#mod ginger

hi anon! this blog has not been active for a while, but i’m crawling out of the depths to answer this one.

this blog is for headcanons! not everyone will share headcanons, and that’s okay. but everyone’s relationship with gender is different, and to claim that there’s a wrong way to experience it feels disrespectful. i have personally known nonbinary people who dress femininely and are okay with girlfriend/wife as terms for them; it doesn’t make them any less nonbinary.

if these don’t fit for you, that’s okay! it’s great to have different views! but unless this is causing trouble for you, why go out of the way to tell us? (and if it is, why not just unfollow or block us?)

It’s up to you to choose whatever label is most comfortable to you. It sounds to me like you’re pan, but it’s your decision in the end. If you do decide to switch labels, it may take a while for pan to feel comfortable: don’t worry about that, it’s a natural part of changing labels.

My old enemy. Coercive heteronormativity.* For those who don’t know, it’s the societal pressure that leads to LGBT+ people identifying as cis and het when in reality, they’re only doing so because no other option has been provided to them, they have internalized homophobia, or it is difficult for them to think beyond the role they are trapped in. Usually, those experiencing this will fail at the roles they are attempting to emulate. For example, a gay man experiencing this might fail to pick up girls and face ridicule for it. As a lesbian, I’m not very good at performing typical feminine roles. I never really was. I dress terribly and I hate makeup. (To be fair this could just be a “Ginger is gross” thing rather than a universal lesbian experience but). You could show some of these moments in your story - your characters attempting to perform their roles, but failing because it’s not who they are. I’ve heard stories from same gender couples about how they tried to fill traditional masculine and feminine roles in their relationship. For some this was a choice made free from the influence of coercive heteronormativity (for example, femme and butch lesbian couples), but for many this was the only way they had seen a healthy couple act, so they were simply following in their footsteps, for better or worse. If your characters are in a relationship, this could be an interesting struggle for them to face!Hopefully this is helpful! If any of our followers have ideas, feel free to add! ~ Mod Ginger

* I just want to add, the phrase “coercive heteronormativity” was coined by a transmisogyny affected person** as a replacement term for “compulsory heterosexuality” which was coined by a TERF (Adrienne Rich).

**I don’t have a source or know who the person is to give credit, this is just what I’ve heard. 

To me, it sounds like you’re a lesbian experiencing compulsory heterosexuality! It’s common for lesbians to daydream about relationships with fictional men, since they’re often written better and more complexly than men in real life often present themselves to be. Everything you’ve said sounds like you’re a lesbian; so don’t be afraid to explore the term!

Ace ring anon again, I was wondering if people would hate me TOO much for writing ambiguously queer characters? I’m a queer writer in a very religious home, and even being an Ally is bad in my family, never mind actually being queer. Plus, as someone in the closet, ambiguously queer content is actually one of my favourite things, since I get to enjoy it at home and if my parents ask questions about it I can easily point out how the characters are just friends / genderless space rocks / etc.

To answer your first question, I haven’t heard of anything else. I mean, it’s my understanding that the reason ace spec people started wearing black rings was to avoid unwanted attention? I mean, there’s such a strong pressure to get married, so I’ve always understood that ace spec people started wearing black rings to avoid weird looks or questions about not having anyone in their life. Now it’s a lot more than that, though, buying your ring is sort of a big deal (not necessarily expensive though, a lot of people get theirs on amazon for like 8$) I’ve heard people describe it as a feeling of connection to the ace spec community, as well. Aka, there isn’t a reason for anyone else to do it, since no other LGBT+ group has to fight the stigma of not being married like ace spec people do? Subtle pride gear, I suppose? Little heart pins, bracelets, necklaces? 

And to the second, if it isn’t safe for you to write explicitly queer characters, then do not write them. It’s as simple as that. There is definetely something to be said for ambiguously queer characters hiding in a Cartoon Network show plain sight. ;) It’s okay to be limited! The issue does not come from people like you. 

This is sort of a broad question and I’m not sure how to answer it. This is our myths about asexuality post and this is our post on ace/aro stereotypes. They’ve both got links to more resources, so they’re good if you’ve got no idea where to start!

It’s important to note that only some ace people are sex-repulsed. I’m not completely sex repulsed, but I can try to share some experiences I’ve had that might help you. Before I begin, I want to note that sex-repulsed ace people can and do still have sex, for a multitude of reasons that aren’t anyone’s business. However, some common ones include wanting to conceive and wanting to please a partner. We go into this more deeply in the myths about asexuality post.

So…I am fundamentally uninterested in sexual relationships. They don’t have any sort of bearing on what I think or do or feel. When I come across sexual stuff, I avoid it. I groan and walk out of the room or pull something up on my phone if it’s a scene in a movie or tv show. Usually kissing and touching is okay, it’s really sweet! But there’s a line (it’s different for everyone) and when it’s crossed I get uncomfortable. 

When I see sexual stuff, I’m annoyed, in a “come on, this again” sort of way. I also get really uncomfortable knowing that people thought about me sexually at all. That’s something that’s definetely not just an ace thing, but god, it gives me anxiety attacks. Also, I don’t assume situations are sexual/romantic when (apparently) they are and it leads to awkward interactions. I chat with someone because they’re nice and then they ask me out and I freak because that’s what you thought? 

Honestly, the thing to remember is that ace people are fundamentally people. Being sex-repulsed means that sex isn’t really a part of our lives, but that’s just one little piece, and trust me, we find plenty of ways to fill our extra time. I mean, the internet, for one. Video games? Cooking? I honestly don’t think I’m missing out.Good luck with your character!

No. Literally none. You will make all your LGBT+ readers feel great and all your homophobic/transphobic readers put down your story. If you can work it into your story (it can be hard to do in fantasy, societies without labels for orientations, etc), do so!