#mm-hm

Nighttime was the most optimal time for Fane to indulge in this particular pleasure of his because the air around Skyhold was far cooler, and despite the darkness, he could see far more than he could during the day - the sun obstructing a lot of his vision from the glare it invoked. 

Tonight was one such night where Fane found himself outside along one of the balconies of his quarters, elbows resting on the stone railing - able to detect the coolness of the surface even through his leather wraps. The air was just as cool, and crisp as he took in a deep breath - letting it out slowly to create a puff of condensed air to which it only cropped up more feelings of nostalgia within his soul.  Emerald eyes shone a pale gold, but not from his own abilities, but rather from the equally as pale glow from the moon in the night sky - its familiarity comforting in the fact that it would always stay the same, unlike the rest of the world which was familiar yet unfamiliar to him. Yes - this was his sanctuary amid a tumultuous storm, and he basked in its stillness where it was otherwise absent. 

“Calm. Quiet. Still. All of which are lost during the day are made apparent under night’s shadowed heart.”, he whispered out softly, eyes narrowing as a frigid breeze kissed his skin and ruffled his already messy hair. 

Fane relished in moments of stillness because they were all too rare, especially with how the world was today. The world to him was chaotic, yet dull. Loud, yet silent. Bright, yet dim. However, it was nowhere near black and white; it was grey - both morally and figuratively speaking. During the day, he found it difficult to keep impending insanity at bay with how much such contradiction infuriated him - the schism of the Fade and waking world causing his draconic nature to thrash and roar with the desire to correct. While during the evening, his mind became still, clear, as a quiet pond did after a thunderous storm - delicate ripples along dark waters the only indication there was yet life beneath its depths. 

In short, he was more connected to what should be during the night time - his nature able to satisfyingly click into place from the sensation of frigid air, and the scent of earthy snow.  

“Ah, I should have known this is where you were.”, a calm, familiar, and welcome voice had Fane glancing over his shoulder from where he was gazing up at the moon to see Solas standing in the balcony’s doorway with a small, yet fond smile gracing his lips. 

Fane offered the elf a tiny smile of his own before turning his gaze back up to the moon to observe its surface once more, “You just come up, then?”, he asked with no accusation in his voice. 

“I did.”, Solas confirmed his question before sighing tiredly, “Your sister is quite passionate in our discussions; she had me losing track of time until I noticed my candle was nearly spent.”

Fane snorted softly at that. Yes, that sounded about right to him. While he was pleased Mhairi had finally opened up to Solas a bit, it still grated on his nerves how the two would bicker endlessly about whatever struck their fancy at the moment - Mhairi normally gravitating towards ‘educating’ Solas about Dalish customs and elven culture, while Solas ‘passively’ shot down each of her bits of information with his own take, albeit most was from actual experience, but it still sent his sister into a fit of passionate arguing which would then spur Solas to become more short tempered. Honestly, the two could probably be fast friends if they didn’t bring history and culture into the mix; that was what Fane observed through their interactions, at any rate. 

“More Dalish wisdom, I’m guessing?”, Fane asked absently, emerald eyes softening as he saw a twinkling star just past the glow of the moon. 

“More or less, but your sister is bright, even if most of her information is born from half truths. Though, that is not her fault, I suppose.”, Solas said, his voice dropping into a slightly more somber tone. 

Fane picked up on the guilt surrounding those words, spurring him to turn his gaze away from the sky to look over his shoulder once more. He saw that Solas had a pensive expression as stormy eyes, which looked more pale from the moon light, were turned downcast to stare at the stone beneath his feet. The sorrow laced in pale blue had Fane letting out a tiny sigh, a small frown etching itself onto his face.

“It is not your fault, either, Solas. It was an unforeseeable consequence of a necessary action.”, Fane attempted to console, tapping a gloved finger against the railing. 

“You have more faith in that statement than I ever will, vhenan.”, Solas told him with a sad smile before pushing off of the doors archway in an indication he was going back inside. 

“Hold on.”, Fane called out softly and suddenly, eyes watching as Solas halted immediately, the mage turning to look at him with a curious expression.

“Hm?” Solas tilted his head slightly before he slowly made his way back to the doorway.

Fane couldn’t help but chuckle fondly at the sight of perplexity on Solas’s usually calm expression. This was another thing he enjoyed about the evening; the vulnerability that both he and Solas would show when the world wasn’t scrutinizing their every move, every interaction, every word. It was a time where they could be..well, them. They could be Solas and Fane; not ‘that apostate’ and Inquisitor. Most of all, they could care for each other without fear of snide remarks or ignorant judgment. It was a sanctuary as much as the rest of night was to Fane; a sanctuary where they could be free. 

“Vhenan?”, Solas called to him worriedly, supposedly from his silence. 

Fane blinked in surprise before clearing his throat awkwardly. Damn, he really needed to stop getting lost in his mind so much.

“Sorry. Just lost in thought for a minute.”, he explained with a reassuring smirk before beckoning to the elf with a tiny jerk of a few gloved fingers. “Come here.”

Solas stared at him in slight bewilderment before slowly making his way out to where Fane was still leaning against the railing. Fane waited until Solas was standing next to him to turn his gaze back up at the moon, softly closing his eyes despite the way he could feel Solas staring at him in question.

“Observe and accept.”, he began with a calm tone, slowly reopening his eyes to examine the stars once more, “Those were the first words taught to me when I was a dragon.”

Fane felt Solas come closer to him when he began speaking, their shoulders brushing together as the mage lightly leant against him. He waited for several moments to see if Solas would say something before he felt right to continue.

“Observe the world around you, and accept that which occurs within its boundaries is natural. Those were the basic fundamentals of my kin.”, he explained before chuckling dryly, “However, there was another basis that was seemingly lost like most information regarding dragons. A basis that would seemingly contradict our roles.”

“Which basis is that?”, Solas asked him quietly, voice curious, but tender as it engaged him.

Fane slowly turned his head away from the sky to gaze down at Solas, who was watching him raptly, but he could see the well of pure adoration in the other man’s eyes. He had to momentarily shift his emerald gaze away from that spring of emotion to compose himself before looking back into stormy blue once more. Fane may be a dragon of emotions, but that didn’t mean he was immune to them, if anything he was more susceptible to them due to his new form - it being far more complex than a dragon’s sheer continuity of endurance. So, sometimes looking into another’s eyes - especially Solas’s - was like receiving the haft of a greataxe to the stomach - the sheer force behind its swing knocking the air out of his lungs with one brutal gesture. It wasn’t as painful as the actual thing, but it was..overwhelming, at times. 

With a steadying, quiet sigh, Fane readied himself for the original point of this discussion in the first place. Right, now wasn’t the time for him to get sidetracked in his head again. 

“Doubt.”, he said simply after a few moments, watching as Solas’s eyes gently searched his face for understanding before the pale blue orbs turned downcast, a tentative hand coming up to delicately place itself on top of Fane’s.

“That would be contradictory, but it is understandable. It is not wrong to doubt the information that you see. It allows you to grow, to change your point of view based on fresh information you may gather that would rend old truths to dust..”, Solas murmured softly, idly stroking his hand in a soothing gesture - Fane was unsure if it was more for him or for Solas himself.

Fane watched Solas’s hand stroke his own for several moments before he gently took it into his own, lacing their fingers together slowly to which the mage responded without hesitation by giving Fane’s hand a firm squeeze. 

“Precisely. It is in every beings’ nature to doubt because they wish to understand why things happen, or why people are the way they are.”, he said, voice practically a whisper as he felt Solas lean into him more, “It is also within every beings’ nature to doubt themselves, even when others do not.”, his intended point beginning to take shape. 

“Are you saying you..doubted your own words from before?”, Solas asked him, genuinely sounding puzzled.

Fane could feel Solas’s stare once more, even as his own stayed fixated on their entwined hands - idly noting the slight difference in size before sighing with a shake of his head. 

“No, my statements referring to your own actions were born from doubt.”, he explained, lifting their entwined hands to lay a light kiss against the back of Solas’s before locking eyes with the man next to him, “Look, I spent months after regaining a series of my memories simply doubting everything. I doubted what I saw and heard when I otherwise believed I understood everything this world had to offer. I doubted myself for the body that I chose thinking it was a sinful mistake until I observed more that allowed me to accept it that while it wasn’t natural, it wasn’t wrong, either..”, he rambled off slowly before laying a firmer kiss against Solas’s hand before murmuring against it tenderly, “..And I doubted you before I accepted your actions, Solas.”

That was the truth of it. After Fane had begun to regain his memories, he had spent a considerable amount of time thinking and attempting to understand everything about himself and the world around him - his draconic nature finally clicking into place to leave him feeling confused about it all. Solas had been no exception to his doubting nature, even if the elven man was incredibly dear to him. 

The first few months after the two had ‘reunited’, Fane had observed how Solas had attempted to keep him at arm’s length, as if the mere presence of the dragon were painful to him. At times, Fane had believed Solas was disgusted by him, much like the Evanuris had been in the past. After all, time changed people, and not always for the better. He was not the same by any stretch of the imagination, and Solas’s avoidance of him had made Fane believe the elven god was sickened by the form he had chosen.

However, as more time passed, and the more Fane observed, he could tell that there was a..weight bearing down on his sky - a heavy rain cloud in an otherwise clear sky. That was when the doubt began to rear its head. 

He doubted Solas would have suddenly begun to simply despise him - especially after the various times the elven mage had treated him softly, even when neither knew who Fane truly was, thus making him back peddle and reassess what could have Solas acting so distant from someone he constantly stated he cherished, even as grief flashed like lightning within stormy blue. 

The more Fane dug into the matter through his own ventures in the Fade, the more dirt he unveiled, and the more the actual core made itself known to the point where he finally remembered the moments leading up to his ‘death’, and the effect it had had on the elven god. It had helped Fane finally bridge the gap between the two of them to where centuries buried confessions were finally given life. 

So, in reference to Solas erecting the Veil, Fane had done the exact same thing; he had doubted, and it had allowed him to accept the truth that Solas still stubbornly denied. The truth that what Solas had done was by no means natural, but it was inevitably necessary, despite the damage it caused. If Fane had still been alive during it all, perhaps he could have intervened to where the damage wouldn’t have been so costly, but he had not, and he had accepted that. Just as he had accepted the reasons behind Solas’s decision pertaining to the creation in the first place. The past could not be unwritten, but the future born from it could be used to restore, albeit in a different manner.

Fane felt Solas lean into him even more, the mage resting his head against his broad shoulder to gaze out over the expanse of mountains before opening his mouth to speak.

“I am not sure if what you say is a compliment or a slight..”, Solas murmured, more to the air than to Fane himself.

Fane snorted amusedly before giving Solas’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

“It’s really neither. It’s merely the truth. Doubt is a guide, even when it seems to make us stray.”, he said before closing his eyes to let the mountain air wash over him once more, “I doubted the safety of the edge I pondered to leap over.” 

“Yet, you still leapt.”, Solas stated, chancing a glance up at him with a somber, but tender gaze. 

Fane opened his eyes slowly at the feel of Solas’s own before offering the man a tiny smile - delicately disconnecting their hands to cup a cheek tenderly. Solas leaned into his touch with a small smile of his own. 

“I leapt over a different edge because the one I had originally chosen to leap from proved to be laden with spikes at its bottom.”, he amended Solas’s statement with firmness before leaning down to put their foreheads together softly. “I am not one to jump blindly into ruin, Solas, despite evidence to the contrary. I hold fast to what I believe in because it has come from centuries of observation - from centuries of observing you. If you had truly done what you did because you wished to inflict harm voluntarily, then my nature would have intervened the moment I reunited with you - unaware of my heritage or not. I would have killed you on sight.”, squeezing the hand interlocked with his once more as his face hardened with resolve, “And if you were ever to stray without first doubting your actions like I do, then I would kill you. As I would wish for you to kill me should insanity take my mind once more.” 

He watched as Solas’s eyes went slightly wide before cool hands came up to cup his jaw, a look of stifling anguish cracking the mage’s otherwise calm facade. Fane continued to stare into deep pools of blue despite the same amount of pain he felt from his own words. Again, they were not a compliment or an insult; they were the truth - the bitter truth.

“Ar lath ma.. Ar lath ma..”, Solas whispered to him with a slight shake to his voice before pulling him down to press their foreheads together more flush. “Ar lath ma, ma’isenatha.. I..I will not let what happened happen again..”, the words housing as much emotion as stormy eyes did - a depth that would put the ocean to shame.  

Fane hummed lovingly, bringing his arms around Solas’s waist to pull the man to rest against his body lightly. A strange yearning began to stir in chest at Solas’s words of affection, spurring him to voice his own in a way he normally never did.

“That’s why I know - without a doubt - that those circumstances will never come to pass. You won’t stray from the path because you are smarter than that, Solas. So, let yourself rest, if only in my arms. No guilt, no shame. Just rest.”, he whispered with a gentle voice before humming in consideration before his voice dropped even lower. “Ar lath ma.”, he spoke the elven as if he had a thousand times - the words like silk as they flowed as fluently as the man’s in his arms did. 

He felt Solas go rigid in his arms, blue eyes going wide with surprise, but also..adoration before the elf’s stiff body relaxed with a shudder. Fane merely smiled an uncommon tender smile as he maneuvered his head to begin laying soft kisses along Solas’s jaw. He knew what his usage of elven did to the other man. It was akin to when Fane himself would hear Solas - in the wee hours of the morning - speak the same language to him with reverence and respect. It sparked life in them as a deluge allowed a field of flowers to bloom unbidden.

“Ar lath ma.. Ar lath ma..”, Solas continued to whisper to him - pulling away slightly to bury his face in Fane’s shoulder to continue the adoring mantra. 

“Ar lath ma..”, Fane whispered once more as two natures - so contradictory, yet so seamless - intertwined from the guidance of frozen winds that echoed the feeling of home to him.

The eve was a sanctuary, but not from the storm. It was a sanctuary for the storm; the once turbulent clouds allowing themselves to weep into the earth. Fane would be the sun scorched earth, if only to partake in a sorrowful drink. He would weather the storm, he would accept its flood, and at last, he would allow the sky to clear and rest. 

Emerald eyes slipped shut as Fane pulled Solas closer, resting his chin on the man’s head as quiet sobs reached his ears, his mouth barely moving as he uttered sudden words. 

“The sky shall rest in the earth’s embrace as the moon shadows, but illuminates. Do not hide. Do not run. For soon the sun will signal the judgement of dawn.”, the words like the whisper of wind as they fell from his lips.

No shame, no guilt, no judgement. Those were the concepts that Fane truly adored about the night, as much as he adored the man silently sobbing in his arms. He knew tomorrow would bring more shame, more guilt, and more judgement, but tonight - tonight they would rest under the moon’s all - knowing gaze, knowing that secrets were kept in a pale haze.

******