.

Neff, K. D. (2011).  Self-Compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself.  New York:  William Morrow.

Pollak, S. (2019). Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurture your child by caring for yourself. New York: Guildford Press.

Shapiro, S. (2020).  Good Morning I Love You.  Boulder, Sounds True.

Silberstein-Tirch, L. (2019) How to Be Nice to Yourself: The Everyday Guide to Self Compassion. San Antonio, TX: Althea Press

CHILDREN’S BOOKS

Beltzner, E. (2019).  How to tame the tumbles:  The mindful and compassionate way.  Ontario: Mosaic Press.

Garcia, G. (2017). Listening with My Heart: A story of kindness and self-compassion. Gabi Garcia Books.

Marlowe, S. (2016). My new best friend. Summerville, MA: Wisdom Publications.

O’Leary, W.  (2023).  It’s OK: Being kind to yourself when things feel hard.  Bala Kids.