#mod fiora

So, this is an explanation I found:

“The cotton ceiling is a theory proposed by trans porn star and activist Drew DeVeaux to explain the experiences queer trans women have with simultaneous social inclusion and sexual exclusion within the broader queer women’s communities. Basically, it means that cis queer women will be friends with us and talk day and night about trans rights and ending transmisogyny, but will still not consider us viable sexual partners.

The term cotton ceiling is a reference to the “glass ceiling” that second wave feminist identified in the workforce, wherein women could only advance so high in the workforce but could not break through into positions of power and authority. The cotton represents underwear, signifying sex.

The theory of the cotton ceiling is useful in identifying the dynamic trans women are experiencing, and is meant to open up conversation around desirability’s intersections with transmisogyny and transphobia.”

I also found this article. Here is a quote from it:

The cotton ceiling, in short, makes the point that there are certain cis lesbians who are using their sexuality as a way to deny trans women’s womanhood. It’s not about coercing them, it’s not about saying you can’t have sex with only people you want to have sex with, its not about corrective rape or conversion therapy. It’s literally just a name for the concept of using your sexuality as a way of denying trans women’s womanhood; ie “I would never have sex with a trans woman, I’m a lesbian and don’t like men”.

From what I understand it is a very controversial thing. There is a lot of fighting on this topic between trans women and TERFs.

From what I know it’s the first rule of writing a trans character that you should never reveal their deadname. It’s a very shitty thing to do and almost always totally unnecessary. Like... you can even write about someone deadnaming the character without revealing this name to the reader.

There are many better ways of establishing that the character is trans. Here you can read about some options you have. Probably the best one is to not hide it from the start. If that character is post-op and on hrt most likely everyone close to them already know that they are trans. 

 You can also find some general tips on writing trans characters here, here and here.

“The Cotton Ceiling: You don't respect trans women if you don't consider them women.”

I just want to say that as a cis lesbian I support what she said. And I fully support all my beautiful trans sisters. 

i think the boy i like is okay with me being bisexual i am very happy

Honey, being with a boy right now doesn’t make you any less able to love women. And If you are attracted to women you are gay AF. Don’t worry, you will be bi no matter who you are with right now :)

Well, you actually did a few things wrong:

you assumed that this trans woman has a penis

you are probably still assuming that all trans women have penises

you assumed that if you would have sex with a trans woman with a penis you would have to “do dick”

etc.

Also, dating someone doesn’t have to equal having sex or long term relationship with that someone. So you could go on a date with her without doing anything that would make you uncomfortable. Or if you had another reason to reject her then tell her that reason. Even just saying something generic, like “you are not my type” would be a lot better than making it about her trans status.

Speaking as a lesbian I think it’s up to you. If you only want to date women and have relationships with women then that’s pretty much lesbianism. (Oh and while this might not be your case, some bi/pan women who start only dating women later realize they might actually have been lesbians all along source. It’s important to point out that that’s not always the case though but you’re no less valid if not).

-mod liz

As a lesbian, I also think that it's ok for you and other bi people to use lesbian lable as long as you're planning to only date women.

-mod Fiora

As another lesbian, go for it. The distinction is new anyway and a bi woman loves other ladies the exact same way we do.

https://sapphic-sex-ed.tumblr.com/Tags

I made it, so it is in alphabetical order and the more the tag is used the bigger the font. Also, it will update itself automatically. That’s why it takes a little while after you open it. I hope you like it :)

I also refreshed our FAQ page.

Yes. Any lesbian can be a bambi lesbian. Butch, femme and those who are neither can all be a bambi lesbian.