#mod banshee

(ID in alt) (image link goes to survey)

forwarding from Canton Winer et al. (from a private Discord server):

Nickname: Rosemary

Species: Brownie/Earth Elf

Pronouns: she/her

Gender: female

Alignment: light/neutral good

Favorite color: a soft, pale yellow, deep greens, earth tones

Favorite animal: foxes, songbirds

Favorite song: Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles

Likes: gardening, landscaping, warm weather, apple pie, being outside 

Dislikes: storms, mean people, dead grass, scorpions

Sexuality: bisexual

Personality: Rosemary is a kind, gentle soul. She is thoughtful about everything she does, and is careful to make sure she harms none. She is very easily excited and has a sense of childlike wonder. She loves to learn and is very happy to spout plant facts until she can’t talk anymore. She has a genuine zest for life and has a sunny and positive disposition. She doesn’t shy away from talking about serious subjects, however. She is a great listener and wants you to feel like you’re able to come to her with anything. She is a genuine sweetheart and wants nothing more than to bring joy, friendship, and sisterhood to your life. 

Physical description:  Rosemary is about 5’7” tall, with beautiful deep brown skin. She has dark brown eyes that shine golden in the sunlight. She has a slightly crooked nose, and it scrunches up when she smiles. She has the youthful look of someone who is young, even though she is over a thousand years old. She has long, thick forest green braids that fall down to her waist. Her favorite outfit is linen pants, often dusty from gardening, a bright blue shirt, and a big straw hat.  Her smile is big, her laugh is bold and both light up the room. She is unafraid to throw her head back and laugh until tears are streaming down her face and her sides ache. 

Companion requirements: Rosemary is beginner friendly, and would like a smaller family, of around 5-7 companions, including herself, based on past experiences, outlined below in the background info.  She would like a vessel in the form of a potted plant you two care for together, a gemstone, or another stone you’ve found in nature. 

Background Info:  I met Rose in March in 2020 in the astral as she was traveling through the town I was visiting. We decided to sit and have tea and tarot, and hit it off and she stayed with me for a bit to take a break from her nomadic, wandering ways. In May of 2020 she stepped forward for a CC I was facilitating and went home with that companion.  Unfortunately, her companion ended up parting ways with Rose in a less than pleasant way. She came back to me, and after working through her fears and abandonment issues in intense therapy decided that she would like to try to find her true forever companion. She is still in therapy and her new companion must be respectful of that. 

My older sibling says it's a feeling that differentiates the two, but romance and platonic love have always been muddled to me. I'd stay up all night watching the stars with a best friend, I'd tell them how beautiful they are, I'd live with them and want to wake up next to them in the morning and go to bed at night holding them close. Romance is something I only understand in name alone. Is there any way I can distinguish the two? Or have I just been aromantic who is intensely affectionate this whole time?

good news: that's a very common feeling, and it's ok to not distinguish at all!

bad news: on the matter of distinguishing, I'm not sure that I have a better explanation than your older sibling. it really does come down to a "feeling", the best explanation of which I can give is ... "romantic attraction/sentiment is the feeling I get toward people who I wouldn't feel 'satisfied' having a friendship with," but I recognize that that probably isn't helpful. put another way, for me the line is more or less the degree of aesthetic interest ("oh, I like how that person looks"), plus or minus how much I want to be "more" involved with someone than I already am as "friends".

like you I don't really make commitment or behavioral distinctions based on "friendship" versus "romance". I am more than happy to do "traditionally romantic" stuff like living together, cuddling, even kissing etc with friends (if they're down). as a result, making a distinction is essentially just navigating social expectations and the other person's boundaries, in my experience (this is why I identify as biromantic and not aromantic).

good news 2: a lot of people choose not to make the distinction at all! if it is helpful, quoiromantic is a pretty common word used by people who find the romantic/platonic distinction to be nonsense, confusing, or irrelevant.

ultimately, what romantic labels you use are entirely your business -- the most important part is finding ways to navigate the relationships you want or don't want with the people in your life :^)

good luck, and I hope you find joy in whatever routes you choose !

Literally. like oh I'm sorry that somehow I'M the weird one for being upfront about my preferences in a way that's emotionally honest

As someone who ID with asexuality due to trauma the amount of people who have the "I can fix them" mentality makes me sick.

It's as if people really think they have the ability to change such a large part of a person just because THEY want something out of them.

It's not even an "oh I wanna help heal the trauma and support you" is literally just "I want to fix you so I can have sex with you" and it makes me so upset and angry every damn time.

yeah, it's really frustrating. it doesn't matter why someone IDs as ace, that's their business and should be respected >:(

also to piggyback a little. why the fuck IS some people's response to sexual trauma "ohoh but if you get subjected to even more unwanted sexual stuff clearly this will make things better!" like HELLO?? in addition to being acephobic as fuck by assuming that everyone secretly wants to be sexually active/would benefit from sex, it's also like bruh that's literally the source of trauma and you think they're just going to be down ?? It makes me deadass want to commit murder sometimes.

anyway -- you're always free to vent here when necessary. I 100% understand where you're coming from and it's extremely infuriating.

:( I'm sorry that she said that to you, anon. it sounds like she wouldn't make a very good friend... it's absolutely not her place to question your feelings like that. I hope your other friends are more respectful!