she skips into the room with a wide smile on her lips, hair flying wildly around her as she makes her way through the door way and to the center of the large practice room. sheād been in such a good mood lately ( minus the off night sheād had ) and getting an invitation to train with the elder was almost like a blessing in disguise. not only would it remind her what it meant to be a trainee ( really, it felt like the company was being lenient with her due to the drama ) but it would finally take her attention off of the script sheād been staring at for hours.Ā
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[ text ā WRONG # ] I sometimes feel like Jace replaced me with them.
[text]: you definitely just texted the wrong number so now iām just wondering 1. who the hell youāre talking about me to and 2. who you think i replaced you with????Ā
[text]: why couldnāt you just come to me about this?? we couldāve worked it out, whatever it is
jackson rubbed at his eyes, pouting as his back screamed in protest of sleepless nights in uncomfortable positions. he couldn't sleep in his bed at night, especially when yao wasn't home. he sighed, reaching down to scratch his stomach.Ā āthen where are you going to sleep, munchkin?ā jackson mumbled, sleep laced in his voice as he attempted to look up at the younger boy.Ā
he hadnāt properly spoken to minam properly in god knows how long, finding himself busy with the long time scandal and its aftermath to even bother catching up with his band mates. he felt a pang in his heart when he realized the sad truth. jackson frowned, before slowly standing up, taking a moment to notice the time, still early morning.Ā
āletās go,ā jackson mutters, patting minamās head in what he hoped was a motion of comfort, as he wrapped his arms around his shoulder and leaned in towards the otherās figure. minam was still so young, still so full of potential, yet so weighed down by things jackson wasnāt aware of.
āi love you buddy.ā he wasnāt sure if he had said the words out loud or had kept them inside his mind but a moment later he was asleep, arms tangled around the younger maleās bod.
i wish you would stop smiling all thetime. quite frankly it annoys me. it annoys me how you think you canāt talk tome and tell me when you feel down because i feel as if perhaps you donāt thinkof me as a close friend. then again, that would make me a hypocrite considering i donāt do the same for you. but minamā youāre still young. of course we donāt have such a huge difference in age, but at heart youāre still a child thatās been through too much, forced to mature early. eat some ice cream, skip practice to sleep in, live. let me in.tell me whatās wrong with jace, because weāre a family. we need to stick together. iām afraid ACE will end up like my old family, a distant memory. i love you.
dear jace,
my sugar plum princess. sometimes i think you and minam are more alike than we all think. i wish you would open up to me too, my little jester. you always manage to get a smile out of me and i love that i can trust you with anythingā although then again itās something i still need to work on. i love you but opening up is so hard. itās so hard taking off this mask that has become reality. iām sad inside and i donāt know how to fix it. i feel so alone. i wish i could share my pain with you but itās not your burden to bear. also i wish you would inform me of whatās going on with minam. smile more, it suits you. i love you.
dear yao,
hyung, youāre my best friend. sure you talk in your sleep, but sometimes when i canāt sleep at night, i like waking you up just so we can talk. and i love that you just go along with it, no questions. i admire how strong youāve been the past few years, leading us through this journey and iām glad to say i look up to somehow as beautiful as youā inside and out. always stay happy and continue to look after me. Ā i wish i could express how much i truly appreciate having you in my life but itās so hard to be genuine sometimes. sometimes i wake up crying and i have to cover myself and calm down so you donāt see. i donāt want you to worry, because iāll be okay. maybe not now, maybe not ever, but for you and the boys, iāll be okay. i love you.
dear xander,
my little cutie. everything about you makes me want to reach out and cling to you like a koala bear. i have this overwhelming urge to protect you from the evil in this world and make you laugh and smile and bake you some of my famous cookies. i donāt think a lot of people know how invested i had been in baking back home in l.a but i love it and making sugar cookies for you everyday is something iām down to you. thank you for listening and making me feel better when i fuck up in life. pleaseā smile forever and beyond. i love you.
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iād like to start off by apologizing for being so difficult these past few years. iām not sure how youāve managed to put up with me after all this time, and i canāt thank you enough for it. youāve always been like an older brother to me from the very beginning ā always looking out for me, and motivating me, and teaching me, and thereās nothing i appreciate more than the fact that you let me teach you, too. you never brush off anything i say or second-guess me just because iām the youngest of all of us. youāve made me so much more confident, and i like to think that a lot of the qualities that have made grow up to be a much better person are ones that iāve acquired after spending so much time around you. youāre really wonderful, and thereās nobody else in the world that iād prefer for eliza. youāre both perfect for each other, really, and i canāt wait to be really annoying at your wedding. i promise to work hard for you both and make you both proud. i love you.
unsent letter #3:
dear jackson,
thereās always been something about you that has brought out a better side of me. i think itās this same thing about you that also manages to convince me that everything will be okay when i feel like everything is falling apart. i know weāre always pinned as being the troublemakers of the group, but i really wish people would see that thereās more to our friendship than just pulling pranks and making jokes. i like to think that itās pretty evident that we care for each other a lot, and even though we avoid emotional subjects at all costs, weāre both well-aware that weāll always be here for one another. although, i have to admit that i do wish you were a little less hesitant when it came to telling me whatās wrong. i know you donāt wanna worry me, but i promise iām not the same 14 year-old i was when you first met me. iām a lot more mature now, and i like to think that i know how to handle things. i wanna be there for you as much as possible and i promise i would be if youād just let me. but i guess this goes both ways, and iām sorry. weāll work on it. i love you.
unsent letter #4:
dear xander,
sometimes you make me forget that iām the youngest out of all of us. and i donāt mean that in a bad way at all, i promise. thereās just something about you that makes me wanna shield you from all the bullshit and the negativity that the world has to offer, and i guess thatās because i donāt know how youād ever handle being confronted with something like that. now that i think about, that really worries me. i donāt completely doubt that youāre perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but iād definitely much prefer to be there with you if trouble ever arises. anyways, i really enjoy having you around. your company is always much appreciated, and sometimes i find myself random realizing how important it is to me to have you around. you always make me feel like my presence is actually wanted, too, and that really matters to me, because sometimes i just kinda feel like a nuisance. iām sorry if i ever bother you. i donāt mean to. thanks for being such a great friend, i love you.
unsent letter #4:
dear minam,
where do i even start? i guess i should just flat out apologize, considering that we obviously arenāt on very good terms right now and we havenāt been for a few days. i donāt know whatās going on, but i feel like itās my fault, and not knowing how to fix it is really fucking with my head. but i know weāll work it out soon. until then, i guess all i can do is hope that youāre happy. and i mean that ā i really do hope that youāre happy, even if that entails not having me around as much. itās shitty, and seeing you get so close to someone else kinda hurts, but iāll be okay. fuck, i just sounded really selfish, didnāt i? iām sorry. thereās just a lot going on with me right now and more often than not, i think itās better if we keep our distance for a while. it doesnāt feel right and i miss you, but something tells me that itās best. in the meantime, i hope youāre starting to realize how great you are. iāve always noticed how hard you are on yourself and the truth is that you have no reason to be. youāre really great at everything you do, even tearing āfashionableā holes into expensive clothing. the more i write, the more i miss you, and lord knows i donāt want that, so ā take care.