#mkxander

No, it was really great. I love puns.

You’re my new favorite human puns are literally my life.

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YAS!

dear jace,

the elephant in the room that nobody talks about is us, isn’t it? we seem to find ourselves on the negative side of the spectrum nowadays, and i’m pretty sure the rest of ace notices, but doesn’t say anything. kinda like me. i notice things, too, but i’m not always vocal about it because i know how you are. you shut down whenever somebody else realizes you’re not okay, and it’s really disheartening because sometimes i just wish you’d talk to me instead of going all jace dragon and spitting fire at me through short text messages and exasperated sighs. ha, it’s kind of funny because i really have no room to talk–write? you don’t even know me, not the real me, except i don’t shut down like you, i just smile and reassure. we’re kind of the same in a way, aren’t we? except you’re not as fake as i am. you have friends—real friends who care about you and would go to the moon for you. and you’d do the same for them, wouldn’t you? you have people who recognize the quirks and odd habits you allow to surface whenever you’re in one of those moods of yours, but i don’t. i don’t have that, and in a way, i think that makes me really envious of you. you’re a good person, with genuine intentions and i don’t think you give yourself enough credit for that, but you should because there aren’t a lot of people like you in the world, simba. but there needs to be. i’m sorry i don’t let you in, or talk to you about my life and what’s in my head—i want to, i just don’t know how, and i can’t promise that i ever will. but i wish you nothing but happiness, kay? literally always, all the time, every second of every day. you deserve it. you also deserve an abundance of flower crowns made by me. you deserve good things and sometimes i wish i could give them all to you, but i can’t. and i’ll never stop being sorry for that. p.s. i miss you deeply.

sincerely,me

dear xander,

hi, bunny. you’re such a good person, how did ace get to be so lucky? like, seriously, you’re kind of a god send. you make me giggle with those bunny teeth of yours, and your aegyo is out of this world. i sometimes wish you and i were closer, but at the same time–i don’t, and that’s because if you saw what really went on in my head you might get tainted, and that is the last thing i’d ever want for you. i want you to always stay xander. i want your eyes to always be full of wonder and innocence. never lose that, kay? god, xander, don’t you ever lose that sense of wonder i see in your eyes every single day. it’s a gift that not all of us get, and those of us who do—well, we ruin it. so promise you’ll always be my thoughtful, kind, and naive xander, kay? oh–and also, don’t ever be afraid to try new things. i know the world can be ugly and seem scary, but don’t ever hold yourself back from life and what it has to offer. AND WORK HARD. kay? i know you will, you never disappoint me.

sincerely,me

dear jackson,

firstly, i want to apologize if it ever seems like i’m being hard on you. i know we’re all just young adults here, hyung, and even though you’re an idol you deserve a life apart from that. i often forget that, though, because i’ve never wanted anything in life like i do this. and sometimes it’s really difficult to set myself apart from you guys, you know? like, i sometimes forget that not everyone’s lives are hellbent on being right here in the position we’re all in right now. so, yeah, sorry. secondly, i want to also apologize for always being so distant and never telling you how i really feel. i’m like that with all of you, though. it’s hard for me to peel the mask away and tell you that i feel dead inside, and that even though i smile at you, it’s always feigned. i’m not a happy person, i haven’t been for a while. you’re a really good person, though. you always worry about me and try to push past the cracks in my walls, and it’s both a blessing and a curse. you’re funny, too - you always make us laugh with how ridiculous you can be. don’t ever change. don’t ever stop making people laugh, jackson.

sincerely,me

dear yao,

i know you want me to rely on you, but i don’t think i ever will. i’m just not built that way anymore. i used to rely on someone very special to me in the past, but he’s gone now because of that very reason, and nowadays the prospect of relying on someone other than me, go minam, makes me sick to my stomach.  i also want to say that being the leader of ace may have never been on your to do list, but i’m glad you are. i think you're a kind and thoughtful hyung, even if i don’t agree with the fact that you’d let yourself be placed on hiatus for something as silly as love. tsk tsk tsk. but i’m also envious of you for that very reason. you get to love and be loved and sometimes i get jealous because i don’t think that’ll ever happen for me. again, i don’t think i’m constructed that way, if that makes any sense. i lie to you a lot, also. i always tell you i’m fine and that everything’s okay, but i often feel like my heart is withered and my body is just a plastic cup waiting to be crushed along with the remnants of whatever i have left inside of me. i can’t make you understand. i can’t make anyone understand what is happening inside of me, i can’t even explain it to myself. and that’s why i choose to solve my own problems instead of coming to you boys. i’m sorry for that, but thank you for always trying. 

dear yao,

i’d like to start off by apologizing for being so difficult these past few years. i’m not sure how you’ve managed to put up with me after all this time, and i can’t thank you enough for it. you’ve always been like an older brother to me from the very beginning – always looking out for me, and motivating me, and teaching me, and there’s nothing i appreciate more than the fact that you let me teach you, too. you never brush off anything i say or second-guess me just because i’m the youngest of all of us. you’ve made me so much more confident, and i like to think that a lot of the qualities that have made grow up to be a much better person are ones that i’ve acquired after spending so much time around you. you’re really wonderful, and there’s nobody else in the world that i’d prefer for eliza. you’re both perfect for each other, really, and i can’t wait to be really annoying at your wedding. i promise to work hard for you both and make you both proud. i love you.

unsent letter #3:

dear jackson,

there’s always been something about you that has brought out a better side of me. i think it’s this same thing about you that also manages to convince me that everything will be okay when i feel like everything is falling apart. i know we’re always pinned as being the troublemakers of the group, but i really wish people would see that there’s more to our friendship than just pulling pranks and making jokes. i like to think that it’s pretty evident that we care for each other a lot, and even though we avoid emotional subjects at all costs, we’re both well-aware that we’ll always be here for one another. although, i have to admit that i do wish you were a little less hesitant when it came to telling me what’s wrong. i know you don’t wanna worry me, but i promise i’m not the same 14 year-old i was when you first met me. i’m a lot more mature now, and i like to think that i know how to handle things. i wanna be there for you as much as possible and i promise i would be if you’d just let me. but i guess this goes both ways, and i’m sorry. we’ll work on it. i love you.

unsent letter #4:

dear xander,

sometimes you make me forget that i’m the youngest out of all of us. and i don’t mean that in a bad way at all, i promise. there’s just something about you that makes me wanna shield you from all the bullshit and the negativity that the world has to offer, and i guess that’s because i don’t know how you’d ever handle being confronted with something like that. now that i think about, that really worries me. i don’t completely doubt that you’re perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but i’d definitely much prefer to be there with you if trouble ever arises. anyways, i really enjoy having you around. your company is always much appreciated, and sometimes i find myself random realizing how important it is to me to have you around. you always make me feel like my presence is actually wanted, too, and that really matters to me, because sometimes i just kinda feel like a nuisance. i’m sorry if i ever bother you. i don’t mean to. thanks for being such a great friend, i love you.

unsent letter #4:

dear minam,