#mochacaramel

Happy monthsary, friends! I’ll always love all of you and I miss you all. Sorry for the short greeting.

It’s almost 3 years since the last post in this account. Choco Truffles, I’m sorry, I can’t remember who that is! It’s funny how jejemon and messy our blog is! I don’t know what I’m doing but I suddenly remembered this page while I’m looking at this very huge bunny stuff toy at our basement.

I’m sorry but, I decided to make this thing alive! Yes! And, sorry, I can’t fix this mess of a blog this week yet, since I’m busy (char) with my studies, I’ll try next week!

The OMG queen (yikes), is back! Decided to keep the codes. Hi, it’s Mocha Caramel, I’m pretty sure none of us remembers those silly freaking flavors. It’s been a while since I caught up with half of you girls but I was just talking to three of you earlier today. For those of you who don’t know yet, I left the country. I’m in Canada. So sorry if you don’t care though haha! I miss all of you girls. I’m sorry for being irresponsible and rude. I know we’ve been through a lot and I actually wrote a letter for you guys on my personal account but I figured I should just copy paste it here. So I’ll do that. I know I have a lot more to say. I always have so much to say but here’s what I wrote. I wrote it on Christmas or the day after, I believe: The Things that I’m Too Late to Say: Hello, girls. It’s been a while. I miss all of you. Before the year ends, I want to at least write the things that I’ve been meaning to say ever since everything happened. I know I’m two years late but, every time I think about you guys, my heart aches. Two years ago, I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to put down my pride for all of you. I’m sorry that I thought I was right. I wasn’t. I’m sorry I couldn’t admit that I was wrong. I’m sorry because, at some point, between all the words we said, I wished for all of it to be over. I wished to start anew. I wished for all of us to just stop because it was becoming useless and hopeless. I thought it was becoming a one-sided friendship. I felt like Karen and I were the only ones left trying to fix everything and make everything okay again. I held grudges. I’m sorry that I couldn’t remember everything that happened anymore. I’m sorry that I don’t know anymore how things ended up the way they are now. I’m sorry that, yes, I tried my very best to forget. And I have to admit, I did forget it all. I’m sorry that I forgot how happy I was with you guys. I forgot how sad I was that Christmas. I forgot how much Karen and I tried to cheer each other up so we wouldn’t end up blaming ourselves for everything that happened. I forgot how much we wanted to let down our pride and say sorry for all the things we said for the sake of our friendship. Most of all, I forgot how to act like the strong one. I’m sorry that I tried to say things to make us look cool. I’m sorry for the bad things I’ve said to other people just to make all of you laugh. It made me calm and happy when we all laughed together, like the time of our retreat. It made me feel useful every time I said things that made all of you laugh. At that time, it felt like it was my responsibility to do so. I’ve said many rude things to people who didn’t deserve any because I was trying to do a responsibility that was not even mine. I thought those words were just useless words and that we were just having fun but those weren’t just words and I knew that. And Tricia knew that too so she tried to speak about it but I was too full of myself so I didn’t listen and I was a coward to admit that I was wrong. I bet all of you knew too but, I tried to make all of you take my side. I went on and on, saying that I was joking, saying that she was taking everything seriously and was being a kill joy. I never knew the power of words then. If I had known earlier, I would let my pride down. But it’s how things go, you need to stumble and fall before you learn. I have to admit that I was mad to all of you. I was mad because no one even tried to make me see that I was wrong. AJ, who was always honest, didn’t even try to stop me.The things that I wasn’t able to say two years ago, I’ll say them now. Even though these are very late, at least I was able to let it out. First of all, I’m sorry for boasting too much. I’m sorry that it seemed like your opinions never mattered, they always did. I’m sorry that it seemed like our group was toxic to some of us. I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to stop my selfishness and my pride. I’m sorry that I forgot everything. I’m sorry that we weren’t able to keep our promises. We promised to keep the friendship even when college comes. We promised to always meet up and even if we can’t, we should at least meet up every 11th of November. I’m sorry we weren’t able to do that. I’m sorry we weren’t able to keep our dreams for our group. I’m sorry that all I could say is I’m sorry and thank you. Thank you for all the happy times. Thank you for all the sad times. Thank you for trusting me even if I didn’t tell you everything. Thank you for listening. Thank you for everything. Thank you for making me realize everything. Also, thank you that all of you are doing well now. Thank you for taking care of yourselves and thank you for being happy. I couldn’t be more proud of everything that all of you have achieved. Thank you for that. I know that I have more to say but, I couldn’t put everything into words. In the future, I hope all of you will do just fine. I hope that all of you will get to do what you actually like to do. We were that group right? We were the ones who weren’t able to say what we actually wanted to say. We were the ones who always bottle the words we want to say inside. But, I hope that’s not the case anymore. I hope all of you become stronger. I hope all of you speak up. I know that we were the sad ones. But, I hope that all of you know that, at times when you think you’re alone, you’re not, I’ll always be here. At times when you think of giving up, please know that I’m here, always was, always am, always will be. If you need somebody, I’m here to listen, even though I’m a stranger to all of you now. I hope all of you find time to forgive me for everything that I’ve done.I don’t know what the future is but, I hope everyone will remember that I love you and I’m here. Thank you and I’m sorry.

I love you.