im so confused with myself all over agsin and im so angry that i cant just say im one thjng and be done with it. my attraction to women has never change. ive never questioned it, never struggled to accept it, its always been there as ome of the few constants in my life. but with men im just.... pulling out my hair in doubts.
men are... fine ig, like i know when theyre atrractive in terms of what society deems attractive but i feel nothing romantic for them at all. fictional men are the only ones i may feel an incling of interest towards but real men.... i just dont feel it. but aesthetically men can be attractive, though i only see that for like... maybe three or four men ive seen in my life. thwyre just nothing to me, i dont even consider them othwrwise. whenever i see a woman I feel this rush of warmth in me and i just smile for no reason. ita all fuzzy and giddy andd i feel like just a buzzing core of heat and adoration for them. men... its just nothing. but aesthetically, platonically, theyre fine. same with nonbinary people. they're cool and i find some beautiful but ita not romantic or sexual, or immediate like it is for women.
please im begging you to help me. am i pan or am i a lesbin? ive come out so many times i dont even believe myself much anymore and the whole reason is because I can't decide on whether i like men lime that or not. on days where im like "maybe i could be ok with a boyfriend" cos of my affection for aome fictional men, im suddenly proud to be pan but then i remember that irl men are nothing like fictional men and im disgusted all. over again, repulsed even and then im happy i was born gay. i just... im so tired of myself at this point. what do you think?
I can't answer every part of this, but here's my small run down
1. You are a lesbian, you are a female who is only attracted to females, you are 100% homosexual
2. Fictional characters do not count against your sexuality- they aren't real. Thinking "a relationship with this male character would be interesting" is in no way comparable to "im going to pursue a relationship with a real life male person"
3. I know I've already said "you are a lesbian" in no uncertain terms, but remember that it's up to you to decide how you identify in the end, and if you eventually find out you're not a lesbian- there isn't any shame.
You seem like you are experiencing a lot of comphet issues, and I want to let you know that you shouldn't feel embarrased to like women/ not like men, in fact it's beautiful. It might be helpful to seek out more people who experience harsh comphet. People who try to convince you to be ashamed/embarrassed of your attractions to women/against men need to be educated further, because that's just plain homophobia. Your identity is who you are, and you'll find it in the end, I promise.
Sorry if this seems scrambled, a bit sick at the moment but I didn't want to leave you waiting any longer.